DATING - Am I doing this wrong?

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by rican, Dec 2, 2012.

  1. macrumors 6502

    rican

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2008
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    #1
    So, i've been single for the last 3 years now and I recently started dating after a heart shattering break up 3 years ago.

    I've been back in the dating game as of 2012, and seem to find my self getting one dates and then the texts and calls trickle down.

    I then laid out options. Is it bad breath? No, I floss, brush, and use mouthwash before dates.

    Am I ugly? - Probably not, I have a pretty nice body, receding hair loss but I fade it and style it to make it look "normal."

    Too short? Nope, i'm 6 foot.

    I have an education, I have a job. CHECK.

    So what in the ******* is going on?!

    Recently, I went on a date with a man who made my breath cut short. We were texting a lot and due to the nature of his work he's extremely busy and travels often, but after the date and promises of seeing each other shortly after. I rarely hear from him and have to text him in order to get a response, IF THAT.

    What could I be possibly doing wrong? Sigh. :rolleyes: :p

    P.S i'm gay.
     
  2. macrumors 603

    mobilehaathi

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2008
    Location:
    The Anthropocene
    #2
    It can be hard and frustrating dude, what can I say?

    Everyone has dry spells...

    Are you being too needy/desperate? That can be a turn off. You might not notice that too...

    "Give up" for a little bit and just go out and enjoy life with friends. Often good things happen when you least expect it.
     
  3. thread starter macrumors 6502

    rican

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2008
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    #3
    Not that I think, but I try to make sure that there is interest. I've made a mistake where the person thought I wasn't interested by "playing" hard to get.
     
  4. macrumors 603

    justperry

    #4
    This(in Bold)

    And, if you suspect bad breath I think there are tests out there, let it checked out a by a physician, might have Acid/guts problems.
    Not to scare you here, could be a small solvable problem.
     
  5. thread starter macrumors 6502

    rican

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2008
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    #5
    Lol I know I don't have bad breath. :D
     
  6. macrumors 6502a

    Ice-Cube

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2006
    Location:
    Somewhere over the rainbow
    #6
    There are so many reasons he lost interest, and we probably would never find out why. I suggest you date a few people at once rather than to pin your hopes on just one person.
     
  7. macrumors 68040

    boss.king

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2009
    #7
    Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe you're boring? I'm basing this entirely off the check-list you laid out in the first post, but maybe you're being too methodical. Remember, you're going on a date, not working on an assembly line.

    Again, this is purely based off your post, I may have the complete wrong impression of you.
     
  8. macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2011
    #8
    I'm gay also.

    Probably the guys you talk to are just interested In hooking up. Guys aren't impressed with a good job, your own place, or if you have a car. They are only interested if you have a great set of abs, are super straight acting and a party boy.

    Like the other guy said, just don't look for him, he will come find you ;)
     
  9. Caliber26, Dec 3, 2012
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2012

    macrumors 65816

    Caliber26

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2009
    Location:
    Orlando, FL
    #9
    It's possible that you're going after the wrong men? I'm sure you know that within our community there's more bad than good. And by "bad" I mean, a lot of gay guys are vain, materialistic, promiscuous, prefer clubbing and "partying" over quiet nights at home with a boyfriend, etc... That's a huge part of the gay culture and for every guy that doesn't live that type of lifestyle, there's 10 that do live that lifestyle. Finding the "right" guy means you'll probably have to deal with a lot of flighty and sketchy guys before you stumble upon a good one who's genuinely interested in pursuing something serious.

    I'm 31 and gay, and I've actually dated some amazing guys. They've had good looks, good jobs, no excessive baggage, but it was very short-lived because in those cases I was the "bad" one. I'll be 100% honest: I like to have sex with different guys all the time. I would be bored as hell if I had to have sex with one guy only. There's no way I could be happy living like that. So, even though I met those great guys, I had no choice but to cut if it off before they got too emotionally invested in me because I knew I could not deliver what they expected from a serious relationship. I'd rather avoid a relationship than get into one and then turn around and cheat behind someone's back. I currently have a boyfriend who's cool with me doing my own thing on the side. I was honest about why I didn't want to be in a relationship with him and he said that monogamy wouldn't be a requirement, so it worked out in the end and I'm happy with that arrangement. -- I'm not saying that's been the case with all the guys you've dated, but I am saying there's A LOT of guys who think the same way as me, so it's very possible that you've met some of those.

    And like others have said, don't actively look for a relationship. That hardly ever works out like that, for some inexplicable reason. It'll come to you when you least expect it.
     
