Have you ever made a serious attempt at suicide?

[dogbone]

If you don't mind me asking (and since you brought the topic up, you shouldn't IMO), how did your plan screw up? Was the noose not tight enough?

No I don't mind any longer. I never told anyone for at least 10 years. I was pretty sure I wanted to top myself and I spent a good deal of time thinking about it. I don't like pain and I'm not real brave. I didn't fancy something that might entail me ending up as a quadriplegic. So much to think about...

Anyhoo I sort of remembered that hitting up battery acid was supposed to be a sure fire way to die. So in my very disturbed state I went about searching for battery acid. Which I discovered is not easy to find. Eventually I ended up at a moterbike shop and said I needed some battery acid. The chap there said "what are you going to do, hit it up"?. I sort of laughed a bit at this risible joke and gave him some story about my bike's battery being flat. Anyway he give me a small bottle of it.

OK first part of the plan done. so it's now back to the flat (Camden Town London circa 1976), I lock myself in the bathroom with a new syringe a tablespoon and the bottle of acid. (I'll bet you can already guess this wasn't going to work) I didn't write any note or anything, in fact I didn't care about anything except the thought that I was actually going to die. It was strange. So in the bathroom I fill up the spoon with acid, no need for cottonwool or being sterile or any of that crap, obviously. Pulled a full two mls into the syringe...

Tighten up a tourniquet. I've got huge bulging veins so it's pretty easy. Give it a final thought which was basically that I need to be pretty quick because I thought I'd probably be dead before I hit the ground and I didn't want to screw this up. Just before I injected it I stamped on my watch to stop the time which was my only concession to theatricality. I really don't know what that was about, I guess I wanted some kind of record. I don't know why, I've always been obsessed with time.

Put the needle in, which went in smoothly loosened the tourniquet pulled back the shaft, the syringe filled with blood...gave it one final thought that 'this is it' then pressed the two mls of battery acid into my vein, took about five seconds. I believed I'd be dead within 5 more seconds...I didn't miss I know that, there was no bulge near the vein. After about 30 seconds nothing happened. After about a minute I was feeling a little confused. It was a gory sight because when I pulled the needle out quite a bit of blood came out as I didn't bother with all the usual crap.

After about 3 minutes I was in a rather strange surreal panicky state. I thought that now I'm probably going to have a crippled arm for the rest of my life. I locked the bathroom and took the key and left the house intending to run in front of a car but I couldn't do that. After a while I came back to the house and fortunately no one had tried to get into the bathroom. I went back in and surveyed the scene, all the blood and syringe and spoon and bottle and cleaned it all up. I was shaking and strange for a few hours. Not from the battery acid but just the whole drama of it all and the fact that I fully believed at the time I'd be dead pretty quickly. I never told any one about this and then only one person about 10-15 years later. Maybe up until now only two people knew. I still don't know what to make of it. My arm was felt odd for a few months but the final result was no ill effects at all. Right now I'm wondering if I'll press the 'submit reply' button.

 

[Queso]

I never doubted your attempt since you started the thread. I was mostly referring to others in this thread who say they attempted suicide, but "failed." I can't even imagine failing at that. Just pick a tall building, or a bridge. Bridges are usually quite good for suicides. Rope bridges you find in national parks that take you over a bunch of jagged rocks and a river.....perrrrfect.

Oh wait, you live in the Blue Mountains. Surely there's a nice drop somewhere that'll kill anyone successfully. What about that area that people go to to photograph the Three Sisters? Nice and steep drop.....highly recommended.

Shopping malls with multiple storeys are another great place. In Times Square in Hong Kong, there's a very very popular atrium where people commit suicide all the time, especially around Christmas, and nobody has ever failed. Not that I know of, anyway.

Mate, I don't want to preach, but maybe a few more smileys are in order to show you're not serious?

 

[FocusAndEarnIt]

Yeah, recently.

Still have the thoughts daily.

