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Computer jokes that average people probably won't get

C

Captain Awesome

macrumors regular
Original poster
Jul 1, 2009
170
0
Vancouver/Tsawassen, Canada
Let's here 'em. This one's probably my favorite:

Three male programmers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals.
The first programmer finishes, walks over to the sink to wash his hands.
He then proceeds to dry his hands very carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried. Turning to the other two, he says, "At Microsoft, we are trained to be extremely thorough."

The second programmer finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands. He uses a single paper towel and makes sure that he dries his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turns and says, "At Apple, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."

The third programmer finished and walks straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At BSD, we don't piss on our hands."
Click to expand...

Apple bashing, yes, but I still like it :)
:apple:
 
On Veronica Mars, when Keith Mars asks Mac to help Veronica do something with her computer, she says


"Your wish is my shift command."

Now that is an awesome character!
 
Captain Awesome said:
Let's here 'em. This one's probably my favorite:



Apple bashing, yes, but I still like it :)
:apple:
Click to expand...

:D Good one, but I wash my hands when I'm done at the urinal because of what I've handling, not because piss on my hands. I appreciate it when other do the same. For that joke, it was good, but it still puts BSD in kind of a dirty light..
 
Melrose said:
:D Good one, but I wash my hands when I'm done at the urinal because of what I've handling, not because piss on my hands. I appreciate it when other do the same. For that joke, it was good, but it still puts BSD in kind of a dirty light..
Click to expand...

Agreed. I'm always disgusted when I see my co-workers walk out of the bathroom without washing their hands. It's especially worse since we all get moved around all day and have to use keyboards that everyone else has used at one point. I am a frequent hand-washer at work.
 
sandwich.png


Nuff said. :)
 
The best ever.

If Microsoft Built Cars

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car.
2. Occasionally your car would just die on the highway for no reason. Accept this, restart and drive on.

3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause the car to stop and fail to restart. You'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too.

4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car 95" or "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" light.

7. People would get excited about "new" features in Microsoft cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in other cars for years.

8. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft gas and auto fluids.

9. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

10. The airbag system would say, "Are you sure?" before going off.

11. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

12. Microsoft wouldn't build their own engines, but form a cartel with their engine suppliers. The engine would be a side-valve design so you could still use Model T Ford parts on it.

13. Microsoft cars would have a special radio/cassette player which would only be able to listen to Microsoft FM and play Microsoft cassettes.

14. Microsoft would do well, because even though they don't own any roads, all road manufacturers would give away Microsoft cars for free!

15. If you couldn't afford to buy a new car, you could borrow your friend's and copy it.

16. Whenever you bought a car, you would have to reorganize the ignition a few days until it worked.

17. You would need an upgrade to run cars on a highway next to each other.
Click to expand...
 
One surgeon joins a group of others at the hospital commissary for lunch.

“I just had the best morning operating on a librarian. I opened her up and everything was numbered according to the Dewey Decimal system.”

The second surgeon pipes up: “You’ve never operated on an electrician. Open them up and everything is color coded.”

The third surgeon says, “I got you all beat. I’m Steve Ballmer’s personal surgeon and he’s the best. He’s got no guts. He’s got no spine, and his head and his ass are interchangeable.”

mt
 
PlaceofDis said:
almost all xkcd could be used in this thread. love it!
Click to expand...

They can, but the sudo is so subtle and genious that it isn't apparent what's going on if you don't get it, and it's hilarious for us that do get it. ^^
 
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