Intersexual Etiquette No.1: The Handshake

[Salasm]

It's considered poor manners for a bloke to extend a hand to a woman, unless she extends first. Your thoughts?

[amateurmacfreak]

It's considered poor manners for a bloke to extend a hand to a woman, unless she extends first. Your thoughts?
I think that's stupid.

[clayj]

That is the custom as I understand it. I guess I agree with it, but only because I wouldn't want to make a woman uncomfortable by offering my hand if she's not interested in shaking it.

[faintember]

Being raised in the south (and still living there) it is not really considered rude, but it just is not done. However if a woman extends her hand to shake yours then it is fine.

Personally i dont like shaking hands with strangers...they all have cooties until proven otherwise..:p

[Electro Funk]

I think that's stupid.

i agree...


there are a lot of manufactures representatives that call on me that are women and they always shake my hand when they come in... (actually one always gives me a hug! :o ) that has accustomed me to extend a handshake to every female i meet @ work...

outside of work i cant say i would extend a handshake to every female i meet...

[blackfox]

Since I am not aware of ettiquette classes being on local school curriculum, I think most people just wing it as situations warrant.

Or just me...

[iBlue]

It's those over-sensitive cry-baby women who give the rest of us a bad name. If a handshake can offend a woman, boy does she have bigger issues. But I'm feeling a bit cantankerous at the moment so who knows. :D

[jsw]

I always offer to shake hands in any sort of social situation where handshaking is appropriate. I don't suppose I much care if I offend someone by doing so as I'm quite sure I'd have no use for someone who was offended by something like that.In fact, if they were genuinely offended, I'd likely mock them behind their back.

[iBlue]

I always offer to shake hands in any sort of social situation where handshaking is appropriate. I don't suppose I much care if I offend someone by doing so as I'm quite sure I'd have no use for someone who was offended by something like that.In fact, if they were genuinely offended, I'd likely mock them behind their back.

unless you practice the Crocodile Dundee "handshake" ;) :D

[jsw]

unless you practice the Crocodile Dundee "handshake" ;) :D
Ah, but it's been too long since I've seen that. Refresh my memory. Does it involve snakes of any sort? Knives? Head-butts?

[iBlue]

Ah, but it's been too long since I've seen that. Refresh my memory. Does it involve snakes of any sort? Knives? Head-butts?

at a pub in new york old crocodile mic is flirting with "a guy dressed up like a Sheila" but has no idea until his buddy tells him. Not believing what his buddy told him was true he non-chalantly reaches down and grabs the "Sheila" by the crotch. (revealing the truth)

[jsw]

at a pub in new york old crocodile mic is flirting with "a guy dressed up like a Sheila" but has no idea until his buddy tells him. Not believing what his buddy told him was true he non-chalantly reaches down and grabs the "Sheila" by the crotch. Hysterical.
Ah... now I remember. Thanks! :)

[jadekitty24]

I find the act of touching strangers oddly unsettling. I'm never rude, I never refuse a handshake, hug, or (ick) even the quick facial peck. But I don't care for it. I'm not a touchy-feely kind of person. I'm weird like that. :o As for whether it's unacceptable for a guy to extend his hand to a girl, no, I don't think so. I've never been offended by that, even though I don't care for it. :)

[kretzy]

Ugh, Crocodile Dundee.

The only time hand shaking should not be used, is in primary school when "boy germs" and "girl germs" exist.

It's probably just my european background, but personally, I prefer a hand shake and a kiss on the cheek when greeting women. Though that often seems inappropriate in many situations.

[jsw]

I find the act of touching strangers oddly unsettling.Well, of course. That's why I always throw on a pair of disposable latex gloves first.
The only time hand shaking should not be used, is in primary school when "boy germs" and "girl germs" exist.
It's also a bit awkward when visiting your grandparents. Especially the bit with the gloves.

[iBlue]

Ugh, Crocodile Dundee. ...
stupid movie(s) but the reference to handshake was too perfect to ignore.


(come on, you know that's how you shake hands down under :-P )

[clayj]

FWIW, Donald Trump is on record as saying that he prefers not to shake hands... he prefers bowing in the Japanese style. I'm guessing he's concerned that shaking hands is unhygienic.

