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3 years, and it's over.

question fear

question fear

macrumors 68020
Original poster
Apr 10, 2003
2,277
84
The "Garden" state
One week ago my girlfriend of three years broke up with me. It was coming for a while, and we'd both been waiting for the other shoe to drop. She just went ahead and dropped it.
I feel sort of odd. On the one hand I am sad, on the other I feel relieved and excited about the possibilities this leaves for me...
I guess I just want some suggestions...it feels like the world's opened up, and I know I need to focus myself a bit. How have others moved back out into the dating world after a long time away? It feels like its been forever. And I've never had to date someone outside of college...
I am rambling...
 
Hey I know how much breakups suck, whoever does it after however long. You have to ask yourself if you want another relationship right now, or if you want to have a break from it for a few months. Clubs are an okay way of meeting new people for relationships too, as long as the place isn't full of weirdos doing drugs of course.
 
My last serious girlfriend was almost a year ago, I've been talking a break since then. It's been a great eight months.

Think of it as a learning experience.
 
well if the breakup was in the making and now its here then now its time for healing and discovering. always sad to hear a breakup but you will get over it

till next time take care of yourself and each other....


Bless
 
2nyRiggz said:
till next time take care of yourself and each other....
Click to expand...
Never take advice from a man who quotes Jerry Springer.

Just kidding. :p

Seriously, though, don't get reattached to anybody so soon after a breakup.
Go enjoy the awesomeness of you first.
 
id suggest possibly picking up a hobby/habbit thats good for you such as joining a gym maybe or something along those lines that you enjoy and also makes you a better person
 
mad jew said:
Don't leap into anything. Just have fun. :p
Click to expand...

Change it to "Don't leap onto anyone," and it's just as accurate. ;) Don't get emotionally involved with anybody for awhile, even if someone seems interested right now, or very soon.

My relationship with my girlfriend ended 3 1/2 months ago (she had to move back home and couldn't find a way to stay and didn't want a long-term relationship at her age), and while it was tough for me to think about anything but her for the first 4 weeks or so (honestly, I would go to Uni and not listen or think about anything but her), I picked up a few hobbies (surfing is one, photography is supposed to be another), I go to the gym more (around 2-3 times a week now instead of "whenever I feel like it" ;) ), I jog more often, and I swim laps. At first, I stayed late after everyone at my lab went home and did work. It did help at first.

And consider yourself a bit lucky. I know you don't feel lucky now, but it could have been worse. You said you sort of saw this break-up coming, which cushions the blow by a lot. You also would have wanted it to end as well, but she's the one that did it. You got off scott free.

Also, if she had dumped you, but you did not see it coming at all, it would have been much worse. You'd be an absolute wreck. :eek:
 
My girlfriend and I just hit our 3 year anniversary on January 12th. We went through a pretty rocky period over the summer after she transferred to the university I am currently attending. We're "high school sweethearts" who started dating the second half of our senior years. We ended up going to different colleges, but we made the long distance relationship work quite well. So well, that when she transferred from her college to mine after getting her AA, we had a very tough time adjusting to always being around each other. We basically had to learn that we needed to have our own lives and our own friends while still having each other in our lives.

During our long distance relationship, we had become very used to visiting each other about once per month and spending those precious weekends with each other never leaving the others side. When she moved back here, we naturally started doing just that: never leaving the others side. Long story short: that didn't work.

Fast forward three months, and things are starting to settle out, and we're starting to learn that although a long distance relationship can be tough, a "standard" one can be equally challenging. I know it sounds silly, but it was quite a shock to her and I to have so much trouble when she moved back to my area (kind of near our home town).

.....I'm not sure why I wrote all that, and most of you probably don't really care, but after reading the original poster's post, I felt compelled to share my experience. I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out, but sometimes things just need to end. My advice: don't jump back in to the dating world yet. Find yourself, then find someone who you understand and who understands you.
 
I have to agree with everyone here and suggest you take some time for yourself. Probably the worst thing you could do is jump into a new relationship/ start dating right away. Take some time, do some soul-searching, so some of the things you didn't get to do because your girlfriend wasn't into them. Learn to meditate, or like wiggy4ever said, hit the gym (the endorphins it generates will counteract some of the natural depression that's enevitable when a long-term relationship ends). Above all though, try to see this time as a positive thing. You've probably come to define who you are based on your girlfriend (at least to a certain extent), so you're going to need to get back intouch with who you are before you're going to be ready to start the dating game again. Best wishes.
 
Wow, you've all given some great advice...
I know everyone is right, I should take some time for myself. I'm starting to see the benefits there, there are a lot of things I can try and do without anyone to consult...
One of the biggies was travelling. I never travelled much out of the tri-state area as a kid, except for a summer abroad and a few family trips to disney world, so I always want to go on trips to visit friends, or even just road-trip for a day or two to fun places...she always shot me down, it always was too "boring" or someplace she'd already been. I've already made plans to go to las vegas with friends, and to visit some friends out in california. Now I won't horde extra vacation days for vacations that won't happen.
She also was very down on religion...I feel like I have a chance to reconnect with judaism again; it felt right to take a long break during college but the older i get the more I don't want to just walk away.
Anyhow...thank you all for sharing such wonderful advice and words of wisdom. Thanks for reading my ramblings, and thanks for shairng your experiences. It makes me feel good to read these comments.
-Carly :)
 
Get a profile on Hi5 and my space :) but the rest of the services like date.com and yahoo personals are packed of fake profiles so do not waste your time there.

I am telling you that JUST as a silly resource to get in touch with people. What you need now is not a new gf but to expand your circle of friends so you can have many options after a while. So if you have a crush on some one and it doesn't work out you still having more people to share with.
 
best advice

My best advice would be to take some time for yourself. Learn to be independent and not need a relationship to make you happy. Once you accomplish that, then you will be ready for another relationship. Too many people jump into a relationship merely to feel the excitement. But you cannot rely on other people for your happiness, you first have to be happy with yourself (I'm not suggesting that you aren't).
 
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