Charlie Brooker learns to love Apple

[Blue Velvet]

Well, kinda. Curmudgeon, satirist, columnist — Charlie Brooker writes for The Guardian:

In 2007, I wrote a column entitled "I hate Macs". I call it a column. It was actually an unbroken 900-word anti-Apple screed. Macs, I claimed, were "glorified Fisher-Price activity centres for adults; computers for scaredy-cats too nervous to learn how proper computers work."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/feb/28/charlie-brooker-pfroblem-with-macs

Heh. But before too long:

A few weeks later, I buckled and bought an iPhone. And you know what? It felt good. Within minutes of switching it on, sliding those dinky little icons around the screen, I was hooked. This was my gateway drug. Before long I was also toting an iPad. And after that, a Macbook

You're not the first and you won't be the last, Charlie. But things turned sour...

Sure, you can get around the irritating sync-issue, but doing so requires a degree of faff and brainwork, like solving the famous logic problem about ferrying a load of foxes and chickens across a river without it all ending in feathers and death. And even if you find it easy, it's a problem Apple don't want you to solve. They want you to give up and go back to dumbly stroking that shiny screen, pausing intermittently to wipe the drool from your chin.

Apple continually attempts to scrape even more money from anything that might conceivably pass through iTunes' tight, leathery anus.

The love-hate is strong in this one:

Every Apple commercial makes a huge play of how user-friendly their devices are. But it's a superficial friendship. To Apple, you're nothing. They won't even give you a power lead long enough to use your phone while it's on charge, so if it rings you have to crawl around on your hands and knees, like a dog.

So I no longer hate Apple products. In fact I use them every day. But I never feel like I own them. More like I'm renting them from Skynet.

Sometimes, you're not alone.

 

[iJohnHenry]

The love-hate is strong in this one:

Thank you Yoda.

He gets it, he finally gets it.

Submission is a terrible thing, until you give yourself over to it.

Then it is glorious.

 

[rdowns]

Well, kinda. Curmudgeon, satirist, columnist — Charlie Brooker writes for The Guardian:

Apple continually attempts to scrape even more money from anything that might conceivably pass through iTunes' tight, leathery anus.

They won't even give you a power lead long enough to use your phone while it's on charge, so if it rings you have to crawl around on your hands and knees, like a dog.

Brilliant.