French say they need the biggest condoms

[edesignuk]

The French say they need the largest condoms in Europe while Greeks get by on smaller ones, according to a Europe-wide study by a German consultancy that provides advice on condoms.

The snappily named Singen-based Institute of Condom Consultancy asked 10,500 men in 25 countries to measure their penis and enter the number into a database.

From these undoubtedly accurate and entirely true responses they found Frenchmen on average claim to need 15.48cm (6.09inch) long condoms, about 3 cm longer than Greeks, whose condom-size requirement was the most modest. Metro (http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?French_say_they_need_the_biggest_condoms&in_article_id=424075&in_page_id=2).

6"? Pffffffft, puleeeaze.

[iBlue]

<cancels holidays to both meager places> :p

[iAlan]

Yeah, agree with edesignuk - 6"? Pffffffft, puleeeaze.

Sorry French guys, you are lacking! If you are going to brag a least have something to brag about!

[SMDrew]

Wait... is that length, or width? :confused:

[Lord Blackadder]

Self measurement is always overestimated.

Besides it's the French - a culture renowned for pomposity and gasconades. :D

The Greeks are probably the honest ones.

[CalBoy]

Wait... is that length, or width? :confused:

You've seen a six-inch wide penis? :confused:

Ahh the French...so many jokes, so little time.

[evilgEEk]

The french must like making larger balloon animals. What else are condoms good for?

Wait... is that length, or width? :confused:

I may not bottom out in a tuna can, but I'll sure as hell blow the sides out!

[arkitect]

Wait... is that length, or width? :confused:


I may not bottom out in a tuna can, but I'll sure as hell blow the sides out!

I think you're confusing width with girth… ;)

[CalBoy]

I think you're confusing width with girth… ;)

I'd say that when we're talking about that particular organ, it's really 6 of one, half a dozen of the other (inches apparently!).

[arkitect]

I'd say that when we're talking about that particular organ, it's really 6 of one, half a dozen of the other (inches apparently!).

And those are internet inches.
:D

[rdowns]

A day without an edesignuk penis related thread is like a day without sunshine.

[Much Ado]

Well at least one part of my anatomy is better than the average.

Shame about the rest, though.

[Sun Baked]

A day without an edesignuk penis related thread is like a day without sunshine.

I'm worried though, this posting fixation replacing the Keira Knightley ones is a bit odd. ;)

[floyde]

OMG, it hasn't even been a week and here we have another penis measuring thread :p.

Let's see if they keep saying that once the new supplies arrive and their new condoms begin slipping off at inconvenient moments :eek:.

[.Andy]

Do people really measure their penis? I've honestly never been even slightly compelled to do so. Is there any situation where you can recite your penis length that isn't going to make you look like an absolute tosser :confused:?

p.s. Do you wash the tape measure after or just pop it back in your mother's sewing kit :D?

[MacNut]

p.s. Do you wash the tape measure after or just pop it back in your mother's sewing kit :D?My yard stick doesn't fit in the sewing kit.:p

[FrankieTDouglas]

I wonder if they measure from the front or the back.

[Much Ado]

Do people really measure their penis? I've honestly never been even slightly compelled to do so.

Was exactly the same until I saw this thread. Not going to be beaten by the French.

[Prof.]

So for 6 inches you need large condoms? :eek: do they make XL condoms? If not, I'm screwed:cool:

[.Andy]

Was exactly the same until I saw this thread. Not going to be beaten by the French.
There's plenty of french that I'd let beat me.

[FrankieTDouglas]

There's plenty of french that I'd let beat me.

I never fall in love so quickly as I do while spending 5 minutes in a French metro. For the French haters, spend some time in France and for a multitude of reasons, all of your prejudices will wash away!

[rdowns]

I never fall in love so quickly as I do while spending 5 minutes in a French metro. For the French haters, spend some time in France and for a multitude of reasons, all of your prejudices will wash away!

Nonsense, we all know the French do not bathe. :D

[SMDrew]

OMG, it hasn't even been a week and here we have another penis measuring thread :p.

Let's see if they keep saying that once the new supplies arrive and their new condoms begin slipping off at inconvenient moments :eek:.

That's why you always wear at least two. Sort of like RAID 1 for your junk, to protect against potential catastrophic failure.

