Corny Jokes and One Liners

What kind of shoes are made from bananas skins? Slippers.
What kind of rooms have no walls? Mushrooms.
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
What happened to the boy who drank 8 cokes? He burped 7-Up.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one.

Are you a parking ticket? Because you have fine written all over you

Have you heard of the new restaurant on the moon? The food is amazing, but I've heard its got no atmosphere...

Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.

Q: What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
A: They both live underground, apart from the eagle.

I bet you I could stop gambling.

I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

Now take my wife.

Please.

(R.I.P. Rodney)

A man walked into a bar.

Ouch.

iJohnHenry said:

Now take my wife.

Please.

(R.I.P. Rodney)

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Or Henny Youngman. Poor guy gets no respect.

A horse walks into a bar
The bartender says "why the long face?"

I take no credit for this… just passing it on:

"Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."

"My friend has a world record for concussions, he lives very close. In fact, just a stones throw away."

-Stewart Francis

Q: What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

A: Dr. Dre.

Why don't blind men skydive?
Because it scares the s*** out of the dog.

How do you turn a dish washer into a snow blower?
Give her a shovel.

The fight we had last night was my fault.
My wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

Did you hear about the new French tank?
Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes forward in case the enemy attacks from behind.

A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walk into bar. The bartender looks up and asks "What is this, some kind of joke?"

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Dam!

mscriv said:

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Dam!

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That was pretty bad, but it did make me laugh.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick

Q: What's brown and runny?

A: Usain Bolt.



I don't know why I keep "going there".

Two fish were in a tank. One said "You man the guns, I'll drive!"

"Hello.... Hello.... [tap tap] is this thing on? Hello??"

FireStar said:

That was pretty bad, but it did make me laugh.

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That's my father in law's favorite joke. It's so corny, but it's great for a quick laugh.

What does is smell like to go down on a 80 year old woman?

Depends.


A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.

A wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

What did the birdy say when it flew over wal-mart?

cheap cheap cheap!



What goes "ha ha ha ha, *thump*"?

someone laughing their head off.