Meeting marriable women

[MarkCollette]

I've been messing around with girls for the past couple years, one night stands, or seeing someone for a couple weeks or months. But, I'm kindof getting tired of that. I'd like to meet a nice woman. Someone who I could get to know and love, and one day marry. I was madly in love with a girl for years, and we thought we'd get married, and then it fell apart, and I think I've been in a holding pattern ever since. I just had my 26th birthday, and I think it's time to move on. I'm a really caring guy, and love children, so maybe my biological clock is kicking in too :)

So, the question is, where does one go to meet the good girls?

I'm not religious, so it won't be at church, and I write computer software for a living, so it won't be at work. Maybe I should go back to Latin dancing, or some other hobby like that. Or is it simpler than that? Should I just chat up every pretty girl with a warm smile in the grocery store? :p

I'm more looking for advice from married people, or people who've been in longterm relationships, or nice women, about what they recommend.

[thedude110]

Sarcastic help. (http://www.mailorderbrides.com/)

No. Seriously. I'm getting married in July, and I'm freaking out.:eek:

What's wrong with you?

EDIT: The woman just read this over my shoulder. See?

What's wrong with you? :p

[CanadaRAM]

I've been messing around with girls for the past couple years, one night stands, or seeing someone for a couple weeks or months. But, I'm kindof getting tired of that. I'd like to meet a nice woman. Someone who I could get to know and love, and one day marry. I was madly in love with a girl for years, and we thought we'd get married, and then it fell apart, and I think I've been in a holding pattern ever since. I just had my 26th birthday, and I think it's time to move on. I'm a really caring guy, and love children, so maybe my biological clock is kicking in too :)

So, the question is, where does one go to meet the good girls?

I'm not religious, so it won't be at church, and I write computer software for a living, so it won't be at work. Maybe I should go back to Latin dancing, or some other hobby like that. Or is it simpler than that? Should I just chat up every pretty girl with a warm smile in the grocery store? :p

I'm more looking for advice from married people, or people who've been in longterm relationships, or nice women, about what they recommend.

Single guy + latin or ballroom dancing = unlimited opportunity to meet unattached ladies who share a common interest. There isn't a woman in the world, I bet, who doesn't appreciate a guy who can couple dance. It's how I met my wife, as it happens (19 years ago this month!). We met socially and agreed to do some dancing together once we discovered the common interest.

Suggest you re-orient your criteria from "every pretty girl" to "compatible interests and personality" - the screening process will have to be something other than "nice hair, nice... you know". Your previous success with serial dating discounted long-term suitability and compatibility of grey matter (as opposed to other, immediately compatible, parts)

Here's a tougher one though. How do you know who is going to be compatible with your life goals and core philosophy... if you aren't clear on what those are for yourself?

Perhaps the first step is to get in touch and clarify for yourself who you are and what you want from life. Then you'll have a much better understanding what you want from a life partner *and so will the prospective partners* --- (Mark, PM me for more info offline if you wish).

Remember the Joe Jackson song: "You can't get what you want... 'til you know what you want."

[iSaint]

When you quit thinking about it, it'll happen. I was the least experienced guy with the babes and was so worried about meeting the right girl...until I was 22. Then a foxy redhead and my wife went after me. The foxy redhead was using me, and I was more interested in my wife anyway.

[haiggy]

When you quit thinking about it, it'll happen. I was the least experienced guy with the babes and was so worried about meeting the right girl...until I was 22. Then a foxy redhead and my wife went after me. The foxy redhead was using me, and I was more interested in my wife anyway.

foxy + redhead = oxymoron :P

[CanadaRAM]

foxy + redhead = oxymoron :P
image x eye/beholder = beauty

[frankblundt]

foxy + redhead = oxymoron :P
not true. there's one here (http://www.tangent21.com/it.php/profiles?user_id=36). Fiery too apparently.

[MarkCollette]

Single guy + latin or ballroom dancing = unlimited opportunity to meet unattached ladies who share a common interest. There isn't a woman in the world, I bet, who doesn't appreciate a guy who can couple dance. It's how I met my wife, as it happens (19 years ago this month!). We met socially and agreed to do some dancing together once we discovered the common interest.

Happy Anniversary-ish :)

I guess I've been avoiding this, at first because it's what I did with my ex, and then later because I was rusty. Maybe I should just go back into a more beginner level, but at least be going.


Suggest you re-orient your criteria from "every pretty girl" to "compatible interests and personality" - the screening process will have to be something other than "nice hair, nice... you know". Your previous success with serial dating discounted long-term suitability and compatibility of grey matter (as opposed to other, immediately compatible, parts)

Here's a tougher one though. How do you know who is going to be compatible with your life goals and core philosophy... if you aren't clear on what those are for yourself?

Perhaps the first step is to get in touch and clarify for yourself who you are and what you want from life. Then you'll have a much better understanding what you want from a life partner *and so will the prospective partners* --- (Mark, PM me for more info offline if you wish).

Remember the Joe Jackson song: "You can't get what you want... 'til you know what you want."

Hehehe, yes, I should have elaborated on the values and personality side of things more. No worries, I do care about that, it's just that I've developped a sort of heuristic. This is going to sound silly, but when I look at a woman, and see a kind of warm smile, then I think she probably has compassion, strength, humor, intelligence, and realism. Of course, there's probably a huge number of good women that I don't notice because they're just not in a smiling mood when I spot them...

So far I've been mostly into women who are either scientists of artists. In both cases they explore the world around them, but one uses a more rational approach, and the other a more intuitive approach. I guess I'd prefer a mix of the two. I'd like a woman to share traits with me, like being a little idealistic, but with some pragmatism. Taking care of our bodies and health, but not being too self-absorbed. Believing in freedom, but taking personal responsibility. Tolerance for differences of opinion, and flexible enough to change opinion in the face of conflicting facts. Strength, and a willingness to stand up for what we believe, but essentially a moderate in most respects.

I have a kind of dorky humor, which can quickly become quite politically incorrect. My friends like it, but it can have a bit of shock value. I like music, dancing, reading, keeping up on current events and history. I guess I'm kindof political, but I wouldn't expect someone else to be all that into it, or to agree on everything. Although I'm not religious, I wouldn't mind my kids being raised that way, since I saw some value in how I was raised. I believe in marriage for life, making it work through the good and bad times, not just crawling forward, but really trying to make the other person happy, knowing that the same matters to them.

Lately I've been doing things like going to Yoga, and spending time with more naturalist vegetarian hippie environmentalist spiritual people. I guess that's a bit in contrast with the more typical conservative people that I've historically spent time with. Although, since you and I are Canadian, maybe I can just describe it as seeing more people from BC, as opposed to Albertans.

Maybe it's that I'm so complex and open, that it's hard to describe who I am and what I'm looking for. Or maybe it's simple, because I'm looking for what I think is a self-evidently good woman. And I've spent years of my life trying to improve myself so that they might want me as well.

It's just that somehow I got blown off course by fallen love, and for a while truly did not believe that I could find someone so good. And now I'm thinking that they must be somewhere out there, just around the corner, maybe wondering the same thing I am, where have all the good single people gone? Or, alternatively, who do I have to kill, to make someone single :D

[floriflee]

I have been married for about 10 months. I won't claim to be an expert by any means, but I'll tell you a little of my story. First, I met the hubby through a close friend who knew me, and who had an idea of what he was like. I've had others try that before (the aunts always had someone they wanted me to meet), but this friend really knew me so I think she had an inside track. In any case, meeting people through good friends can happen and work.

