Dating "Rules"

[scem0]

Hmmmm... online dating services....

I am partially against them because so many needy people use them. People who are unhappy who think having a significant other will turn their life around. I'm a firm believer that you can't find true happiness in a relationship, you have to correct the other things in your life that are making you unhappy yourself. Once your happy then a relationship is a very healthy thing to have, I think. But so many people go to those sites because they feel they need a relationship, and that they can't be happy till they get one, and that results in unhealthy relationships.

But, having said that, I met Lee on MR, and I think we make a damn good couple . But neither of us had the intention of finding a romantic partner when we joined the site . And we also were very clear with each other before meeting that we weren't going to meet each other with any expectations. If sparks fly then they fly, if they don't they don't. Sparks flew .

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[Jaffa Cake]

...lets say you have been virtually "dating" someone over the Internet using one of these services for oh about a month or so, yeah? You do finally decide to meet up somewhere in a public crowded place for security reasons. When you finally do meet, talk about high expectations! It's like "yeah, so how are you? yeah... im so and so from that site.. yeah.. uhhh". And you don't know how to continue on from that because your so used to talking to them online.

Online dating can work. For one thing, it's how I met the missus.

 

[Applespider]

Adding more wood to the fire is online dating. This includes the whole mantra of what is match.com & myspace & even yahoo personals.

Meeting up with people isn't so bad. In some ways, so long as you can remember what you've spoken about online, you've got lots of ways to take the conversation further.

The problem can be that you end up with so many dates lined up that if there's not an immediate spark, you write them off immediately rather than seeing if they're worth getting to know more.

 

[CubaTBird]

Online dating can work. For one thing, it's how I met the missus.

I suppose, but with my mindset I feel that meeting someone by chance or out in the open makes it more worth while. That way, at least you have a story on how you met for the future. Kind of a sentiment in a way, versus saying "yeah bro, we hooked up online..

 

[CubaTBird]

Another famous "rule" I have noticed, and experienced myself, is the old tagline of "lets just be friends".. Say your dating a girl for a couple of weeks or so, and everything is going smoothy and all of a sudden she pulls that line on you and for the life of you can't understand it. I mean if women use that line as "test" to see if your willing to put up with them, than thats lame. You start thinking of the most stupid reasons that possbily have no meaning. However, what I have concluded is that A.) She doesn't see you in a physical way and B.) Your a nice guy. Women will ALWAYS say they want a "nice" guy. No, not true because a "nice" guy isn't the "man". Your just a really cool friend. I actually brought this up in front of a woman when she pulled the "just friends" line on me once and she got all weird on me which was probably due in part because I was right in my analysis of the situation.

 

[Applespider]

It's option a from experience.

There are times when I've seen a guy a few times and we've got on pretty well. But there's no spark there...

So while I'd still like to see him as a friend, it's only fair to let him know that it's not going to go any further.

 

[CubaTBird]

It's option a from experience.

There are times when I've seen a guy a few times and we've got on pretty well. But there's no spark there...

So while I'd still like to see him as a friend, it's only fair to let him know that it's not going to go any further.

What defines the spark? Is it sharing common interests, personality, humour, a combination?

 

[Applespider]

What defines the spark? Is it sharing common interests, personality, humour, a combination?

Nope, I'd define 'no spark' as 'when kissing him feels like kissing your brother' or if the thought of kissing him makes you shudder with revulsion rather than pleasure.

If the above things you quoted weren't there, I wouldn't even use the 'I'd rather just be friends' line but just write it off entirely.

 

[Applespider]

The question was define "spark"....not define "no spark"

But the spark is indefinable and varies from person to person so it's easier to define when it's definitely not there. When it's there, you fantasise about being with them in every way, including sexual. When it's not, you don't.

For what it's worth, the spark for me was, on different occasions, engendered from the angle of a raised eyebrow, in the deep chuckle of an southern Irish accent, in the caress of a large thumb...

 

[Skeeball236]

del

 

[dcv]

But the spark is indefinable and varies from person to person so it's easier to define when it's definitely not there. When it's there, you fantasise about being with them in every way, including sexual. When it's not, you don't.

Absolutely.

If there's a spark, you just *know*. Can't quite describe it.

 

[Applespider]

Now this is interesting....notice there is no mention of what shoes/shirt/cologne/other nonsense in the "spark".

They all make an initial impression though. And if a guy was in sandals with sexy toes, I'd be interested. In sandals and socks, definitely not.

And don't underestimate cologne, a good-smelling guy can be a definite turn-on that's evocative enough to bring back memories for years. I still can't walk past the men's Issy Miyake counter without smiling

I'd be interested to find out how long you should wait to see if there's a slow-burning ember. If I've seen a guy three times and thoughts of taking him to bed give me the dry heaves, then I give up.

 

[redAPPLE]

The only rule to dating.

Divide your age in half and add seven. That is the youngest you can date

damn. you really made me fire up the calculator app.

back on topic. i asked this grrl a few weeks ago about a trip she made in europe. she gave me pictures and maps and stuff and she gave me her phone number. i guess so i could call her up, when i want to return the stuff. then i asked her, if i could invite her for dinner (honestly speaking, i forgot to mention that i wanted to return the stuff and ask her more details about the place where she went).

i got an email back which states, well i guess we could go out sometime, as long as you just honestly want to eat out. we could do it in a friendship-thingy way...

i thought. wha? she is hot. and i would not mind just eating with her, but the manner she presumed that i wanted more. it somehow turned me off.

was that just a test?