[Heb1228]

I try to follow that rule, though sometimes, out of habit I reach out to shake a woman's hand. It not a huge deal, but I try to remember.

Also a man is only supposed to grip the woman's hand as hard as she grips his... If she gives a very loose handshake, the man should as well. If she gives a firm handshake, the man should grip just as firm, but no more firm than the woman. At least thats what I've heard. It seems like a good rule to me.

I'm guessing he's concerned that shaking hands is unhygienic.
Yeah I'm pretty sure I've heard that he's a germophobe.

[jsw]

FWIW, Donald Trump is on record as saying that he prefers not to shake hands... he prefers bowing in the Japanese style. I'm guessing he's concerned that shaking hands is unhygienic.I think he just finds that to be an easier way to look down their dresses. ;)

But I agree: bowing is cool... but not all that normal around here, which is too bad, as it also helps you to verify that your zipper is properly up.

[iBlue]

I try to follow that rule, though sometimes, out of habit I reach out to shake a woman's hand. It not a huge deal, but I try to remember.

Also a man is only supposed to grip the woman's hand as hard as she grips his... If she gives a very loose handshake, the man should as well. If she gives a firm handshake, the man should grip just as firm, but no more firm than the woman. At least thats what I've heard. It seems like a good rule to me.
good rule. Aren't those flimsy handshakes revolting though? Something about that screams "wus" no matter who it is. (or that southern belle 'tip of the fingers' bit. <gags> what is that?)

[Heb1228]

good rule. Aren't those flimsy handshakes revolting though? Something about that screams "wus" no matter who it is. (or that southern belle 'tip of the fingers' bit. <gags> what is that?)
I don't mind weak handshakes from women... but from men it kind of weirds me out. (unless its just one of my friends doing it to be funny)

[faintember]

Yeah, wimpy man-handshakes are not cool. I hate to say it, but it really gives me a negative impression of the man. Even worse is the guy that wont stop shaking your hand....jeez:rolleyes:

As to the "fingertip/southern belle" handshake with women, i find it charming, but a bit weird coming from a female in their mid-20's.

[iBlue]

I don't mind weak handshakes from women... but from men it kind of weirds me out. (unless its just one of my friends doing it to be funny)
even from women. I mean we do have to open doors and pickle jars and stuff, a totally dead fish handshake is just pitiful I think. From a guy it's even weirder. Handshakes are a rather stupid form of greeting but since it's done at least it can be done properly. (according to me :p )

[Heb1228]

Handshakes are a rather stupid form of greeting
I agree... right off the bat you're putting something between yourself and the person you're greeting. I guess thats a good thing if the person creeps you out or smells. But the kiss on the cheek thing that other societies do seems much more personal.

Ah whatever. This is like that time you go through in life questioning why people greet you with "how are you doing?" when they don't really want an answer. Then you realize its just a customary greeting the same thing as saying hi and there's no need to think that much about it. :confused:

[thedude110]

I find the act of touching strangers oddly unsettling.

So true. Unless I'm drunk. And I want to be unsettled.

I don't mind weak handshakes from women... but from men it kind of weirds me out. (unless its just one of my friends doing it to be funny)

Really? I usually never grip the other person's hand. It's like, they stick their hand out at me (which is ridiculous enough), I stick my hand back into their palm, but I don't close my fingers or "grip." I guess some would see this as a "weak" handshake. Maybe it is. But it's much more like a "Why the hell do I have to touch you?" kind of thing. It's also sort of like a "Um ... here's my hand ... now why did you want it again?" kind of thing.

But this is generally centered in a deep loathing of human contact.

[jsw]

eHandshakes are a rather stupid form of greeting...
IIRC (which is unlikely), they originated as a means to verify that neither person held a weapon.

Which, I suppose, is a rather useless piece of trivia, even if true.

So, yeah, they're rather stupid. But far better than head-butting.

[ibook30]

So, yeah, they're rather stupid. But far better than head-butting.

