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Amusing quotes thread!

PowerFullMac

PowerFullMac

macrumors 601
Original poster
Oct 16, 2006
4,000
2
I have been meaning to make this thread for a long time!

I done a few searches and couldnt find this thread already here and I thought it would be a fun one to make so here it is!

Funny quotes! They could be from someone you know, from a movie, TV show, radio show, some famous guy, a speech... Anyone! Or anything!

Keep it clean, though!

As always, I will start off!

My dad said to me yesterday dinner: "Those electric cars are good on petrol" :p
 
The most manly quote ever from the most manly movie ever.
Conan the Barbarian:D (not Conan the Destroyer)

Some random teacher asks
"Conan, what is best in life."

Conan responds
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you and to hear the lamentation of the women." Though you have to hear Schwarzenegger say this.
 
"This is an environment of welcoming and you should just get the hell outta here" - Michael Scott; The Office
 
My friend, jessica was mad one day about something:

jessica: "I'm pissed off"

me: "it's better to be pissed off than pissed on, eh?"

The odd thing was that I came up with that independently before going online to see that I was not the first. :(
 
He was the sort of person who stood on mountaintops during thunderstorms in wet copper armour shouting "All the Gods are bastards." -- Terry Pratchett "The Color of Magic"

"640K ought to be enough for anybody" -- guess who?
 
tsvb said:
I overheard this at my desk the other day at work:

"I'd rather die young from skin cancer than not be tan."
Click to expand...

Let me guess...their brain cells were ruined from the overdoses of constant bleach too.
 
A friend of mine in a moment of totally forgetting how to speak once said "I just boughten those yesterday."

From Pulp Fiction:

Brett: No, no, I just want you to know... I just want you to know how sorry we are that things got so eff'd up with us and Mr. Wallace. We got into this thing with the best intentions and I never...
Jules: [Jules shoots the man on the couch] I'm sorry, did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue, you were saying something about best intentions. What's the matter? Oh, you were finished. Well then, allow me to retort. What does Marsellus Wallace look like?
Brett: What?
Jules: What country are you from?
Brett: What?
Jules: What ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak English in What?
Brett: What?
Jules: English, motherf****r, do you speak it?
Brett: Yes.
Jules: Then you know what I'm sayin'!
Brett: Yes.
Jules: Describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!
Brett: What?
Jules: Say what again. Say what again, motherf****r, say what one more Goddamn time!
 
Demetri Martin is always good for some funny quotes...

I heard this lady say “I love kids.” That’s nice, a little weird though. It’s like saying “I like people, for a little while.” “How old are you? 14? **** off!” You can say “I love kids” as a general statement, that’s fine. It’s when you get specific that you get in to trouble. “I love twelve-year-olds.”
 
My friends and I have an informal "contest" every year for "Quote of the Year." The one that will always stand out to me was from my friend Kevin.

Kevin said:
"I'll stand up to anyone. And if they challenge me, I'll go down without a fight."
Click to expand...
 
“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God....I could be eating a slow learner.”
 
Some of my favorites by one of my favorite authors - the Late D.N.A.

"'Macintosh - We might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end.'"

"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

And more serious and thought provoking:

"The world is a thing of utter inordinate complexity and richness and strangeness that is absolutely awesome. I mean the idea that such complexity can arise not only out of such simplicity, but probably absolutely out of nothing, is the most fabulous extraordinary idea. And once you get some kind of inkling of how that might have happened, it's just wonderful. And . . . the opportunity to spend 70 or 80 years of your life in such a universe is time well spent as far as I am concerned."

Answering Richard Dawkins' question 'What is it about science that really gets your blood running?"
 
The Conan one reminds me of a Diamanda Galás quote; when asked what keeps her awake at night she said "The happiness of mine enemies." Fabulous.
 
Two of my favourites... not funny, but good ones:

"All of us are in the gutter, only some of us are looking at the stars." ~ Oscar Wilde.

"When you're going through hell, keep going." ~ Winston Churchill
 
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