Roaming Eyes... disrespectful?

[wimic]

Okay... so perhaps this is not as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be, but a second (or third) opinion is always good.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and things are good. He does, however, have a habit of checking out other girls. He tries to make it discreet but I'm so conscious of it that I'm always on the look out for it happening.

I know he's human and that he IS going to find other girls attractive, but I can't help but feel really hurt by it sometimes.

Any comments?

[MovieCutter]

It's an involuntary response, we can't help it...really. It's hardwired into our brains.

[rdowns]

Agreed. It's hardwired, like shoe shopping is with women. You should worry if he didn't look..

[calculus]

Okay... so perhaps this is not as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be, but a second (or third) opinion is always good.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and things are good. He does, however, have a habit of checking out other girls. He tries to make it discreet but I'm so conscious of it that I'm always on the look out for it happening.

I know he's human and that he IS going to find other girls attractive, but I can't help but feel really hurt by it sometimes.

Any comments?
What exactly is he doing?

[wimic]

What exactly is he doing?

just looking... slying actually (because he knows i hate it and he doesn't want me to see)... i've mentioned it to him and he's trying to change it.. but it's still there.

he'd never say anything or do anything... i trust that he'll never cheat on me or anything... but i just can't help but feel that he's not satisfied with me and he needs to look elsewhere for his eye candy. :(

[tvguru]

The rules are always you can look, but you can't touch. Seems like he's following the rules. Stop worrying about the little things and enjoy the relationship. At least your boyfriend isn't 15,000km away like I am to my girlfriend. :(

[Lyle]

Any comments?I've been married for twelve years now, and I still "check out" other women from time to time. :o

Try not to take it personally. If he's like most guys, his doing that is no reflection on how he feels about you. Remember, he's with you and not with them. :D

[bartelby]

You've never checked out another guy?

[vniow]

As long as its only his eyes which are roaming you should be fine.

[deputy_doofy]

I'm guessing you're under the age of 30. That's not meant as an insult, but rather it explains the question (if I'm right). All guys look... and will look until we're dead. If he's discreet about it and not doing a never-ending stare in your presence, then you win. If he doesn't take his eyes off of someone else while in your presence, then you have a reason to be angry.
If you constantly make a big deal out of the former, you will find yourself fighting every male in existence, trying to make all males conform to your thinking, rather than simply accepting things for what they really are.

[beatsme]

It's an involuntary response, we can't help it...really. It's hardwired into our brains.

unfortunately, I'd have to agree. It's just something that men do. I wouldn't spend a whole lot of time thinking about it.

[Kwyjibo]

buy him sunglasses - win! win!

[wimic]

You've never checked out another guy?

my intent in bringing this up isn't to point fingers... like i said - he's naturally going to be attracted to other women.

i'm not trying to place all the blame... he doesn't have a problem with it so it's not even an issue on his end.

i'm appreciating all the feedback though... i can't say i like him doing it, but at least now i understand that it's not because he's dissatisfied with me.

[bartelby]

my intent in bringing this up isn't to point fingers... like i said - he's naturally going to be attracted to other women.

i'm not trying to place all the blame... he doesn't have a problem with it so it's not even an issue on his end.

i'm appreciating all the feedback though... i can't say i appreciate it, but at least now i understand that it's not because he's dissatisfied with me.


Sorry, I could have worded my post WAY better. I wasn't meaning to point fingers either.
I was a clumsily written question.:o

[tvguru]

i'm appreciating all the feedback though... i can't say i like him doing it, but at least now i understand that it's not because he's dissatisfied with me.

Well it could be that too. :p

I'm sorry, everyone bash me now so she feels better again. :o

[wimic]

Sorry, I could have worded my post WAY better. I wasn't meaning to point fingers either.
I was a clumsily written question.:o


oh no worries... i took it as more of a retorical (sp?) question anyways. i understand what you were getting at and it's a valid point! :)

[wimic]

Well it could be that too. :p

I'm sorry, everyone bash me now so she feels better again. :o

wow thanks for the encouraging words.

[bartelby]

Well it could be that too. :p

I'm sorry, everyone bash me now so she feels better again. :o


http://gopher-gallery.co.uk/pants/images/smiles/icon-spanking.gif

There ya go!

[deputy_doofy]

Just to add a bit more, I was recently on vacation with my gf. While on vacation, I saw NUMEROUS slim, built 20-something year olds in bikinis. Yes, you know I looked - and looked all week long. I didn't do it disrespectfully. I wasn't staring with my jaw on the ground while my gf was attempting to talk to me, but my gf knew I was looking... and she was looking too, though the eye candy was mostly female.

Again, I think it's an age/experience thing. The younger one is, the more they complain about this issue. As people mature and realize there's no harm in this, it becomes a non-issue.

[dsnort]

I check out other women all the time. It doesn't mean I am in any way dissatisfied with my wife, it's just natural to appreciate all beauty, not just the beauty you married.

(That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!)

[obeygiant]

dress a little sexier. maybe his eyes will wander over to you. ;)

[tvguru]

wow thanks for the encouraging words.

Sorry, it's almost 4am (stupid mac events ;) ). Doesn't sound like you have a problem though, your on MacRumors must be a cool enough girl. As I said before looking = :) Touching = :mad:

[calculus]

I really wouldn't worry about it.

