well, it seems like you know what you're doing.
best of luck to you, stay strong, and please check back in with us here.
best of luck to you, stay strong, and please check back in with us here.
Okay, maybe I'll turn this around just a bit. If she's depressed - is it because others have let her down? Does this depression coincide with her "suspicions" of you?
Perhaps, and I don't want to overanalyze her, she is going through some tough times and needs some support and just isn't dealing with very well it in terms of your relationship. If you're not the one to provide that support, that's fine and it's your right to move on.
However, if things used to be good (and I assume they were) and this depression is causing issues in your relationship, is there any thought that you could help her through this time to get back to where you were? Or is it too far gone?
I guess my question is - it she special? Is she worth the effort to try and fix this issue?
Sounds good guys, it seems as if you all know what you are talking about.
Hey, I've decided that I want to end my relationship with my girlfriend of 19 months and I'm not sure how to do it.
I feel smothered.
and we met where we work in the summer so this summer might be a little awkward. She seems so dependent on me, as she doesn't live at home (attending university) and I feel as if I break up with her I will just be deserting her.
and that we can still be friends (although that's hard) and I will still help her out when she needs it. (Drive her to go grocery shopping, etc.)
Btw, sorry about this depressing topic on Valentine's Day... This makes the timing even worse because I don't know how to act today... act all lovey dovey? Dump her today? I don't want to lead her on.
Stand your ground. I fell for manipulation once and I don't plan to do it again. If you're absolutely sure of what you're going to do, then don't let her talk you out of it. Believe me, she will.
I feel you man, I feel you. I felt just like that, which is the reason I broke up with my gf last sunday. It's not going to be pretty, but you'll do fine. Just be sure (and this is VERY important) not to confuse the post-breakup sadness with feeling you made the wrong choice. You're ending a 19 month relationship, so unless things were really bad, you'll feel a bit bummed out. I know I did, but I also felt calm and relaxed.
Also been there (I am there, actually). We study the same thing, and there are very good chances that I'm going to be the Lab assistant for a course she's taking next semester. Awkward city. And about the dependancy thing, I also know how you feel. My gf was very dependant, but in the end I felt so smothered that I had to end it. It won't be deserting her.
I prefered to break up even if it meant it would crush her, because I prefer to be honest with her than to stay in the relationship, be unhappy and make her think I felt the same way as she did. That would be lying to her big time.
You'll have to face it: You won't be able to be friends until both of you are completely over each other. That may take a long, long time, up to 3 years, in my case.
As much as it will hurt her, it's better to end it that to spend the day as a hypocrite and make her think everything's fine and the relationship's getting better. It's your call if you'll break up today... Personally I'd have done it sooner.
Hope things work out well! (considering the circumstances)
EDIT: Oh, just so you'll be prepared, you might want to check out this thread
haiggy,
i feel for you buddy.
BUT...
First of all, i have to ask: have you discussed this with her before? Does she know her smothering is an issue? If you like or love her, then you need to tell her this first before any dumping happens. you would regret it big time.
sometimes, people start smothering b/c they begin to care so deeply for someone, that they forget a bit of reality by becoming paranoid b/c in the end, they are so afraid of losing that person (ie. you).
i know you're 18 and some peeps might say, "geezus..he's young..let it go."
But if you think there's a chance of a future, then don't let it go so gently. give her a chance.
i don't believe anyone said it yet in this discussion, but there seems to be this crap about 'oh you're young...live it up and fall in love later.' it seems that ppl don't want to TRY working through a relationship. getting it over is the easiest way out and today's society wants everything quick (not saying you are doing this per say, just pointing out a problem). unfortunately, that means even our relationships. that is such BS. i pose the question: and how many older folks (late 20's/30's) people do you see single and not happy about it? how many of them now regret making a decision in the past that if they had worked through, might be blissfully happy?
and yes, i say this b/c i'm a lucky one. i found my love at 18, different high schools, went to the same university, engaged, married, now have 2 kids. we've been together almost half of our existence on this planet and it is fantastic.
sure, we could have broken up a few times (long distance during the summers), but we knew it was good so we went with it. fought the hard times and enjoyed the good times. we're stronger than ever.
it sounds like your girl just needs a chat to let her what's bothering you.
BUT, if you've already talked to her about this in the past and given her chances to change the ways....then just don't do it on vday. and point out the reasons why so she has a chance not to do this in her next relationship.
good luck,
keebler
I do care about her and don't want the relationship to end - so right now I guess it won't.
Thanks MR for saving my relationship =)
I'd have to say that was definitely the best advice so far, and very in depth. Thanks
I talked to her and she said she didn't realize that she was doing it, and said that things have been hard for her in the past week with the depression. She said she will try to fix things, so I hope she does.
I do care about her and don't want the relationship to end - so right now I guess it won't.
Thanks MR for saving my relationship =)