 

[CubaTBird]

damn. you really made me fire up the calculator app.

Woot. Best post of the thread.

 

[CubaTBird]

Nope, I'd define 'no spark' as 'when kissing him feels like kissing your brother' or if the thought of kissing him makes you shudder with revulsion rather than pleasure.

If the above things you quoted weren't there, I wouldn't even use the 'I'd rather just be friends' line but just write it off entirely.

When you say "kissing him feels like kissing your brother" do you mean as if when a guy kisses his date, a girl, on the cheek on a first date it automatically sends out this signal to the woman? Is it the mans job to pretty much bust out and kiss her on the lips by the end of the first date in order to have any chance with her as anything BUT "a friend"?

 

[Applespider]

Is it the mans job to pretty much bust out and kiss her on the lips by the end of the first date in order to have any chance with her as anything BUT "a friend"?

No, although I've always kissed at least on the lips, even with no tongue, on the first date.

I'm meaning more that when he leans towards you as a prelude to kissing, your pulse doesn't rise at all and you don't get a frisson of excitement at the prospect. If you can look at a guy's lips and not think about tasting them, then he's 'friend' material.

 

[CubaTBird]

No, although I've always kissed at least on the lips, even with no tongue, on the first date.

I'm meaning more that when he leans towards you as a prelude to kissing, your pulse doesn't rise at all and you don't get a frisson of excitement at the prospect. If you can look at a guy's lips and not think about tasting them, then he's 'friend' material.

I understand now. This thread I made has shed some light on me and, of course, asserted some of my ideas that I knew have always been right (and turned out to be confirmed here). Woot, macrumors rocks.

 

[CubaTBird]

damn. you really made me fire up the calculator app.

back on topic. i asked this grrl a few weeks ago about a trip she made in europe. she gave me pictures and maps and stuff and she gave me her phone number. i guess so i could call her up, when i want to return the stuff. then i asked her, if i could invite her for dinner (honestly speaking, i forgot to mention that i wanted to return the stuff and ask her more details about the place where she went).

i got an email back which states, well i guess we could go out sometime, as long as you just honestly want to eat out. we could do it in a friendship-thingy way...

i thought. wha? she is hot. and i would not mind just eating with her, but the manner she presumed that i wanted more. it somehow turned me off.

was that just a test?

You called her, and she emailed you back? Lame if you ask me, yeah and I would say that was a test. I would have picked up on that and played on it and said something like "hey now no need to rush into things and move forward with the wedding plans, we are just having dinner."

 

[EricNau]

Adding more wood to the fire is online dating. [...]

12% of all the people that apply for online dating services are already married.

 

[CubaTBird]

12% of all the people that apply for online dating services are already married.

Brings new meaning to desperate housewives doesn't it?

 

[celebrian23]

I don't like the rules. I would never have met the guy I'm with now. I think it works not following the rules because we just kind of found each other with neither of us looking. And by following the "rules" to the oldest man I could date he's at the upper limit

 

[TheAnswer]

I think being dating and being single would be a lot easier if all the couples were forced to have downloadable information (like the EXIF on photographs), so that us single people could tell just how happy or messed up their relationship really is, then we'd know whose advice to follow.

As a rule, I'd stay away from girls who buy those rule books, as I find these are the same girls that need their friends to say "He wasn't good enough for you anyways" after they get dumped, or need reassurance in other areas instead of having self-confidence.

The best rule is to ask a girl if they are happy with themselves. If they say yes without hesitating, but not so fast that they look like they are lying or shallow, then you have a chance. If they aren't happy with themselves, forget it.

 

[Stridder44]

I don't like the rules. I would never have met the guy I'm with now. I think it works not following the rules because we just kind of found each other with neither of us looking. And by following the "rules" to the oldest man I could date he's at the upper limit

Exactly, it's not so much about the "rules" as it is really just attraction. If one person isn't attracting another then ya it's not gonna work. Obviously you guys were attracted/did things that made you attract each other, hence you're together now.

It's really more about learning what attracts the opposite sex more than following the "rules".

 

[Macky-Mac]

The only rule to dating.

Divide your age in half and add seven. That is the youngest you can date

sorry, but that rule was thrown out years ago

 

[solvs]

Speaking for myself, I don't and prefer just playing it by ear. I hate the stupid games that the 'don't call for x days' bring about.

Then again, I'm still single...

Yeah, I don't like the games either. Also single. I think things would be a lot easier if people didn't have to make things so complicated. It really isn't as hard as everyone seems to want to make it out to be. Women (and men I guess) buy these books because it's easier to do than actually making the effort to find the real problems, or just get out there and do it. Same with exercise and self help stuff. Of course the books will tell women what they want to hear. If they told the truth, no one would buy them. Luckily, no one actually listens to them or does what they say.

But what do I know. My unabashed honesty and just being myself usually makes my relationships end disastrously. Of course, I have horrible taste in women and barely even bother anymore.