[Iscariot]

Do people really measure their penis? I've honestly never been even slightly compelled to do so. Is there any situation where you can recite your penis length that isn't going to make you look like an absolute tosser :confused:?

p.s. Do you wash the tape measure after or just pop it back in your mother's sewing kit :D?

God damn it .Andy, now you've got me thinking about it.

[rdowns]

No worries, just hold it up to the screen.


http://iruler.net/ruler_0_10.jpg

[Prof.]

No worries, just hold it up to the screen.


http://iruler.net/ruler_0_10.jpg
Four inches, eh?:p

[rdowns]

Four inches, eh?:p

I prefer to use the metric system.

[leekohler]

Do people really measure their penis? I've honestly never been even slightly compelled to do so. Is there any situation where you can recite your penis length that isn't going to make you look like an absolute tosser :confused:?


Perhaps no one's ever asked you before. I've had plenty of people ask, so I measured it. Why not? While I wasn't disappointed, I certainly am not the biggest I've ever seen. I would say I'm a bit above average. And let me tell you, I don't think that extra large condoms are any better either. They still strangle the poor guy. One of these days they'll get the damn things right.

[Abstract]

I'm worried though, this posting fixation replacing the Keira Knightley ones is a bit odd. ;)

Yeah, I never thought I'd say this after so many years (it has been at least 3, no?), but I'd actually prefer Keira over this. :confused:

It's all about penii, isn't it.

[remmy]

Depends on the temperature though. Here right now it's 2c :eek:

[rdowns]

Depends on the temperature though. Here right now it's 2c :eek:

Shrinkage, huh? Pretty sure 2 centimeters is the smallest I've seen. :D

[Abstract]

Is there an Absolute Zero for penis size, where the penis shrinks to nothing when it reaches this special temperature?



I'm not really convinced that French men have penises that are too large. Perhaps French women have vaginas that are too small.

[itcheroni]

Perhaps no one's ever asked you before. I've had plenty of people ask, so I measured it. Why not? While I wasn't disappointed, I certainly am not the biggest I've ever seen. I would say I'm a bit above average. And let me tell you, I don't think that extra large condoms are any better either. They still strangle the poor guy. One of these days they'll get the damn things right.

Most extra large are actually just extra long. Condoms for thick ones are more difficult to find.

[Jaffa Cake]

Is there an Absolute Zero for penis size, where the penis shrinks to nothing when it reaches this special temperature?I imagine there would be someone somewhere willing to stump up research funding for this. You should look into it...

[remmy]

Shrinkage, huh? Pretty sure 2 centimeters is the smallest I've seen. :D

Thankfully the heating has come on and things are back to normal

How do you right little oC? :rolleyes: It is now the practically baking 4 degrees Celsius

[iJohnHenry]

How do you write the little oC?

You type 0ºC. :p

(The degree is Option+0, in Leopard anyway.)

[Melrose]

I prefer to use the metric system.

If laid it out on the keyboard it would stretch from A aaaallllllll the way to Z.

Everyone overexagerates those answers. 6"?! Please. 5.93" is normal. :D

[yorkshire]

6" haha. Distinctly average. Most people with 6" consider themselves normal, but the French seem to think that 6" is big. Probably shows the average French penis is a fair bit smaller.

[.Andy]

6" haha. Distinctly average. Most people with 6" consider themselves normal, but the French seem to think that 6" is big. Probably shows the average French penis is a fair bit smaller.
You are overcompensating ;).

[termina3]

If laid it out on the keyboard it would stretch from A aaaallllllll the way to Z.

Everyone overexagerates those answers. 6"?! Please. 5.93" is normal. :D

On most keyboards that's at most 4cm... at the least, less than one. Q to P would be more impressive.

[iJohnHenry]

That would be 10 Chicklets. http://i55.photobucket.com/albums/g158/MouseMeat/Smilies/MMafter03.gif

[teflon]

Condoms stretch. Why would you even need a bigger condom if it's only 3cm longer?

[gekko513]

6" haha. Distinctly average. Most people with 6" consider themselves normal, but the French seem to think that 6" is big. Probably shows the average French penis is a fair bit smaller.

Well, actually the survey said the French were on average 6", right? And didn't say they thought it was big, just their size.

