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Old Aug 21, 2007, 02:28 AM   #1
edesignuk
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"Dwarf superglues todger to hoover"

Meant to post this yesterday after reading it in the paper, totally forgot until I found it on The Register today. Genius!

Quote:
Staff at the Royal Infirmary of Edinburgh battled for an hour to disconnect the penis of Captain Dan The Demon Dwarf from a hoover after the diminutive Fringe performer inadvertantly superglued it to the vacuum cleaner's "attachment".

According to the Evening Standard, the hoover forms part of Captain Dan's Circus Of Horrors act, in which he inexplicably pulls the device across the stage with his todger. On this occasion, however, "the attachment came loose before a performance so he tried to glue it back on".

The 42-year-old misread the superglue instructions and, having allowed the adhesive a mere 20 seconds to dry rather than the required 20 minutes, duly found himself semi-permanently docked after attempting a premature test.

Of his hospital ordeal, a shaken Captain Dan recounted: "It was the most embarrassing moment of my life. When I got wheeled into a packed A&E on a wheelchair with a hoover attached to my willie, I just wished the ground could swallow me up." ®
The Register.
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Old Aug 21, 2007, 02:54 AM   #2
Jaffa Cake
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So it was part of a circus act then, and not some dodgy fetish thing? I suppose that’s his story and he’s sticking to it.

If you’ll excuse the expression.
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Old Aug 21, 2007, 02:56 AM   #3
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"I just wished the ground could swallow me up" Well for certain, something sure tried to 'swallow him up', and that ain't my idea of a good first date. sheesh
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Old Aug 21, 2007, 06:05 AM   #4
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Man, that sucks!

easiest pun possible given the content...
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Old Aug 21, 2007, 06:28 AM   #5
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That is too funny!


I bet he will think twice before using superglue next time.
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Old Aug 21, 2007, 06:34 AM   #6
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Could have been worse:

Name:  jimglue.jpg
Views: 1318
Size:  14.3 KB

"I glued myself... to myself!"
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Old Aug 21, 2007, 06:41 AM   #7
Southern
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lols.

Gentlemen, we are one step close to seeing some impossibly silly things. What next, a man eats his own head?
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Old Aug 21, 2007, 08:37 AM   #8
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Lol......
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Old Aug 21, 2007, 09:10 AM   #9
Abstract
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I hope his story regarding this being a part of his "act" is true.

Otherwise......man......get some money and pay a proper prostitute to suck it. Using a hoover is just ghetto.
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Old Aug 21, 2007, 09:41 AM   #10
Bern
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Phew! I misread the title to read "Dwarf superglues toddler to hoover"

Well I guess he was just trying to get ahead in his act
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Old Aug 21, 2007, 10:17 AM   #11
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Does he call his thing todger? Thats dodge(r)...
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Old Aug 21, 2007, 12:00 PM   #12
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I believe the usual excuse for this affliction is something about 'falling over'...

Pumpers of the world, unite!
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Old Aug 21, 2007, 12:23 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Southern View Post
lols.

Gentlemen, we are one step close to seeing some impossibly silly things. What next, a man eats his own head?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TV0MAG6Xrjk
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Old Aug 21, 2007, 01:52 PM   #14
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Another use for super glue.
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Old Aug 21, 2007, 07:13 PM   #15
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What?

Show some respect. Haven't we all had an incident at some time or another involving a vacuum, superglue, and a drawf? It's called Tuesday, people. Sheesh.
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Old Aug 22, 2007, 06:40 AM   #16
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I nearly saw this happen.

I just got back from the Edinburgh festival a few days ago, was working there supporting a theatre crew. Saw lots of shows, was planning to go see Circus of Horrors, but expensive ticket prices and bad reviews put me off that one.

Here's a review from the Register:

Quote:
I found the Circus of Horrors was trivial. Apart from the nudity and late hour it should have been a children's show. I walked out at the interval.

Over-hyped and marketed. Crass, poorly executed and I felt just plain embarrassed for some of the performers. Walked out just over halfway through. Total waste of money.

The girl smoking in the front row seems to be a built in gag. When a show entitled "Circus of Horros" has to resort to getting a laugh out of the smoking ban, you know its not up to much.

This is a Circus of Horrors only if your idea of freaks is people in skeleton costumes doing a dance to music that wouldn't have looked out of place on the Tweenies. There was a problem with the sound too, no idea what the ringleader was saying. Further freaks included someone getting a nail hammered through what was obviously a tongue piercing, and someone walking on knives that were sharp enough to cut a cucumber, which isn't very sharp.
And here's a picture of the septic dwarf himself with the todger-hoover (sans glue):

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Old Aug 22, 2007, 07:13 AM   #17
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Nursey looks a wee fine lass, though.
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Old Aug 22, 2007, 10:13 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bern View Post
Phew! I misread the title to read "Dwarf superglues toddler to hoover"
Hah! I was about to say the exact same thing. Weird.
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Old Aug 22, 2007, 02:28 PM   #19
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Helllllo nurse.
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Old Aug 22, 2007, 02:32 PM   #20
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Helllllo nurse.
Put the superglue down MacNut, it's not worth it...
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Old Aug 22, 2007, 02:34 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by calculus View Post
Put the superglue down MacNut, it's not worth it...
Who said anything about superglue.
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