 

[dogbone]

Just pick a tall building, or a bridge. Bridges are usually quite good for suicides. Rope bridges you find in national parks that take you over a bunch of jagged rocks and a river.....perrrrfect.

Maybe you'd enjoy some of Zappa's lyrics.

You say there ain’t no use in livin’
It’s all a waste of time
’n you wanna throw your life away, well
People that’s just fine
Go ahead on ’n get it over with then
Find you a bridge ’n take a jump
Just make sure you do it right the first time
’cause nothin’s worse than a suicide
Chump

You say there ain’t no light a-shinin’
Through the bushes up ahead
’n we’re all gonna be so sorry
When we find out you are dead
Go head on and get it over with then
Find you a bridge ’n take a jump
Just make sure you do it right the first
Time
’cause nothin’s worse than a suicide
Chump

Now maybe you’re scared of jumpin’
’n poison makes you sick
’n you want a little attention
’n you need it pretty quick
Don’t wanna mess your face up
Or we won’t know if it’s you
Aw there’s just so much to worry about
Now what you gonna do?

etc..

 

[FocusAndEarnIt]

I never doubted your attempt since you started the thread. I was mostly referring to others in this thread who say they attempted suicide, but "failed." I can't even imagine failing at that. Just pick a tall building, or a bridge. Bridges are usually quite good for suicides. Rope bridges you find in national parks that take you over a bunch of jagged rocks and a river.....perrrrfect.

Oh wait, you live in the Blue Mountains. Surely there's a nice drop somewhere that'll kill anyone successfully. What about that area that people go to to photograph the Three Sisters? Nice and steep drop.....highly recommended.

Shopping malls with multiple storeys are another great place. In Times Square in Hong Kong, there's a very very popular atrium where people commit suicide all the time, especially around Christmas, and nobody has ever failed. Not that I know of, anyway. The mall is around 6 storeys, and the floor is made from a really nice marble.....nice for a shopping mall, anyway. Maybe people should consider committing suicide over there. Sure, it's an expensive flight, but it's not like you're saving your money for anything else. Have some dim sum beforehand as well. There's lots of good restaurants on the 11th and 12th floor.

Honestly, what you just said pissed me off. You make it look so bad, even though it is, wen people are like this, they truly feel they have no way around it.

 

[Abstract]

Mate, I don't want to preach, but maybe a few more smileys are in order to show you're not serious?

I give the people at MacRumours enough credit to figure this out on their own.

It drips of sarcasm, but I wonder how our American friends will see it.....

I was pretty sure I wanted to top myself and I spent a good deal of time thinking about it. I don't like pain and I'm not real brave. I didn't fancy something that might entail me ending up as a quadriplegic. So much to think about...

Fair enough. I doubt I'd have the courage to kill myself with a gun or anything. I can totally understand why some methods like CO2 poisoning or something painless would be an easier way to do it.

Maybe the guy who gave you the battery acid didn't actually give it to you in case you attempted suicide?

Honestly, what you just said pissed me off. You make it look so bad, even though it is, wen people are like this, they truly feel they have no way around it.

Sorry to hear that you recently thought about suicide. I really did mean it as a joke. I didn't think anyone would take it seriously, but I can imagine that what I said wouldn't be taken so lightly by someone who's in a fragile state.

Again, I sincerely apologize and I hope things get better. When I think things are bad, I just look at someone else who probably has it worse than me, and I don't feel so bad. Just read the news. You'll feel better about your own situation if you do, which is unfortunate in itself.


-Ian

 

[dogbone]

I found myself on the web one day last year researching the fatal dose of paracetamol. I've had quite a few near death experiences, being hit by a car and thrown up in the air, and others. I think I'm doomed to live to about 95.

 

[FocusAndEarnIt]

Sorry to hear that you recently thought about suicide. I really did mean it as a joke. I didn't think anyone would take it seriously, but I can imagine that what I said wouldn't be taken so lightly by someone who's in a fragile state.

