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Old Aug 27, 2007, 05:26 PM   #1
ghall
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My Mom Is Pissing Me Off

Okay, so I'm down with some sort of stomach flu today, which I'm not happy about to begin with. So my mom had to go out, and I stayed in bed for a while. So she came home, and she totally flipped out for no reason. She said how she told me to do one thing off the list of chores she gave me (which I did), and she's like "your gonna grow up to be a crappy old man, living in a crappy house, in a crappy neighborhood" etc etc. She calls me lazy, and that I don't do anything, which is totally false. I've been doing stuff everyday for the past few days, and I've been doing everything I can to be helpful.

It's so frustrating because she gets herself in this tizzy, and no matter what I do, I just aggravate it. She asked me if I wanted to go for a walk, since I'm not feeling very well, I respectfully declined ("thanks for the offer, but I don't really feel like it"), and she yelled at me saying "when do you ever feel like it?". I didn't say this, but I was thinking "um, all the times I'm not sick". So I finally just said "is there anything you need me to do before I go lie down for a bit?" She didn't answer so I just went into my room, and here I am now.

It doesn't help that I have some emotional issues, such as mild depression and panic disorder, which I am seeing a doctor about. But what doesn't help is that she just over blows everything, getting really mad at me for the smallest things. This has actually only been pretty recent. This has only been a real problem since the events I described in this thread.
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 05:42 PM   #2
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Bummer, but for the most part, my parents (and most parents in general) don't get mad or flip out for no reason. We as teens (I'm assuming your a teenager, sorry if I am wrong ) tend to have problems placing why people are mad or emotional. Be it friends or family, one can do something to piss someone off, and not even now it. My suggestion would be to sit down with your mom and ask her why she seems to be on a short fuse (maybe state it a little more eloquently ). But sometimes just even your family just needs to speak their mind.
This is just a third party view, but perhaps your mild depression and anxiety affects the rest of your family, but you just don't know it. I have struggled with depression since I was 12 (I'm 17 now) and when I feel really down, I want to be left alone. So when my parents ask me about my day, I just say I don't feel like it. When they ask if I wanna do something, I say no; and that affects their mood.
Just my 2 cents, take what you will
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 06:01 PM   #3
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Have you tried to sit her down make her a cup of tea or coffee and have a chat? Seems like she misses you? or she thinks you are growing up to quick and she does not want to lose her son. So I advise you to show her how grown up you are. Do something special for her. e.g. take her to see a movie, take her to a garden place, go clothes shopping with her. These are all things I have done and they do make you life that little bit easier.
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 06:05 PM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by furious View Post
(snip)... she thinks you are growing up to quick and she does not want to lose her son. (snip)
HA! She can't wait to get rid of me. And according to her I'm not growing up fast enough.

We just sat down to dinner, and I tried having a normal conversation, but she insisted on scolding me on how messy my room is and I had all summer to do it, whatever. I had to excuse myself, because the last thing I want is getting scolded over dinner.
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 06:16 PM   #5
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I dunno if this helps but my mom is crazy too. Every morning she comes home and yells that the house is filthy, even when there is no dirt anywhere. Compared to my friends houses my house is meticulous. She says I never bring down my dirty laundry and so when I do she always has a ton of it to do. In reality, I bring my clothes down once of twice a week, but she only does the laundry on the weekends. She also claims that "everybody else has a cleaning lady". She is also contradictory all the time. Its incredibly annoying. On the upside she is good at yelling at people for me . When ever I am sick I am yelled at that I am always sick, pretending to be sick, etc which is not true, because I sick like once a year, unfortunately this year it was pneumonia. I hate my parents a lot of the time for additional reasons but they've given me a nice life and many opportunities to say the least. I guess its part of being a teen.

One time I accidentally cut my finger with a knife chopping potatoes. My mom said that i did it on purpose so that i wouldn't have to to cut them and held it against me for the next like week. Obviously I would not cut myself to get out of the simple task of chopping potatoes, which I was like 80% done with.

Anyways, my advice... The best you can do if you want this to get better is to sincerely and kindly say that you are sick. If she's yelling about your room being a mess (even if its not) or whatever just agree with her. If she wants to walk with you tell her that not today because you are sick/busy/whatever but maybe tomorrow.
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 06:26 PM   #6
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HA! She can't wait to get rid of me. And according to her I'm not growing up fast enough.

We just sat down to dinner, and I tried having a normal conversation, but she insisted on scolding me on how messy my room is and I had all summer to do it, whatever. I had to excuse myself, because the last thing I want is getting scolded over dinner.
That's my point dude. Show her how grown up you are. Clean your room with out being asked even may I suggest clean the bathroom and toilet.