[wimic]

Sorry, it's almost 4am (stupid mac events ;) ). Doesn't sound like you have a problem though, your on MacRumors must be a cool enough girl. As I said before looking = :) Touching = :mad:

No worries... it's just a touchy subject for me. the thought of not satisfying my guy in every arena kinda gets to me. i'm super confident when it comes to my intellect, personality and my sense of humor... my compassion and my loyalty, honesty and dedication... but my body has always been something i've struggled with. perhaps that's where the problem originated... with my self doubt... who knows

[vniow]

http://gopher-gallery.co.uk/pants/images/smiles/icon-spanking.gif

There ya go!

That looks strangely familiar...

[whooleytoo]

I think this is a definite case where "it ain't what you do, it's the way that you do it". If he glances over as an attractive woman walks by, it's harmless - he probably couldn't stop if he tried! If, on the other hand, he cranes his neck around to get a good look at her bum as she walks by, then fair enough, you have reason to be annoyed.

I have a few female friends who've told me if they're walking hand-in-hand, they can always tell when their boyfriend spots someone attractive as they'll squeeze their hand a little as she walks by. You can just imagine the near-subconscious thought process: "Oooh! She's cute... woops, must not annoy girlfriend, give a reassurance squeeze.." :D

[Sdashiki]

this would be a lot easier on you if you realized that guys are ugly and girls are hot.

dont gotta go all lesbo, but cmon, YOU dont find girls attractive?

[wimic]

this would be a lot easier on you if you realized that guys are ugly and girls are hot.

dont gotta go all lesbo, but cmon, YOU dont find girls attractive?


that's half the problem lol (i'm not lesbian by any means... and i AM comfortable with my sexuality) ... that's how i KNOW he finds them attractive... because I do!

[Sesshi]

If you're going to stop him looking, you'll have to bring out the garden shears. Unfortunately it's just one of those things.

[calculus]

If you're going to stop him looking, you'll have to bring out the garden shears. Unfortunately it's just one of those things.
Ouch! I felt that...

[XNine]

My ex tried pulling this on me. And I told her straight up "If you don't like it, be gone. I have no room for a chick who thinks that a look automatically makes me out to be a bad guy." She stopped after that.

Basically, just because he's not hungry, doesn't mean he can't look at the menu. We're men. Men are naturally supposed to want to hump every woman that comes around. Now, doesn't mean we'll act, but I can honestly say that if an attractive woman walks my way, I will honor her with the "once-over." The female's body should be celebrated. Like Pay-day or free rent. :p

[whooleytoo]

Ouch! I felt that...

Hear that? That's the sound of dozens of (male) Macrumors readers around the world involuntarily crossing their legs..

[Silencio]

Sometimes it feels even more obvious when you're deliberately looking away from an attractive woman in the vicinity. :o Sometimes you just can't win!

I tend to make eye contact with all people I walk past on the street, but sometimes my girlfriend takes it the wrong way. I am not a gawker, but I like to see who's around -- both male and female -- and what they're doing. My eye is kind of instinctively drawn to motion, and I feel guilty if my eye is drawn to an attractive woman in that way.

But as the years go by, I think we're meeting halfway on the issue: she's finally accepting that I'm not going to drop her for some random hottie that we pass by on the street, and I'm working on honing my tunnel vision.

She also notices when other women are looking at me, though I usually am blissfully ignorant of such occurances. :cool: Again, I feel my girlfriend is getting more secure, thank goodness.

One time we were walking down a street in New York and I saw some slim, attractive-looking woman walking towards us. I chose to ignore her completely. About 15 seconds after we passed her by, my girlfriend turned to me and said "Did you see that woman? That was Maggie Gyllenhall!" So now I can always say that movie stars don't turn my head, why should some average, run-of-the-mill woman do it?

[ChrisBrightwell]

i just can't help but feel that he's not satisfied with me and he needs to look elsewhere for his eye candy. :(Do you not find other guys attractive?

[2nyRiggz]

Don't give him any for a week(make sure you look sex-i-fied everytime) and see how much his eyes roam then.
:)




Bless

[wimic]

Do you not find other guys attractive?

I do... like i said in a previous post... I guess it boils down to how secure you are with yourself. Insecure people are bothered by it...

In the same breath - I don't make it obvious if I see someone that i find attractive... although my bf doesn't either.

perhaps i'm a lunatic (?) maybe?? ;)

[Lau]

I think it's rude, personally, both to you and to the girl he's looking at if he's really gawping.

I agree with whooleytoo in that if it's a glance, no problem, but a long stare, drooling with his head turning round it is just tacky from the girlfriend, the stared-upon, and passers-by's point of view.

If he's trying to make the effort not to though, that's a good sign. Most of the reason I think it's rude is because it's not paying attention to the company you're with (whether it's a girlfriend or whoever you're having a conversation with) and so if he's trying not to it's a sign he's trying to do the right thing by you.

(Just saw your post above — I agree, it's not like I don't see attractive folk on the street, but I don't feel the need to gawp at them.)