Again, I sincerely apologize and I hope things get better. When I think things are bad, I just look at someone else who probably has it worse than me, and I don't feel so bad. Just read the news. You'll feel better about your own situation if you do, which is unfortunate in itself.


-Ian

it's no problem really, i guess i thought you were serious.

i read that right when i woke up, so i probably wasn't thinking right.

 

[devilot]

Again, I sincerely apologize and I hope things get better. When I think things are bad, I just look at someone else who probably has it worse than me, and I don't feel so bad. Just read the news. You'll feel better about your own situation if you do, which is unfortunate in itself.

I think having suicidal thoughts and then attempting to commite it, are 'places' you won't be in or understand until you're there.

I used to feel as you express, Ian, especially because I was raised Christian and to commit suicide not only sounded selfish, lazy, and immature, it was a horrible sin... until I was on that very brink. You won't understand unless you get there.

 

[Timepass]

I cam a lot closer than I would like to admit 11.5 years ago.


I know when some one gets to that point all hope if felt like it is lost. And it leave scares that last a life time. I still carring mine after all these years and remember my thoughs before hand leading up to the event. And I scared of them and going to that state again. It is a dark dark place and all hope is lost.

When people are in that state they are very fragil and they are tearing themselves up on the insided trying to deside which way to go only pushing them selves lower. Hope is gone and with out hope all is lost and they are as good as dead.

 

[Foxglove9]

I attempted when I was around 13. Then for 10 years after than a lot of self hatred followed, along with therapy and meds.

Fortunately a lot of those suicidal thoughts are way behind me now.

I think having suicidal thoughts and then attempting to commite it, are 'places' you won't be in or understand until you're there.

I used to feel as you express, Ian, especially because I was raised Christian and to commit suicide not only sounded selfish, lazy, and immature, it was a horrible sin... until I was on that very brink. You won't understand unless you get there.

 

[gekko513]

Well if you all attempted to die, then why the low success rate with suicide? I didn't mean to take the piss out of the topic of "suicide." I was just trying to point out (in a not-so-subtle way) the fact that you're all alive, and probably for a good reason, because as much as you wanted to die, there was a part of you that obviously wanted to live. Yes, it was a dark time in your life, but you must have saw the single bright star in the sky and decide to follow it until you got out.

You may have a point with what I bolded out in your post, and that point is contradictory to your first post where you seemed to mock people that fail at suicide.

A mind is rarely filled with unanimous thoughts, and I can imagine that a suicidal mind is a lot more plagued by conflicting thoughts and desires than a healthy one.

Labeling all failed suicides as "attention seeking" is harsh, thoughtless and shows a lack of empathy in my opinion.

 

[tonywalker23]

ive never thought about it seriously but the thoughts crossed my mind from time to time during my teenage years before i became a Christian.

i saw a man at the beach one year standing on top of a hotel ready to jump off. it was insane. a bunch of idiots where standing at the bottom yelling for him to jump. when the police came and ambulance they said 'you better hurry and do it before they put you in the nut house'
thankfully the police got him by tackeling him on the roof.

our secratary at church, her dad killed his self and it devasteded her. i couldnt imagine it happening to someone in my family, i hope it never does.

 

[vniow]

No.

Not yet anyway, there are some situations I've thought about where I would probably do it but thankfully none of them have made themselves into reality. That said, I have thought about it way more than I'd like to and start to feel very uncomfortable when it just won't go away.

 

[calebjohnston]

Suicide is the most selfish thing you could ever possibly do. Suck it up; you'd be hard-pressed to find someone that's really happy with their lives. Doesn't mean you go and kill yourself.

 

[xsedrinam]

The first rule for giving help to anyone who is suicidal is to take it seriously. There is professional help available.

 

[someguy]

Had quite a few close family members kill themselves, some of whom were single parents with very young children, some just felt they had nothing to live for. To anyone who truly thinks suicide is the answer, you are incredibly selfish and you should consider yourself unbelievably lucky to have anyone even care that you continue living.

