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View Full Version : Why... (do I always end up as a girl's friend)


TSE
Jun 20, 2009, 10:00 PM
... do I always end up as a girl's friend, rather than a girl's boyfriend...?

Sigh...

dukebound85
Jun 20, 2009, 10:02 PM
do you do day dates?

you have to make it a point to let her know you are interested romatically.

ask her to go do something solo, not a group thing

be the man, have a plan, and impress

be a gentleman

r.j.s
Jun 20, 2009, 10:04 PM
How old are you?

Schtumple
Jun 20, 2009, 10:06 PM
Because you hesitate to tell the girl your feelings for her because you're worried that she won't have the same feelings, which, from the girls perspective, (if she does have feelings for you), you not saying anything makes her think that you want to be just friends.

I'm guessing you're a teenager, if true, suck it up, life isn't that hard.

If not, go to clubs, get hammered, try and remember what happened the following morning, chances are, it would've been good.

/thread.

Capt Crunch
Jun 20, 2009, 10:56 PM
You've been friendzoned!

When you meet a girl, the 2nd thing out of your mouth, after your name, is to ask the girl on a date. I'm not even kidding. Girls and women will make up their mind if they want to date you 2 seconds after you open your mouth.

Tomorrow
Jun 20, 2009, 11:00 PM
You've been friendzoned!

When you meet a girl, the 2nd thing out of your mouth, after your name, is to ask the girl on a date. I'm not even kidding. Girls and women will make up their mind if they want to date you 2 seconds after you open your mouth.

+1 - this really is a case of "move it or lose it." The friendzone is tough.

TSE
Jun 20, 2009, 11:04 PM
Any ideas on how to get out of the friendzone?

Capt Crunch
Jun 20, 2009, 11:06 PM
Any ideas on how to get out of the friendzone?

It cannot be done. Sorry.

Besides, why would you want to go out with a girl that doesn't want to go out with you? Don't place her above you.

dukebound85
Jun 20, 2009, 11:10 PM
Any ideas on how to get out of the friendzone?

well depends on the girl. dont become infatuated

ive dated a few girls after being friends for like 4 years

just gotta be yourself. ask her out now. if not you wont have a chance

TSE
Jun 20, 2009, 11:13 PM
Okay I think I'm giving up on this one.

The past three girls I have asked out told me they just want to be friends.

Should I just ask out the next girl I meet that I think has potential right away?

Capt Crunch
Jun 20, 2009, 11:17 PM
Okay I think I'm giving up on this one.

The past three girls I have asked out told me they just want to be friends.

Friends is code for "no."


Should I just ask out the next girl I meet that I think has potential right away?

Yes!

TSE
Jun 20, 2009, 11:28 PM
ok i'll try it.

I figured early on that I wanted a meaningful relationship, one that lasts like 2 years so I have been super nice and tried to become "best guy friends" with a couple girls for a few years and figured I would ask them out once we were super close friends so it would last longer but it never even began.

Capt Crunch
Jun 20, 2009, 11:41 PM
ok i'll try it.

I figured early on that I wanted a meaningful relationship, one that lasts like 2 years so I have been super nice and tried to become "best guy friends" with a couple girls for a few years and figured I would ask them out once we were super close friends so it would last longer but it never even began.

You become "friends" with your girl after you date to have a meaningful relationship.

Capt Crunch's guide to dating:

1 - Find someone who fits your physical standards
2 - Walk up and say, "Hi, I'm _________."
3 - If she doesn't sound like a asthmatic donkey screaming obscenities, then say, "I'd like to take you out to lunch. Would you like to?"
4a - If she says, "I'd like to be friends" then say, "ok" and leave. Figure out why she said no. Was it her problem? F her. Was it your problem? Fix it. Return to step 1.
4b - If she says, "OMG YES!" Then congrats! You're in! Take her to lunch and woo her with your charm.
5 - Now is the point where you ask if you give a rats ass about this person. Is she good? Good enough for you?
6a - If not, dump her and return to step 1.
6b - If she is, treat her right, demand that she treat you right, get married, buy a house, and have lots of babies.

TSE
Jun 20, 2009, 11:45 PM
Okay thanks I will remember that.

