Help! Serious family problem, I need advice.

[ghall]

Okay, so my mom just got back from staying with her mother after having some minor surgery. She obviously hasn't been feeling great, so since she got home yesterday, I've done EVERY LITTLE THING she's asked me to do. Until I screwed up just a bit, and burned the potatoes I was supposed to cook for dinner. She got really upset, and I asked her what was wrong. I was very calm, and concerned. She said that I wasn't being helpful. This really hurt, since I had worked my heart out since she got home to make sure she was alright, and had everything she needed. I was pretty much in tears, then she comes over to me and dumps the whole thing of potatos (pot and all) into the trash bin, and yells at me for ruining the pot. I totally lost it and screamed back how I felt like I had done everything I could to help her out, and that I felt unappreciated. I don't know why I yelled, I was just so hurt that I didn't know what else to do. I went calmly into my room, because I knew if I stayed out there any longer, things would probably get ugly. So I guess she kicked the trash can at my door, and when I opened the door to see what was going on, I saw the scariest face I have ever seen in my life. I seriously thought that would be the last sight I'd ever see.

What do I do? I'm too afraid to leave my room, for fear she might start yelling at me again. I called my grandmother, and all I got was some crazy advice about "tell her calmly" and other stuff that I had already done. I almost ended up screaming at her too, even though she doesn't even have anything to do with what's going on.

 

[kalisphoenix]

Clearly the problem's with her, not with you. Just lay low. Being assertive, however psychologically healthy it would theoretically be, is just going to cause more problems.

Just don't let this affect you so strongly. You're a good person and you're doing all you can. I know that's quasi-helpful at best, but she's having some serious problems with judgment right now. There's nothing wrong with you.

 

[psycoswimmer]

Are you still in your room right now?

I've had similar (?) experiences, but not this bad. At all. But I think the best you could do is just leave her alone and let her cool off. It seems like nothing you say is going to make her feel better; maybe just worse. So I'd back off for now.

 

[ghall]

Did I mention, she's never like this? She's usually extremly patient.

 

[PlaceofDis]

let her calm down, shes obviously under a lot of stress so just let her be. she'll come around in time.

 

[psycoswimmer]

Did I mention, she's never like this? She's usually extremly patient.

Once she calms down, ask her what happened. Possibly something happened while she was at her mother's. This is the most obvious cause from what we know.

Is there anything else that's happened recently to her?

 

[Daveway]

If this is unusual for her, the best remedy is time. I know it sounds insignificant, but time will heal the situation. It works for me all the time. Pun?

Stay in your room until she calms down and then go about your business acting like it never happened. Afterwards when she is in her usual swing, talk to her about what happened.

 

[zelmo]

Not wanting to pry too much, but perhaps your mom is taking some meds that have altered her state of mind a bit? That, coupled with the recent surgery, might explain what is clearly an over-reaction.
I agree with others that you should lay low for a bit. That being said, I wouldn't recommend hiding out in your room for the rest of the night. Just give her 30 minutes or an hour to calm down a bit. Perhaps she will feel a little foolish for over-reacting, and you two can share a little laugh over the whole thing to break the tension.

Best of luck, and let us know that everything is okay.

 

[ghall]

Once she calms down, ask her what happened. Possibly something happened while she was at her mother's. This is the most obvious cause from what we know.

Is there anything else that's happened recently to her?

No, when I talked to my grandma, she said that my mom had been fine all week.
She was fine since she came home, up until I burned to potatoes.

 

[Shadow]

Relax, this happens all the time in my house! Things to do:

• Wait a few mins. I leave it around 10-30 mins, but you might have to spend a little longer this time.
• Move slowly. Dont make any sudden movements (sounds stupid, but it really helps if you're calm).
• Talk to her. Simply say that you feel that she reacted a little over the top, and that you would cook dinner if she wants, etc.
• If this has never happened before, its likley that something happened while she was at her mothers. If you can, ring her mother and ask if anything happened, or if you can get close enough p), ask your mother directly.
• Let her vent if she wants. My mum always has a list of things wrong with me to use in a situation like this, so let her shout them at you. Trust me, it'll help her "releave stress"

If she smokes (like my mum, unfortunatley), let her have a few ciggies before going downstairs-this always makes my mum more relaxed!

Usually if the problem is something small (like this, or not tidying your room), it'll subside fairly quickly.

 

[ghall]

So, I talked to her. I went out and calmly finished the chores I was doing before she freaked out, and the we talked. She is so stubborn! I can tell that she knows she over reacted, but she won't admit it, and she's coming up with all these excuses, even though it all has to do with the dumb potatoes.

 

[teleromeo]

maybe it has somthing to do with her medication. I take a sleeping pill from time to time but I avoid them because I think they make me agressive one or two days later.

 

[rose red]

I agree with those who think it may be the effects of medication. People have different reactions to anaesthetics, painkillers etc. and sometimes it can take a while for the effects to get out of your system. I had a general anaesthetic once when I had my wisdom teeth removed and it took several weeks before I felt "normal" again. Talk to your grandma again.

 

[andiwm2003]

my girlfriend is sometimes depressed (there are reasons for it but it doesn't matter here). she tends then to offload her frustration on me. she yells at me and does it in a quite mean way. going into a discussion at that time is pointless because you can't win. she has a list of things she can yell at me and there isn't anything to defend myself. even if i do she just comes up with the next thing.

sometimes depressed people relieve their frustration on other people.

funny thing is that she seems not to notice what she is really doing. last time she behaved like a freaking maniac all wekend and then was surprised when i finally lost it and (extremly calmy) told her i can not tolerate this. she was sincerely surprised that i didn't have fun at that weekend.

it's absolutely unacceptable for them to behave this way. she doesn't own you! she is the problem not you. don't get depressed about this.

best thing is to just wait it out and not worry too much about it just yet. she will have to solve her problems herself. you most likely can't help in a better way and with her behaving this way you don't even have to feel guilty for it. these things blow over and it will be o,k, soon.

 

[zelmo]

Glad to hear things have calmed down. Stress sucks.

Hopefully everything will be even better in the morning.

*hugs*

 

[PlaceofDis]

So, I talked to her. I went out and calmly finished the chores I was doing before she freaked out, and the we talked. She is so stubborn! I can tell that she knows she over reacted, but she won't admit it, and she's coming up with all these excuses, even though it all has to do with the dumb potatoes.

i know easier said than done, but just let it go. the sooner its dropped and you guys move on the better. just pretend it didn't happen. i'm sure shes still in a funk from the surgery.

 

[ghall]

Glad to hear things have calmed down. Stress sucks.

Hopefully everything will be even better in the morning.

*hugs*

Thanks for the digi-hug.

I'm feeling a lot better now.