Me? **** no. Even when my life was at it's worst and I honestly did not care if I saw the next day, there is no way I would want to be the cause of anyone else's suicidal thoughts or actions. I've seen people use suicide to remedy the pain of grieving over a loved ones suicide.

 

[iGary]

To anyone who truly thinks suicide is the answer, you are incredibly selfish and you should consider yourself unbelievably lucky to have anyone even care that you continue living.

Telling someone they are selfish when they already hate themselves is really helpful.

 

[aplasticspork]

Well if you all attempted to die, then why the low success rate with suicide? I didn't mean to take the piss out of the topic of "suicide." I was just trying to point out (in a not-so-subtle way) the fact that you're all alive, and probably for a good reason, because as much as you wanted to die, there was a part of you that obviously wanted to live. Yes, it was a dark time in your life, but you must have saw the single bright star in the sky and decide to follow it until you got out.

Allow me to state the incredibly obvious and say that I'm pretty sure that the ones that attempted suicide and succeeded won't be posting here. That's probably why there's such a low (ie: 0) success rate here. I don't think that anyone is going to post and say that they attempted suicide and succeeded.

--Andrzej

 

[someguy]

How noble of you.

I'm not trying to be noble, and more importantly, I'm not trying to be insensitive. I've gone through a lot of grief over lost loved ones who didn't think about how their families would feel (or didn't care enough) and took the easy way out. They were extremely cowardly and that's just the way it is.

Anyone who disagrees with that is probably still dealing with their suicidal thoughts and needs to come to terms with the truth.

I'm sorry you see things differently, iGary, but you must have come to terms with something at one time because you are still here, and there's no doubt that many, many people are glad to have you around.

 

[skunk]

That's probably why there's such a low (ie: 0) success rate here. I don't think that anyone is going to post and say that they attempted suicide and succeeded.

Admirably logical riposte.

 

[gekko513]

It's the truth, and anyone who is suicidal needs to learn to deal with truth. Life is hard, life is unfair, bad things happen. No need to make them worse.

Edit: I didn't notice that you have been in grief over lost loved ones. I've removed my unedited comment because it was out of place.

It must be terrible to have someone close to you commit suicide. I understand that the grief can be turned into hate against people who struggle with suicidal thoughts, but I think you must realise that it doesn't help a suicidal person to be told to suck it up, don't be selfish, take life it like a man.

 

[someguy]

Wow, I don't recommend you try to counsel anyone who is suicidal. It might send them over the edge.

Like I said, those who are truly suicidal have issues with the way they deal with the truth, so obviously the truth is not the first thing one should mention when speaking with someone in that position.

Fortunately I would never attempt the task of trying to talk anyone out of it. It's really not my business who's lives people want to destroy and how. Since this is a public discussion, however, I felt the need to voice my feelings on the subject.

 

[vniow]

Suicide is the most selfish thing you could ever possibly do. Suck it up; you'd be hard-pressed to find someone that's really happy with their lives. Doesn't mean you go and kill yourself.

To anyone who truly thinks suicide is the answer, you are incredibly selfish and you should consider yourself unbelievably lucky to have anyone even care that you continue living.

You're both the selfish ones if you would rather have someone suffer greatly than end it somehow, as opposed to feeling your own suffering if they were to go through with it.

Its easy to be against it if you've had loved ones commit suicide, its much much harder if you've thought about it yourself.

 

[Brize]

I'm not trying to be noble, and more importantly, I'm not trying to be insensitive. I've gone through a lot of grief over lost loved ones who didn't think about how their families would feel (or didn't care enough) and took the easy way out. They were extremely cowardly and that's just the way it is.

Anyone who disagrees with that is probably still dealing with their suicidal thoughts and needs to come to terms with the truth.

Like I said, those who are truly suicidal have issues with the way they deal with the truth...

It must be nice to have a monopoly on 'the truth'.