The only problem I have ever really had was with meeting up with girls that I know absolutely nothing about. Like, at the mall there are always attractive girls, but how do I approach them???

Capt Crunch
Jun 20, 2009, 11:53 PM
The only problem I have ever really had was with meeting up with girls that I know absolutely nothing about. Like, at the mall there are always attractive girls, but how do I approach them???

That's a good question. I don't really think there is a good way to ask girls at the mall, just like there's no good way to ask girls at the gym. Easiest places to meet girls are at school. Your classes, your friend's classes, the library, the dining hall, etc.

Chappers
Jun 21, 2009, 12:11 AM
Cut being Mister Nice Guy and if a girl likes you - she will let you know.

It doesn't mean that you should be nasty but actually be a bit more stand-offish. A guy who appears desperate and "nice" is gonna remain single.

conch575
Jun 21, 2009, 04:04 AM
Thats the exact same thing that always happens with me! Except, the other way around. I dunno either, I think I'm not a bad looking girl, I'm nice and normal. Why??

Meh, I guess we just gotta try harder.

Cousin Dirk
Jun 21, 2009, 04:27 AM
It cannot be done. Sorry.

Depends on the situation. I was in a girls friendzone once, although I didn't want to be, but little did I know it that she was also a bit peeved to be in my friendzone.

Anyway, long story short, we've been together for 4 years now, and are much closer than we would've been if we had skipped the 'friends' part.

Capt Crunch
Jun 21, 2009, 10:08 AM
Depends on the situation. I was in a girls friendzone once, although I didn't want to be, but little did I know it that she was also a bit peeved to be in my friendzone.

Anyway, long story short, we've been together for 4 years now, and are much closer than we would've been if we had skipped the 'friends' part.

Of course there are exceptions to every rule, I'm glad it worked out for you!

agl82
Jun 21, 2009, 10:59 AM
.

Capt Crunch
Jun 21, 2009, 11:09 AM
Try hitting up a local Mac User Group and see if there are any cuties there. ;)

He might have a better shot at a Dungeons and Dragons gathering, or perhaps a Star Trek convention.

Vogue Harper
Jun 21, 2009, 01:30 PM
3 - If she doesn't sound like a asthmatic donkey screaming obscenities, then say, "I'd like to take you out to lunch. Would you like to?"
4a - If she says, "I'd like to be friends" then say, "ok" and leave. Figure out why she said no. Was it her problem? F her.

I lke your style but would say that lunch is perhaps a bit ambiguous - a girl will probably have lunch with a guy without assuming that he fancies her. Most girls I know/have known will never say 'I'd like to be friends' until you have at least asked them out on a proper date. As for the last part of your step 4a, how is he supposed to do that if he can't even get her out on a date :confused:

Thats the exact same thing that always happens with me! Except, the other way around. I dunno either, I think I'm not a bad looking girl, I'm nice and normal. Why??

I dunno, I guess the guys are figuring out how to ask you out on a date by posting questions on internet forums...

rdowns
Jun 21, 2009, 01:53 PM
Must be the haircut. :D

ecstasy
Jun 21, 2009, 02:37 PM
Any ideas on how to get out of the friendzone?

It cannot be done. Sorry.

Besides, why would you want to go out with a girl that doesn't want to go out with you? Don't place her above you.

Contrary to what Capt Crunch said, it is possible to get out of the friend zone.

But the chances are very, very slim. If you really want to put the time and effort in this, you better make sure it's worth it.

In a more realistic perspective, leave her behind and go for somebody else.

iToaster
Jun 21, 2009, 02:54 PM
By far the easiest thing to do, from my perspective at least, is to just tell her you think there's potential for the relationship to go beyond just friends and ask her opinion, though you have to phrase it correctly. It worked for me.

It's probably worth mentioning that what works for one person doesn't always work for another.

JNB
Jun 21, 2009, 02:55 PM
Relationship advice threads are always a hoot to read. Based on the majority of the advice generally given, they also explain why most people are actually pretty bad at relationships. :D

Prof.
Jun 21, 2009, 03:03 PM
You should be happy you're not cursed like I am. Every guy I fall for/show even the smallest interest in finds a boyfriend shortly thereafter. It's been five guys so far. :o

My life is like that Dane Cook movie, Good Luck Chuck.