[Jay42]

It's always okay to browse the menu as long as you return home for dinner. :D

[TMA]

As others have said before, looking at girls is hard-coded into our firmware. This firmware is probably long due an overhaul, but until that happens you'll have to learn to not take it personally.

Ask yourself - would you rather he made it obvious and blatantly gawped at all attractive females or that he showed consideration for you by trying to hide what he's doing?

I'd also suggest that if it still bothers you, tell him that you understand he's bound to notice other females and you really don't mind him doing it as long as it's not around you or if he makes it too obvious. That way he might not feel so bad/guilty about doing it, and it will actually become more discreet because he's not worrying so much.

[whooleytoo]

In the same breath - I don't make it obvious if I see someone that i find attractive... although my bf doesn't either.

I (and most men I know) generally have no idea who women find attractive, so it's probably a hell of a lot easier for a woman to disguise!

[ziwi]

What did Forrest Gump Say..."It Happens"..;)

Honestly, I would think as long as you communicate what you are feeling and he respects it, then you would be better off, however, is it not better to have him act natural in front of you versus not doing it when you are there and then doing it when you are not? There are different folks for everyone the fact that he does it and it bothers you may just be the first sign that you are not "meant to be" - you can fix or change someone. If he does it in a derrogatory way and makes it obvious as if he is all that - ask yourself is that what you want? I agree with the earlier poster who said it is rude...if he is always looking for the next best thing then you would be in for heartache in the future...in the end if you can live with it fine if not then move on. If someone I was with was doing that constantly - I would wonder where their head and heart were especially if I was at the back side of their turning head...;)

[Jaffa Cake]

I read your opening post out to Miss Jaffa Cake wimic, and she tells me that I'd get my ass kicked if I looked at other girls.

I'll take that as a warning. :o

[TMA]

There are different folks for everyone the fact that he does it and it bothers you may just be the first sign that you are not "meant to be"

Sorry but I disagree. It's rude to obviously stare or drool over someone else when you're with your partner, but its perfectly natural and UNAVOIDABLE for males to notice an attractive female.

The kind of men that you think don't look at other females, don't exist. It's just that you don't notice them doing it or that they don't even notice themselves doing it because it's so natural.

[jdechko]

I agree with everyone who says that it's natural. As long as he's just looking, don't worry about it. My wife and I have always been open and honest with each other about this sort of thing. I know that she finds Matthew McConaughey attractive, and she knows that there are actresses and other regular people that I find attractive. At first we both felt kinda bad, but then we realized that just because we were together, that didn't make others any less attractive. It's really a sign of trust in a relationship where two intimate people can freely identify that they are (physically - looking but not touching) attracted to another person.

[iSaint]

I've been married for twelve years now, and I still "check out" other women from time to time. :o

Try not to take it personally. If he's like most guys, his doing that is no reflection on how he feels about you. Remember, he's with you and not with them. :D

We've been married 17 years and she still points out redheads to me.

[MarkCollette]

I totally agree with what everyone here's said. But, I have an annoying version of this that I have to deal with all the time. Well, obviously not the jealousy part. Every time I go anywhere with my Dad (he's single, doesn't date much), if a pretty girl walks by, his brain ceases to function for several seconds. He'll stop midsentence and stare hard, and crane his neck as they go by. He'll also have to tell me about the girl, even if I noticed her too. Bloody annoying. I try to tell him to act cool and look discretely, but I don't think he can help it.

Hopefully the original poster's boyfriend isn't that bad :D

[ChrisWB]

Bloody annoying.
Embarrassing as hell is more like it! I sympathize with you fully.

[MarkCollette]

Embarrassing as hell is more like it! I sympathize with you fully.

Oh, he's already covered embarrassing when he shows up wearing shorts in the dead of Canadian winter, because he's convinced that women find his legs sexy.

Or if he's forgotten to embarrass me lately, he'll usually make up for it by hitting on whichever 18 year old cashier is serving us. Bonus points if there's a lot of people behind us in line, all having to wait while he chats her up.

Or, if he needs to bring out the big guns, he'll bring up the one time that I met a girl he'd previous chatted up, and say that we're into the same girls, and maybe we should double date.

[topicolo]

He's making it worse by being uncomfortable about it. It comes off as him feeling guilty about a natural response all guys have. It's much better to talk to him about it and let him know that you're okay with it as long as he doesn't go overboard. Make it into a joke if you can. It's much better to treat this openly and lightheartedly than to bottle up the feelings until it becomes a big fight. My girlfriend and I joke all the time about hot girls I see when we're together. We actually rate them together and it's a really fun bonding experience.

[wimic]

He's making it worse by being uncomfortable about it. It comes off as him feeling guilty about a natural response all guys have. It's much better to talk to him about it and let him know that you're okay with it as long as he doesn't go overboard. Make it into a joke if you can. It's much better to treat this openly and lightheartedly than to bottle up the feelings until it becomes a big fight. My girlfriend and I joke all the time about hot girls I see when we're together. We actually rate them together and it's a really fun bonding experience.


we actually had a chat about it last night and we're pretty much taking the approach that you outlined. we're making light of it. it's sometimes hard to keep in mind that the person you're with is still human and might have the odd attraction to someone else. thanks for the suggestion - it's great advice!

[Chundles]

Sounds like a big dose of mistrust and paranoia.

