OK, let's try and correct your major misconception here about the way iChat AV works:
Your iChat AV conferences are NOT transferred through Apple's servers!
Don't believe me? Grab a copy of tcpdump (you can get it via the Fink project) and sniff your own network connection when you start up an iChat AV conference.
Here's what happens:
When you attempt to establish an audio or video conference, an initial packet containing the invitation is sent to the recipient via .mac / AIM. This contains wonderful thinks like your IP address, so that you don't need to exchange this info manually.
A response is then sent from the recipient to you via .mac/AIM. Once that's complete, then the machines use a .mac server called snatmap.mac.com to setup some sort of NAT forwarding. This is how iChat AV functions through NAT routers such as Linksys and Dlink, without having explicit portforwarding configured.
However, once all this negotiation is complete, your actual video and audio data is sent from your system to the recipient's. Apple servers are
NOT involved. Think about the bandwidth costs otherwise! Apple would be hemorrhaging money faster than the iTunes Music Store could make it if it had to act as a reflector for every iChat AV conference going on out there.
Additional details as to iChat AV's protocol can be found here:
http://www.macintouch.com/ichatav.html#jul01
http://zeitblog.zeitgeist.com:8668/comments/2003-06-25
(note: When the author of the above link speaks of iChat using Apple's servers, he's referring to having to have a .mac or AIM account in order to participate).
Again, if you want to verify this yourself, get a copy of tcpdump from the Fink project (
http://fink.sourceforge.net) and run something like this before you establish a connection:
tcpdump -i en0
(replace en0 with your ethernet/airport device name ... /sbin/ifconfig will help you determine this).
You'll see all the traffic going across your network, and you'll notice that once the invitation is over, nothing goes up to Apple's servers during a conference.