:(

Heilage
Jun 21, 2009, 03:29 PM
Hey, it's not all bad. I am only able to fall in love with girls who want to destroy me.

Or they might all be cynical bitches, but I try to not generalize.

bbotte
Jun 21, 2009, 03:33 PM
Find her best friend and date her. Trust me.

Rodimus Prime
Jun 21, 2009, 03:54 PM
Okay thanks I will remember that.

The only problem I have ever really had was with meeting up with girls that I know absolutely nothing about. Like, at the mall there are always attractive girls, but how do I approach them???

I honestly am not a fan of the bar bar scene which is basically what you are describing. People you hook up with like that generally are not going to be in it for anything.

I personally prefer to get to know them a little to see if they are worth my time.

michael.lauden
Jun 21, 2009, 04:03 PM
if she wants to be your friend she'll be your friend. obviously it's not meant to be - just wait and the right one will come around.

everyone gets the 'shes the one' feeling when you have a bad crush on a girl (whether you're best friends, or just met).

peapody
Jun 21, 2009, 04:17 PM
Relationship advice threads are always a hoot to read. Based on the majority of the advice generally given, they also explain why most people are actually pretty bad at relationships. :D

I was just about to start one to ask whether or not to take back a guy who dumped me out of the blue. What do you think?

Capt Crunch
Jun 21, 2009, 04:21 PM
I was just about to start one to ask whether or not to take back a guy who dumped me out of the blue. What do you think?

If he jerked you around once, what's to stop him from doing it again? People rarely fix character flaws.

raygungirl
Jun 21, 2009, 04:30 PM
My boyfriend and I met because I was posting on a Star Wars fan club message-board (yep) when I was about 20, and I posted about a movie that had nothing to do with Star Wars. (Julie Taymor's Titus.) My now-BF was reading that message-board too, and apparently that was reason enough for him to message me on AIM.

Five years of occasional text conversations later, he finally asked me out, and luckily we lived in the same city, so we went on a date. It was very comfortable since we already kind of knew each other, though had only met in person once before, and almost 4 years later, we're living together. I'd say we have a pretty great relationship. It only took 4 years because he was too afraid to ask me before that. I would have gone out with him much sooner than that.

So don't underestimate the power of nerdiness to snag a significant other. It can be done! ;) Just have realistic expectations. I was kind of shy and so was he, so it worked for us. Your mileage may vary.

(For the record, I went on lots of dates before my current boyfriend, and only one other date had anything to do with the internet. But I didn't really click with anybody until my current guy.)

OutThere
Jun 21, 2009, 05:27 PM
Relationship advice threads are always a hoot to read. Based on the majority of the advice generally given, they also explain why most people are actually pretty bad at relationships. :D

So funny. My favorite are the systematic methods that try to apply a logical, programmed approach to the very illogical and unpredictable thing that is dating and romance.

Most of the systems encourage you to ignore women who only want to be your friend and aggressively chase tail with absolute confidence until you get some. Have fun with that. The best part is that guys who maintain a mixed group of friends and have a bunch of 'friends who happen to be female' are a mile ahead of the rest: they're not afraid to talk to girls. ;)

iJon
Jun 21, 2009, 05:36 PM
You should read "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Might enlighten you a little bit on what you're doing wrong and what you could to do better.

jon

t0mat0
Jun 21, 2009, 05:37 PM
You've been friendzoned!

Dang that's a good Chris Rock sketch. If you're giving off friend vibes, they'll make you into a friend.

Heilage
Jun 21, 2009, 05:41 PM
I was just about to start one to ask whether or not to take back a guy who dumped me out of the blue. What do you think?

I'll offer you my opinion. Humans are *******s. Never trust them. He dumped you out of the blue, and assuming that's not because you were oblivious to a problem with the relationship, so he is biological waste filling up your social circle. He can sod off and you can do better. :)

DoFoT9
Jun 21, 2009, 05:48 PM
this is why im SO glad the first girl i snagged was/is the one for me :p

Heilage
Jun 21, 2009, 06:19 PM
this is why im SO glad the first girl i snagged was/is the one for me :p

How did you do that?

