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Dating Websites... who's had any luck? Who has had bad luck?

maestro55

maestro55

macrumors 68030
Original poster
Nov 13, 2005
2,708
0
Goat Farm in Meridian, TX
So I thought this was an interesting topic. Being a nerd guy who doesn't really go out as much as I should I used to think that dating websites were the place to meet women. In March of 2008 I tried Match.com for the first time and met a wonderful woman who I dated for nearly a year. But in the end it, despite how wonderful I thought she was we weren't a good match and it didn't work out. So for over a month now I have been trying it again. On match.com, spending too much money on eharmony.com and even have tried some of the free sites. I have made several observations, some good and some bad.

First off, for a guy like me who works 50+ hours a week and lives in such a terribly small town (I am currently working and living in Meridian, TX in the middle of nowhere) I have enjoyed the ability to seek out eclectic females in the Austin and DFW area and while none of my "matches" have turned into anything what-so-ever I still like to believe that with time something good could come of the dating sites.

Just some issues I have come across, on dating sites people do not take as many risks. I mean they look at the profile and if they are not 100% happy they do not even try to make contact with that person. I tend to believe one problem is my location, I am mostly writing women who live in the DFW and Austin areas as I want to go visit those cities more often and there is so much to do in those cities. Me being 2 hours away from both I think some women just do not even bother writing back. As if I do not have a car? Or maybe the weekend thing just doesn't work for them, that is fine. I just wish that wasn't such a turn off. I have been known to close out matches for the smallest things and then go back later and think about it and wonder if I would have met that person in real life first if something would have sparked.

So have you tried dating sites? Which ones have you tried? Have you gone on any dates? Gotten into any serious relationships? Gotten into trouble?
 
Most people don't like long distance relationships, outside 15 miles is probably considered long distance.

Plentyoffish.com is pretty good for meeting girls. I don't like craigslist because there is too much spam.
 
I'm on eHarmony and have met a couple of great people...one didn't work out, the other is well ...in progress :)

I'm kind of the same as you in that I'm not really a go out and meet someone kind of guy...I work 40-50 hours a week, don't party, don't go to bars or go out much and chances are the type of person I'd meet there anyway wouldn't be my type. I figure this is the best way as I'm more likely to get matched up with someone who will actually 'get' me.
 
JLatte said:
I hear Craigslist > Casual Encounters works wonders, just run if they ask for money. :D
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That is if all I want is a Casual Encounter. And yes most of them are just spam anyways. I do read them just to get a kick out of them. And I suppose I might be more tempted to respond if I had my own place. But I have a roommate who is somewhat religious and not sure what he would think since he owns the house.

Zombie Acorn said:
Most people don't like long distance relationships, outside 15 miles is probably considered long distance.

Plentyoffish.com is pretty good for meeting girls. I don't like craigslist because there is too much spam.
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I have tried plentyoffish.com, hate their UI but yes seems to be a good mix of people. As for long distance, I suppose I understand, but I don't see how living an hour and a half to two hours is that huge of a deal. Some people commute that much every day for work. The nearest big city is an hour away (Waco). The small towns here just don't seem to have the kind of woman that I am looking for.


MattG said:
I'm on eHarmony and have met a couple of great people...one didn't work out, the other is well ...in progress :)

I'm kind of the same as you in that I'm not really a go out and meet someone kind of guy...I don't party, don't go to bars and chances are the type of person I'd meet there anyway wouldn't be my type. I figure this is the best way as I'm more likely to get matched up with someone who will actually 'get' me.
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I suppose after I turn 21 I will actually go out more. But for now since I can't drink in bars I really do not go out all that often. Good luck with the match in progress on eharmony.
 
I did match.com years ago when I moved to a new city and wanted to make some new friends. I met a few nice guys, but nothing that turned into anything more than a few dates here and there.