Are you honestly that insecure in your relationship that you consider looking at other women a threat? It's what we do, we're not saying "geeze you're crap I'm going to look at that other woman instead" we're saying "I'm going to look at that woman," there's nothing there that says he would even consider being unfaithful so just LET IT GO and stop being so paranoid.

The final episode of the first season of Coupling (the proper, British version) had a situation of a girlfriend discovering that her boyfriend still watches porn, he summed it up perfectly in a frustrated speech at a dinner party:



Jill: [about the film "Lesbian Spank Inferno"] How could you possibly enjoy a film like that?

Steve: Oh, because it's got naked women in it! Look, I like naked women! I'm a bloke! I'm supposed to like them! We're born like that. We like naked women as soon as we're pulled out of one. Halfway down the birth canal we're already enjoying the view. Look, it's the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like: naked women, stockings, lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond. Because that is what being a bloke is. And if you don't like it, darling, join a film collective. I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of the table here. But that does not stop me wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die. Because that's what being a bloke is. When Man invented fire, he didn't say "Hey, let's cook!" He said: "Great! Now we can see naked bottoms in the dark!" As soon as Caxton invented the printing press we were using it to make pictures of - hey! - naked bottoms. We've turned the Internet into an enormous international database of... naked bottoms. So, you see, the story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms. Frankly, girls, I'm not so sure how insulted you really ought to be.

[wimic]

Sounds like a big dose of mistrust and paranoia.

Are you honestly that insecure in your relationship that you consider looking at other women a threat? It's what we do, we're not saying "geeze you're crap I'm going to look at that other woman instead" we're saying "I'm going to look at that woman," there's nothing there that says he would even consider being unfaithful so just LET IT GO and stop being so paranoid.

The final episode of the first season of Coupling (the proper, British version) had a situation of a girlfriend discovering that her boyfriend still watches porn, he summed it up perfectly in a frustrated speech at a dinner party:



Jill: [about the film "Lesbian Spank Inferno"] How could you possibly enjoy a film like that?

Steve: Oh, because it's got naked women in it! Look, I like naked women! I'm a bloke! I'm supposed to like them! We're born like that. We like naked women as soon as we're pulled out of one. Halfway down the birth canal we're already enjoying the view. Look, it's the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like: naked women, stockings, lesbians, and Sean Connery best as James Bond. Because that is what being a bloke is. And if you don't like it, darling, join a film collective. I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of the table here. But that does not stop me wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die. Because that's what being a bloke is. When Man invented fire, he didn't say "Hey, let's cook!" He said: "Great! Now we can see naked bottoms in the dark!" As soon as Caxton invented the printing press we were using it to make pictures of - hey! - naked bottoms. We've turned the Internet into an enormous international database of... naked bottoms. So, you see, the story of male achievement through the ages, feeble though it may have been, has been the story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms. Frankly, girls, I'm not so sure how insulted you really ought to be.

I appreciate your comments, and no - I'm not paranoid. As far as the porn goes - I completely understand... I enjoy it too, in fact. Different relationships have different dynamics that call for different feelings and different reactions. Thanks for the quote too - I had a good laugh at that :)

[Chundles]

I appreciate your comments, and no - I'm not paranoid. As far as the porn goes - I completely understand... I enjoy it too, in fact. Different relationships have different dynamics that call for different feelings and different reactions. Thanks for the quote too - I had a good laugh at that :)

Just saying that worrying about a man looking at other women is a total waste of time and you should just let it go.

[JRM PowerPod]

Don't give him any for a week(make sure you look sex-i-fied everytime) and see how much his eyes roam then.
:)




Bless



Thats a stupid idea, atleast you wouldnt have to worry about his eyes wandering anymore, it would be something else you would have to worry about

[Sun Baked]

I think you'd have a bigger problem if he stopped checking the gals out, and started drooling over the guys.

[Abstract]

You look at other hot men. You know it. We know it. You didn't want to finger-point before, but you do look, and you probably do so involuntarily.


dress a little sexier. maybe his eyes will wander over to you. ;)

Have a super-realistic drawing of a Ferrari on your breasts. He'll look.

[spicyapple]

I think you'd have a bigger problem if he stopped checking the gals out, and started drooling over the guys.
So true, Sun Baked. :)

Guys will be guys, so feeling disrespected is more an indication of where your self-esteem lies, than it is about him checking out the other girls.

[Lau]

Guys will be guys, so feeling disrespected is more an indication of where your self-esteem lies, than it is about him checking out the other girls.

I disagree — I find a long stare rude whether I'm with a friend or a boyfriend. It's the same feeling as when someone's watching TV while you're trying to talk to them or looking over your shoulder during a conversation. To me it's a common courtesy thing than a "OMG they fancy her more than me" thing.

[whooleytoo]

Guys will be guys, so feeling disrespected is more an indication of where your self-esteem lies, than it is about him checking out the other girls.