Wesley Willis gave a very loving head but.

http://www.alternativetentacles.com/bandinfo.php?band=wesleywillis

[kretzy]

The actual beginning of the handshake is as difficult to specifically determine as most events that happened before written history. However, there are many accounts that provide both comedy and insight. One origin offered by Herbert Spencer, in his book THE PRINCIPLES OF SOCIOLOGY, is that of two Arabs meting in a desert. They each reach for the others hand to kiss it in greeting. However, it is an insult to have your hand kissed by another individual, so both men try to withdraw from the lips of the other man. The end result of this meeting is the acceptance by both men that they wouldnt kiss the others hand, and thus they ended up only clasping the hand of the other, and the handshake was born. The mutual acceptance by the two men that the hands wouldnt be kissed shows the equality between the two individuals; however, that aspect will be discussed a little further down the page.

Perhaps a more practical origin of the handshake comes from medieval Europe, where kings and knights would extend their hands to each other, and [grasp the] others hand as a demonstration that each did not possess concealed weapons and intended no harm to the other (Hall). I say this is a more practical origin of the handshake, because it more closely resembles our current use of the handshake as a way to introduce ourselves to a person and open ourselves up to them for the purpose of interacting. Interestingly enough, the ancient Greeks used it similarly. It was a welcoming sign of friendliness, hospitality, and trust (Schriffin).

Interesting.

[iBlue]

I agree... right off the bat you're putting something between yourself and the person you're greeting. I guess thats a good thing if the person creeps you out or smells. But the kiss on the cheek thing that other societies do seems much more personal.

Ah whatever. This is like that time you go through in life questioning why people greet you with "how are you doing?" when they don't really want an answer. Then you realize its just a customary greeting the same thing as saying hi and there's no need to think that much about it. :confused:

I think punching someone in the gut would be a much better form of greeting. Who's with me? :D
(for those without my tweaked sense of humor, I'm kidding. or am I?)

[jsw]

I think punching someone in the gut would be a much better form of greeting. Who's with me? :D
Fine by me. You use your greeting, I'll go with the Australian one. Guess it'd make the most sense if I went first.

[gekko513]

I find that judging someone by their handshake pretty much just lets you know who's thought much about what kind of impression their handshake makes.

[amateurmacfreak]

It's touching a person's hand. God, this whole topic is making me feel all weird.
It's not a big deal I don't think. At all.
I couldn't care less is someone shakes my hand or not.

I find that judging someone by their handshake pretty much just lets you know who's thought much about what kind of impression their handshake makes.
Agreed

[neocell]

Man, I can't believe the replies in this thread. Who the hell cares. Shake the hand if it's there. If you're introduced to someone else stick, out your hand, or kiss their cheek. Just do it. Germs? My god, what the hell can you get from a hand in comparison to all the recycled air that you're sucking back on filled full of everything moist and slimy that's inside that lovely derelict person beside you.
Get a grip.
Literally and figuratively

I think punching someone in the gut would be a much better form of greeting. Who's with me? Fine by me. You use your greeting, I'll go with the Australian one. Guess it'd make the most sense if I went first.
Roshambo (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=roshambo+&r=f) any one?

[Heb1228]

I think punching someone in the gut would be a much better form of greeting. Who's with me? :D
(for those without my tweaked sense of humor, I'm kidding. or am I?)
It would make be get more serious about my ab workouts!

[rendezvouscp]

IIRC (which is unlikely), they originated as a means to verify that neither person held a weapon.

That's how I learned to shake a hand: while shaking hands, take your left hand and place it under your right arm between the elbow and the armpit, with the back of the hand on the arm. It's a simple matter of showing that you don't have anything hidden, since your palm will be facing away from your arm and the person should be able to see your fingers on the other side.

I generally don't shake hands with women unless they extend first, but sometimes I feel as if women are expecting me to put out my hand, and that gets a bit odd.

As for touching people...I've just come to accept the fact that that person may have done something fairly dirty with their hand, but would have enough respect not to shake my hand in that case.
-Chasen

[topicolo]

what's the point of this thread? We're not in Victorian England anymore and memorizing these social conventions will not get you a girlfriend alone. If anything, standing out and doing the unconventional will get you noticed. Instead of shaking hands, go in for a high five. Add that to a fun-loving personality and lots of teasing and you may get somewhere.