I mean, apparantly I destroy even the people I like. How can anyone actually commit to something like that?

Some people might think it's cool to be with lots of girls, but I personally hate myself just a little bit more every time I fail in a relationship. -_-

aphan
Jun 21, 2009, 06:21 PM
You've been friendzoned!

When you meet a girl, the 2nd thing out of your mouth, after your name, is to ask the girl on a date. I'm not even kidding. Girls and women will make up their mind if they want to date you 2 seconds after you open your mouth.

Are all men this stupid?

TuffLuffJimmy
Jun 21, 2009, 06:26 PM
Any ideas on how to get out of the friendzone?

It will take some work but it is possible.

First come out to her as gay. You're really going to have to convince her, this step is crucial that you make it seem very real and that you've been lying about your personality all this time. This means you're going to have to start dating guys, and lots of them. You're really going to have to make yourself seem very, very promiscuous.
Then You're going to have to go shopping with her a lot, and I mean a lot!
Cry when you see bugs and start working out excessively.
Do not eat burgers, eat salads and drink lots of water. You're going to have to suffer through an eating disorder; take your pick, bulimia or anorexia.

Once you've done all this (this will take about two years) you'll have to have a big break up with who ever your current boyfriend is. Then once you've done that be all sad and cry babyish, she'll try and comfort you, tell her boys are stupid, yadda yadda yadda. Tell her you're done with boys and that she's really the only person you've trusted and could be yourself around. Then go in for the kiss. If she doesn't put out after that she's really not worth it and you should give up and move on to the next girl.


Hopefully this works. I've been in stage 2 (date lots of boys and be really whorey) for about a year now...

DoFoT9
Jun 21, 2009, 06:28 PM
How did you do that?

i have no idea.. it just sort of happened. i always knew that i

I mean, apparantly I destroy even the people I like. How can anyone actually commit to something like that?

Some people might think it's cool to be with lots of girls, but I personally hate myself just a little bit more every time I fail in a relationship. -_-

love is an amazing thing, i dont have much experience with the whole getting laid every weekend thing, but i have experience with love and a mutual understanding with each other.. its a truely amazing feeling! it changes you.

once you find the right girl im sure you will be fine, you will see what im talking about.

just keep at it, dont try to hard, and just be yourself :)

Are all men this stupid?

im afraid so.. materialistic arent they! (myself included i guess)

It will take some work but it is possible.

.....

hahaha wow!!! wil that actually work!?!?!?!

Heilage
Jun 21, 2009, 06:35 PM
once you find the right girl im sure you will be fine, you will see what im talking about.

Aha. The misconception that the right girl hasn't been around. At least twice I've dated girls who've been just about what you can call "the right one", and I've still pushed them away.

I think I'll just stick to the plan, being alone forever and becoming insultingly rich, so I can laugh at everyone else. :P


EDIT: Oh, and that "plan" that was suggested. I think the fun will end when she starts hooking you up with guys she knows. ;)

TuffLuffJimmy
Jun 21, 2009, 06:40 PM
EDIT: Oh, and that "plan" that was suggested. I think the fun will end when she starts hooking you up with guys she knows. ;)

You really have to make a few sacrifices for this plan to work. :(

I'm not sure how much more my backside can take...

Heilage
Jun 21, 2009, 06:45 PM
You really have to make a few sacrifices for this plan to work. :(

I'm not sure how much more my backside can take...

Anyone who will do that stuff to get a girl, is too desperate. :P

DoFoT9
Jun 21, 2009, 06:45 PM
Aha. The misconception that the right girl hasn't been around. At least twice I've dated girls who've been just about what you can call "the right one", and I've still pushed them away.

I think I'll just stick to the plan, being alone forever and becoming insultingly rich, so I can laugh at everyone else. :P


EDIT: Oh, and that "plan" that was suggested. I think the fun will end when she starts hooking you up with guys she knows. ;)

thats a great plan! i have a friend who is like that. hates women (because of this experiences). funnily enough me and him get along great! (despite our complete differences in opinions).

yea my advice was kinda redundant.. if you want a long lasting relationship you are going to have to make the change. that change is - not being selfish! to grow up. do that and you will be ok.