In some cases yes, in some cases NOOOOOOOO!:p

One of my work colleagues got really drunk one night when we were out with friends and starting trying to chat-up my sister. He was in mid-sentence telling her (in rather graphic detail) how sexy he thought she looked, when he stopped dead mid-sentence to watch a girl walk by, complete with facial gestures and "phoarr!" sounds, then turned back to complete the 'seduction'. Amazingly enough, she didn't buy it. Maybe she's too insecure... :p

[cait-sith]

I disagree — I find a long stare rude whether I'm with a friend or a boyfriend. It's the same feeling as when someone's watching TV while you're trying to talk to them or looking over your shoulder during a conversation. To me it's a common courtesy thing than a "OMG they fancy her more than me" thing.

Yes but as it's been said like 10 times in this thread, we're not talking about long gawks. We're talking about quick glances.

[revenuee]

I usually look and then make a comment about whether the girl is pretty or not -- or what i found attractive -- and usually get the girl i'm with to tell me what she thinks.

I hide nothing

[wimic]

I usually look and then make a comment about whether the girl is pretty or not -- or what i found attractive -- and usually get the girl i'm with to tell me what she thinks.

I hide nothing

that's a better approach to take in my opinion... if you're open and honest about it then it doesn't seem like you have ulterior motives.

[rogersmj]

This reminds me of an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond called "Boob Job" where Debra sort of manipulated Ray into saying he wouldn't mind if she got breast implants after they saw a woman with some at a party. Ray goes away on a business trip for a few days, and when he comes back Debra's chest is much larger. "Wow, you know...one time, I went away and you had the driveway sealed. And I was sort of turned on by that. But this..." He is shocked that she did it at first, but then warms up to the idea when she starts acting sexy and wants to, uh, show them to him. At the last second, she yanks a couple of socks out of her nightie and throws them at Ray, angry because he believed that she got a boob job and he was happy about it.

(paraphrasing some of this)

Debra: "You're a jerk!" <throws socks>
Ray: "Wha...?"
Debra: "Bet you're really disappointed now, huh?"
Ray: "I'm not disappointed, I'm scared."
Debra: "You really thought I'd get implants for you!?!"
Ray: "You said you did!"
Debra: "I did not! I just stuffed some socks in there and you assumed I did..."
Ray: "I was being supportive! What, you want to get work done and then have me say I don't like it?"
Debra: "You'd like that, would you? If I got implants, because you like breasts. BIG breasts."
Ray: "Yeaaaaah, and a nice butt too! Oooh, I'm SICK!"

The whole point of the episode was that Ray loved Debra exactly as she was, but because of a guy's nature he can't NOT like things like that.

My fiance and I have been together for almost eight years and are soon getting married. We're young, which I mention because this tends to be more of an issue for younger people, but we're fine with each other glancing at others just because it's natural. As someone else said, being in love with someone doesn't automatically make other people less physically attractive; it's how you handle those observations that count. For example, the other day I was at my fiance's apartment and walked by the sliding glass door, and she saw me glance down at the pool for a moment because something caught my eye. She asked, "What's out there?" I said, "There's a hot girl sunbathing by the pool." "Oh yeah?" And that's the end of it. Unless she asks me what she was wearing or some crap like that :D

The point is, we're very secure and I know that as long as I don't go gawking, craning my neck around and actively looking for other women, she doesn't have any problem with it at all. And it's not unusual for her to be watching a TV show or something and I'll be sitting next to her reading and I'll hear a little "Ooo" sound when she sees a guy who she thinks is really hot. It doesn't bother me at all, because I know she's not going to leave me and I know that there are other people more attractive than me.

I think if you try to totally restrict your bf/gf/husband/wife from looking at all, I think that's sort of living your relationship in a lie. I think that's saying that your physical attraction is the only strong bond between you, and therefore if he/she even looks at someone else then it's a severe threat to the stability of your relationship. Aren't there other things that hold the relationship together? That's how I feel about all this.

[wimic]

I think that's saying that your physical attraction is the only strong bond between you, and therefore if he/she even looks at someone else then it's a severe threat to the stability of your relationship. Aren't there other things that hold the relationship together? That's how I feel about all this.


Very Well Said mrogers. It's funny how much talking to people can open your eyes about certain issues. it's good to know that other people have dealt with this kind of thing before and have come up with constructive ways to handle it. i appreciate you taking the time to respond so thoroughly.

[Lau]

Yes but as it's been said like 10 times in this thread, we're not talking about long gawks. We're talking about quick glances.

And I said I wasn't bothered by a glance in my earlier post...

I'm just trying to communicate why I personally find it rude — it's not because of some insecurity, but because I think it's rude not to be paying attention to who you're with (be it a friend or a partner). Hence I don't think glances are rude — I might look at an interesting looking poster or whatever, but not be completely consumed by it and ignore the person I'm with.

[savar]

You should worry if he didn't look..

Agreed. This is the best way to think about it.

Be happy that you get all the good stuff and they get nothing more than a look.

[Abulia]

My wife and I kinda joke about this. Last night, during the Saints game they did a closeup of the crowd and two ladies at the game. My wife remarked that they were "hot," to which I agreed. ;)

Sometimes I'll catch her checking out a guy or getting frisky during a movie/show and it's okay. My attitude is one of "he's so hot I'd do him!" :D

Beauty is all around us, everyday. Enjoy it.

[TMA]

As already said before...

Women are more attractive to men then men are to women. It's nature at work.