One thing to note is that relationships, no matter who is involved, can always go sour if both parties don't work at them. I don't believe in a perfect soul mate or "the one." However, there are plenty of people out there that have potential. Some will be easier than others, but many of them will work well if you are both willing. I hope you can find someone who will make you want to keep working at it through the thick and the thin and likewise that she will want to do it for you, too.

Good luck!

[MarkCollette]

When you quit thinking about it, it'll happen. I was the least experienced guy with the babes and was so worried about meeting the right girl...until I was 22. Then a foxy redhead and my wife went after me. The foxy redhead was using me, and I was more interested in my wife anyway.

Err, but if I stop thinking about it, then I'll just either stay home, or only go out on the prowl, and basically be where I am now. I'm not lonely, but I'm not happy.

And I do get attention from women, but not from anyone that I would describe as the type I'd want to have kids with. I don't really know where they are, is the problem.

Also, I have noticed that when I've taken steps to improve my situation, it's generally worked. I worked out a lot, and now prettier girls like me. I reduced my time in dance clubs and bars, and went to more mature events, and I met better quality women. I started dressing up a bit more, and met more mature women. It's a blend of self improvement, showing off the more marketable facets of myself, and being at the right places. It's just that the places I go are good for finding a girlfriend, but not so much a wife.

Maybe part of the problem is that I'm into some alternative stuff, and maybe I should be in a more mainstream locale. Or in a niche where good marriable women are :)

[jsw]

I hope you can find someone who will make you want to keep working at it through the thick and the thin and likewise that she will want to do it for you, too.
That is the key. Compatibility is less important than the mutual desire for the relationship to work. If you're both "perfect" for each other but don't care about fixing problems, it won't work. If you're complete opposites but just want to be with each other so much that it doesn't matter, you'll probably be just fine. The way you resolve disagreements is a far better determiner of how you'll do than the number of disagreements you have.

How to find the right one? Geez, man, if we knew a bulletproof way of doing that, we would've written a bestseller and retired to an island somewhere instead of posting here. ;) But, in general, I agree with those above. The best way to find the woman for you is to go places that the type of woman you're interested in would be. Museums, Apple Stores, bars, dance studios, S&M boutiques... it all depends on what you're looking for. But the more time you spend in places your ideal woman wouldn't be, the less chance you have of finding her.
It's just that the places I go are good for finding a girlfriend, but not so much a wife.Baby steps, man - baby steps. You do need to date them first (at least the quality ones). ;)

[barneygumble]

dude you sound like a slut:p

You're approach seems to be working, one day it will:)

[MarkCollette]

I have been married for about 10 months. I won't claim to be an expert by any means, but I'll tell you a little of my story. First, I met the hubby through a close friend who knew me, and who had an idea of what he was like. I've had others try that before (the aunts always had someone they wanted me to meet), but this friend really knew me so I think she had an inside track. In any case, meeting people through good friends can happen and work.

Good luck!

Thanks. It's like, any guy friend would just want that kind of woman for himself, so maybe I should be putting in more time with girl friends. But a bunch of them got into serious relationships, and I think they all went on vacation to the Bermuda triangle or something. Hell, the search and rescue people never came back either...

But yeah, I'll make more efforts in spending time with the ones who missed the boats and are stuck on Single Island, here with me :)

[CanadaRAM]

Happy Anniversary-ish :)
Thanks!

Of course, there's probably a huge number of good women that I don't notice because they're just not in a smiling mood when I spot them...
Oooh nooo. THAT'S not the problem.

It's your mood, your confidence (or attitude, if you like), your mindset, or your 'aura' that keeps you from seeing them, and keeps them from approaching you in a receptive manner.

You'll attract exactly the attention that you are projecting to the world that you are looking for. Have you ever heard of muggers targeting people who 'look like' victims and avoid people who look confident? It's the same thing. Your demeanor reflects your state of mind and intentions (concious or unconcious), and while guys are generally clumsy at decoding body language, I can guarantee women are making the decision whether to smile at you or avoid you based on your unconcious body language. (and it's not about learning to fake it -- that fools people for only very short periods. see below.)

Conversely, have you ever had the experience of buying a new car, and all of a sudden you're seeng the same model car all over town, when you hadn't really noticed them before? Your sight is filtered by your own expectations. Probably 10 good women smiled at you today that you never saw -- or saw but never registered.

So what I'm getting back to is; Know yourself, recognize your motivations, desires and values, your strengths and weaknesses, and be honest. There are a number of ways to help get to that point; courses, counsellors, groups, (not so much reading it from books though. This isn't really something you can intellectualize on your own)

As soon as you are clear with yourself and are confident you know who you are and what you want your life to be, you'll find that the women you need to meet will be plentiful, and they will be approaching you.

This was my experience, at age 26, following a desperately unsuccessful ten years of dating. In my case, I took a personal development course, and within 2 weeks had met my wife-to-be.

[macartistkel]

I agree with the approach of NOT worrying about "finding someone" and then it will probably happen when you least expect it. Everytime I was searching for a guy, well I of course I found one but I would never fall in love them. When I wasn't looking for a man, well of course I still would easily find one but it always happened when all I wanted to do was be single (if that makes any sense)! Ok either way I find cool guys BUT its finding the one that you fall in love with that will matter and it WILL NOT HAPPEN if you expect it to.

Oh well, just my opinion! Anyway, do you have ANY other interests?? I work with a guy (30, single and after many HORRIBLE, but very entertaining dating experiences gave up on finding someone) Well he is still single currently BUT he joined this fossil club thingy and he really enjoys going and digging up little skeletons of turtles, snakes, etc. He DID NOT join this club to meet chicks (although the class is full of hot women) and now he has one following him around. But he still insists he is there because it interests him! Either way, I would take the opportunity to focus on all the things YOU like to do and MAYBE you just might meet someone--just never plan on it! :)

[MarkCollette]

That is the key. Compatibility is less important than the mutual desire for the relationship to work. If you're both "perfect" for each other but don't care about fixing problems, it won't work. If you're complete opposites but just want to be with each other so much that it doesn't matter, you'll probably be just fine. The way you resolve disagreements is a far better determiner of how you'll do than the number of disagreements you have.

I rarely ever get in fights. In relationships, I always try to work things out to everyone's satisfaction, so I think I'm good to go here.


How to find the right one? Geez, man, if we knew a bulletproof way of doing that, we would've written a bestseller and retired to an island somewhere instead of posting here. ;) But, in general, I agree with those above. The best way to find the woman for you is to go places that the type of woman you're interested in would be. Museums, Apple Stores, bars, dance studios, S&M boutiques... it all depends on what you're looking for. But the more time you spend in places your ideal woman wouldn't be, the less chance you have of finding her.

Yeah, I guess I fill up my time, to not feel alone, with some stuff that's not really conducive to meeting people. And I really need to cut them out, but that's not going to really happen unless I'm replacing it with something else.

There's got to be some places, that are conducive to meeting, to go to. I mean, I see nice looking young women at the mall, on the sidewalk, and in book stores, but there doesn't seem to be a pretense to greet them. Last week I went to a gallery, and both a girl and a guy tried to pick me up, but I'm not into guys, and the girl wasn't this "nice" thing I'm looking for. At least at dance clubs it's pretty straightforward, I don't need a pretense because we're all obviously scoping out hotties.

Maybe I need to align my hobbies better, but I'm wondering what hobbies women have? I haven't had television in years, so I don't really know what's popular. I like making things, hence the programming, but also my playing guitar, and making wine. But, those aren't really social things.


It's just that the places I go are good for finding a girlfriend, but not so much a wife.

