He has been known to cure narcolepsy, just by walking into the room.
His organ donation card, also lists his beard.
He’s a lover, not a fighter, but he’s also a fighter, so don’t get any ideas.
When it is raining, it is because he is sad.
Even his parents’ advice is insightful.
If there were an interesting gland, his would be larger than most men’s entire lower intestines.
His shirts never wrinkle.
He is left-handed. And right-handed.
Even if he forgets to put postage on his mail, it gets there.
He once knew a call was a wrong number, even though the person on the other end wouldn’t admit it.
You can see his charisma from space.
The police often question him, just because they find him interesting.
He once punched a magician. That’s right. You heard me.
When he orders a salad, he gets the dressing right there on top of the salad, where it belongs…where there is no turning back.
If a monument was built in his honor, Mt. Rushmore would close, due to poor attendance.
His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body.
His blood smells like cologne.
On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him.
He doesn’t believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders.
His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him.
His pillow talk is years ahead of it’s time.
Respected archaeologists fight over his discarded apple cores.
His bear hugs are actually hugs he gives to bears.
If he disagrees with someone it is because they are wrong.
You cannot buy him, but occasionally trimmings from his beard come up in auctions.
He sleeps with a night light, not because he’s afraid of the dark but the dark is afraid of him.
He holds a doctorate in originality in which he teaches at Harvard where no one ever passes.
When he goes skydiving Peregrine Falcons always trail behind him.
The President of a country once took a bullet for him on a failed attempt.
When he looks in the mirror theres never a reflection because he is only 1 of a kind.
He can defeat anyone in a game of chess without making any moves.
It is rumored that James Bond movies are his real life biography.
He once taught a german shepherd to bark in spanish
Whatever side of the tracks he’s currently on, is the right side. If he were to cross them, he would still be on the right side.
He’s won the same lifetime achievement award – twice.
That pisses me off. 
