Can I write for CSI shows?

[madoka]

After watching a few DVD boxsets of CSI, CSI Miami, and CSI NY, I now feel qualified to write for the show. Here's my outline of every show for the next five seasons:

1. Introduce crime in the context of some new trend, fad or technology so show can look hip and cutting edge.

2. Make sure criminal leaves obscure piece of evidence.

3. Have one of the CSIs accuse suspect of crime. If it’s David Caruso or Gary Sinise, they must never be wrong.

4. Suspect responds in uppity manner. Make sure he/she says “If you don’t have any evidence, then we’re done here.” Then storms off.

5. Go back to the crime scene and find more obscure evidence.

6. Cue montage of CSIs examining stuff.

7. Have one of the CSI mention that they are really scientists.

8. Find “smoking gun” evidence using ridiculously specialized equipment and jumps in logic.

9. Have CSIs personally catch the criminals without the aid of police.

10. CSIs will explain the evidence to the criminal.

11. Criminal will confess and fill in any holes in the story.

Did I miss something?

 

[Xander562]

You can be aaaanything you want to be when you grow up.

 

[apfhex]

Don't forget the part where they use magic video enhancement technology to identify the suspect.

 

[mad jew]

Needs more soft porn.

 

[lexus]

Don't forget the part where they use magic video enhancement technology to identify the suspect.

Does it seriously not exist?

 

[wwooden]

i love the CSI shows, but what bugs me the most is that these people know everything about everything. The lab guy will name off some chemicals found and thy CSI people know exactly what it is and how it is used and where it can be found and who makes it and etc., etc., etc.

And the fact that the CSI do the interrogations and arrests bugs me too.

But it is still a great show, and looks amazing in HD.

 

[jsw]

Did I miss something?

At least one thing: the investigators, the criminals, the victims, and everyone else, with the possible exception of one or two characters per episode (often the police), must all be much more attractive than average.

 

[PippinTheJedi]

And mantain that sexiness while examining dead bodies.

 

[wozzlewoozle]

that sounds about right. Now the real question is what new city will show be set in. How about CSI Cincinatti (i.e., CSI Cinci). Say that 10 times fast...

 

[latergator116]

Does it seriously not exist?

It does not exist.

 

[tweakers_suck]

You need to add to your list the fact that the same instrument --gas chomatograph with mass spec (GC-MS) -- is used to test most of the evidence. Everything from DNA to paint. And also make sure that the tests are complete in no more than 5 minutes (in real life this stuff takes a long time to test). Make sure you get lots of shots of the GC-MS autosampler during crime-solving montage.

As with any tv show drama, the writers have to keep the viewer interested. I watch the show for entertainment purposes only -- and the fact that my wife won't let me change the channel unless it is to put on Law and Order

 

[beatsme]

it's typical Bruckheimer...all sizzle and no steak. If you strip away the pretty actors and the admittedly excellent production quality, it's not much. Just my opinion...

 

[apfhex]

It does not exist.

Not only does it not exist, but it never will, because the **** they do with computers in the show is actually impossible (making up data that isn't there!!!).

 

[Sesshi]

After watching a few DVD boxsets of CSI, CSI Miami, and CSI NY, I now feel qualified to write for the show. Here's my outline of every show for the next five seasons:

1. Introduce crime in the context of some new trend, fad or technology so show can look hip and cutting edge.

2. Make sure criminal leaves obscure piece of evidence.

3. Have one of the CSIs accuse suspect of crime. If it’s David Caruso or Gary Sinise, they must never be wrong.

4. Suspect responds in uppity manner. Make sure he/she says “If you don’t have any evidence, then we’re done here.” Then storms off.

5. Go back to the crime scene and find more obscure evidence.

6. Cue montage of CSIs examining stuff.

7. Have one of the CSI mention that they are really scientists.

8. Find “smoking gun” evidence using ridiculously specialized equipment and jumps in logic.

9. Have CSIs personally catch the criminals without the aid of police.

10. CSIs will explain the evidence to the criminal.

11. Criminal will confess and fill in any holes in the story.

Did I miss something?

Yes. You missed making it reasonably interesting to watch. That's arguably the hardest part.

 

[dllavaneras]

Remember that before the commercials you MUST have the main character say a "clever" phrase in a dark, moody, sentencing tone before he/she walks away and/or puts on dark glasses

Killer: You're next, Jones!
CSI: No, my friend, YOU'RE next

 

[clayj]

that sounds about right. Now the real question is what new city will show be set in. How about CSI Cincinatti (i.e., CSI Cinci). Say that 10 times fast...

CSI Phuket. (That's in Thailand, you know.)

The CSI shows are crap. Good looking crap, but crap nonetheless. Full of bad science and sets that look like they're from a science fiction movie, rather than the real world. Give me Law and Order any day of the week. (Oh, wait, they already did!)

 

[2jaded2care]

Not only does it not exist, but it never will, because the **** they do with computers in the show is actually impossible (making up data that isn't there!!!).

OT, but remember that Bruckheimer movie "Enemy of the State", where they took surveillance video and "extrapolated" what would have been visible from the opposite angle? And yet, in that movie, the satellites could only look straight down, so Gene Hackman couldn't be identified if he wore a hat and never looked up... Why didn't they "extrapolate" his face from the satellite data?

Back on-topic, recognizing the conventions of a show does not magically make a person qualified to write for that show. If you really want to write for that show, from what I've read, write a spec script for a similar show. (Having read some actual scripts would help here.) Chances are you'd never nail a script for a current show, you don't have access to their bible for one thing. However, if you can write a good script for a similar show, there's a chance you might get some attention. Especially if you have an agent. And other contacts in the industry. And you live in L.A.

Good luck.

 

[Leareth]

I find CSI useful for class lectures to point out what they do wrong collecting evidence, technology and the time is takes to run samples...
sometimes the special effects explain something better than real life though and it helps to teach.