Many people talk about their dick size here, but don't you think those who dare speak are those who have a big or decent one.

As a gay man with at least some experience I know there are lots of small ones out there, haha.
Condoms stretch. Why would you even need a bigger condom if it's only 3cm longer?
True, you can get the medium sized ones over your (proper) head and blow it up

[chris200x9]

I imagine there would be someone somewhere willing to stump up research funding for this. You should look into it...

hahaha that was hilarious!

[Mechcozmo]

If laid it out on the keyboard it would stretch from A aaaallllllll the way to Z.

Huh. All the way from A to Z you say? Well, they do say geeks make better lovers... ;)

http://www.chimoosoft.com/Images/dvorak/dvorak.jpg

[ipodtouchy333]

6 inches? Pshhh. That's kind of funny that the French think they are the biggest when they are completely average.....

[Melrose]

On most keyboards that's at most 4cm... at the least, less than one. Q to P would be more impressive.
I wasn't talking about myself! - it was in reference to a Failblog post some idiot made a while ago, on a generic, QWERTY keyboard.

I wouldn't be so crass as to discuss such personal items in a public forum, trust me.


Huh. All the way from A to Z you say? Well, they do say geeks make better lovers...
I like your keyboard there better..

[MacTraveller]

Metro (http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?French_say_they_need_the_biggest_condoms&in_article_id=424075&in_page_id=2).

6"? Pffffffft, puleeeaze.


This article forgot to mention the most important finding of the study:

Mac Users require bigger condoms than PC Users.


But Blackberry Users have bigger thumbs than iPhone Users!

[QuantumLo0p]

Ummm, no.

That would be Tonto Kowolski.

[leekohler]

Most extra large are actually just extra long. Condoms for thick ones are more difficult to find.

I suspected as much. Do you know of any that are wider? And who makes them? I'll be the first to pick some up.

[iBlue]

I suspected as much. Do you know of any that are wider? And who makes them? I'll be the first to pick some up.

Trojan Magnum XL. ;)

[leekohler]

Trojan Magnum XL. ;)

No- those were the first ones I tried. I've also tried Lifestyles XL, same thing. It's extremely frustrating. It seems to me that someone would already have addressed this issue.

EDIT- Wait, just looked them up on line. They might work. Thanks! I'll grab some next time I'm at the pharmacy.

[mactastic]

Chinpokomon Executive: You are American.
South Park Toy Store Owner: Yes.
Chinpokomon Executive: Ohhh, you must have very big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Excuse me, I was just asking you what your up to with these toys.
Chinpokomon Executive: Nothing, we are very simple people with very small penis. Mr. Hosik's penis is especially small!
Mr. Hosik: So small.
Chinpokomon Executive: We cannot achieve so much with such small penis, but you American wow, penis so big, so big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Well aah I guess it is pretty good size.

[leekohler]

Chinpokomon Executive: You are American.
South Park Toy Store Owner: Yes.
Chinpokomon Executive: Ohhh, you must have very big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Excuse me, I was just asking you what your up to with these toys.
Chinpokomon Executive: Nothing, we are very simple people with very small penis. Mr. Hosik's penis is especially small!
Mr. Hosik: So small.
Chinpokomon Executive: We cannot achieve so much with such small penis, but you American wow, penis so big, so big penis!
South Park Toy Store Owner: Well aah I guess it is pretty good size.

That was scary..:)

[mactastic]

That was scary..:)
Funny thing too, I was just watching that episode of South Park off my DVR over the weekend.

The scene with Bill Clinton is hilarious! "dinosauric". :p
Bill Clinton: My fellow Americans, I wish to address the concerns many of us have over the growing number of Japanese military bases forming in the United States. The new Japanese emperor, Hirohito, has made our own children into fighter pilots who will soon fly to Hawaii and attack Pearl Harbor. I spoke with Mr. Hirohito this morning, and he assured me that I have a very large penis. He said it was mammoth, dinosauric, and absolutely dwarfed his penis, which, he assured me, was nearly microscopic in size. My penis, he said, was most likely one of the biggest on the planet. I applaud Mr. Hirohito in his honesty. Thank you.

[Sun Baked]

Can't wait for the link to the study where French women tend to like the males to fold the condoms in half to double the protection, throwing off the statistics for this survey.