[cait-sith]

You guys think too much.

I like to give "gangsta" style handshakes to my foriegn co-workers. They think it's great, but totally miss the point or the humour. :confused: :D

[iBlue]

what's the point of this thread? We're not in Victorian England anymore and memorizing these social conventions will not get you a girlfriend alone. If anything, standing out and doing the unconventional will get you noticed. Instead of shaking hands, go in for a high five. Add that to a fun-loving personality and lots of teasing and you may get somewhere.

"do not disturb, handshake etiquette experiment in progress" :D

thread evolution, that's my guess on this thread's survival.

[Chundles]

I greet men with a handshake and women with a deep, passionate, soft lingering kiss. Haven't heard any of them complain yet - the guys they're with however....they do plenty of complaining....

[mpw]

It's considered poor manners for a bloke to extend a hand to a woman, unless she extends first. Your thoughts?
Open-hand or clenched-fist? If she extends first then I'd go in heavy in self defence a lot of wimmin are packing claws now-a-days.

[Mr Skills]

OK, so say I meet 4 men and 1 woman at the door.

If I reach out to shake her hand without invitation, I look rude. But if I shake all the men's hands and hesitate in shaking hers (waiting to see if she'll go first) I look rude and sexist. :eek:

I think I'll just continue shaking everyone's hand as normal... :rolleyes:

[Dr.Gargoyle]

It's considered poor manners for a bloke to extend a hand to a woman, unless she extends first. Your thoughts?
Are we talking about western women or women in general?
In some cultures, it is highly impropriate to greet a women. It would be viewed as a Crocodile Dundee "handshake" would be seen here. :D
In other cultures, it would be equally offending (like in Sweden, where I live) not to greet a woman with a handshake. IMO the greeting customs in a culture are a good sign how far womens liberation has progressed.

[iGary]

http://fes-net.com/_lob/news0101/HOMOshakepic_01.gif

[itcheroni]

I got really excited when I saw this thread but then realized what was meant by intersexual. Oops. :rolleyes:

[Blue Velvet]

And regardless of gender, the bone-crushing, raw-knuckle, vise-tight clench is not apreciated by most people.

Why some see it as an appropriate manner in which to greet people is entirely beyond me.

[Dr.Gargoyle]

And regardless of gender, the bone-crushing, raw-knuckle, vise-tight clench is not apreciated by most people.

Why some see it as an appropriate manner in which to greet people is entirely beyond me.
I believe it is a expression insecurity (predominantly male). :D
A "neaderthal" manner to portray yourself as strong/vital... blah blah
We are probably more primitive than we care to admit.

[Savage Henry]

Withing seconds of meeting my brother's girlfriend for the first time she leant forward with an outsretched hand ready for a shake and followed it up with an insistant peck on each cheek on my jaw*. It was an awkward, presumptive and rather forward social act that could have been forgiven .... had she not spent much of the afternoon with her bare feet on our sofa !!!:eek:

Honestly, the standards these days in the young folk.!;)



[ * I felt the need to verify exactly which pair of cheeks she intended pecking to avoid any ensuing innuendic diversions in this thread]:)

[mpw]

On a similar note regarding handshaking and/or kiss when greeting etc. what is the most polite way to decline a handshake when offered?

[Dr.Gargoyle]

On a similar note regarding handshaking and/or kiss when greeting etc. what is the most polite way to decline a handshake when offered?
I don't think it is possible to at all... Unless, of course, you are ok with a little white fib (I have this very infectious skin disease...)

[jadekitty24]

I think punching someone in the gut would be a much better form of greeting. Who's with me? :D
(for those without my tweaked sense of humor, I'm kidding. or am I?)
Now THAT is a good idea.

*Runs off to work and proceeds to punch everyone in the gut*

[Mr Skills]

If you think the handshaking business is confusing, some of you American guys should try living in the UK - especially London...

A combination of British reserve, American influence and becoming increasingly European means you never know whether you should shake hands, kiss on one cheek, kiss on both cheeks, hug ... pretty much the only thing we don't do over here is high five :D

Seriously, depending on which social/work circle I'm in, people expect to do completely different things, and it can be quite embarrassing to get it wrong. Sometimes in a work situation a polite French cheek-kiss is considered quite proper these days, and sometimes in a social situation people don't like to touch - so there's no easy rule depending on where you are.