You really have to make a few sacrifices for this plan to work. :(

I'm not sure how much more my backside can take...

oh the images hahahahahahahaha!!!! i just woke up!! thanks :\

TuffLuffJimmy
Jun 21, 2009, 06:45 PM
Anyone who will do that stuff to get a girl, is too desperate. :P

;)

maybe she's really cute.

Heilage
Jun 21, 2009, 06:51 PM
yea my advice was kinda redundant.. if you want a long lasting relationship you are going to have to make the change. that change is - not being selfish! to grow up. do that and you will be ok.


It's not about selfishness, but about self-preservation. One can only take a limited amount of hits.


I'm trying to change, though. But it's hard to change what has taken almost 21 years to shape. At least I'm trying. :)

DoFoT9
Jun 21, 2009, 06:55 PM
It's not about selfishness, but about self-preservation. One can only take a limited amount of hits.


I'm trying to change, though. But it's hard to change what has taken almost 21 years to shape. At least I'm trying. :)

self preservation?? explain how you mean.

if your after good, quality relationships you need to change. being yourself is good and all, but pushing away the possible girl of your dreams because you dont like one little thing she makes you do isnt really worth it. a relationship is about change and understanding.

i guess that means its two way though too, so therefore it could be the girl that is making the mistakes - therefore she mightnt be the girl of your dreams.. therefore i was right about you not meeting the 'perfect' girl for you
;)

Heilage
Jun 21, 2009, 07:07 PM
self preservation?? explain how you mean.

if your after good, quality relationships you need to change. being yourself is good and all, but pushing away the possible girl of your dreams because you dont like one little thing she makes you do isnt really worth it. a relationship is about change and understanding.

i guess that means its two way though too, so therefore it could be the girl that is making the mistakes - therefore she mightnt be the girl of your dreams.. therefore i was right about you not meeting the 'perfect' girl for you
;)

Not a lot to explain. I have huge issues not necessary mentioning in detail. So naturally, my relationships are very unstable and quite often short-lived. Incidently, that's the exact opposite of what I actually want.

DoFoT9
Jun 21, 2009, 07:08 PM
Not a lot to explain. I have huge issues not necessary mentioning in detail. So naturally, my relationships are very unstable and quite often short-lived. Incidently, that's the exact opposite of what I actually want.

thats quite a pickle, any idea how to fix it?

Signal-11
Jun 21, 2009, 07:44 PM
Relationship advice threads are always a hoot to read. Based on the majority of the advice generally given, they also explain why most people are actually pretty bad at relationships. :D

I hear that. The one thing I've learned about relationship advice is not to give any.

Every once in a while, I'll tell a really close buddy that he's out of his motherf***ing mind if he's about to something REALLY stupid, but that's about it.

daneoni
Jun 21, 2009, 09:08 PM
There's is one way to get out of the friendzone although it might not actually get you the girl. Flirt with her...and not the harmless type either but rather the one that makes your interest apparent. She'll never look at you the same way again for better or worse

yojitani
Jun 21, 2009, 10:30 PM
My hunch is that you are going after the wrong women.

TuffLuffJimmy
Jun 21, 2009, 10:37 PM
There's is one way to get out of the friendzone although it might actually get you the girl. Flirt with her...and not the harmless type either but rather the one that makes you're interest apparent. She'll never look at you the same way again for better or worse

I already gave a much more reliable method for escaping the friend zone. My way was also much funnier (at least to me).

It will take some work but it is possible.

First come out to her as gay....


/thread


god I give good advice

liquidh2o
Jun 22, 2009, 03:28 AM
... do I always end up as a girl's friend, rather than a girl's boyfriend...?

Sigh...

Broken down, it's all in the verbal/non-verbal interaction that you have with one another.

Verbal is easy: it's all in what you say and how you say it. You need conversation to find out more about the other person, and to determine if there's interest. Can you two keep a steady conversation? Is there a feeling that you two are clicking by what's generate from the conversation and each others responses to it? Most women appreciate a guy with a sense of humor, and one who can carry on a *normal* conversation (i say it that way because normal is relative).

Are you properly saying/conveying exactly how you feel? More often than not women are, or pretend to be, unaware of how you feel until you say it directly, or do something to show it. I say "pretend to be", because, while they may know how you feel, most of the time they're not going to put themselves out there unless they're very certain you feel the same way, others use as it as an excuse to hide behind.