[iJohnHenry]

I suspected as much. Do you know of any that are wider? And who makes them? I'll be the first to pick some up.

"Short and thick, does the trick"?? :p

[leekohler]

"Short and thick, does the trick"?? :p

I never said short. ;)

[bobfitz14]

You've seen a six-inch wide penis? :confused

i think he means circumference?

[leekohler]

i think he means circumference?

Good god, let's hope so. :)

[bartelby]

:rolleyes: Dude, keep the political stuff out of the penis thread! :p

yeah. e's penis threads need to be PRSI free.

Why is e so obsessed with penis stories?

[iBlue]

yeah. e's penis threads need to be PRSI free.

Why is e so obsessed with penis stories?

because it's funny and sometimes we both have the maturity level and humour of 10 year old boys. :p :p

[bartelby]

because it's funny and sometimes we both have the maturity level and humour of 10 year old boys. :p :p

I should have known there was decent reason behind it.:)

[leekohler]

because it's funny and sometimes we both have the maturity level and humour of 10 year old boys. :p :p

BTW Ms Blue, might there be any particular reason why you're familiar with the Trojan Magnum XL? ;) You DID recommend it after all. :)

[iBlue]

I should have known there was decent reason behind it.:)

I totally missed my chance to say something really messed up too! Damn!

BTW Ms Blue, might there be any particular reason why you're familiar with the Trojan Magnum XL? ;) You DID recommend it after all. :)

http://upc.edesignuk.com/uploads/smilies/dogeyes.gif :D

[leekohler]

http://upc.edesignuk.com/uploads/smilies/dogeyes.gif :D

Uh-huh. That's what I thought. No need to say anything. I'd hate for there to be a domestic squabble. :D

[rdowns]

BTW Ms Blue, might there be any particular reason why you're familiar with the Trojan Magnum XL? ;) You DID recommend it after all. :)

Are you trying to cause trouble? You do know her husband posts here.

[leekohler]

Are you trying to cause trouble? You do know her husband posts here.

Of course I'm trying to cause trouble. And of course I know. Why else would I have mentioned it? :)

[bobfitz14]

Good god, let's hope so. :)

if not we have a freak on our hands. haha. :p

[OutThere]

As much as the article and people in this thread poke fun...I think this is something that has been established before, and not necessarily just with self-reported surveys. I'm too lazy to look it up now, but I've definitely seen other reports before now that made the same assertions.

[Melrose]

As much as the article and people in this thread poke fun...I think this is something that has been established before, and not necessarily just with self-reported surveys. I'm too lazy to look it up now, but I've definitely seen other reports before now that made the same assertions.

...and the fact your avatar suggests you're from France is pure coincidence? :D

[angelneo]

...and the fact your avatar suggests you're from France is pure coincidence? :D
Maybe he knows for a fact? :p

[leekohler]

Maybe he knows for a fact? :p

Uh-0h, now you're just being dirty. :) Not that I have a problem with that.

[leekohler]

Aww! I just read the part of the article that mentions a spray-on condom! They should develop that! That would be perfect. You would have to worry about the size of the condoms anymore. It would be automatically form-fitting.

[cmcbridejr]

Oh, please.

[teflon]

Aww! I just read the part of the article that mentions a spray-on condom! They should develop that! That would be perfect. You would have to worry about the size of the condoms anymore. It would be automatically form-fitting.

How would you take it off?:p

Plus you don't want it to be exactly form-fitting, you need a little space in front anyway.

[leekohler]

How would you take it off?:p

Plus you don't want it to be exactly form-fitting, you need a little space in front anyway.

I'm imagining you could just peel it of like a regular one. And if you don't ejaculate in condoms (I don't), you don't need any extra space.

[teflon]

I'm imagining you could just peel it of like a regular one.

Hmm that would actually be quite an interesting idea! Sorry when you say spray, I just immediately think spray on tan :o. Not exactly convenient to take off.

[iJohnHenry]

And if you don't ejaculate in condoms (I don't), you don't need any extra space.

I do believe that sentence is both matter and anti-matter.

TMI & NEI. :eek:

[leekohler]

Hmm that would actually be quite an interesting idea! Sorry when you say spray, I just immediately think spray on tan :o. Not exactly convenient to take off.

It sure would be a lot easier. I hope they develop this idea further.