[Boggle]

I think punching someone in the gut would be a much better form of greeting. Who's with me? :D
(for those without my tweaked sense of humor, I'm kidding. or am I?)
Now THAT is a good idea.

*Runs off to work and proceeds to punch everyone in the gut*

LOL. I've got this image of an wild-eyed woman, smiling alarmingly @ ppl as she approches @ a flat-out run, long hair flapping behind, one arm raised above her head with a smallish fish sticking out of one fist, and the other arm cocked back for a powerful upper-cut, screaming, "G'morning, BOB!"

Btw, Bob is frozen in terror, in case you care.

[nbs2]

At the risk of moving back to the issue of the weak handshake, I'm going to move back to the weak handshake issue.

How does one resolve the overeager clasp on the part of the handshake-mate. This results in you haveing only part of your hand clasped with their's, giving the impression of a supremely weak handshake, bordering on the Homo Handshake that Gary was so kind as to share with us. What is the appropriate ettiquette? Call attention to the speed of the other, wiggle your hand into appropriate position (incurring the wrath of Landover Baptist), ignore the situation and hope it goes away?

[rendezvouscp]

If someone grasps my hand too firmly, I either give them a royal grasp myself or let my hand go completely limp; either way, they're bound to notice the change.
-Chasen

[wordmunger]

We conducted a survey on Cognitive Daily a while back that should shed a little light on this:

Confident Friend or Diffident Foe (http://scienceblogs.com/cognitivedaily/2006/02/casual_fridays_confident_frien.php)

[Boggle]

If you think the handshaking business is confusing, some of you American guys should try living in the UK - especially London...

A combination of British reserve, American influence and becoming increasingly European means you never know whether you should shake hands, kiss on one cheek, kiss on both cheeks, hug ... pretty much the only thing we don't do over here is high five :D

Seriously, depending on which social/work circle I'm in, people expect to do completely different things, and it can be quite embarrassing to get it wrong. Sometimes in a work situation a polite French cheek-kiss is considered quite proper these days, and sometimes in a social situation people don't like to touch - so there's no easy rule depending on where you are.

I don't accept this argument. I Lived in England for almost 3 years after boarding school (93-96), and I've traveled to every continent except Antartica. Very rarely (since puberty which is a whole other kettle of fish) have I had a problem reading someone's body language enough to know if they wanted to be hugged, kissed, shake hands, or nothing @ all. So either I'm soooo much more observant than all but a very few ppl (VERY, VERY UNLIKELY) or most ppl aren't actually paying any attention to the ppl they're greeting (much, much more likely).

[gekko513]

I don't accept this argument. I Lived in England for almost 3 years after boarding school (93-96), and I've traveled to every continent except Antartica. Very rarely (since puberty which is a whole other kettle of fish) have I had a problem reading someone's body language enough to know if they wanted to be hugged, kissed, shake hands, or nothing @ all. So either I'm soooo much more observant than all but a very few ppl (VERY, VERY UNLIKELY) or most ppl aren't actually paying any attention to the ppl they're greeting (much, much more likely).
So how did you find out if you read their body language correctly? Did you give them an evaluation form to fill out after you greeted them? :p

[SpookTheHamster]

On a similar note regarding handshaking and/or kiss when greeting etc. what is the most polite way to decline a handshake when offered?

"No thanks, you make me sick"

[Boggle]

So how did you find out if you read their body language correctly? Did you give them an evaluation form to fill out after you greeted them? :p

Nah, I look at them.
Handshakers - eyes are generally not open wide, they don't have excited expressions or big smiles. They generally make and maintain eye contact and extend hand toward your waist from more than an arms length away.
Huggers - eyes are almost always open wider, pupils will dialate, smiles range a lot, but they almost all come up close both arms coming up from sides (or open wide depending on strength of hug) and start leaning in from the waist, long b4 they can actually touch you. Also generally they don't turn their heads.
Cheek Kissers - quick eye contact, but as they come up close the head turns and they usually raise one arm up above your elbow level and THEN lean over at the waist. Those who kiss both cheeks will usually put some pressure on the arm, shoulder (whereever they are touching you) b4 they switch to the other cheek.

