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Crazy friend advice

0098386

0098386

Suspended
Original poster
Jan 18, 2005
21,574
2,908
I don't normally post these kind of things but it feels like I'm being dragged into it.


For a few years now I've been friends with somebody from another forum. Because he was a friend I gave him a key to beta test a project I'm working on and let him in on all the publishing side of things. These publishers told me to keep it all private and within the company walls, as it were. And these are some pretty high up publishers too and I, and everyone else, kept their word.

But it seems this person grew a distaste for me a few months back and rather than confronting me started to sneak around various related websites posting the private information. Later he blurted out that I made all the publishing stuff up and started sowing the seeds that I was a liar to my peers. I asked him to stop and even got moderators involved to plug the leaks, but he's too immature to listen to reason and carries on.

And if breaking that agreement wasn't bad enough he started posting past conversations we've had on these same sites, private ones that he deliberately butchered to harm relationships with some peers.


So. I don't know why he's doing this, one friend said it was out of envy but I'm not sure. Thing is he was part of a small project which has grown considerably and has some publisher interest. His name was one of a few in the credits but he's sabotaged his position there.

I don't know where to go from here. He's running around posting these conversations and leaking private information. I too have conversations I could post but that's something I won't even consider doing. He's blocked me from any form of communication we have so reasoning with him isn't going to be easy, even if he wasn't stark raving bonkers.
What would you, jesus, chuck norris/whatever do?
 
I'd personally either

a.) ignore him, once he realises that what he is doing doesn't affect you any more then he will probably lose interest​

b.) Post a small reasoned statement on your website / blog / whatever you have explaining things but don't go overboard and try not to make it too personal then see above.​

Good luck :)
 
since he doesnt seem to quit, i would just ignore him.
its already to late to try and cover things up with peers when it comes to private matters, so the best is to hope that your peers dont take anything he says personally, and everyone just lets him die out.

you dont have much power over freedom of speech through the internet, but you do have power over yourself and how much frustration you allow this punk to build with you.

whats done is done, and even if he wont let things go, you need to just take a step back, breathe, and continue on your work.

jerks will continue to be jerks if people are paying attention to them being jerks.
 
xUKHCx said:
b.) Post a small reasoned statement on your website / blog / whatever you have explaining things but don't go overboard and try not to make it too personal then see above.​

Good luck :)
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Well reasoned wouldn't work. But the ignore thing probably would help since he would likely latch on to another member of the site.

liquidtrend said:
since he doesnt seem to quit, i would just ignore him.
its already to late to try and cover things up with peers when it comes to private matters, so the best is to hope that your peers dont take anything he says personally, and everyone just lets him die out.
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I contacted one peer who said he fully understands this member and didn't take a word of it seriously. Hopefully others will understand that too given he has a reputation for relinquishing private information.

A lot of this incident can be placed on me too, since he's insulted my girlfriend on a few occasions (apparently he's envious of other people having partners and others success, but like I said I'm not entirely sure if thats true). I should have stopped talking to him years ago.
 
raggedjimmi said:
Well reasoned wouldn't work. But the ignore thing probably would help since he would likely latch on to another member of the site.
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I think you didn't fully understand my statement, most likely because I didn't explain it fully enough. :)

The aim of point was to make a post/statement for your peers etc. to read and understand the situation rather than to try and engage said person. That said it should be short and written in such as way as to say that you are moving on and try not to provke the other person by going in to specifics.

Just a short paragraph should do.

Live and learn.
 
Well, the thing is to have the project's lawyers serve both of you with a cease and desist and a CYA for them and you.

A further request for all materials related to the project to be returned may help. Your taking a break might be for the best until it can be sorted out.

Just because a contributor pissed people off, doesn't mean you can remove them from the credits -- but you can terminate their further involvement.

Sometimes simply taking a break from one project and working on another might be for the best.

---

Getting lawyers involved now and getting is squashed may make things easier, since this might be something that'll have to be disclosed as an issue with a publisher in the future related to their interest.

If you have somebody out there with a beta copy willing to post parts in the open, attempt to cause all the problems they can, possibly even sell it on their own ... it can be an issue that might make people walk away.
 
Maybe?

In all seriousness, you're at risk of feeding into it. 1) People love a scandal 2) He's obviously very eager to talk. So just don't give it to him/them. It'll soon die out, and those that matter will take an objective look at the whole situation anyway. If you get embroiled into it you'll be mis-quoted, paraphrased, argued with etc etc.

Just remain laid back, someone getting a bit bold with a keyboard isn't going to have a massive impact on your life. In a year, you'll probably have forgotten about it.

I echo the previous advice, post a two sentence explanation that you are aware of it, but personal and professional conduct has prevented you from even considering addressing it in any further way. Then go have a beer!

AppleMatt
 
Sun Baked said:
Well, the thing is to have the project's lawyers serve both of you with a cease and desist and a CYA for them and you.

A further request for all materials related to the project to be returned may help. Your taking a break might be for the best until it can be sorted out.

Just because a contributor pissed people off, doesn't mean you can remove them from the credits -- but you can terminate their further involvement.

Sometimes simply taking a break from one project and working on another might be for the best.

---

Getting lawyers involved now and getting is squashed may make things easier, since this might be something that'll have to be disclosed as an issue with a publisher in the future related to their interest.

