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Old Jul 14, 2011, 11:03 PM   #1
renewed
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Corny Jokes and One Liners

Read a few in a different forum and thought why not?

"What'd the lamp say to the man?

Nothing. A lamp is an inanimate object."

"Two men walked into a bar. The third one ducked."

Ok let's see what you've got.
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Old Jul 14, 2011, 11:39 PM   #2
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What kind of shoes are made from bananas skins? Slippers.
What kind of rooms have no walls? Mushrooms.
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
What happened to the boy who drank 8 cokes? He burped 7-Up.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one.
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Old Jul 14, 2011, 11:49 PM   #3
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 12:08 AM   #4
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Have you heard of the new restaurant on the moon? The food is amazing, but I've heard its got no atmosphere...
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 01:43 AM   #5
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Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.

Q: What do a mole and an eagle have in common?
A: They both live underground, apart from the eagle.
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 06:33 AM   #6
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I bet you I could stop gambling.

I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
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Last edited by Firestar; Jul 15, 2011 at 08:29 AM.
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 06:48 AM   #7
iJohnHenry
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Now take my wife.

Please.

(R.I.P. Rodney)
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 06:54 AM   #8
dalvin200
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A man walked into a bar.

Ouch.
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 07:05 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by iJohnHenry View Post
Now take my wife.

Please.

(R.I.P. Rodney)

Or Henny Youngman. Poor guy gets no respect.
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 08:10 AM   #10
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A horse walks into a bar
The bartender says "why the long face?"
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 08:15 AM   #11
arkitect
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I take no credit for this… just passing it on:

"Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 08:28 AM   #12
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"My friend has a world record for concussions, he lives very close. In fact, just a stones throw away."

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Old Jul 15, 2011, 08:59 AM   #13
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Q: What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

A: Dr. Dre.
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 09:15 AM   #14
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Why don't blind men skydive?
Because it scares the s*** out of the dog.

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Give her a shovel.

The fight we had last night was my fault.
My wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

Did you hear about the new French tank?
Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes forward in case the enemy attacks from behind.
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 09:24 AM   #15
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A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walk into bar. The bartender looks up and asks "What is this, some kind of joke?"
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 09:55 AM   #16
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What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Dam!
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 10:00 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by mscriv View Post
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Dam!
That was pretty bad, but it did make me laugh.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 10:13 AM   #18
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Q: What's brown and sticky?

A: A stick
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 10:14 AM   #19
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Q: What's brown and runny?

A: Usain Bolt.



I don't know why I keep "going there".
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 10:17 AM   #20
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Two fish were in a tank. One said "You man the guns, I'll drive!"
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 10:22 AM   #21
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 10:40 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FireStar View Post
That was pretty bad, but it did make me laugh.
That's my father in law's favorite joke. It's so corny, but it's great for a quick laugh.
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 11:00 AM   #23
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What does is smell like to go down on a 80 year old woman?

Depends.


A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 11:02 AM   #24
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Old Jul 15, 2011, 11:10 AM   #25
obeygiant
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What did the birdy say when it flew over wal-mart?

cheap cheap cheap!



What goes "ha ha ha ha, *thump*"?

someone laughing their head off.
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