Baby steps, man - baby steps. You do need to date them first (at least the quality ones). ;)

Hehehe, yeah, I'm not walking up to people and saying "Hi, I'm Mark, would you like to marry me?" :) I'm saying that there are nice people, whom one could be friends with, or maybe more, but you can tell pretty quickly that you won't want to spend the rest of your life with them.

And it's been real nice with some of them. I've really cared for some, and some are still friends. But, no real long-term prospects from the get-go.

[macartistkel]

Oh yes, one more thing that is kind of funny to me! I have loved two guys in my life. The first one I met while shopping for shoes and I thought I would never see him again cause I was just in for a couple of days on break from college---2 days later I am at a party and he walks in---I told everyone "that is the shoe salesmen I have been talking about for days"! What was the chances of that??

The other one (who I still love to this day) I met in the boys bathroom (long story but the girls line was too long at this bar so I went in the boys bathroom and ran smack into this guy on my way out)!! :D

Both of these instances were NOT PLANNED at all. And neither one of these guys I would have ever thought that I would FALL CRAZY IN LOVE with in the beginning....NEVER!!! Like if someone had told me in both cases I would have fallen in love, I would have never believed them BUT that is how it usually works! :) Things are so RANDOM!!!

[rockthecasbah]

Library? Girls that can read are always a plus ;)

Like someone previously said, don't think about it so much. That's not to say don't think about it entirely, but try not to dwell upon it. When the time and person are right, it'll be right, don't go looking for just someone to marry.

[jsw]

I rarely ever get in fights. In relationships, I always try to work things out to everyone's satisfaction, so I think I'm good to go here.
I really meant disagreements, and not fights. In a marriage - which I'll assume you at least intend to last "forever" - you will have at least some very strong disagreements, and at least some of the times you'll not be able to work everything out so everyone is satisfied. Some times, you will have to give up what you really, really want, and sometimes she will. Ideally, you can always find a perfect compromise, but, in reality, in a long-term marriage, when it comes to things like buying houses, moving, having kids, raising kids, investing money, making large purchases, etc.... you'll have disagreements. It's best to be sure you can handle them when they hit.

if you find the right person, you'll be fine - but I just didn't want you to expect a perfectly agreeable relationship which lasts forever. Sometimes people fight - or at least disagree. Find someone you can disagree with but love enough that the disagreement, ultimately, doesn't matter enough to be upset when you lose.

If you rarely fight, that's great! But nobody - nobody - goes 50 years without at least a few brawls (and I don't mean physical ones).

[MarkCollette]

I agree with the approach of NOT worrying about "finding someone" and then it will probably happen when you least expect it. Everytime I was searching for a guy, well I of course I found one but I would never fall in love them. When I wasn't looking for a man, well of course I still would easily find one but it always happened when all I wanted to do was be single (if that makes any sense)! Ok either way I find cool guys BUT its finding the one that you fall in love with that will matter and it WILL NOT HAPPEN if you expect it to.

But does this apply to men? Women generally don't have to do anything, and men will go up to them. And maybe guys would find it a turnoff to see you pursuing other men, whereas if it looks like you're not looking, then that makes you look more available. *chuckle* One could go mad trying to figure this out.


Oh well, just my opinion! Anyway, do you have ANY other interests?? I work with a guy (30, single and after many HORRIBLE, but very entertaining dating experiences gave up on finding someone) Well he is still single currently BUT he joined this fossil club thingy and he really enjoys going and digging up little skeletons of turtles, snakes, etc. He DID NOT join this club to meet chicks (although the class is full of hot women) and now he has one following him around. But he still insists he is there because it interests him! Either way, I would take the opportunity to focus on all the things YOU like to do and MAYBE you just might meet someone--just never plan on it! :)

Well, I go to the gym several days a week. There's some promising women there, but I think I should go earlier in the day. I'm helping an immigrant friend with English. Sometimes I wish I could have a job teaching, because I really like helping people, and going on that journey of exploration. I like going dancing, listenning to music, reading, watching movies, making wine, and am trying to learn to play the guitar but I still suck at it. Really, I'm open to anything constructive.

[floriflee]

Yes, I agree with the others that it will most likely happen when you least expect....

Don't look to find someone to marry. While that may be the main objective, you don't want that piece to cloud your vision of finding a good friend first. The now hubby and I were very much friends at first before becoming an item. It's funny because whenever anyone asked us when we started dating neither of us could really pinpoint a time when it went from friends to becoming a full-fledged intimate couple. I married the man I did because he became my best friend whom I fell in love with. I think that's the best way to do it.

[macartistkel]

but you can tell pretty quickly that you won't want to spend the rest of your life with them.

And it's been real nice with some of them. I've really cared for some, and some are still friends. But, no real long-term prospects from the get-go.

Yeah, thats what I kept saying, and then one day out of the blue (and just a week before I thought I wanted to break up because he was getting on my nerves so bad and I thought the relationship wasn't going anywhere), I look at him across the table and I just "get it". And what I mean by that is I finally SEE how much I really care for this person and it scared me that I could love someone so much--more than myself! It scared me because all of a sudden I realized how worried I am about anything bad ever happening to them and also worried about the possibility of becoming heartbroken if I lost them(which has happened as well). That is how I was hit with the feeling of love--TWICE. It is not something that can really be predicted or forced in my opinion. It happens when it happens and there is NO stopping it--even when you thought you didn't care! :)

[floriflee]

If you rarely fight, that's great! But nobody - nobody - goes 50 years without at least a few brawls (and I don't mean physical ones).

I'll second that. For years I thought the parents never fought until I found out in my much more mature years that they just fought behind closed doors rather than in front of the kids.

In my 10 months of marriage and during the pre-marital relationship, the hubby and I have had plenty of disagreements over both silly things and not-so-silly things. That's just what happens when you come from different backgrounds and have different views on different issues. The disagreements and perhaps the occasional bigger arguments will arise. You just have to learn to listen (and I stress the listen part--we've had a couple of miscommunications that all stemmed from one or both of us not really listening to what the other was trying to say), potentially compromise (as hard as that may be), and then move on. That's a very easy thing to do on paper, but could take a lifetime to really master. :)

[MarkCollette]

I really meant disagreements, and not fights. In a marriage - which I'll assume you at least intend to last "forever" - you will have at least some very strong disagreements, and at least some of the times you'll not be able to work everything out so everyone is satisfied. Some times, you will have to give up what you really, really want, and sometimes she will. Ideally, you can always find a perfect compromise, but, in reality, in a long-term marriage, when it comes to things like buying houses, moving, having kids, raising kids, investing money, making large purchases, etc.... you'll have disagreements. It's best to be sure you can handle them when they hit.

if you find the right person, you'll be fine - but I just didn't want you to expect a perfectly agreeable relationship which lasts forever. Sometimes people fight - or at least disagree. Find someone you can disagree with but love enough that the disagreement, ultimately, doesn't matter enough to be upset when you lose.

If you rarely fight, that's great! But nobody - nobody - goes 50 years without at least a few brawls (and I don't mean physical ones).

Don't worry, no illusions here. My parents divorced a couple times, and showed me what not to do, and then a subsequent marriage worked, because of a lot of hard work. Also, I've been blessed with friends and siblings where I've seen compromise work through tough stuff. And I've had a bunch of relationships, including a small number of serious ones, where my "problem solving" approach seems to have worked.

And then, with my ex, we weathered the breakup reasonably ok, because we worked hard to take of each other properly in the split. And then we somehow managed not to kill each other or ourselves when it all sunk in.

[macartistkel]

But does this apply to men? Women generally don't have to do anything, and men will go up to them. And maybe guys would find it a turnoff to see you pursuing other men, whereas if it looks like you're not looking, then that makes you look more available. *chuckle* One could go mad trying to figure this out.