[tobefirst]

It's always okay to browse the menu as long as you return home for dinner. :D
I thought the quote was, "it's always okay to browse the menu as long as you bring enough home for everyone." (:

[2nyRiggz]

Thats a stupid idea, atleast you wouldnt have to worry about his eyes wandering anymore, it would be something else you would have to worry about

It was a joke..you know he he ha ha...chill out fella. If it goes that far for the guy to have sex with another just because would mean he was not worth it in the first place.




Bless

[cait-sith]

I'm just trying to communicate why I personally find it rude — it's not because of some insecurity, but because I think it's rude not to be paying attention to who you're with (be it a friend or a partner). Hence I don't think glances are rude — I might look at an interesting looking poster or whatever, but not be completely consumed by it and ignore the person I'm with.

I'll agree to that. But you'd have to be a real jerk to stare at a woman when you're with your gf.

[Abstract]

I thought the quote was, "it's always okay to browse the menu as long as you bring enough home for everyone." (:

No, Jay42's quote sounds more likely to be correct. Yours sounds like some weird family orgy with some strange girl you just picked up.

that's a better approach to take in my opinion... if you're open and honest about it then it doesn't seem like you have ulterior motives.

But if you're looking at a hot girl and you need to do something like ask your girlfriend or female friend what she thinks of her, it IS a different approach, but just a bad cover. You can only use this one so many time, I think.

Very Well Said mrogers.


Wow, agree entirely. Very well said. :)


Game over. This thread is finished.

[amateurmacfreak]

I wouldn't worry about it. What matters is that he's with you.

I find some females attractive, and I am straight. It's just... natural. Of course, then, I also find some males attractive. :rolleyes:

If he's trying to be discreet, it's just natural. Don't worry about it. :)

[MarkCollette]

I've found in the past that if I'm at say, a coffee shop, on a date with a girl, then I'll get extra distracted by people coming and going. Not so much checking out the girls, as just having to see who's coming in, be they male or female. I read once that this is typical, and that a simple solution is for the guy to face away from the entrance. So, I always do that, and I find that girls are noticeably more comfortable because of that.

I guess what my example is trying to illustrate, is that under certain circumstances, we can take that extra step to not look, to be extra comforting to a person we're with.

[macartistkel]

I check out other women all the time. It doesn't mean I am in any way dissatisfied with my wife, it's just natural to appreciate all beauty, not just the beauty you married.

(That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!)

I find that hard to believe with how you said it, BUT I'll let you stick with your story! ;) I need to ask you this question...would your wife appreciate you if she heard you say "I check out other women all the time." No offense, but I find that remark very disrespectful if I was with someone who said it, regardless of how you feel.

FOR THE PERSON WHO POSTED THID THREAD: If your man is trying so hard to HIDE the fact he is checking out other women when he is with you...think about when you are NOT around! I think it is a little ridiculous men feel the need to check out every hot girl. It just makes a guy look desperate. Just because men are WIRED to do this doesn't mean it's a cool thing to do. JMO

[wimic]

FOR THE PERSON WHO POSTED THID THREAD: If your man is trying so hard to HIDE the fact he is checking out other women when he is with you...think about when you are NOT around! I think it is a little ridiculous men feel the need to check out every hot girl. It just makes a guy look desperate. Just because men are WIRED to do this doesn't mean it's a cool thing to do. JMO

I absolutely agree... it's just that from the responses I got to my post, it seems that most people were pretty much telling me to suck it up. I don't like it, appreciate it or condone it. But - at least I can understand it (... can't I?)
:confused:

[jamone80]

not trying to be rude when i say this but....."this thread is still up?" :D

[macartistkel]

I absolutely agree... it's just that from the responses I got to my post, it seems that most people were pretty much telling me to suck it up. I don't like it, appreciate it or condone it. But - at least I can understand it (... can't I?)
:confused:

Yeah, I can understand it if this guy doesn't really care about his girlfriend. ;)

If this girl is bothered by something she needs to either address it to him personally or LEAVE his dumb a** because later on down the road (for example, say 5 1/2 years) all the guy is going to say to her is that she is "just a jealous bitch". F*** that, I'll never be with a dude that feels the need to have his eyes wander...I will stay alone forever before ever deal with this **** again in my life. :cool:

One of my favorite quotes:

"If you want to be with me, your with me."

[MarkCollette]

If this girl is bothered by something she needs to either address it to him personally or LEAVE his dumb a** because later on down the road (for example, say 5 1/2 years) all the guy is going to say to her is that she is "just a jealous bitch". F*** that, I'll never be with a dude that feels the need to have his eyes wander...I will stay alone forever before ever deal with this **** again in my life. :cool:

That's utterly hilarious! This is actually the nonsense that my ex-gf was saying, until I explained to her how it really is a jealousy problem of hers. Riiiiiight... you'll choose to be alone forever, instead of just accepting something that all guys have in common... More like, no guy will stick around in such an insane situation, given that the majority of women don't suffer from that problem.

But, I do agree that they should still talk about it. I just think that it would be so the jealous party could see the light of day...

[macartistkel]

That's utterly hilarious! This is actually the nonsense that my ex-gf was saying, until I explained to her how it really is a jealousy problem of hers. Riiiiiight... you'll choose to be alone forever, instead of just accepting something that all guys have in common... More like, no guy will stick around in such an insane situation, given that the majority of women don't suffer from that problem.

