Proper Graduation Guest Etiquette

[GoCubsGo]

I am graduating college in the next couple of weeks and as luck would have it, I've sat around and struggled with the whole "after party" thing for weeks now. Being that I technically graduated in January and I am already deep into Grad school, and that I am an adult (over 25), I didn't put much thought into having people see me graduate that weren't related. But now, in talking to my parents, they would like me to set up a dinner. Places I've called for the guest list I have range from about $20-$40 per person. That is for everything. I have narrowed the list down to 30 people, and the place I've picked to eat is about $24 a head. There is no limit to how many people can see me walk, which is awesome.

Now for the questions.
Of the 30 people there are 14 family members that I know can make it. 6 others will be watching my cousin walk up north so they're out. If I run it and invite everyone, the charge will be over $600 for me. If I do just the family then it's $300. I can make sure the invitations are customized in a way where only the family will see the one that will talk about the dinner, is that rude? I don't want to be rude at all or even hurt anyone's feelings so now I'm asking the masses.

If it weren't just the family and I was picking and choosing between friends I could understand how that would suck, but if it is just family then what is the level of rudeness of that?

 

[dornoforpyros]

Your personal budget is more important than etiquette. If you can only afford to feed family than do so.

Although I never went to either my high-school or college grad so whatta I know

 

[devilot]

I don't think there is anything wrong at all if you only invite family to your dinner reception thing. It's your graduation, your celebration, and you have every right to decide w/ whom you wish to celebrate with!

I could see some friends feeling offended, however, if you were to only invite some friends to the dinner. But really, even then, I still say it's your dinner and it's your right to choose who is there w/ you. (But I've seen smaller functions w/ mainly family and a few friends-- and those friends usually end up feeling/ being awkward amidst family, so I'd consider a separate, much more casual get-together for your friends, and keeping this dinner family-only.)

 

[Boggle]

I am graduating college in the next couple of weeks and as luck would have it, I've sat around and struggled with the whole "after party" thing for weeks now. Being that I technically graduated in January and I am already deep into Grad school, and that I am an adult (over 25), I didn't put much thought into having people see me graduate that weren't related. But now, in talking to my parents, they would like me to set up a dinner. Places I've called for the guest list I have range from about $20-$40 per person. That is for everything. I have narrowed the list down to 30 people, and the place I've picked to eat is about $24 a head. There is no limit to how many people can see me walk, which is awesome.

Now for the questions.
Of the 30 people there are 14 family members that I know can make it. 6 others will be watching my cousin walk up north so they're out. If I run it and invite everyone, the charge will be over $600 for me. If I do just the family then it's $300. I can make sure the invitations are customized in a way where only the family will see the one that will talk about the dinner, is that rude? I don't want to be rude at all or even hurt anyone's feelings so now I'm asking the masses.

If it weren't just the family and I was picking and choosing between friends I could understand how that would suck, but if it is just family then what is the level of rudeness of that?

Rudeness level = ZERO. There is no ettiquette question involved. If you are financially uncomfortable (for ANY reason) with buying friends a $600 meal they have no right to feel slighted. Also, IMO even if your family paid for school this does not entitle them to a $300 meal @ your expense, at least not until you're done with grad school for a couple of years and have had the opportunity to put a substantial amount of money into savings. It's your graduation, not a winning lottery ticket.

 

[Abstract]

You have friends that are graduating, no? What are they getting you?


Anyway, invite family only if it's your budget that you're worried about. If you're going to invite friends, then all of us at MacRumours will feel slighted. Oh, and so will some friends who you aren't really close to. They may not be close, but all friends like parties.

 

[GoCubsGo]

Thanks for the input. After a long discussion with my mom we came to a decision that we would stop calling around looking for a place to suit 30 people, which prompts them to over charge. Today I called a place and they wanted $25 a head. Their average meal is $14. I figured it all out and found that I could do it for $20 a head. I can bet on at least 20 people showing up for the meal, 14 being family. In short, I'm just going to do it. I narrowed the list of invites from 60 to 30 in the first place, and technically, this is the only graduation they'll get to see. The grad school one requires people in CA to fly to NY and I'm taking bets that I'll see about 10 of the 14 family members at best so I want this one to be special. It's sort of a budget thing, but it's more or less just having a number in mind and then it being blown before the first phone call was over.

This is such a stressful thing! I wish it were high school where my parents just planned it all and all I had to do was show up and grab my fake diploma.