I agree! I have a friend that has been burned by one guy after another AND she still keeps pursuing them week after week! So who really knows??!! :)

Well, I go to the gym several days a week. There's some promising women there, but I think I should go earlier in the day. I'm helping an immigrant friend with English. Sometimes I wish I could have a job teaching, because I really like helping people, and going on that journey of exploration. I like going dancing, listenning to music, reading, watching movies, making wine, and am trying to learn to play the guitar but I still suck at it. Really, I'm open to anything constructive.

Well your only 26 (thats a good age to start being able to visualize how you want your life to be). You sound intelligient, fun, and your cute if that is your actual profile pic! I just cannot predict the future so I don't know when or where you will meet the one you fall in love with, but I have hope (as for everyone who feels the same way) that it will happen someday!! :)

[floriflee]

Yeah, thats what I kept saying, and then one day out of the blue (and just a week before I thought I wanted to break up because he was getting on my nerves so bad and I thought the relationship wasn't going anywhere), I look at him across the table and I just "get it". And what I mean by that is I finally SEE how much I really care for this person and it scared me that I could love someone so much--more than myself! It scared me because all of a sudden I realized how worried I am about anything bad ever happening to them and also worried about the possibility of becoming heartbroken if I lost them(which has happened as well). That is how I was hit with the feeling of love--TWICE. It is not something that can really be predicted or forced in my opinion. It happens when it happens and there is NO stopping it--even when you thought you didn't care! :)

Oh, it's definitely a scary feeling the first time you realize you've met someone you care so much you put them before yourself. It's so new and makes you feel almost vulnerable. However, it doesn't mean you always remember that you're willing to do that. It breaks my heart everytime I've found myself forgetting that fact and in some way hurting the man I love. Even after he's forgiven me for whatever it was I said or did, it's the hardest thing to do to learn to forgive myself for having done it.

[macartistkel]

Oh, it's definitely a scary feeling the first time you realize you've met someone you care so much you put them before yourself. It's so new and makes you feel almost vulnerable. However, it doesn't mean you always remember that you're willing to do that. It breaks my heart everytime I've found myself forgetting that fact and in some way hurting the man I love. Even after he's forgiven me for whatever it was I said or did, it's the hardest thing to do to learn to forgive myself for having done it.

Very true!! I hear you floriflee! I have spent a lot of time feeling guilty about the things I have done at times too! Hurting someone you care about is rough in any kind of situation. :( I would like to never feel that way again if possible for the rest of my life!

[MarkCollette]

Library? Girls that can read are always a plus ;)

Like someone previously said, don't think about it so much. That's not to say don't think about it entirely, but try not to dwell upon it. When the time and person are right, it'll be right, don't go looking for just someone to marry.

Adding Libraries to the list :) No idea if girls go there, but we'll see. Actually, the library downtown has these little seminars that I've wanted to check out for a while, so maybe I'll go there regardless :)

[MarkCollette]

floriflee and macartistkel, I don't know if this sounds dorky, but I'm was getting a little emotional reading your love stories.

About that guilt thing... I get flashbacks, sometimes a couple every day, of times that I've hurt or disappointed others. Sometimes pretty minor things that I'm sure they've forgotten. And then I feel really bad or stupid for a minute or so. Do other people have that too, or do you guys just feel guilty right after the event, and then move on?


Well your only 26 (thats a good age to start being able to visualize how you want your life to be). You sound intelligient, fun, and your cute if that is your actual profile pic! I just cannot predict the future so I don't know when or where you will meet the one you fall in love with, but I have hope (as for everyone who feels the same way) that it will happen someday!! :)

Hehehe, of course my picture is of me. In my profile there's a link to my homepage, which is where I put up my pictures, on tribe.net, if you'd like more photographic evidence :)

Ever since I was 16 I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to do in my life. Of course, I learned a lot in the past decade that's adjusted the plan, but the basic idea is intact.

[MarkCollette]

It's your mood, your confidence (or attitude, if you like), your mindset, or your 'aura' that keeps you from seeing them, and keeps them from approaching you in a receptive manner.

You'll attract exactly the attention that you are projecting to the world that you are looking for. Have you ever heard of muggers targeting people who 'look like' victims and avoid people who look confident? It's the same thing. Your demeanor reflects your state of mind and intentions (concious or unconcious), and while guys are generally clumsy at decoding body language, I can guarantee women are making the decision whether to smile at you or avoid you based on your unconcious body language. (and it's not about learning to fake it -- that fools people for only very short periods. see below.)

Yeah, I totally get that. I've noticed that there's this mandatory 2 week period, after a breakup, no matter how minor the relationship was, where meeting someone is impossible, because of my mood. Well, for most of that 2 weeks I don't even want to meet someone... But I can see the looks in peoples' eyes, that they all steer clear. And then once I've accepted things and moved on, poof, some girl pops out of the woodwork.

But, I wonder, maybe I'm not sending out a good-girl-compatible vibe. Ever. More like a flee-from-the-naughty-boy kind of vibe. Or worse, I've noticed that mainstream girls sometimes assume I'm gay. People who actually know gay people tend not to make that mistake. Maybe I'm exuding some kind of made-for-TV-gay-stereotype that doesn't mesh with good girls? I don't act gay, but maybe the Le Chateau clothing confuses them... Wow, I've totally gone off on a tangent... :)


As soon as you are clear with yourself and are confident you know who you are and what you want your life to be, you'll find that the women you need to meet will be plentiful, and they will be approaching you.

This was my experience, at age 26, following a desperately unsuccessful ten years of dating. In my case, I took a personal development course, and within 2 weeks had met my wife-to-be.

Yeah, I guess that it's only recently that I've realised what I want, in that I don't want to be in a holding pattern any more. Maybe somehow that'll be communicated. Was that course Landmark? Some guy at my work was telling us about this self-improvement course he attended. Just curious if it's the same thing.

[Greencardman]

Wired News just did an article on where geeks and nerds can go to find love. And if you ask me, a girl who knows what a MUD is and the Quark key command for "resize" is just sexy :)

I can't find the article, but this was one of the sites. Er... not that I've been there or anything, but if you're a geeky guy is Austin TX, I think you're in luck.

http://www.consumating.com/

[achie25]

Where to find true love?? Go to the nearest stripper club. You can find a lasting relationship with a woman there at least until you run out of dollars!! :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

No seriously meeting someone through mutual friends is always nice and can work but the advice I always got and it was true is that once you stop looking for that special someone they find you.

Kind of hallmark cheesey I know but it happens more that way than you think.

[floriflee]

floriflee and macartistkel, I don't know if this sounds dorky, but I'm was getting a little emotional reading your love stories.

About that guilt thing... I get flashbacks, sometimes a couple every day, of times that I've hurt or disappointed others. Sometimes pretty minor things that I'm sure they've forgotten. And then I feel really bad or stupid for a minute or so. Do other people have that too, or do you guys just feel guilty right after the event, and then move on?

I feel guilty long after the fact sometimes. I even still feel a tinge of guilt about mean things I did to a friend when I was in junior high (young teenagers with raging hormones can be so thoughtless sometimes). It's worse when I've done something stupid...again...and then I'll just start compounding all the stupid things I've done to the hubby (or whoever). Then I'll start to think "will I ever learn?!" It gets to be depressing when that happens, but then I have to remember that I may not get it right the first few times, but if I really do love and care for this person then I will have the desire to actually change and I will put that desire--even if it is ever so slowly--into action. Luckily, in those situations, even though the hubby gets frustrated with me, he is very patient and caring just as he expects me to be patient and caring with him when he's in my shoes. The same goes for family members and friends.

