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Advice for dealing with my mother

iMpathetic

iMpathetic

macrumors 68030
Original poster
Oct 7, 2007
2,547
4
IMBY
Hey everyone.

I have posted a couple threads on here, looking to build a Hackintosh.

I finally did buy one, and it's sick and the best thing ever and whatnot, but my technophobe mom decided AFTER $1000 was dropped on it by 15-year-old me that it's not allowed at her house, only at dad's.

So, I am now allowed to use this computer on Tuesday nights and every other weekend, which I think is colossally unfair. She says it's "too big" but I have found a place to put it... she wouldn't even notice it's there.

She also says that she doesn't want a big computer here because it's "what I do at Dad's house".

I would have gladly accepted this BS before I bought the computer, but now it's just ridiculous to expect me to do this.

Any advice as to what I should to do get her to see my side of the story?

Thanks!
 
Pros and Cons list about having that system to use?

Is she seeing it as a "Your dad's kind of thing"? that is what I am hearing.

If it is your main system now, use that as a big Pro when you make up your list.


Good luck. :(
 
Did you ask her if you could have a computer at her house before you bought it? If not, you've only got yourself to blame.
 
Oh grow up, it is your mom, her house, her rules. When you are old enough to move out and pay for yourself then you set the rules.

Really, your telling us the computer is more important than making your mom happy or doing things for her/with her?
 
Mord said:
Claim you need it there for school work?
Click to expand...

Ha ha, she's not stupid.

Demosthenes X said:
Did you ask her if you could have a computer at her house before you bought it? If not, you've only got yourself to blame.
Click to expand...

Yes, I did. I told her I was buying a computer, it seemed to all be OK, then she saw it and balked at me bringing it over.

@Shivetya: My mother is awesome, I really don't have it very bad at all (should have put that in the original post.) but she really seems to not like the whole computer thing, and I can't figure out why.

I do tons of stuff with my mom and don't shun my parents like a lot of my friends do.

I know this may sound like I'm a selfish, arrogant teenager, but only the teenager part is correct.

The part of this I object to is the sudden switching of the rules AFTER I dropped a bunch of money on it.

She claims I can use her old Dell laptop and I tell her no, it's yours, I want something for my own like the iBook which is now broken 85% of the time.

iShater said:
Pros and Cons list about having that system to use?

Is she seeing it as a "Your dad's kind of thing"? that is what I am hearing.

If it is your main system now, use that as a big Pro when you make up your list.
Good luck. :(
Click to expand...

Thanks.

Yeah, it's not really that it's a Dad's kind of thing, he just wholeheartedly approves of my horsetrading and moneymaking schemes involving computers, and basically gives me free rein. It's not like he feeds me dog food or neglects me or anything.

I think that my mother just has a basic need to set and enforce rules because she feels like my father's house is Disney World and she has to compensate... which pretty much sucks for me.
 
Don't take this the wrong way, but the first thing that came to mind is that she is saying no just because your dad said yes, and there's a sort of "I can't be like him" attitude going on...

Did you ask her why she said yes and is now saying no?
 
It's probably because it's loud and ugly.

You need to spend some money to minimize the noise, by changing out the fans / stock heatsink.
 
thejadedmonkey said:
Don't take this the wrong way, but the first thing that came to mind is that she is saying no just because your dad said yes, and there's a sort of "I can't be like him" attitude going on...

Did you ask her why she said yes and is now saying no?
Click to expand...

Well, to be fair, I did not specifically say what kind of computer to buy, but a year ago, she grudgingly let me bring my flashy blue LED-lit quad-core rig, and all the fans were running full blast, and she let me keep it in the kitchen with a 24" LCD.

I just didn't expect for her attitude to completely change.

I did not really ask her, no, but the part you say about my dad is most likely right.

They still get along very well, as divorced people go.

Southernboy said:
Should have bought a Mini ;)
Click to expand...

I offered to put it in a small HTPC case and she still said no. I will show her how small it is though (smaller than her damn Dell) and maybe she'll think about it.

FML.

Consultant said:
It's probably because it's loud and ugly.

You need to spend some money to minimize the noise, by changing out the fans / stock heatsink.
Click to expand...

Just because it's a PC?

No, it's actually in a sleek all aluminum Rocketfish (made by Lian Li) case with no windows or lights of any sort. It's basically what a Mac would look like if it was a PC.

It is actually very quiet, but I suppose if I tell her I am buying really quiet parts she'd maybe warm up to it a bit?
 
It sounds like your mum is associating anything your father was interested in when your parents were still together as bad so she can distance herself from him further.

It's not fair that your trapped in the middle of something that's neither your fault or your problem.

Yes. It's you're mum's house but she's being unreasonable with you.

Not because she's got any problem with you, because she sees your father in you to some degree and seeing as he's not there, it's all being focused on you and the hobby she sees as being shared with your father and not her.

It's almost jealousy of the computer honing more of a connection between you and your father because of it's shared interest, not to mention, your mum probably doesn't want it in the house because it means you'll spend most of your free time on the computer instead of spending family time with your mum in-front of the TV or whatever. No one likes to sit on their own all the time with no company.

Talk to her about the positive things you can do with it.

Suggest she gets an iPod shuffle and explain how easy it would be to set up an account on the computer for her to put her music on it.

Show what you're mum is getting out of it.

It might work.
 
barkmonster said:
It sounds like your mum is associating anything your father was interested in when your parents were still together as bad so she can distance herself from him further.

It's not fair that your trapped in the middle of something that's neither your fault or your problem.

Yes. It's you're mum's house but she's being unreasonable with you.

Not because she's got any problem with you, because she sees your father in you to some degree and seeing as he's not there, it's all being focused on you and the hobby she sees as being shared with your father and not her.

It's almost jealousy of the computer honing more of a connection between you and your father because of it's shared interest, not to mention, your mum probably doesn't want it in the house because it means you'll spend most of your free time on the computer instead of spending family time with your mum in-front of the TV or whatever. No one likes to sit on their own all the time with no company.

Talk to her about the positive things you can do with it.

Suggest she gets an iPod shuffle and explain how easy it would be to set up an account on the computer for her to put her music on it.

Show what you're mum is getting out of it.

It might work.
Click to expand...

I bought her an iPod shuffle for Mother's day, actually!

A lot of this single parent relations stuff is obviously way over my head. I don't know how qualified I am to even talk about this.
 
Tell your mum you bought it so you want it wherever you are staying...

Or you could just do as she asks/says as it is apparent that she associates this as something about your dad to which she does not like (maybe the break-up was bad IDK as I wasn't there and I am not you).

Edit: From you above post is it she doesn't want anything or is it she doesn't want anything with Mac OS X on it? she sounds like a hater to me :p
 
northy124 said:
Tell your mum you bought it so you want it wherever you are staying...

Or you could just do as she asks/says as it is apparent that she associates this as something about your dad to which she does not like (maybe the break-up was bad IDK as I wasn't there and I am not you).

Edit: From you above post is it she doesn't want anything or is it she doesn't want anything with Mac OS X on it? she sounds like a hater to me :p
Click to expand...

I really do know that she hates macs.

Cassie said:
Well, you could explain how much more convenient it would be for the both you to not have to use her laptop.

I want to know her response to this
Click to expand...

She like never uses it now that she's got her laptop. She can't see the difference between two computers and therefore thinks I'm just whining for no reason. :(
 
Edit: I posted something all critical 'cause I first read your post thinking you spend more time at your dad's. If you spend more time at your mum's then I totally see the problem :(
 
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