If you have somebody out there with a beta copy willing to post parts in the open, attempt to cause all the problems they can, possibly even sell it on their own ... it can be an issue that might make people walk away.
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Oh he isn't being removed from the credits but he has been removed from any further project involvement at all. The beta was tied to his computer so he won't be able to distribute it. I don't think he's that sinister either, it seems to be personal against me.
 
This is what Contract Law was invented for.

I know it's not particularly helpful, but learn from your mistake and don't repeat in the future.
 
I left him alone but now he's going around telling people I stole code and used it in my own project. Isn't that libelous?
Guess he must have a longer attention span than I imagined.
 
Yes, I believe it is, unless he can prove his allegation.

Maybe you could have him committed, or wacked, whichever is cheaper.

I am tempted to say "turn the tables on him", al la Pacific Heights (if you saw the movie), but this does you a disservice as much as it does him.
 
raggedjimmi said:
I left him alone but now he's going around telling people I stole code and used it in my own project. Isn't that libelous?
Guess he must have a longer attention span than I imagined.
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He's just upping the ante to try and get you to bite. It's nearly over, don't worry.

AppleMatt (unless he's reading this thread, then you're f**ked)
 
::Shifty Eyes::

Okay, here's the deal...

100 - he loses a couple teeth
250 - he wakes up in a gutter, big knot on the back of his head
500 - his knee caps get shifted to the back
750 - his hands get mysteriously injured
1000 - he gets a couple broken bones in his legs
2500 - he gets to stay in a hospital for a few days
5000 - Crazy friend who?

But seriously, just let it go. Yeah, I know, it sucks having this guy go nuts on you and bringing down your good name. Short of hiring a hitman, you don't have a lot of choices on shutting him up.

Personally, I would go over to where ever he lives, knock on his door, and "nicely" confront him about it. Ask him what his big freaking deal is and why he's being such an @ss.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

You know where to reach me... ;)

~Crawn
 
make him and offer he can't refuse !
 

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It seems the public posts have stopped and I'm hearing nothing from individuals that he might have leaked information to.

Crawn2003 is that in Pound Sterling or Dollars :D
Nah this whole thing has seemingly backfired on him anyways. From the individuals I've spoke to none of them trust him anymore which is good enough to know. I'll try and speak to the publishers this week and see what they think, but since it's now simmering down I doubt anything will come of it.
 
I don't really get it. Why didn't you just make a massive post, or thread, explaining yourself. Why do most of it here, but not there?


Defend yourself for goodness sakes. I'm not telling you to start posting crap about him. I'm merely suggesting that you tell people, in a single post, that you did none of those things you were accused of doing or saying, tell them that he's just twisting your words around, etc. After posting that thread, leave it at that. However, say something.

Also, if he did actually contribute to your code somehow, I'd keep his name in the credits. That way, it doesn't appear as though you removed his name at this point in your project. That wouldn't look good later on. In fact, if you use the same user name here as you do over there, this thread will be Google-able, and I'm not sure if I'd even want this thread hanging around.
 
That's kind of messed up. I'd be inclined to just let it roll of my back, but be plotting on how to get back just at the right moment, haha.
 
Saying something, is basically reinforcement for some of the internet trolls.

Without feedback from their target, all they are doing is talking to themselves.

A one sided rant is sort of sad at some point, all people can do while watching it is google psycopharmaceuticals and try to guess what medication the person is suffering withdrawls with.
 
You dont really need to do anything now as his behaviour screams mental instability etc to all in sundry.


The longer he bleats the worse he looks.



Failing that break his snout :D
 
I think you've already been given loads of good advice about this. Defend yourself briefly and let it go.

And don't bother trying to understand why this person has gone and done this BS. Sometimes people inexplicably decide to be complete twunts.
 
xUKHCx said:
I'd personally either

a.) ignore him, once he realises that what he is doing doesn't affect you any more then he will probably lose interest​

b.) Post a small reasoned statement on your website / blog / whatever you have explaining things but don't go overboard and try not to make it too personal then see above.​

Good luck :)
Click to expand...

I would do both of these.
 
So it turns out it was "friendly banter", I don't think this person understands either words. What that person did was flat out sinister, but meh he's the one who lost out in all this.

I suppose it can now be all summed up as meh.

And I've been trawling through my old documents and it turns out he got the beta but didn't contribute any feedback at all. So I can rightly remove him from the credits. He didn't contribute anything at all.
 
I would avoid this guy like the plague from now on. I would think twice about removing him from the credits just to avoid any crap in the future. I'm assuming that you will thank the beta testers and list them.
 
Well it seems he's back at it again, unprovoked I might add. Since it looks like he wont be dropping this maybe it's time to speak with my publishers about further action we can take.

Heh, one of them also asked me why I would give out this private information to a 14 year old. I had to explain he was part of the team and 23 years old.
 
raggedjimmi said:
Well it seems he's back at it again, unprovoked I might add. Since it looks like he wont be dropping this maybe it's time to speak with my publishers about further action we can take.

Heh, one of them also asked me why I would give out this private information to a 14 year old. I had to explain he was part of the team and 23 years old.
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Geez, it sure sounds like he is 14 years old. Maybe he is off his meds. Or off his rocker. :eek: Sounds like my brother's ex-wife :mad:

It's sad, but I can tell you from family experience that mental illness is not like a broken leg. You can't just get an x-ray and put it in a cast, and let time heal it. :(

Avoid this guy like the plague.

Good luck to you :)

The only silver lining to the dark cloud here is that everyone pretty much understands he is an idiot, except him.
 
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