[jelloshotsrule]

My advice is, if your striking out at the bars for the youngins, go to a cougar bar and dress up all preppy... bag yourself a cougar, take her home and bone her a few times... then pass out.. in the morning they usualy leave...

but in order to acomplish this there needs to be a VERY accessable phone so they can call a cab :D


words of wisdom from a fellow canadian (http://forums.macrumors.com/showpost.php?p=452937&postcount=18)

[raggedjimmi]

I met my girlfriend at college. pretty certain that we'll end up getting married over the next few years. looking forward to it actually. but yea, places of education are good :)

[macartistkel]

I feel guilty long after the fact sometimes. I even still feel a tinge of guilt about mean things I did to a friend when I was in junior high (young teenagers with raging hormones can be so thoughtless sometimes). It's worse when I've done something stupid...again...and then I'll just start compounding all the stupid things I've done to the hubby (or whoever). Then I'll start to think "will I ever learn?!" It gets to be depressing when that happens, but then I have to remember that I may not get it right the first few times, but if I really do love and care for this person then I will have the desire to actually change and I will put that desire--even if it is ever so slowly--into action. Luckily, in those situations, even though the hubby gets frustrated with me, he is very patient and caring just as he expects me to be patient and caring with him when he's in my shoes. The same goes for family members and friends.

All I can say is DITTO! We must be similiar in some ways because that summed up exactly how I have felt! I am also very lucky to have patient people in my life. I am such a sensitive and impulsive person. The least little thing can sometimes feel like the end of the world for me. Being so emotional has caused me to become a little more upset and cause so much drama and problems at times too because of how strongly I do feel inside about things. All in all, I think its had more of a positive affect on my life than negative though. I am a forgiving person (not a doormat like some people have said), just very understanding and I don't like to hold grudges if I can help it because I have appreciated it when other people have given me the benefit of the doubt in situations! I rather work out differences with people and see other sides than just stay angry about something. :)

[macartistkel]

floriflee and macartistkel, I don't know if this sounds dorky, but I'm was getting a little emotional reading your love stories.

Oh that is awesome! I just like the fact of getting to read what other people have to say as well as sharing my little stories---that is why I like message boards! I learn SO MUCH from other people and it really does help me out sometimes! :)

About that guilt thing... I get flashbacks, sometimes a couple every day, of times that I've hurt or disappointed others. Sometimes pretty minor things that I'm sure they've forgotten. And then I feel really bad or stupid for a minute or so. Do other people have that too, or do you guys just feel guilty right after the event, and then move on?

I feel the same way!! See my post above to floriflee! :)


Ever since I was 16 I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to do in my life. Of course, I learned a lot in the past decade that's adjusted the plan, but the basic idea is intact.

Thats cool! I am 29 but it was just a couple of years ago around your age that I finally started visualizing how I wanted my life to be and what steps I need to take to achieve it--I still don't have the whole "purpose" thing in life yet---hopefully I have more time to figure all that out but I know what direction I am going at least. Not everything will turn out as planned of course (as with the two stories I shared---like if I had not gone into the shoe store at that moment, on that particular night, I would have never even spent 3 years of my life with that person. Same with going to the boys bathroom and bumping into the guy I have spent the past 5 years of my life with---it was just random times like that that altered my path forever! That's the coolness of not knowing what could happen at any moment! :) Now having said that, I am also a pessimist at times so I get the overwhelming feelings that at any moment tragedy will strike and my world will come crashing down on me!! :rolleyes: :)

[Jaffa Cake]

One word for you – the internet. It's how I met the missus. ;)

[Josh]

I'm not about to give anyone advice on this, as I'm only 21 and know no more about it than the next guy.

But, one thing that has helped me find relationships that, while they were not life-lasting, were very good and averaged 2 years, and ended on good notes: not looking for love.

Love sneaks up on you, and is always, always always always, in the most unexpected place or time.

I've done the one night stand thing, and went out and met girls out of boredom, and while it was fun for the time, it is not as satisfying to me as a strong, well-founded relationship.

Every worthwhile relationship I've had that was of any quality and meaningful duration came about entirely unexpected.

[adroit]

I met my boyfriend at a race car club :eek:
It was actually a university's club that competes in an annual event host by the Society of Automotive Engineers (SAE). Good times.

You never know what will happen so just go and enjoy doing things that you're interested in, there's no point trying to pick up new hobbies just to meet girls. Who would have thought that I'll met the love of my life while working on a race car. :D

[emmawu]

I met my husband at a picnic when he was 25. He was in graduate school in mathematics and I was and English major writing music reviews for an alternative paper. We had mutual friends. It seems I've loved him all my life.

The odd thing is, we were at the same school, we lived a block away from each other and in high school we live two blocks away from each other. All it took was this picnic to meet.

Go everyplace. You never know when love will come along. Trust it.

[BrianDavid0523]

Mark you are smokin' HOT!

What a shame you're a str8 boy. :-(

[stubeeef]

I was in the Navy, I would come home for the holidays, my mom would have me set up on some awful "dates". About every other trip home I would meet one for lunch the day before I left to go back and play Navy. And darn if she didn't get it right, finally. We met (I was 29) and married 10 months later.

It is never where you are looking, or even while you are looking. Give up and it will find you cause you're sitting still.:)

Married 17 years this year, 3 kids.

PS: This thread has Clayj all over it! Where he b?

[yellow]

So, the question is, where does one go to meet the good girls?

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors, and the values of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the Sign
reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives
store just across the street.

The first floor has wives who love sex.

The second floor has wives who love sex and have money.

The third through sixth floors have never been visited.


Seriously though, the best place to find someone is to 1) not actively LOOK (Murphy's Law application), 2) do things that you like to do (as it's nice to meet someone who has similar basic interests).

[MarkCollette]

My advice is, if your striking out at the bars for the youngins, go to a cougar bar and dress up all preppy... bag yourself a cougar, take her home and bone her a few times... then pass out.. in the morning they usualy leave...

but in order to acomplish this there needs to be a VERY accessable phone so they can call a cab :D


words of wisdom from a fellow canadian (http://forums.macrumors.com/showpost.php?p=452937&postcount=18)

Hehe, thanks. But, no, I'm not having trouble meeting those kinds of ladies. And I'm trying to get past the short-term thing. And while the last few months has been a buffet of varying ages and experiences, I think that someone my age or a year or two under would probably work best for me, long-term.

[Lau]

I couldn't agree more with the "it'll come when you least expect it" theory. I think this is because when you're having a good time as yourself and are happy, that's when you're at your most attractive.

There's nothing wrong with taking up new hobbies - that's a good thing for anyone to do. However, do them because you want to, and do things you enjoy doing, and that's when you're again likely to meet someone.

What's the point of taking up hang gliding if you hate sports? You'll end up with a sports loving hang glider that you're not suited with. If you love surfing MR, that might be the place you meet someone. I'm over simplifying things, and obviously it's good to have different interests to each other, but you get my drift.

Be yourself - it's the best way to end up with someone compatible. :cool:

[MarkCollette]

The odd thing is, we were at the same school, we lived a block away from each other and in high school we live two blocks away from each other. All it took was this picnic to meet.

Go everyplace. You never know when love will come along. Trust it.

That's exactly the idea that drives me crazy. Just think of every good event in your life, and the series of events that led up to them. Think of what innocuous difference might have changed everything. Or hell, bad events too. Such as, this one time where someone was murdered at a convenience store a few blocks from my home. There was a crowd of people who just them him die. My and a friend went to the store just after this. If we'd stopped by earlier, we could have saved him.