  10. macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Dec 19, 2011
    #10
    wow, you sound like.....every other guy on the planet, gay and straight alike! lol. no wonder women (and men) think guys are dogs, you definitely roam the neighborhood! LOL
     
  11. macrumors 65816

    Caliber26

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2009
    Location:
    Orlando, FL
    #11
    LoL... it is what it is. I'm not saying it's okay or that it's a good thing. It's just how many (but not all) men are. I did edit my post to point out that I'm currently in a relationship but I'm not restricted by monogamy. The problem with a lot of these guys is that they're not upfront or honest about what they want, so they put on a show and just do it quietly behind their boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse's back. That's something I don't believe in. I rather be a single slut than in relationship that's based on lies and deceit. I just so happened to find someone who's accepting of what I do, so I guess I got lucky. Not many people are willing to share.
     
  12. thread starter macrumors 6502

    rican

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2008
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    #12
    <--- Definitely not willing to share, but the thing is - I fit into that categorized, cute club scene kid but I don't actually "Act" in that stereotype.. I know it's the beauty and the beast of our community but that sucks -___-

    Glad you have found a compromise.
     
  13. macrumors 68020

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2011
    #13
    Exactly. Before I met my husband, I went on a few dates and it seemed like the guys were interested in only sex. Which can mean a few things including them being involved with someone else.
     
  14. macrumors Core

    MacNut

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2002
    Location:
    CT
    #14
    If you posted a thread here asking if you are doing it wrong most likely the answer is yes.
     
  15. thread starter macrumors 6502

    rican

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2008
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    #15
    Stupidest answer so far.
     
  16. macrumors 603

    Tomorrow

    Joined:
    Mar 2, 2008
    Location:
    Always a day away
    #16
    If you see these as valid reasons not to date someone then the problem may be that you're shallow.

    If you see these as valid reasons why someone would not want to date you, then perhaps the guys you're going after are shallow.

    If you don't think these are valid reasons for not dating someone, then look elsewhere. Do you talk too much? Do you try to hard? Do you tend to turn the conversation back to yourself or something you did/said/saw a little too often? Reasons like those are what I would use to decide not to date someone.
     
  17. macrumors Core

    MacNut

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2002
    Location:
    CT
    #17
    You start a thread in a mac forum filled with geeks asking why you can't get a date. Obviously you don't know what you are doing if this is where you come for help.
     
  18. macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2005
    #18
    Quite frankly, when you post a question like this in a public forum you should simply ignore the answer if you find it stupid rather than isolating the response and calling it stupid. If this is how you are to people then perhaps that is one of your problems. From your original post you appear needy. If someone has a busy work schedule involving travel. then you need to respect that when he gets home you may not have made it to the "to do" list yet and he's not jumping to contact you to set up a date.

    FWIW, my original response was going to be equally "stupid" by your awesome definition because I was going to tell you to stop worrying, stop trying to date someone, and just see what happens. Sounds to me like you don't want to hear that so you're left in the hopefully capable hands of the armchair dating experts of MacRumors. ;)
     
  19. thread starter macrumors 6502

    rican

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2008
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    #19
    I wasn't looking for any particular answer, however, I don't feel it's necessary for comments that are not constructive. Thanks.
     
  20. Guest

    eric/

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2011
    Location:
    Ohio, United States
    #20
    To be fair,

    I agree. But calling it the stupidest answer wasn't helpful either. Just ignore it instead.
     
  21. macrumors Core

    MacNut

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2002
    Location:
    CT
    #21
    What kind of constructive answers are you looking for on a tech forum? The fact that you started a thread asking fort dating advice only to tell people how awesome you are isn't going to get you the best results.
     
  22. thread starter macrumors 6502

    rican

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2008
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    #22
    This is the "community discussion" where you talk about everything & anything.
     
  23. macrumors Core

    MacNut

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2002
    Location:
    CT
    #23
    Ya and we are talking about your inflated ego.
     
  24. thread starter macrumors 6502

    rican

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2008
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    #24
    :eek: LOL

    Well, I am sure this thread will be locked now because it's off the original topic. Thanks for all inputs!
     
  25. macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2005
    #25
    The comment may not have been uber constructive, but it certainly could be true. Maybe you're just not going about it the right way. What you are doing wrong is calling out answers you don't like as "stupid." Simply ignore the dumb ones and move on. Similarly, I could view your question as dumb and choose not to respond. It's a two-way road here.
     

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