It takes less than a second, and most people are so used to doing the same thing over and over that they rarely even acknowledge that the other person might do it differently. Hence my suggestion that most ppl just do what they want and don't pay attention, AND that it isn't hard to figure out, just that most ppl don't bother to care.

[2nyRiggz]

Being Italian...i was grown with family members and friends giving me a peck on the cheek(men and women)...i hate it(i really don't like that type of contact but oh well)

Handshakes...i dont mind them, i never saw a problem with shaking a womans hand first....only rule i know is to never squeeze whiles shaking a womans hand.


Bless

[mpw]

...i never saw a problem with shaking a womans hand first...
Which begs the question; What part of a women would you shake next?

[2nyRiggz]

^The Mind wonders;) ......

I'm a gentlemen i don't share those things....


Bless

[jsw]

Which begs the question; What part of a women would you shake next?
For some reason, that struck me just right, and I laughed out loud while on a work conference call. Bastard. :D

[mpw]

...Bastard. :D
Ahh, my work is done here.:cool:

[taytho]

For some reason, that struck me just right, and I laughed out loud while on a work conference call. Bastard. :D
being on macrumors while at work.... i dont feel that bad for you.


Let me take that back.... i am on macrumors all the time at work and have been in similar situations..... i was late for a meeting the other day actually because i felt the need to respond to someones post in length

[2nyRiggz]

^Don't worry there will be some threads stating "MR made me lose my job"...oh yea it's coming....i think 80% of the people here type from work..

Slackers....get to work!...myself included:)


Bless

[jsw]

Just to be clear: I was on a conference call, while sitting at home on the couch, browsing MR and watching the Science Channel.

I didn't want you guys to think I'd do this while actually at work. ;) Of course I do it there too....

[floriflee]

Huh... I guess I've never really paid attention to whether I'm the first to offer my hand, but now that I think about it I guess I usually am. I don't feel threatened or anything if a man offers his hand first to me, but it is nice to be given the courtesy to choose. I like it, though, because it's the little things like that and having men open doors for women that keep things on a bit more respectful level. Frankly, I'm all for being treated like a queen. :D

[Mr Skills]

Nah, I look at them.
Handshakers - eyes are generally not open wide, they don't have excited expressions or big smiles. They generally make and maintain eye contact and extend hand toward your waist from more than an arms length away.
Huggers - eyes are almost always open wider, pupils will dialate, smiles range a lot, but they almost all come up close both arms coming up from sides (or open wide depending on strength of hug) and start leaning in from the waist, long b4 they can actually touch you. Also generally they don't turn their heads.
Cheek Kissers - quick eye contact, but as they come up close the head turns and they usually raise one arm up above your elbow level and THEN lean over at the waist. Those who kiss both cheeks will usually put some pressure on the arm, shoulder (whereever they are touching you) b4 they switch to the other cheek.

It takes less than a second, and most people are so used to doing the same thing over and over that they rarely even acknowledge that the other person might do it differently. Hence my suggestion that most ppl just do what they want and don't pay attention, AND that it isn't hard to figure out, just that most ppl don't bother to care.

You are assuming they will always start first, so you can follow. The problem these days is that everyone is waiting to gauge the body language of the other person... so there is often a moment of slightly embarrassing hesitation. That's not people 'not bothering to care' - that's caring too much!

[mkrishnan]

http://fes-net.com/_lob/news0101/HOMOshakepic_01.gif

What's hidden in there? A condom? :eek: :o

[Abstract]

A tip for a...um...............job well done?

[Abstract]

I believe it is a expression insecurity (predominantly male). :D
A "neaderthal" manner to portray yourself as strong/vital... blah blah
We are probably more primitive than we care to admit.