Random chance. That's what we're putting our faith in, to guide us on a path that will last our whole lives. Crazy. Inefficient. A little scary.

I went to this club a while ago, and the door man checked my ID. He lives one floor up in my building. People come from all over the city to this club. Or, years ago, there was this other club I went to, and some girl from there, her mother lives in my building. Or my neice's best friend's sister, she lives in my building too. Somehow, a great match for you could be just around a corner, and you've been connected indirectly this entire time, and then it all comes together. Or not.

I can see why it's better to not think about it, and just meander through life until it all works out, because if you actually start calculating the probabilities, it becomes astronomical pretty quick :)

[MarkCollette]

What's the point of taking up hang gliding if you hate sports? You'll end up with a sports loving hang glider that you're not suited with. If you love surfing MR, that might be the place you meet someone. I'm over simplifying things, and obviously it's good to have different interests to each other, but you get my drift.

Be yourself - it's the best way to end up with someone compatible. :cool:

Thanks. The thing is that I like exploring new things, and there are a lot of facets to me, so when I talk about trying new hobbies, don't worry, I'm not planning on suffering through stuff just to pick up ladies, it's just that I kind of want to fit every experience possible into this one life anyway :)

[DrEasy]

Mark, try European girls, I think they'll be your cup of tea. And they won't confuse your sophistication with being gay!
:)

[CanadaRAM]

Yeah, I totally get that. I've noticed that there's this mandatory 2 week period, after a breakup, no matter how minor the relationship was, where meeting someone is impossible, because of my mood. Well, for most of that 2 weeks I don't even want to meet someone... But I can see the looks in peoples' eyes, that they all steer clear. And then once I've accepted things and moved on, poof, some girl pops out of the woodwork.

But, I wonder, maybe I'm not sending out a good-girl-compatible vibe. Ever. More like a flee-from-the-naughty-boy kind of vibe. Or worse, I've noticed that mainstream girls sometimes assume I'm gay. People who actually know gay people tend not to make that mistake. Maybe I'm exuding some kind of made-for-TV-gay-stereotype that doesn't mesh with good girls? I don't act gay, but maybe the Le Chateau clothing confuses them... Wow, I've totally gone off on a tangent... :)

Yeah, I guess that it's only recently that I've realised what I want, in that I don't want to be in a holding pattern any more. Maybe somehow that'll be communicated. Was that course Landmark? Some guy at my work was telling us about this self-improvement course he attended. Just curious if it's the same thing.

The thing is -- it never works to conciously manipulate the vibe you are sending out. Posing or faking it does not work (see Hugh Grant in About a Boy for case study), wardrobe and hairstyle are only a superficial thing. (Actually there is a word for those rare people who can convincingly maintain a false facade and fool people, that word is "sociopath").

It's what you believe yourself to be at the root, which displays itself unconciously as your 'vibe' .

So: Work on the foundation, and the vibe will automatically follow.

There are many courses with the same basic objectives and differing in details. In my case the course was Pursuit of Excellence. Personal Message me to discuss this any further, I'm not here to pitch any particular course in-forum.

[MarkCollette]

Mark, try European girls, I think they'll be your cup of tea. And they won't confuse your sophistication with being gay!
:)

You know, I think that just about every single real real relationship I've been in has been with a European girl. Ok, well, more like an overwhelming majority. Maybe I should just move? :D

Hmm, maybe I could be like Dr Evil smart, and go to ethnic events?

[DrEasy]

You know, I think that just about every single real real relationship I've been in has been with a European girl. Ok, well, more like an overwhelming majority. Maybe I should just move? :D

Hmm, maybe I could be like Dr Evil smart, and go to ethnic events?
No, the ones you'll find locally will have most likely embraced Alberta's values, which seem to be different than yours...

Move? Why not? Europeans dig Canadians, and not only you might find "marriable women" but also more like-minded people in general. 26 is a good age to find out where you really belong!

Good luck! :)

[quigleybc]

Order a bride from Russia....

[thedude110]

Order a bride from Russia....

It wasn't funny the first time (http://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?p=2209280#post2209280).

[MarkCollette]

It wasn't funny the first time (http://forums.macrumors.com/showthread.php?p=2209280#post2209280).

As long as you know that :p

[aloofman]

I know this thread is old, but now that I've found it, I'll chime in. If your situation has now totally changed, just ignore it. :D

Single guy + latin or ballroom dancing = unlimited opportunity to meet unattached ladies who share a common interest. There isn't a woman in the world, I bet, who doesn't appreciate a guy who can couple dance. It's how I met my wife, as it happens (19 years ago this month!). We met socially and agreed to do some dancing together once we discovered the common interest.


Women tell me all the time that dance classes are babe central, and that women would be fighting over me just for showing up. There's one big problem with that: I find dancing boring. I don't hate it, but it's not fun to me. The one thing I would have in common with the woman would be something I'm only pretending to enjoy, which is no more a basis for meeting someone than if both of us like that bar's selection of alcoholic beverages. So either I perpetually pretend to like dancing for her benefit, or I explain that I've never liked dancing and only took the class to meet women. Seems like that will backfire either way.


As soon as you are clear with yourself and are confident you know who you are and what you want your life to be, you'll find that the women you need to meet will be plentiful, and they will be approaching you.

(emphasis mine)

This is only my observation based on experience, but I don't think a guy can depend on being approached by women, at least not directly. It happens occasionally, but not often enough to meet as many people as you'll want to meet. My impression is that a majority of women would rather wait for you to come to them than to take the initiative themselves, even at the risk of missing the opportunity and never meeting you again. This willingness to leave one's romantic future in the hands of others is baffling to me, but there's nothing I can really do about it.

My personal belief is that one can't base his/her happiness on being in a long-term relationship. You say you're "not lonely, but not happy." I strongly feel that you have to be happy by yourself before you can know how much happier a partner makes you.

[MarkCollette]

I know this thread is old, but now that I've found it, I'll chime in. If your situation has now totally changed, just ignore it. :D

Haha, thanks for your input. I've been trying some of the advice from this thread, but still find myself dating around, and not really getting into any serious relationship. So I guess that I'm fundamentally still in the same situation, while some details may have changed.


Women tell me all the time that dance classes are babe central, and that women would be fighting over me just for showing up. There's one big problem with that: I find dancing boring. I don't hate it, but it's not fun to me. The one thing I would have in common with the woman would be something I'm only pretending to enjoy, which is no more a basis for meeting someone than if both of us like that bar's selection of alcoholic beverages. So either I perpetually pretend to like dancing for her benefit, or I explain that I've never liked dancing and only took the class to meet women. Seems like that will backfire either way.

One thing I've noticed while taking several different dance lessons is that I definitely prefer some types over others. While I can understand if you don't like dancing at all, you might want to consider the possibility that you just haven't tried a type that you may well like.

For example, I took Salsa years ago, and found it to be a boring series of moves to spin girls around. So I stopped taking lessons. Later, I took Tango lessons, and really really enjoyed it. Even so, I stopped taking lessons after a while because not enough young women were taking lessons, as it's more popular with slightly older people. Now, years later, I'm taking Salsa again, and I'm now able to enjoy it more. But there are probably at least 10 different dance styles being readily taught in your area that you could check out. Maybe just try a single drop-in class for each?

But yeah, I wouldn't do something that I actively dislike in the hopes of meeting women. But there are other more female centric activities. For example, I go to a Yoga class every Sunday afternoon. I haven't really been hitting on anyone, but I've chatted with a few girls before class. There's probably 5 girls for every guy, and they're all young and fit.


