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View Full Version : Wedding Invite Dilema - Please Help!


Dmac77
Apr 10, 2011, 10:20 PM
So Today I received an invite in the mail to my aunt's wedding. Seeing as my parents are divorced, I received an invite, but my Mother did not (it's my father's sister who is getting married). That in itself has caused some issues, but that's besides the point.

My questions is at age 16, should I purchase a gift for the couple, because I received my own invitation? My mother says that I should not, and that purchasing a gift is my father's job. I disagree with her, because I received my own invite, and was not included on my father's invite (he lives halfway across the country). Don't get me wrong, I would prefer to not have to spend money on a gift for my aunt; she's only registered at places like Saks Fifth, Neiman Marcus, Bergdorf Goodman, etc.; and those places are fairly overpriced for my $8.40/hour part-time job, that can barely fill my gas tank as it is without extra expenditures.

So what do I do in this situation?

A) Get her a gift on her registry
B) Don't get her a gift at all
C) Get her a gift, but get something more affordable that is not on her registry

Thanks,

-Don

iVeBeenDrinkin'
Apr 10, 2011, 10:22 PM
You're in no way obligated to get a gift.

Apple OC
Apr 10, 2011, 10:25 PM
talk to your Dad ... he should pick something up for you to give

zap2
Apr 10, 2011, 10:29 PM
I don't think you MUST buy one, and even more so if you Dad is getting them something nice. It seems like the main reason you got an invite and weren't on your fathers is because of location, you Aunt likely didn't want to require your father to pass on news and you have no source for the info. Send you an invite makes sure you are able to come.(or at least have the info you need to go if you free)

Still if you wanted to buy one, it would be a nice gesture to them.

Arran
Apr 10, 2011, 10:49 PM
With what little I know of your extended family's dynamics, I'd say it's clearly your Dad's place to get something.

And anyway, weddings aren't supposed to be about collecting loot - particularly not from folks who'd struggle to meet every happy couple's insatiable desire for expensive knick-knacks like silver-plated grape peelers :)

I'd say you're in the clear. Pretty commendable you'd even think to ask the question.

puma1552
Apr 10, 2011, 11:15 PM
It's your dad's job to get a gift and put both your names on it.

TT4T
Apr 11, 2011, 12:47 AM
Even though you got your own invitation, you're under age and in no way required to get her a gift yourself. Though, feel free to assist your father financially in your(father + son) gift.

iJohnHenry
Apr 11, 2011, 07:38 AM
If you are attending, C, otherwise B.

Tomorrow
Apr 11, 2011, 07:12 PM
A wedding invitation never requires a gift. However, if you attend the wedding, it's good form to give one.

LeahM
Apr 11, 2011, 07:21 PM
A wedding invitation never requires a gift. However, if you attend the wedding, it's good form to give one.

This.
Either way, only spend what you can afford, even if that is just a congratulatory card from the dollar store.

bruinsrme
Apr 11, 2011, 07:23 PM
At the age of 16 you have no obligation to furnish a gift.
If your dad is going you are covered by his gift.
Regardless, you are 16. If you feel obligated to get something get a nice card and a couple of movie passes. That was one of my favorite wedding gifts. Everyone loves a night out.

Fliesen
Apr 12, 2011, 12:31 AM
In my eyes, it works like this:

'I invite you to my wedding - i like you - no hidden agenda'
'I am attending your wedding - i like you - no hidden agenda'
there's no kind of "trade invide for gift" involved.

if you WANT to bring a gift, bring one.

you are by no ways obligated to. After all, it's their wedding, their party, their supposedly happiest-day-of-their-lives.

mscriv
Apr 14, 2011, 10:44 AM
Seeing as my parents are divorced, I received an invite, but my Mother did not (it's my father's sister who is getting married). That in itself has caused some issues, but that's besides the point.

because I received my own invite, and was not included on my father's invite (he lives halfway across the country).

Don, I have a couple of clarification and family dynamic questions if you don't mind. If you do mind then feel free to ignore my post.

1. It sounds like you live with your mother and you father lives "across the country". Your aunt sent an invitation to you alone, knowing that you live with your mother and not your father, essentially snubbing your mom from being invited, is this correct?

2. Where is the wedding, is it local to you or will it require travel?

3. Are you close to this aunt? Would you be attending based on your close relationship or out of a sense of family obligation?

4. If you attend, will you be attending with your father or on your own?

Typically, wedding etiquette, calls for invitations to be given to family units as a whole. Obviously, your parents being divorced makes this difficult, but children (teens and younger) are usually considered a part of a family unit. They are not expected to buy their own gifts.