If Microsoft had a store

Discussion in 'Apple, Inc and Tech Industry' started by gkarris, Feb 9, 2007.

  1. gkarris macrumors 604

    gkarris

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    "No escape from Reality..."
  2. ezzie macrumors 68020

    ezzie

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    #2
    there'd be lots of bad typography.

    overuse of the word "wow".

    excessive signage.

    perhaps the walls would be painted brown? :p
     
  3. Teh Don Ditty macrumors G4

    Teh Don Ditty

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    #3
    The outside sign would say "Microsoft, We OWN You" (A play on Conglomo, we own you form Rocco's Modern Life)

    There would be BSODs on all the computers.

    A sign that says "You ain't cool unless you're in the social!" (Bill Madison ripoff)

    I can also see the walls being painted brown.
     
  4. mkrishnan Moderator emeritus

    mkrishnan

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    #4
    - There would be a store located five minutes away from your home, but it would be the most useless of nine different versions of the store, and you would have to drive to the Ultimate version of the store two hours away to get anything you actually wanted.

    - An employee would politely ask you if you wouldn't like them to hold onto your wallet for you while you shop, since you might lose or forget it.

    - The doors wouldn't open the first time you leave, because you'd have to click through a dialog box confirming you do, in fact, wish to leave.

    - All of the products would be displayed on talking kiosks that start randomly telling you about themselves if you come close, and would be very difficult to shut up.

    - When you get your cart to your vehicle, it will remind you to clean out the junk in your interior.
     
  5. smueboy macrumors 6502a

    smueboy

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    #5
    staff would first have to 'allow' you to enter, and would follow you closely throughout the store, restricting what you can look at and requiring similar permissions.

    :p
     
  6. echeck macrumors 68000

    echeck

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    #6
    Ha ha ha! I love it!

    :D
     
  7. adrianblaine macrumors 65816

    adrianblaine

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    #7
    How can they even really have a store? They have hardly any hardware to sell except mice, keyboards, Zune's and Xbox's. They'd have to demo their software on other manufacturer's computers and I'm sure companies like Dell would be ticked if they were only using HPs etc...
     
  8. smueboy macrumors 6502a

    smueboy

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    #8
    c'mon - get into the spirit of it! Wouldn't you love a store designed and run like windows?

    :D
     
  9. pilotError macrumors 68020

    pilotError

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    #9
    The stores wouldn't have doors until revision 3.0
     
  10. BoyBach macrumors 68040

    BoyBach

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    #10
    "Introducing the totally original ('not-at-all-worried-about-or-trying-to-keep-up-with-Apple') Microsoft Store.

    "Now selling the Zune and Origami Personal Computer.

    "Ask our dedicated staff about which Vista product is perfect for you.

    "The 'wow' starts now!"

    (My Photoshop skills rule :p )
     

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  11. mkrishnan Moderator emeritus

    mkrishnan

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    #11
    Oh, and on Fridays, Steve Ballmer would come monkey dancing through the store, screaming "Customers! Customers! Customers! Customers!" and frightening your children.

    Oh, and there would be three random women rolling around on each other on the floor. One of them separated from the other two and ambiguously either crying out in pain or achieving orgasm.
     
  12. IJ Reilly macrumors P6

    IJ Reilly

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    #12
    - You'd enter the store through the door marked "In" and you'd also exit the store through the door marked "In," but then you'd be asked if you really wanted to go in or out.

    - On entering, you'd be required to convert all of your currency to the Microsoft format. You'd be allowed to convert it back when you left, but you'd get back less than you had when you came in.

    - If you told the clerk that you were "just a browser," he'd force you to wear a hat that says "Microsoft Internet Explorer" for the entire time you were there.
     
  13. mkrishnan Moderator emeritus

    mkrishnan

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    #13
    - Speaking of browsers, Microsoft would build high-speed trains running from urban city centers to their stores, calling them ActiveTransport, but only thieves would ever use them, and would use them so frequently that the crime would spill over into neighboring non-Microsoft stores.

    - They would have fits-for-sure shopping bags for your convenience, however, none of their products released after December 2006 will actually fit in the bags.

    - They will not allow you to run with scissors.
     
  14. IJ Reilly macrumors P6

    IJ Reilly

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    #14
    - From the moment you walked in the front door, you'd be followed around the store by a clerk. Every time you stopped to look at something, he'd say "I can see you're interested in ____? Can I take that off the shelf for you?" You'd have to immediately say "no," or he would automatically put the product into your hands.

    - All of the clerks would be named "Bob."
     
  15. AJ Muni macrumors 65816

    AJ Muni

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    #15
    I would hate to walk in there, because most likely I'll walk out with a virus and head straight to the ER. ;)
     
  16. WildCowboy Administrator/Editor

    WildCowboy

    Staff Member

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    #16
    My guess is it would look something like this:

    roll_5565_001_1.JPG.jpg

    Microsoft had a store in the Metreon here in SF. It only lasted a couple of years, and closed in 2001.
     
  17. mkrishnan Moderator emeritus

    mkrishnan

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    #17
    Reminds me a little of JCPenney's. :eek:
     
  18. dextertangocci macrumors 68000

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    #18
    :D :D :D LOL LMAO ROFL!!! I can't stop laughing! I keep picturing that video of him going nuts on M$s 25 bday or whatever it was. LOL. Steve Ballmer is such an idiot:D
     
  19. MacBoobsPro macrumors 603

    MacBoobsPro

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    #19
    Wouldnt a Microsoft store just be a giant Windows Vending Machine?
     
  20. xtopher macrumors regular

    xtopher

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    Ontario
    #20
    it would have country hills painted on the walls and the the color scheme of the building would be green and blue.

    When you went to pay they'd get the BSOD. outside it would look like OS X but then you get closer and it would be a brick building with 3D images painted on it.

    When you get inside there would be a guy standing there like John Hodgman in the 'sales pitch' get a mac video.

    There would be a bunch of screaming kids inside and WAY to loud music.

    also there would be no need for security devices because they wouldn't work if they had them plus nobody would steal them

    lastly there woul be an undergound tunnel to the appe store so the employees could spy on it

    people asking about macs and the sales people would deny macs exsisting

    as soon as you walk in theres a person to greet you that coughs ans sneezes on you then asks if you want to continue but doesnt give you the choice to say no
     
  21. adrianblaine macrumors 65816

    adrianblaine

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    #21
    Alright alright... I may have been in a little too bit of a serious mood when I posted. I just saw the words Microsoft and Store and immediately tried to think of any reason as to why they could/should not have their own store :D
     
  22. rdowns Suspended

    rdowns

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    #22
    Instead of Geniuses, they'd employ Window Washers.
     
  23. MacBoobsPro macrumors 603

    MacBoobsPro

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  24. Lone Deranger macrumors 65816

    Lone Deranger

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    #24
    The shopping experience would go something like this:

    -"You are about to enter the MicroSoft Ultimate shopping Experience Mega Store - Cancel or Allow"
    -"A store attendant is approaching you - Cancel or Allow"
    -"The store attendant wants to ask if he can be of service - Cancel or Allow"

    ....ad infinitum...
     
  25. MacBoobsPro macrumors 603

    MacBoobsPro

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    #25
    What would be funny if one of us went into a Microsoft store with a friend dressed up as a 'security' guy and keep asking you 'cancel or allow' questions while at the checkout. :D

    You are about to Purchase Vista. Cancel or allow?
     

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