This is only my observation based on experience, but I don't think a guy can depend on being approached by women, at least not directly. It happens occasionally, but not often enough to meet as many people as you'll want to meet. My impression is that a majority of women would rather wait for you to come to them than to take the initiative themselves, even at the risk of missing the opportunity and never meeting you again. This willingness to leave one's romantic future in the hands of others is baffling to me, but there's nothing I can really do about it.

Yeah, once in a blue moon a girl will approach me first, but I sure don't wait for that. I find that the longer I wait to initiate, the more likely it won't happen. I've been trying to kick myself in the ass to act within a few seconds of initial eye contact. To be fair though, a girl did pick me up on the weekend, so it is possible. But still, I don't think it falls under the marriageable category ;)


My personal belief is that one can't base his/her happiness on being in a long-term relationship. You say you're "not lonely, but not happy." I strongly feel that you have to be happy by yourself before you can know how much happier a partner makes you.

Hahaha, yeah, that's one of those probably-true-yet-annoyingly-elusive pieces of advice. Back when I first made this thread, it was not long after a breakup, and also an ex-gf visiting and then leaving. So I was way more down than now. But still, my mind can't quite comprehend the idea of being happy alone, and then meeting someone just being a bonus.

[aloofman]

Haha, thanks for your input. I've been trying some of the advice from this thread, but still find myself dating around, and not really getting into any serious relationship. So I guess that I'm fundamentally still in the same situation, while some details may have changed.

Everybody just dates around until they meet someone that makes them want to stop dating around. The only alternative is to not date at all, which would really suck.

But there are probably at least 10 different dance styles being readily taught in your area that you could check out. Maybe just try a single drop-in class for each?

You have a good point, but none of the forms of dance I've been introduced to have really been appealing to me.

But yeah, I wouldn't do something that I actively dislike in the hopes of meeting women. But there are other more female centric activities. For example, I go to a Yoga class every Sunday afternoon. I haven't really been hitting on anyone, but I've chatted with a few girls before class. There's probably 5 girls for every guy, and they're all young and fit.

Yoga I think I could do. Fitness and self-improvement are both things I'm into. That's worth looking into. Thanks.

Yeah, once in a blue moon a girl will approach me first, but I sure don't wait for that. I find that the longer I wait to initiate, the more likely it won't happen. I've been trying to kick myself in the ass to act within a few seconds of initial eye contact. To be fair though, a girl did pick me up on the weekend, so it is possible.

Oh it's happened to me a few times, but it's too rare to expect it. And it's true, you do have to kind of psych yourself up sometimes. I just tell myself that if I don't do it, it won't happen.

[XNine]

****. I dunno man. I don't think there's a woman in the world worth marrying. I used to. And then there's always that old adage: "You haven't met the right one." On the contrary, i did...,.. she was just a two-timing whore who has my dog and I hope she dies a horrible painful death so I can get custody of him.

However: The hopeless romantic in me says this; Do not look for love in bars, do not look for love in a car. Do not look to the stars above, for this emotion comes from the heart, this crazy thing called love. Should you fail and fail, and fail again, and as trying as the efforts must have been, a lonely heart will find comfort from within. Another will take you by surprise by surprise,, you never do see it coming just as if you were blind.

Thank you, thank you! I'll be here every Monday night after the Avalanche beat the Redwings and I've had 8 pints to drink. :p

I say this to you my fellow man, do not go trying to find love, for it will find you.

[MarkCollette]

****. I dunno man. I don't think there's a woman in the world worth marrying. I used to. And then there's always that old adage: "You haven't met the right one." On the contrary, i did...,.. she was just a two-timing whore who has my dog and I hope she dies a horrible painful death so I can get custody of him.

Aha, I knew I was making the right choice by not having any pets! :)

However: The hopeless romantic in me says this; Do not look for love in bars, do not look for love in a car. Do not look to the stars above, for this emotion comes from the heart, this crazy thing called love. Should you fail and fail, and fail again, and as trying as the efforts must have been, a lonely heart will find comfort from within. Another will take you by surprise by surprise,, you never do see it coming just as if you were blind.

Damn, it seems like I'm only meeting girls in bars and getting action in my car. And I have a subcompact Toyota Echo, so I doubly don't understand why that's happenning :) Luckily, I've got that whole "never see love coming" thing down pat. Hahaha.

[sushi]

Look at ways of having women friends. Sports for example. Pick something were women participate. Tennis, skiing, and golf come to mind.

Once you have some women friends, you may develop a friendship with one that will last a lifetime after it blossoms into love. Or these friends may be the portal to someone else.

Networking if you will. Just like the ole job search. The key is to create a target rich environment for those that interest you.

Bars and the like are some of the least likely places to find a good woman. It can happen, but chances are slim.

[n8236]

AHAhahahaaha, best thread ever!

[true777]

I think part of your problem is your interest in/liking of alternative stuff, as you describe it (hippie people, alternative music, whatever it may be). I had the same problem, and was shocked at how many quality people I started to meet when I started having more married friends and participated in more mature activities.

Places and activities that come to mind where one can meet quality people are: Tennis/Squash, golf tournaments, charity events, high-end gallery exhibition openings, scientific talks with mixers afterwards (maybe join your local ACM chapter if you're in high tech), anything related to real estate or investment strategies (e.g., real estate or investment fairs and talks), Country Clubs, etc. Also, university campuses are of course great if it's a quality university with many graduate students. Sign up for a few email announcement lists for evening talks at a local university about topics that you find interesting.

And, of course, make sure to come across as the kind of mature, reliable, and educated person that the kind of woman you are looking for would like to date! Women love a combination of self confidence and humility in a man, so hold back on your crazy humor and present yourself as a person of integrity and substance.

Good luck!

[sushi]

I think part of your problem is your interest in/liking of alternative stuff, as you describe it (hippie people, alternative music, whatever it may be). I had the same problem, and was shocked at how many quality people I started to meet when I started having more married friends and participated in more mature activities.

Places and activities that come to mind where one can meet quality people are: Tennis/Squash, golf tournaments, charity events, high-end gallery exhibition openings, scientific talks with mixers afterwards (maybe join your local ACM chapter if you're in high tech), anything related to real estate or investment strategies (e.g., real estate or investment fairs and talks), Country Clubs, etc. Also, university campuses are of course great if it's a quality university with many graduate students. Sign up for a few email announcement lists for evening talks at a local university about topics that you find interesting.

And, of course, make sure to come across as the kind of mature, reliable, and educated person that the kind of woman you are looking for would like to date! Women love a combination of self confidence and humility in a man, so hold back on your crazy humor and present yourself as a person of integrity and substance.

Good luck!
true777, very well put!

[true777]

PS -- I am a marriable woman, and if I try to think where/how one would meet a woman like me or my single girlfriends -- well, either at work (research in high tech), high end fashion shopping, at scientific talks and high tech gatherings (venture capitalist talks, mash-ups, etc.), top universities, quality restaurants, brushless car wash, quality grocery store, nice cafe, out jogging in good neighborhood, often in private friends' homes for family gatherings and the like. Or online.

[XNine]

PS -- I am a marriable woman, and if I try to think where/how one would meet a woman like me or my single girlfriends -- well, either at work (research in high tech), high end fashion shopping, at scientific talks and high tech gatherings (venture capitalist talks, mash-ups, etc.), top universities, quality restaurants, brushless car wash, quality grocery store, nice cafe, out jogging in good neighborhood, often in private friends' homes for family gatherings and the like. Or online.

You should be receiving a PM from Mad Jew in 3, 2, 1...