Non-verbal can be more complicated. It's something you should look to do, and be mindful of in the other person. Subtle touching, eye contact, the way each other position themselves, etc.. and each others responses to that.

In my experience (I'm a self confessed former man-whore, not by choice mind you, I'm just a good guy :) ) most women want a man who is confident (not ego) and is secure in himself (does not mean: macho) to go after what he wants. Hinting around, being shy about it, drawing things out... that's what usually gets you to the friend zone. Don't feel like you have to do those things if you feel there's interest. Be honest about it, and don't feel like you need her to give blatantly obvious signs of being interested before you make a move. You're asking her out on a date, not to get married.

Also, don't feel bad about being shot down, unless of course you're a jerk. I say jerk, because it's a condition that tends to be very hard to correct, and is something you must be fully aware of in order to fix.

If you're genuinely a good person, but tend to have a hard time approaching people, outwardly showing/saying how you feel, carrying a conversation, feelings of nervousness, etc.. most of those are things that can be resolved by simply talking to more women, not putting pressure on yourself, and being ok with rejection (this doesn't mean walking into a situation thinking "Well, gonna get shot down again").


Cliffs:

- show interest through verbal/non-verbal ways, but don't be coy about it.
- there's pleny of women, talk to them.
- don't worry about being rejected.

brian9271
Jun 22, 2009, 10:34 AM
I hear that. The one thing I've learned about relationship advice is not to give any.

Every once in a while, I'll tell a really close buddy that he's out of his motherf***ing mind if he's about to something REALLY stupid, but that's about it.

Same here, something really stupid as "Hey you should ask to do her" or "Go for it"

nobunaga209
Jun 22, 2009, 03:22 PM
... do I always end up as a girl's friend, rather than a girl's boyfriend...?

Sigh...

Don't sweat it sport. We've all been there once or twice...sooner rather than later you'll be beating them off with a stick...hopefully.

barr08
Jun 22, 2009, 03:31 PM
There's is one way to get out of the friendzone although it might actually get you the girl. Flirt with her...and not the harmless type either but rather the one that makes you're interest apparent. She'll never look at you the same way again for better or worse

Great advice. Do this, and if she returns the flirting, you know your pretty safe to make a move.

sdsvtdriver
Jun 25, 2009, 04:11 AM
Forget all those other posts. You need to read the ladder theory. Google it, learn it, live it.

Second, go to the bar, the mall, or whatever people your age do. Do NOT look for 'the one'. Hit on anything with a pulse that doesn't gross you out, shoot for 10 a day/night. Sooner or later, you'll hit on one! Quantity!

daneoni
Jun 25, 2009, 11:28 AM
Forget all those other posts. You need to read the ladder theory. Google it, learn it, live it.

Second, go to the bar, the mall, or whatever people your age do. Do NOT look for 'the one'. Hit on anything with a pulse that doesn't gross you out, shoot for 10 a day/night. Sooner or later, you'll hit on one! Quantity!

Ho chasing

Consultant
Jun 25, 2009, 11:51 AM
Sounds like someone should work out. Girls typically want to be "friends" with wimpy types.

Seriuosly, 2 months of weight training and eating right would do wonders. That would get you into shape, not muscle guy territory which is not where I want to be.

rowsdower
Jun 25, 2009, 11:59 AM
Forget all those other posts. You need to read the ladder theory. Google it, learn it, live it.

This is the best advice on this thread.

No1451
Jun 25, 2009, 12:24 PM
self preservation?? explain how you mean.

if your after good, quality relationships you need to change. being yourself is good and all, but pushing away the possible girl of your dreams because you dont like one little thing she makes you do isnt really worth it. a relationship is about change and understanding.

i guess that means its two way though too, so therefore it could be the girl that is making the mistakes - therefore she mightnt be the girl of your dreams.. therefore i was right about you not meeting the 'perfect' girl for you
;)

Maybe why I'm still alone? I refuse to change myself for anyone, either they accept me as I am or they can go to hell.

Actually probably has more to do with me being and ugly coward lol:p. Best of luck OP!