AIDS Sufferer Only Feels Poorer After Purchasing Red iPod

[xli_ne]

Sierra Madre, CA--Unemployed house painter Oscar Goldman, who was infected with the AIDS virus over a decade ago while addicted to heroin, reports that the symptoms of his disease have not eased much since his purchase of a red iPod Nano last week.

"Both Steve Jobs and Bono said that buying this red Nano would help in the global fight against AIDS, but truthfully, I feel just as crappy as ever," said Goldman. "I even listened to motivational Podcasts on my new iPod all weekend 'til the batteries died, but I still never saw much improvement in my condition."

The special edition "Product Red" iPod Nano is the latest in the lineup of popular music players released by Apple. It holds close to 1,000 songs, and retails for around $199 in most stores.

"Don't get me wrong," stated Goldman, "it is really a nice little player with a lot of cool features for the price. It is just that I don't think Apple should take advantage of people who are already in rough shape by making outrageous claims just to move a few more units."

On top of everything else," Goldman added, "the latest reports are that some of these iPods are actually carrying dangerous viruses themselves."

"How is that supposed to make matters any better for people in my unfortunate situation? If I had wanted this much trouble, I would have just bought myself a Zune!"

 

[IlluminatedSage]

my god. this is just dumb. He believes that they were selling the ipod to help symptoms of the disease.

wow... it is raising money for treatment. he should be happy if money is raised to help fight this horrible illness.

but that doesnt mean he should be dumb and think an ipod will cure him

 

[yoak]

This must be a joke, from a MS fan I presume. Hence the Zune comment on the end

 

[WildCowboy]

Yes, it's a joke.

BTW, quoting things without linking to the source is bad form.

 

[mkrishnan]

Where did this come from, The Onion?

 

[ozontheroad]

Microsoft fan trying to be funny and failing miserably

 

[WildCowboy]

Found the source...a blogger who likes to do fake news stories with attempts at humor.

 

[Mac-Addict]

I don't know if I should laugh or feel sad for him or be angry at the stupid zune remark..

 

[xli_ne]

Yes, it's a joke.

BTW, quoting things without linking to the source is bad form.

yes sir

 

[Don't panic]

This must be a joke, from a MS fan I presume. Hence the Zune comment on the end

it's obviously a joke, and i doubt it's from MS fans, as it implies that zune will obviously be virus/problem ridden

 

[exabytes18]

The Onion?

That was the first thing I thought when reading the title.

 

[wmmk]

me too

That was the first thing I thought when reading the title.

 

[Sun Baked]

It's an iPod, not a dildo.

If you want immediate pleasure from a battery operated object, please buy the dildo ...

 

[Spock]

It's an iPod, not a dildo.

If you want immediate pleasure from a battery operated object, please buy the dildo ...

Not sure Your post was 100% nesassary, funny but not nesassary.

 

[thewhitehart]

In poor taste, but amusing, yes.

 

[Blue Velvet]

Anyone else spotted the 'Oscar Goldman' reference? Tipped it off immediately that the story was fake (and not very funny), although only people of a certain age may get that one.

 

[Elrond39]

Anyone else spotted the 'Oscar Goldman' reference? Tipped it off immediately that the story was fake (and not very funny), although only people of a certain age may get that one.

From "The Six-Million Dollar Man", yes?
Oh, and I'm only 21

 

[Chundles]

I can't believe people didn't realise it was satire. Seriously, even the title is dripping in it, how did people not pick that up?!?

The mind boggles.

 

[RedTomato]

Well done for getting the style of 'The Onion' spot on.

Anyone else think the Onion isn't as funny as it used to be?

 

[Abstract]

From "The Six-Million Dollar Man", yes?
Oh, and I'm only 21

The makers of that show really should have called him "The Six Million-Bajillion Dollar Man" to make the show more futureproof. It just sounds ridiculous now.

I can't believe people didn't realise it was satire. Seriously, even the title is dripping in it, how did people not pick that up?!?

The mind boggles.

Well Americans generally don't get jokes unless they're very obvious. However, in this case.......a Londoner and Norwegian didn't get it either.....hmmmm

 

[Queso]

I got it, but although it's reasonably funny, I'm now feeling guilty about finding it amusing.

Very bad taste, but what the hell, nicely done.