[wimic]

The best way to meet someone is to get out and meet new people. I see you're living in Calgary - so am I and so are a bunch of my friends.

Interested in meeting new people? We should all play poker sometime or go for coffee. We have a few single bachelors (and bachelorettes... not me, but some of our friends) within the group - if you're looking for a wingman or a date, we might be able to help ya out :)

We're all pretty respectible people. I'm a civil engineer working downtown for a consulting company and my friend Sandy, who works with me, is also a civil engineer.

PM me if you're interested :)

[MarkCollette]

Look at ways of having women friends. Sports for example. Pick something were women participate. Tennis, skiing, and golf come to mind.

Once you have some women friends, you may develop a friendship with one that will last a lifetime after it blossoms into love. Or these friends may be the portal to someone else.

Networking if you will. Just like the ole job search. The key is to create a target rich environment for those that interest you.

Bars and the like are some of the least likely places to find a good woman. It can happen, but chances are slim.

Hmm, I'm adding "sports" to the list. Maybe softball or soccer or something like that. I already go to the gym and do yoga, but maybe I could fit that in too :)

My best friend is a girl, and I think that I disproportionately hang out with girls already. I'm not stuck in that dreaded "friend ladder" thing though :) Most likely when I'm hanging out in a crowd of girls, I just look gay though. I think I have to focus on meeting more guy friends. Well, non-computer-geek guys who actually like going out as much as I do :)

It's hard to not go to clubs though. I simply really really like going out dancing.

[MarkCollette]

I think part of your problem is your interest in/liking of alternative stuff, as you describe it (hippie people, alternative music, whatever it may be). I had the same problem, and was shocked at how many quality people I started to meet when I started having more married friends and participated in more mature activities.

Places and activities that come to mind where one can meet quality people are: Tennis/Squash, golf tournaments, charity events, high-end gallery exhibition openings, scientific talks with mixers afterwards (maybe join your local ACM chapter if you're in high tech), anything related to real estate or investment strategies (e.g., real estate or investment fairs and talks), Country Clubs, etc. Also, university campuses are of course great if it's a quality university with many graduate students. Sign up for a few email announcement lists for evening talks at a local university about topics that you find interesting.

And, of course, make sure to come across as the kind of mature, reliable, and educated person that the kind of woman you are looking for would like to date! Women love a combination of self confidence and humility in a man, so hold back on your crazy humor and present yourself as a person of integrity and substance.

Good luck!

PS -- I am a marriable woman, and if I try to think where/how one would meet a woman like me or my single girlfriends -- well, either at work (research in high tech), high end fashion shopping, at scientific talks and high tech gatherings (venture capitalist talks, mash-ups, etc.), top universities, quality restaurants, brushless car wash, quality grocery store, nice cafe, out jogging in good neighborhood, often in private friends' homes for family gatherings and the like. Or online.


Ouch, going to more mature events and holding back on the humour sounds pretty scary. I can't help but balk at the idea of wearing sweaters, combing my hair to the side, and generally acting like I'm 35 when I'm really just 26 :)

But seriously, I've done some of those kinds of events, maybe I just need to keep at it. I already go to an art gallery open house once a month, and it sounds interesting to look into what kinds of talks the University of Calgary might have going on. But I'd be pretty hesitant to go to investment talks and real estate talks since I assume those would likely be scams. Plus I already own a condo and have an investment manager, so I'm not really in the market anyway.

[aloofman]

I'm not stuck in that dreaded "friend ladder" thing though :)

It isn't a "friend ladder." It's a Friend Black Hole. You can't see it directly, only observe its influence on things around it. And nothing escapes. :p

[Macky-Mac]

geeeeze.....you're only 26.....what are you worrying about this for?

[Blue Velvet]

I think part of your problem is your interest in/liking of alternative stuff, as you describe it (hippie people, alternative music, whatever it may be). I had the same problem, and was shocked at how many quality people I started to meet when I started having more married friends and participated in more mature activities.

Places and activities that come to mind where one can meet quality people are: Tennis/Squash, golf tournaments, charity events, high-end gallery exhibition openings, scientific talks with mixers afterwards (maybe join your local ACM chapter if you're in high tech), anything related to real estate or investment strategies (e.g., real estate or investment fairs and talks), Country Clubs, etc...



Quality people? Country Clubs?

Thought America didn't have a class system. Funny what people ascribe as quality... That sort of pigeonholing may increase your chances of meeting a bunch of stuffed shirts or republicans but if that's what you want, then knock yourself out.

I find the label of 'quality people' a bit loaded if you ask me. I'm not going to meet any interesting creative types (especially risk-takers) at an investment fair.

[aloofman]

Quality people? Country Clubs?

Thought America didn't have a class system. Funny what people ascribe as quality... That sort of pigeonholing may increase your chances of meeting a bunch of stuffed shirts or republicans but if that's what you want, then knock yourself out.

I find the label of 'quality people' a bit loaded if you ask me. I'm not going to meet any interesting creative types (especially risk-takers) at an investment fair.

Agreed. If there's one thing I'm sure of, you don't want to do anything that arbitrarily reduces your dating pool. It's hard enough to meet someone without limiting yourself to affluent people.

[islandman]

You won't meet them in this forum, that's for sure! Get out of the house more! :D

Seriously though, when you least expect it, the right one will fall into your lap. It happened to me as soon as I stopped worrying about it.

[mpw]

You won't meet them in this forum, that's for sure!...
...when you least expect it, the right one will fall into your lap....

So you're saying this IS where you'll meet someone?:confused:

[jdechko]

My advice is to stop looking so hard. These things tend to work better when you're not looking. It's how and when I met my wife.

[MarkCollette]

*Walks up steps of bell tower, determinedly*
*Sets gun case down on floor, carefully*
*Opens gun case, eyeing parts of high powered sniper rifle*
*Assembles rifle, methodically*
*Chambers round*
*Scans crowd in plaza below*
*Reading peoples' lips through the gun sight, finds two friends talking about dating*
*Sees the one with the wedding band say "You can't find love, it just finds you"*
*In an homage to Jackie Kennedy, shoots the married person in the head, splattering their brains onto their friend's lap*

[ejb190]

^^
MarkCollette, as someone who has been way too close to a shooting, I find your post tasteless and disgusting.

My advice is to stop looking so hard. These things tend to work better when you're not looking. It's how and when I met my wife.
But keep your eyes open! My wife stalked me for THREE YEARS while I was being a blind fool! She was in the first adult education (Master Gardeners) class I taught and my only student even close to my age (Most were retired folks looking for a new hobby). I broke her heart every time she found out I was dating someone else and I never even knew it. We got married September 3rd.

[aloofman]

My wife stalked me for THREE YEARS while I was being a blind fool! She was in the first adult education (Master Gardeners) class I taught and my only student even close to my age (Most were retired folks looking for a new hobby). I broke her heart every time she found out I was dating someone else and I never even knew it. We got married September 3rd.

So why did it take three years? Did she ask you out and you took three years to say yes? Did she not say anything and hope you'd make the first move?

[MarkCollette]

^^
MarkCollette, as someone who has been way too close to a shooting, I find your post tasteless and disgusting.

Ouch. My inappropriate sense of humor strikes again...

[ejb190]

Ouch. My inappropriate sense of humor strikes again...

Sorry about that. I totally understand the single/married thing, I do. I just get a bit sensitive about shootings. I lost a friend to a revenge-minded drug dealer with a shotgun.

So why did it take three years?
It's a long story. She has been a friend since we met, but I guess I wasn't ready for her! My wife is a beautiful person. It took me a while to get past her disability and realize I could marry and accept someone with a disability.