Hey Steve,
I Liked The Idea Behind The Video, Very Lovely Thought Of Leaving This Prison Of A Boring Grey World And Into Another World FULL Of Brilliant Colours! Well Done!
Ok, My Main Critisms, And Please Don't Take These The Wrong Way,But They Are Just Something To Bear In Mind For Future Projects
The First Few Shots Of You On Your Computer And The Clock Are Giving Me A Headache, FAR Too Much Movement Even If You Are Using A Tripod (?) These Are Little Annoyances Your Audience Will Get Peeved About, Especially The Ones Sitting In The Front Few Rows Of The Cinema Hall. You Can Usually Get Away With These Sort Of Things In Action Sequences, But I Must Admit I Am Not A Huge Fan Of Peter GreenGrass's Camera Work.
The Bit Where We Zoom Into The Screen Has A last Minute Jerk Just Before We Enter The Colour World. You Could Get Round This By Applying A Slight Rotation To The B/W World Just As We Are Tracking Into The Screen.
There Are Far Too Many Decapitations Happening, The Cameraman ( Jimmy ? ) Needs To Watch The Headroom And Make Mental Markers In The Scenery During Rehersals - This Is Another Thing That Will Annoy Your Audience. You Could Get Round This By Creative Editing. Take For Example 46 Seconds Into The Video You Jump Onto The Wall. Personally i Would Have Cut To Another Shot Of You Standing Up, Possibly Appearing On Cam From Below.
At Time 1'11'' There Is Not Really Enough Of A Difference Between The Incoming And Outgoing Clips, It Seems Almost Like A Jump Cut.
Some Decent Editing And Camerawork Follow.
The Bit With The Alarm Clock Would Have More Punch If The Alarm Sound Actually Occurred When The Digits Changed To 6:00, And Then We Linger On The Clock A Tad Too Long, And Suddenly We See The Guy With A Hand On his Forehead, Which is A Little Disorientating....And Then His Head Gets Cut Off Again. i Understand That Perhaps You Are Trying To Place The NEFF Logo Maybe, But I Think It Would Have Worked Better With Either The Whole Actor In The Frame, or Perhaps Narrow The Depth of Field So He Is In A Softer Focus, Putting Our Full Attention Onto The Logo.
With The Colour Part Of The Video, The First Time I Watched It, I Got Bored Three Quaters Of The Way Through It - It MAY Be A Bit Long, But The Fourth Or Fifth Time I Was Alright With It. I'll Need Another Screening Later.
Finally....... The Song........ Great Lyrics, But To Be Honest, I Think You Should Have Got Someone Either A Bit More Committed To The Song ( Half The Words Faded Out Or Were Not Clearly Audible ) Or Sang It In A More Manageable Key. Nice Song, Suited The Video Brilliantly, But The Performance Ruined It To The Point Of Highly Irritating.
acearchie Has Already mentioned The Outtakes / B Roll At The End ( Or The Middle ?
) Of The Video And I Completely Agree With Him There, So I Won't Mention Anything Else With Regards To This Apart From The Fact Perhaps You Should Leave These Out Until Perhaps You Are A Bit More Accomplished In The Industry.
Steve, It Was A Brilliant Effort, Full Marks For The Concept, Idea And The Locations Were Superbly Chosen - Very Vivid Colours And Plenty Of Life In These Sequences. Lots To Look At There. I Liked It.
So, Hopefully You Will Leave Here Today Inspired By My Constructive Criticism ( And Thankful That You Got A Free Review, Hey I Charge Good Money For These
, But It IS Christmas....OK So I Am Bored Too!
). If Not, Then I Also Wish You All The Very Best, And A Like A Very Close Friend Of Mine, Just Keep Doing Things Your Way.
Barney