It is not that she thinks you are still a child and she cannot wait to get rid of you. You are what about 15? This is a scary time for parents, drugs and alcohol for one, she just needs to know you still love her. By letting her know that you love her you are reassuring her that she has brought you up right and you will grow and prosper into a fine young man.
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 06:54 PM   #7
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Folks, people have been wondering why mothers do some of the things they do for a long, looooong time. After all this time, no one really knows why. Don't believe it? Just ask your dads, or better yet, ask Grampa. How and why they focus on something, say the dirt in one particular room of the house, is something that has never been revealed or known. Why they violently freak out when you want to do something that might involve some element of danger or risk, (like ride a motorcycle, for example) is an even deeper mystery.

What do to? There's not a heck of a lot you should do. Just find some place, your own room, the garage, the basement, and take shelter there while the storm passes. Dad and/or grampa will confirm that this is the best course of action.

Now, a question for female members: Have any of you ever brought home a prospective boyfriend who rode a motorcycle? If so, what was mom's general reaction?

Sorry to hear you have a stomach virus, Ghall. Hope it passes quickly.
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 07:21 PM   #8
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dude its almost normal...my parents drive me crazy...cn't wait for college.
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 07:31 PM   #9
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Seems to me like your moms feel overworked and under-appreciated.

As a teenager, I rarely did anything unless asked (except for the mandated chores), and I expected that all the things my mother did around the house were her job, so why should I appreciate it.

A hug and a kiss and an occassional, sincere 'thanks' will go a long way, trust me. (As will taking the initiative, so as to disprove Ghall's mom's fear of him living just shy of a van down by the river, unable to support her in her old age, which is the other issue.)
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 07:39 PM   #10
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if she is anything like my mom/most moms she's just having one of those days and once she gets into a tizzy everything goes down from their
just keep to yourself and hopefully it will die down. spend some more time here on MR..we're a happy family..most of the time
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 07:46 PM   #11
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At the risk of playing armchair psychiatrist, remember that mental health issues often run in families. If this is a common occurrence, or increasing in frequency, I HIGHLY recommend you BOTH seek counseling. Who ever has diagnosed you with depression probably would be a good start. I do hope that you are seeing an actually MD for these issues.
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 07:50 PM   #12
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My advice is hire a house keeper and buy a dishwasher.

Family disputes are often caused by chores (although it sounds like there might be deeper emotional issues happening), so having someone or something else to do the dirty work can help
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 07:54 PM   #13
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Kids and parents argue. I had fights with my parents plenty when I was living at home. After I left home, moving quite far away, my relationship with them became much better. I love seeing them now

Everyone has crappy days. Even your mum.
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 07:59 PM   #14
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I do hope that you are seeing an actually MD for these issues.
I 2nd that...MR is just not the place to get help when you need an MD.
Good luck to you.
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 08:01 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jessica. View Post
I 2nd that...MR is just not the place to get help when you need an MD.
Good luck to you.
Well:
Quote:
Originally Posted by ghall View Post
It doesn't help that I have some emotional issues, such as mild depression and panic disorder, which I am seeing a doctor about.
And thanks.
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 08:10 PM   #16
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Well:


And thanks.
maybe your mom has bigger problems
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 08:39 PM   #17
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Maybe your mom is just having a bad day and taking it out on you. We always hurt the ones we love because we feel safe with family.
I'm sure she is not waiting to get 'rid' of you ghall.
My youngest was the perfect child and then at 17 hooked up with a older guy who has no motivation, no ambition. We argued over him many of times and he finally convinced her that I'm evil. One day while I was at work, he packed up her room and she moved in with his parents. No note, no email, nothing. She didn't speak to me for 7 months and just recently started to stop by or call. I miss her and wish she was still here messing up my house! Hang in there buddy, things will get better.
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 08:40 PM   #18
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I can hear my mum shagging someone who isn't her boyfriend in the room next door.
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 09:01 PM   #19
ghall
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blumoon View Post
Maybe your mom is just having a bad day and taking it out on you. We always hurt the ones we love because we feel safe with family.
I'm sure she is not waiting to get 'rid' of you ghall.
My youngest was the perfect child and then at 17 hooked up with a older guy who has no motivation, no ambition. We argued over him many of times and he finally convinced her that I'm evil. One day while I was at work, he packed up her room and she moved in with his parents. No note, no email, nothing. She didn't speak to me for 7 months and just recently started to stop by or call. I miss her and wish she was still here messing up my house! Hang in there buddy, things will get better.
Then I guess she's having a lot of bad days.

Yikes, that's terrible. That's one reason I don't want to just leave, she'll probably miss having someone to pester.

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I can hear my mum shagging someone who isn't her boyfriend in the room next door.
Um....yikes.
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 09:16 PM   #20
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I am going to guess you are some where in your mid teens (clearly you are not out of high school yet.)