I do believe that sentence is both matter and anti-matter.

TMI & NEI. :eek:

No one made you read it. :)

[.Andy]

It sure would be a lot easier. I hope they develop this idea further.
I doubt it. People struggle using regular condoms as is. Having the dexterity and attention to detail to spray a condom on properly whilst aroused/in the middle of foreplay does not bode well for unwanted pregnancies and sti transmission. Interesting idea but completely and utterly impractical.

[leekohler]

I doubt it. People struggle using regular condoms as is. Having the dexterity and attention to detail to spray a condom on properly whilst aroused/in the middle of foreplay does not bode well for unwanted pregnancies and sti transmission.

It's the tightness of the regular ones that I struggle with. Being able to spray something on would be far more preferable from my POV.

[RedTomato]

So I had my post deleted (it was about measuring in the wrong direction). Given the level of (amusing) smuttiness that was accepted in this thread, I'm a tad suprised.

I'm not Trojan Magnum XL surprised, more KitSack (http://inventorspot.com/articles/top_10_weirdest_japanese_condoms_5537) sized surprised.

Edit:was it the reference to precisely the same spherical oblates as featured so prominently in iBlue's avatar?

[.Andy]

Being able to spray something on would be far more preferable from my POV.
Yes it would be preferable to have custom made condoms for everyone. However the idea of individuals spraying on their own condoms whilst aroused/in the heat of passion is completely and utterly impractical. There's a lot of quality control in producing condoms to the required manufacturing standards to ensure adequate levels of safety - there is no way this could be replicated in the home. If they were to ever exist they would be inferior in protection to manufactured condoms.

[juanster]

i could have swore i read a couple years ago of a liquid condom, it comes in a little brush and you just "spread" it on, but you have to allow a couple of minutes to dry...now if only i could find the info again...closest to spray on ones

[leekohler]

Yes it would be preferable to have custom made condoms for everyone. However the idea of individuals spraying on their own condoms whilst aroused/in the heat of passion is completely and utterly impractical. There's a lot of quality control in producing condoms to the required manufacturing standards to ensure adequate levels of safety - there is no way this could be replicated in the home. If they were to ever exist they would be inferior in protection to manufactured condoms.

Perhaps. It just seems like none of them work for me at the moment. It's extremely frustrating and limits me sexually (in the performance sense, or lack thereof).

i could have swore i read a couple years ago of a liquid condom, it comes in a little brush and you just "spread" it on, but you have to allow a couple of minutes to dry...now if only i could find the info again...closest to spray on ones

Please let me know if you find it.

[iJohnHenry]

No one made you read it. :)

No, and I savour every chance to exercise that freedom.

So I had my post deleted (it was about measuring in the wrong direction). Given the level of (amusing) smuttiness that was accepted in this thread, I'm a tad surprised.

Edit:was it the reference to precisely the same spherical oblates as featured so prominently in iBlue's avatar?

As one ages, chances such as this gives us a chance to reflect on the reasoning involved.

This processing is not always rewarded.

[P-Worm]

Try this out.

P-Worm

[leekohler]

Try this out.

P-Worm

Good lord! I just want to cover him up, not suffocate the poor guy! :D

[rdowns]

Does it come in other colors?

[.Andy]

Does it come in other colors?
Presumably it'd turn a bluey/purple colour after application.

[Melrose]

Try this out.

P-Worm

Damn you beat me to it... I was going to post a similar idea. This method would resolve the 'impractical' assertion proposed by dotAndy and also resolve the ill-fitting aversions Lee has. Coat your Little Man in talcum powder, dip once, let stand in the sun for three hours to dry, and bingo!

My idea. Patented. Don't steal it.

[Big-TDI-Guy]

3 hours? But that only gives me 1 hour of sexy time before I need to visit the ER.

I made the mistake (in a rush) of grabbing some Magnum XXLs (they were sold out of everything else)

By gawd, I think they're for horses, either that, or I got a defective box. I could (literally) roll this thing up to my knees. :o

[Melrose]

3 hours? But that only gives me 1 hour of sexy time before I need to visit the ER.

It's either that or use a hair dryer to speed up the process. I was being sardonic in that statement - they'd have to make it extra-fast drying in order to work. Obv.