But, I do agree that they should still talk about it. I just think that it would be so the jealous party could see the light of day...

Ok, I might have gotten a little carried away from some recent anger and pain about a personal situation of mine. BUT I assure you that I am not jealous of ANYONE, especially of the girl I was accused of being jealous of---never in a million years would that be the case. I had a problem about my feelings not being respected.

But fine, I guess I am supposed to accept the fact that men cannot control themselves! Riiight! :)

[MarkCollette]

But fine, I guess I am supposed to accept the fact that men cannot control themselves! Riiight! :)

Of course men can control themselves, in that we can choose how far we take our attraction to other women. We can choose to look for a second, for a minute, or go talk to them, or whatever.

I'm a firm believer that more knowledge is better. Would you actually want your guy to be clueless in a social situation due to him electing to somehow not noticing all the women milling about? How would that even work functionally?

You: Isn't that Tammy from down the street?
Him: I don't know, I wasn't looking.

You: Was everyone dressed casual or business casual, so I'll know which dress to where.
Him: I don't know, I wasn't looking.

You: Have you seen Betty? She might have a job lead for me.
Him: I don't know, I wasn't looking.
You: She's the brunette wearing the gold coloured top.
Him: I avoid looking at women's chest area, so I don't know.
You: She's wearing a knee length skirt...
Him: I don't look at women's asses or legs, so I don't really know who's wearing a skirt.

And then there's the straight simple fact that pretty women make us feel better when we see them. It's like nature's free medicine. Not seeing them would noticeably reduce our quality of life. Why would you want to do that to someone? Why would you look down on anyone for that?

[macartistkel]

Of course men can control themselves, in that we can choose how far we take our attraction to other women. We can choose to look for a second, for a minute, or go talk to them, or whatever.

I'm a firm believer that more knowledge is better. Would you actually want your guy to be clueless in a social situation due to him electing to somehow not noticing all the women milling about? How would that even work functionally?

You: Isn't that Tammy from down the street?
Him: I don't know, I wasn't looking.

You: Was everyone dressed casual or business casual, so I'll know which dress to where.
Him: I don't know, I wasn't looking.

You: Have you seen Betty? She might have a job lead for me.
Him: I don't know, I wasn't looking.
You: She's the brunette wearing the gold coloured top.
Him: I avoid looking at women's chest area, so I don't know.
You: She's wearing a knee length skirt...
Him: I don't look at women's asses or legs, so I don't really know who's wearing a skirt.

And then there's the straight simple fact that pretty women make us feel better when we see them. It's like nature's free medicine. Not seeing them would noticeably reduce our quality of life. Why would you want to do that to someone? Why would you look down on anyone for that?


Hi Mark, I have to say I do enjoy reading your responses on this matter! Your right about the examples you posted and you made some good points! I gues I was thinking more along the lines of rude behavior when men "check out" women. There are some men that take it too far. I flew around the country last week and was in a lot of airports. Sometimes I could blatently feel some men staring at me. OMG, and I hate when men look directly at my chest too, LOL. It is the most awkward feeling and I feel pretty secure right now about how I look. Oh well, men and women are completely different about stuff. It is just a fact. I still want my future man to not have a wandering eye. Is that too much to ask! :)

This thread just made me think of something funny. This happened in the 80's but I was on vacation one time with my family and there was a woman walking down the beach with a thong on (I am talking about the 80's here because I own a bathing suit thong now and it is not a big deal these days but then it was the biggest deal) but anyway, my dad (who has to be one of the most loyal men in the world to my mom) grabbed me and said we needed to run down the beach and look at these sailboats. Basically HE USED me to get a glimpse of what the bathing suit might look like in the FRONT! :D Let's just put it this way--HE wasn't alone. I noticed even at a young age how many men were going out of there way running dow the beach to watch this woman the whole time she walked! That is just a little ridiculous??!! :rolleyes: I also read about a scientific study on how pretty women can cause guys to make bad decisions. :rolleyes: So yes, I agree with you that men are WIRED...but I don't have to like it!! :)

[slimflem]

Okay... so perhaps this is not as big of a deal as I'm making it out to be, but a second (or third) opinion is always good.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and things are good. He does, however, have a habit of checking out other girls. He tries to make it discreet but I'm so conscious of it that I'm always on the look out for it happening.

I know he's human and that he IS going to find other girls attractive, but I can't help but feel really hurt by it sometimes.

Any comments?

It sounds like you are insecure.

[sushi]

Seeing a beautiful woman is akin to getting an eye massage...

...pure heaven! ;)

Of course when out with the wife/GF/SO, one must be careful not to disrespect her!

[raggedjimmi]

I look at a few but it's more a "what the hell is she wearing!" when walking around wearing something resembling an iMac as a hat or with hair that would normally be classed as a weapon... just inquisitive :D . I just don't look at other girls like that anymore. My eyes are massaged enough ;)

I was on the bus once and saw a couple sat in front who were both hugged and cuddling and stuff. She was really into him and vice versa, or so it seemed. I noticed the guy kept staring at other girls, not in a discreet way either, actually trying to look at them until they were out of sight completely. I just found that a little wrong, especially when this girl was clearly loved up with him.

ah well.