I am 24 been away at college the past 4 years (did 2 years of jr college that all it did was reduce my work load my few years). Back in high school I had some what seemed like stupid fights with my mom a lot like what you where talking about. On top of all this I have always had a low selfestime (sp) and it was not until more resently that it was discovered I have always suffered from depression. I am now currently being treated for it. Things between my mom and me have aways had rough spots and where very tense while I was in HS. I was my mom hardest child to deal with and the one who had the most problems. Did not help matters that I was also her first born so not only is she having to learn as she goes to be a parent but to add to that already very difficult job of learning how to be a parent a child who has learning disabilities, struggles in school, poor selfestimet (sp) ect. it a mess.

Now that back story is there to help explain my views and hope you understand them. Chances are you have always been a difficult child because of your emotional problems so that a huge stress problem because you mom is worried about you in life when she can no longer protect you. She worries you will fall and can not get up. This is not because she wants you to fail or thinks you will but because she is your mom and she wants the best for you.

The hardest thing for a parent to see is their children fail and get hurt. Their children can bring them to tears when they succeed and when things go right for them. For example I saw my father cry recently because he was thankful a family member pulled a huge favor for me so I could complete a degree requirement. My mom has only seen him cry once in 25 years of marriage.

I know thinking back with my mom all those shouting matches we had over stupid stuff (not wanting to go for a walk for example) is because she wanted the best for me. The part about the walk with your mom is because she just wanted to spend time with you and you are growing up way to fast. In her eyes you still are her little baby. (Yes even to my mom I am still her baby) She may say she can not wait for you to leave but in reality she does not want you to grow up and it is a very hard thing.

I do hope all my mindless rambling helped
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 09:55 PM   #21
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I can hear my mum shagging someone who isn't her boyfriend in the room next door.
Jeez dude. Boyfriend or not, that's grim
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Old Aug 27, 2007, 10:04 PM   #22
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What do to? There's not a heck of a lot you should do. Just find some place, your own room, the garage, the basement, and take shelter there while the storm passes. Dad and/or grampa will confirm that this is the best course of action.
This is one of the things I do weekly, sometimes daily. My dad works midnight shifts. He can be happy or he can be p***ed as hell for no reason at all. We basically go to our own "sanctuaries": me to my room, sister to her room, mom to the living room, and dad to the basement. We basically have no interaction with him until he leaves sometimes. It's just the best that way.

Sorry to hear about that ghall, both your mom and the stomach flu.
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Old Aug 28, 2007, 12:36 AM   #23
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...

It doesn't help that I have some emotional issues, such as mild depression and panic disorder, which I am seeing a doctor about.

...
Not to play armchair psychologist/skeptic to too great a degree, but depression and other mood disorders are very often treated as individual problems lacking causation. With depression and other mood disorders on the rise, and seemingly without correlation to our increasing capability to accurately diagnose it, I would be reticent to consider these unattributable "emotional issues" when they are considered to be "mild".

I would say that they are far more likely to be a result of your lifestyle (diet, sleep quality, the way your mother seemingly treats you) as opposed to the cause of your inability to cope with this and other social situations. I think we as a society are far too quick to victimize ourselves with "conditions" to explain our behaviour.*

As for your mum and that situation. I love and adoringly respect my mum, but I also can't stand to live with her. It seems like it was so long ago now, but I still remember the immensely positive impact it had on my life to move out on my own. I certainly have a much better relationship with her now, and take time out of my busy life to have lunch with her when I can, even though we live in different cities.

For dealing with this, and some of the other problems you've been having, I would say this: be assertive. Assertive people tend to get what they want (and it's not because they "prey on the weak", although some certainly do). Confidence! You're awesome and you know it.

*I am in no way dismissing outright chemical imbalances or behavioural disorders, nor undermining their grave severity; rather positing an opinion that these conditions are seriously overdiagnosed without addressing the significant psycological, physiological and socialogical impact of our North American lifestyle.
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Old Aug 28, 2007, 01:07 PM   #24
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And this just in from Science: http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/...fYKhztbPADW7oF

Note the third-to-the-last paragraph...
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Old Aug 28, 2007, 04:35 PM   #25
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HA! She can't wait to get rid of me. And according to her I'm not growing up fast enough.

We just sat down to dinner, and I tried having a normal conversation, but she insisted on scolding me on how messy my room is and I had all summer to do it, whatever. I had to excuse myself, because the last thing I want is getting scolded over dinner.
"Don't whatever me, mister!"

It sounds as if you have it relatively easy and you just need to do more to make things better for yourself.

You'd be surprised how doing things that make her happy help you. If she's more content, she probably won't be scolding you.

Washing dishes, emptying the trash, cleaning your room and bathroom--they all make a huge difference, if you do it before she mentions it.
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