I didn't know I had a strong handshake until someone pointed it out to me. Then another doctor pointed it out to me as well. It's not a "crushing" handshake, but it's strong enough that I don't seem like a complete wuss. To tell you the truth, I still don't think I'm gripping my hands strongly whatsoever when I shake hands with someone. :confused:

But I once shook hands with someone that smiled and pretty much tried to crush the bones in my hand with his handshake. My knees weakened a bit and I had this look of agony in my face. I think that mofo probably enjoyed it, because he must have known how much it hurts people.

[Xander]

It's considered poor manners for a bloke to extend a hand to a woman, unless she extends first. Your thoughts?
It depends on what angle their hand is at, they could be offering to hold their hand or kiss it, you know... Now and then, they could be offering to shake it. And just a second... Why should the 'homosexual handshake' be any different to the normal?

[MarkCollette]

I have a simple protocol in this matter: Get as freaky as you think you can get away with.

It's all a matter of:

- How hot she is
- How single she is
- How hot you think she thinks you are
- How much you already know each other
- How frisky you feel at the moment

So, in regards to the specific question of who extends their arm first, the following additional questions come to mind:

- Are we meeting or leaving?
- What was everyone else doing as part of their greeting/goodbyes?

See, saying goodbye means you've spent some time together, so it's inherently warmer than a greeting. And, typically you can get at least as personal as everyone else.

So, here's our scale of interactions:

1. I take you in my arms, hug and kiss you on the lips
2. I take you in my arms, hug and kiss you on the neck
3. I take you in my arms, lift you up and spin you about, until I gently set you down and you collapse in my arms, and I grab your ass
4. I take you in my arms, hug you warmly
5. I briefly hug you
6. I pat your shoulder
7. I shake your hand - NOT, I've just sneakily upgraded that to kissing your hand, and wispering french phrases to you
8. I shake your hand
9. I nod at you, maybe wave, and say goodbye

As one can see, shaking hands is so far down the scale, that it's probably actually rude to do it. Hence, the woman should extend her arm first, signalling for the cold distant goodbye, otherwise the guy should assume some hug variation.

Other key woman signals:

- Stepping back and away, indicating a nod is appropriate
- Firmly extending the one arm, showing that this is a non-upgradable handshake
- Distant, or sideways-ish hugging to indicate that we're friends of friends
- Turning the face well away when hugging to indicate we're FRIENDS, so don't kiss.
- Slight turning of the face, or going in without lip puckering, to indicate that this can start as a warm hug, but if you have brass balls, then you can kiss the neck, and work it from there.
- Running at the guy with a smile on her face, and her arms outstretched, to indicate spinosity. If she's wearing a short skirt, then friends or not, squeeze her ass cheeks.

[Blue Velvet]

I have a simple protocol in this matter: Get as freaky as you think you can get away with.

It's a good thing you're not doing business with our organisation then.

[skunk]

Do you have much success?

[MarkCollette]

It's a good thing you're not doing business with our organisation then.

Oh, was this a question about how to greet a woman at work? :o

Then I just keep it to being nice, or playfully flirty with tone or facial expression, but sure as hell don't get all physical. No wait, our office Christmas party where I met all the wives. Never mind ;)


Do you have much success?

I think that my girlfriends and girl friends appreciate it :)

I met my last love, because of good conversation, and my propensity to only be wearing my boxers when she was visiting her friends (my room mates). And I've met more, and better, women, over time, as I progressively became more outgoing. But, I've still not met the one, so how successful is that? :(

[skunk]

But, I've still not met the one, so how successful is that? :(Time will tell, I guess. Good luck!

[Electro Funk]

I'm guessing he's concerned that shaking hands is unhygienic.

Hell yeah it is... i immediately wash my hands after shaking someone else's...

if they think thats rude... so be it....

[skunk]

Hell yeah it is... i immediately wash my hands after shaking someone else's...

if they think thats rude... so be it....If you don't want to be rude, wouldn't it be better to decline the offer in the first place?

[Electro Funk]

If you don't want to be rude, wouldn't it be better to decline the offer in the first place?

some people consider not shaking their hand very rude...

i dont literally run off to the bathroom the second after i shake someones hand.... but you can bet they will be washed a few minutes thereafter, and i wont be touching my face eyes, mouth...etc until i have washed....

Edit #2: Hmmm... Did a mod edit this post???