[juicedus]

I do... like i said in a previous post... I guess it boils down to how secure you are with yourself. Insecure people are bothered by it...

In the same breath - I don't make it obvious if I see someone that i find attractive... although my bf doesn't either.


I don't get it. You can discretely look at guys, but you've tuned your senses to notice that your guy looks at girls, even when he tries to look discretely.


Is he a person that just notices people, regardless of sex? Maybe you're only noticing the girls he's looking at and not the guys.

I think its something that you need to resolve within yourself. You can't ask your b/f to act a certain way and then go and act in a manner that he can't.

[devilot]

It [looking at other people] doesn't bother me at all, because I know she's not going to leave me and I know that there are other people more attractive than me.

<snip> Aren't there other things that hold the relationship together?Well said.

I'm just trying to communicate why I personally find it rude — it's not because of some insecurity, but because I think it's rude not to be paying attention to who you're with (be it a friend or a partner).I also agree with this. It is about being present with whomever you might be with.

...under certain circumstances, we can take that extra step to not look, to be extra comforting to a person we're with.I also agree with this. I think any successful relationship, whether romantic/intimate/platonic will have some compromises. I believe that there has to be some push and pull, some give and some take. It's not too much to ask to be aware of yourself and give your attention to whomever you're hanging out with or slightly curb some behaviors that can be seen as rude or hurtful.

That said, I check out more women than my boyfriend does. I have issues not with him glancing at other women, but at motorcycles. :p

[revenuee]

that's a better approach to take in my opinion... if you're open and honest about it then it doesn't seem like you have ulterior motives.

I desire and have created a life in which i surround myself by beauty. The women that enter my life know this because that is how they entered into it in the first place.

i always walk up to strange women. flirt with waitresses or other servers, even when out with another women. most importantly i introduce the two women to each other. VERY powerful way to live your lives.

[TimDaddy]

So, he's into pretty women, and he's still with you. That confirms that you are a pretty woman. Sometimes I wish I'd catch my wife checking out bald dudes!:)

[MarkCollette]

Hi Mark, I have to say I do enjoy reading your responses on this matter! Your right about the examples you posted and you made some good points! I gues I was thinking more along the lines of rude behavior when men "check out" women. There are some men that take it too far. I flew around the country last week and was in a lot of airports. Sometimes I could blatently feel some men staring at me. OMG, and I hate when men look directly at my chest too, LOL. It is the most awkward feeling and I feel pretty secure right now about how I look. Oh well, men and women are completely different about stuff. It is just a fact. I still want my future man to not have a wandering eye. Is that too much to ask! :)

You know, I think it's a fine line between different looks. Most of the time I just do the discreet look thing. But sometimes (when I'm single), I give a slightly hungry and desirous look that I think is still on the good side, and not falling into the nasty learing side. And women seem to be quite happy receiving it. I think that somehow our faces can convey our intentions pretty well. Like, mine will project "damn, she is a goddess" whereas maybe the learing guy projects "I'd pork her 'til she pukes fetuses".


This thread just made me think of something funny. This happened in the 80's but I was on vacation one time with my family and there was a woman walking down the beach with a thong on (I am talking about the 80's here because I own a bathing suit thong now and it is not a big deal these days but then it was the biggest deal) but anyway, my dad (who has to be one of the most loyal men in the world to my mom) grabbed me and said we needed to run down the beach and look at these sailboats. Basically HE USED me to get a glimpse of what the bathing suit might look like in the FRONT! :D Let's just put it this way--HE wasn't alone. I noticed even at a young age how many men were going out of there way running dow the beach to watch this woman the whole time she walked! That is just a little ridiculous??!! :rolleyes: I also read about a scientific study on how pretty women can cause guys to make bad decisions. :rolleyes: So yes, I agree with you that men are WIRED...but I don't have to like it!! :)

Well, at least your Dad could control his motor functions in that situation. ;)

I have no idea if this is a me thing or a guy thing, but sometimes I just have to know how pretty a girl is. It's not because I need to stop and mentally maturbate to anyone's imagery, or anything like that. I just need to know what they look like. And I'm not thinking about it afterwards or anything. Maybe it serves some kind of evolutionary purpose or something. Like, I have to look at couples, and see how they fit, and that tells me how pretty I should be aiming for myself. And knowing what a pretty upperbound, lowerbound and average are, can guide me or something? I don't know, I'm guessing why, because it's not a concious choice, it's a kind of impulse.

[macartistkel]

You know, I think it's a fine line between different looks. Most of the time I just do the discreet look thing. But sometimes (when I'm single), I give a slightly hungry and desirous look that I think is still on the good side, and not falling into the nasty learing side. And women seem to be quite happy receiving it. I think that somehow our faces can convey our intentions pretty well. Like, mine will project "damn, she is a goddess" whereas maybe the learing guy projects "I'd pork her 'til she pukes fetuses".

I have been around the learing men in situations before and it is a little uncomfortable to me. The perverts probably believe I like it for some reason! :rolleyes:

Yeah, i have to say that YOU have a more tasteful approach about it! :) lol