I made the mistake (in a rush) of grabbing some Magnum XXLs (they were sold out of everything else)

By gawd, I think they're for horses, either that, or I got a defective box. I could (literally) roll this thing up to my knees. :o
You must have tiny legs. :D

[rdowns]

Damn you beat me to it... I was going to post a similar idea. This method would resolve the 'impractical' assertion proposed by dotAndy and also resolve the ill-fitting aversions Lee has. Coat your Little Man in talcum powder, dip once, let stand in the sun for three hours to dry, and bingo!

My idea. Patented. Don't steal it.



Timmy- What are you doing?

George Costanza- What?

Timmy- Did, did you just double dip that dick?

George Costanza- Excuse me?

Timmy- You double dipped your dick!

George Costanza- Double dipped? What, what, what are you talking about?

[leekohler]

3 hours? But that only gives me 1 hour of sexy time before I need to visit the ER.

I made the mistake (in a rush) of grabbing some Magnum XXLs (they were sold out of everything else)

By gawd, I think they're for horses, either that, or I got a defective box. I could (literally) roll this thing up to my knees. :o

They need to make them wider, that's the problem dammit. One of these days they will...a guy can dream, can't he? ;)

[Big-TDI-Guy]

You must have tiny legs. :D

That's the (@*#ed up part - I don't!!!

Brothas (or who ever can fill that trash bag), I tip my hat to you!

[Melrose]

Brothas (or who ever can fill that trash bag), I tip my hat to you!

Thank you. ;) :D

[angelneo]

I doubt it. People struggle using regular condoms as is. Having the dexterity and attention to detail to spray a condom on properly whilst aroused/in the middle of foreplay does not bode well for unwanted pregnancies and sti transmission. Interesting idea but completely and utterly impractical.
Well, you can make it part of the foreplay, you know, devise some games that involve spraying. :D

[Big-TDI-Guy]

But the sheer mechanics involved - how are you going to make a reserve tip? Because I can't imagine it'll feel too great putting a halting stop to a 25mph protein fountain.

*ouch*

Or should I tape an exhaust tube alongside it prior to the "dip" ? :p

[william sire]

I can't believe I find a message thread about penis size in this forum.

Oh well ... it is what it is.

[leekohler]

I can't believe I find a message thread about penis size in this forum.

Oh well ... it is what it is.

It's just what you see. :)

[deorg]

Its because its smelly

[Darth.Titan]

I have gotten more laughter from this thread than any other I've read on MR in the last year. Best of all, no arguments or flames.

Of course flames around latex probably wouldn't turn out so well...

[Big-TDI-Guy]

I have gotten more laughter from this thread than any other I've read on MR in the last year. Best of all, no arguments or flames.

Of course flames around latex probably wouldn't turn out so well...

Well that depends on whether or not you like your sausage smoked. ;)

[leekohler]

Well that depends on whether or not you like your sausage smoked. ;)

Oh you are just...hahahaha! Love it! I needed that. :)

[rdowns]

I have gotten more laughter from this thread than any other I've read on MR in the last year. Best of all, no arguments or flames.

Of course flames around latex probably wouldn't turn out so well...


I'm surprised no one mentioned the french have no matte penises. :eek:

[Big-TDI-Guy]

I'm surprised no one mentioned the french have no matte penises. :eek:

Matte? Is this a reference between Ant-Eater or Rocket-Ship?

Honestly, I'm out in the dark on this one.

[leekohler]

I'm surprised no one mentioned the french have no matte penises. :eek:

WTF is a "matte penis"? :)

[Melrose]

WTF is a "matte penis"? :)

He meant to say 'flat' - you know, the ones you roll up when not in use. Like cellophane.

[gekko513]

I'm surprised no one mentioned the french have no matte penises. :eek:

They're all glossy?

[remmy]

They're all glossy?

Made by Apple?

[leekohler]

He meant to say 'flat' - you know, the ones you roll up when not in use. Like cellophane.

Now I'm really confused. :confused:

[deorg]

Matte? Is this a reference between Ant-Eater or Rocket-Ship?

Honestly, I'm out in the dark on this one.

LOL the second image reminds me of the AUSTIN POWERS MOVIE LOL

[Melrose]

Now I'm really confused. :confused:

Cellophane... sry. Meant to say Propane.