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What do you do when...

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StephenCampbell

macrumors 65816
Original poster
Sep 21, 2009
1,043
54
... you're in a happy relationship/marriage, but you see a woman somewhere who is just so ridiculously beautiful that you have a hard time not looking at her?

About three months ago I started dating somebody, and everything is going perfectly. It's the best relationship I could have ever hoped for. She's intelligent and sweet and beautiful, and I'm blown away that she's as devoted to me as she is. We're probably going to end up getting married.

Yesterday though, at a bus stop, this girl gets off one bus, to wait for another leaving from the same stop, and I seriously had a hard time not looking at her face. I felt really guilty. I didn't say anything to her of course, and I made every effort to not look at her, but the fact that I found her so beautiful made me feel really bad.

I guess there are going to still be beautiful women in the world, even though I'm in a great relationship.. should I not feel so guilty? Is it just biology that I don't have control over?

There are plenty of good looking women where I work, and it's not like I don't regularly see good looking women, but the reaction I had to this one at the bus stop was different.. as if she may have been my soul mate or something. But I have had that experience before, and generally if I get to know them a bit, and the facade of mystery is gone, I realize that they're just a very good looking person that is not compatible with me.

Any thoughts about this kind of thing?
 
GoCubsGo

GoCubsGo

macrumors Nehalem
Feb 19, 2005
35,741
153
People in loving committed relationships will always run into good looking people. Fact is, unless you're miserable and you don't love your wife/husband, boyfriend/girlfriend, then there is nothing wrong with turning your head because it is natural. Regardless of what you think, the grass may not be greener on the other side. So look, but enjoy your loving wife.
 
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davidjearly

macrumors 68020
Sep 21, 2006
2,264
371
Glasgow, Scotland
jessica. said:
People in loving committed relationships will always run into good looking people. Fact is, unless you're miserable and you don't love your wife/husband, boyfriend/girlfriend, then there is nothing wrong with turning your head because it is natural. Regardless of what you think, the grass may not be greener on the other side. So look, but enjoy your loving wife.
Click to expand...

Pretty much this!
 
mobilehaathi

mobilehaathi

macrumors G3
Aug 19, 2008
9,368
6,352
The Anthropocene
Unless you are in a stable and secure polyamorous relationship and are looking to add to your love-polygon, I think the maxim, "look but don't touch" applies here.

It is harmless.
 
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snberk103

macrumors 603
Oct 22, 2007
5,503
91
An Island in the Salish Sea
Tomorrow said:
Happens all the time. I'm not being facetious.

....

Yes. You really worry too much.
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I know we aren't supposed to quote just to agree... but I think Tomorrow is correct, and I couldn't have said it better. I've been in a very happy and stable relationship for a long time. Sometimes someone is just that compelling. I won't say "attractive" because it is more than that... there is just something about the person that triggers a primal response in you.

The true test are your actions.
 
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StephenCampbell

macrumors 65816
Original poster
Sep 21, 2009
1,043
54
snberk103 said:
I know we aren't supposed to quote just to agree... but I think Tomorrow is correct, and I couldn't have said it better. I've been in a very happy and stable relationship for a long time. Sometimes someone is just that compelling. I won't say "attractive" because it is more than that... there is just something about the person that triggers a primal response in you.

The true test are your actions.
Click to expand...

Yes, this is exactly what I experienced, which is why it freaked me out so much and made me feel guilty.

I see plenty of attractive women around, and it is enjoyable to look at them.

This was very different. When I saw this woman, there was a feeling of "oh my gosh, I have to be with her," it wasn't just that she was beautiful.. it felt like she was made for me. I felt like her face was actually physically tugging at me, I had to use intense muscle and will power to look away.

I may be exaggerating Just a bit (really just a bit though). Needless to say, it was weird and unpleasant.
 
mobilehaathi

mobilehaathi

macrumors G3
Aug 19, 2008
9,368
6,352
The Anthropocene
StephenCampbell said:
This was very different. When I saw this woman, there was a feeling of "oh my gosh, I have to be with her," it wasn't just that she was beautiful.. it felt like she was made for me. I felt like her face was actually physically tugging at me, I had to use intense muscle and will power to look away.

I may be exaggerating Just a bit (really just a bit though). Needless to say, it was weird and unpleasant.
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Perhaps this is a manifestation of your unhappiness with your current relationship.
 
Mousse

Mousse

macrumors 68040
Apr 7, 2008
3,497
6,719
Flea Bottom, King's Landing
StephenCampbell said:
This was very different. When I saw this woman, there was a feeling of "oh my gosh, I have to be with her," it wasn't just that she was beautiful.. it felt like she was made for me. I felt like her face was actually physically tugging at me, I had to use intense muscle and will power to look away.
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Haahahahaaa... happens to me all the time. My wife just dabs the drool from my lips and nudge my ribs a little. I guess I'm one of the lucky few to never have to wonder if they found the right one.:) Best advice Dad ever game me, "Good looks fad. personality changes. Good cooking...that only gets better.":D:D
 
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StephenCampbell

macrumors 65816
Original poster
Sep 21, 2009
1,043
54
Mousse said:
Haahahahaaa... happens to me all the time. My wife just dabs the drool from my lips and nudge my ribs a little. I guess I'm one of the lucky few to never have to wonder if they found the right one.:) Best advice Dad ever game me, "Good looks fad. personality changes. Good cooking...that only gets better.":D:D
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Hah. Thanks. This makes me feel better. Obviously it's not like I would suddenly want to start dating this random girl instead of my girlfriend.. I don't know a thing about her! That would be crazy. If given the choice, it would be an obvious no. I was just bothered by how drawn I was to her... it seemed unfaithfully intense.
 
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StephenCampbell

macrumors 65816
Original poster
Sep 21, 2009
1,043
54
mobilehaathi said:
It could be subconscious. However I'm not trying to tell you about your relationship, and I don't disbelieve you at all. I am merely suggesting a possibile explanation.
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If I left my girlfriend in the hopes of finding some girl on the street that I'm really drawn to, approaching her, and ending up in a magical, happily ever after relationship with my "soul mate," I would very quickly realize what a horrible mistake I had made as I begin to search fruitlessly (as I had searched fruitlessly for years before finding my girlfriend) for that hill with greener grass, and become reminded of all the incredible, unique things about my girlfriend that made her so compatible with me (most girls don't see me as relationship potential, and vice versa).... and then I'd beg her to take me back... yeah. I'm very clear on all of this. I don't think that's the issue. :p

But thanks for you input!
 
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snberk103

macrumors 603
Oct 22, 2007
5,503
91
An Island in the Salish Sea
StephenCampbell said:
If I left my girlfriend in the hopes of finding some girl on the street that I'm really drawn to, approaching her, and ending up in a magical, happily ever after relationship with my "soul mate," I would very quickly realize what a horrible mistake I had made as I begin to search fruitlessly (as I had searched fruitlessly for years before finding my girlfriend) for that hill with greener grass, and become reminded of all the incredible, unique things about my girlfriend that made her so compatible with me (most girls don't see me as relationship potential, and vice versa).... and then I'd beg her to take me back... yeah. I'm very clear on all of this. I don't think that's the issue. :p

But thanks for you input!
Click to expand...

And that shows why you are a human. You are letting that bit that makes us human keep control over that bit that was the primal. Keep it up, your girlfriend is a lucky person. Now it's time to move on and make her a really nice meal for no good reason - at least that you are going to share.
 
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