A few years later I tried yahoo personals - I only met one person, but luckily I liked him. We've been married for 5 years now and have 2 kids :eek: :p

Online dating is a funny situation. As a woman, I had a hard time deciding who I was going to respond to. Some people just seemed sleazy. Others would send me a note, I'd check out their profile and we would have nothing, and I mean, NOTHING in common. Made me think that they were just sending notes to any and every random female. Hardly made me think that they were interested in *me* in particular if you know what I mean.

I would probably hesitate at dating someone who lived 2 hours away. Seems like quite a long distance, would really only allow weekend dating and not casual cups of coffee, etc which is more of what I was looking for when I was first meeting people.

Good luck with your search!
 
I've used Gaydar and ladslads. Not exactly for dating, but when I lived in Australia it was a good way to meet people.

Although most people I met were a "your place, or mine" kinda person.

I think that's just the gay community, though. Promiscuous ;)
 
I would probably hesitate at dating someone who lived 2 hours away. Seems like quite a long distance, would really only allow weekend dating and not casual cups of coffee, etc which is more of what I was looking for when I was first meeting people.
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I will agree, it would be great to have a woman in the same town as I that I could go for a cup of coffee with and see during the week. One reason that things didn't work out with my ex is because we had dated for 6 months an then I got this job in Meridian and started staying here (over an hour away from her house) M-F and then coming home Friday evening so we really only had two days together each week.

With the job market the way it is, I am glad that I have a good job that brings in a decent amount of money but I still wouldn't want to commute to the bigger city (the cost of getting an apartment + gas makes it not really worth it, and with the hours I work it it is easier to live out here).

I eventually want to move to a bigger city, and there are some women who have their own career and studies who wouldn't mind the weekend thing. And of course the occasional evenings. Like I said, some people commute 2 hours to work every day, so if things did work out I could stay with her sometimes during the week, too.

I highly doubt I am going to find any women who are my type in Gransfills Cranfills Gap, Hico, Clifton, and Meridian, TX (the cities surrounding the facility I work at). Just pull the area up on Google Maps, nothing much country girls out here. And atheist nerds like myself and good little country girls just don't mix well.
 
Yahoo Personals worked for me

I tried a couple sites after getting divorced a couple of years ago and settled on Yahoo Personals. The only other site I tried was eHarmony and it seemed a little too over-engineered for me, speaking as a fellow geek. :)

I'm in a bigger metro area so probably have a lot bigger pool to work with. I've been dating a woman for a little over a year now and things are great. I'd actually had some hesitation when she contacted me as she lives an hour from me, but I was approaching things as a 'what the heck' kind of way -- may as well go meet women and if nothing else, have a nice cup of coffee and get out a bit.

That's my biggest piece of advice I guess -- don't make it into a Big Thing, but try to have fun with it. Have some fun with your profile, be a little light with your emails, etc.

Anyhow, Yahoo worked great for me (knock on wood!). Good luck!
 
I've tried two. Note different sites aim at different demographics (I feel). I'm 28 and live in San Francisco.

eHarmony - Profile takes forever to do. Communication is hand holding all the way. People weren't very attractive (females). Just not that many people on there. Zero results. Overall a bit older demographic for people who are aiming at immediate long term status.

Match.com - Profile is Facebook-ish. Communication is straight up emailing and winks and stuff. A lot of good looking people from all walks of life. I've had several very good dates from this service and have started one girl quite often. I recommend Match.com.
 
Macaddicttt said:
:p
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Fixed. Thanks for pointing that out.

GimmeSlack12 said:
I've tried two. Note different sites aim at different demographics (I feel). I'm 28 and live in San Francisco.

eHarmony - Profile takes forever to do. Communication is hand holding all the way. People weren't very attractive (females). Just not that many people on there. Zero results. Overall a bit older demographic for people who are aiming at immediate long term status.

Match.com - Profile is Facebook-ish. Communication is straight up emailing and winks and stuff. A lot of good looking people from all walks of life. I've had several very good dates from this service and have started one girl quite often. I recommend Match.com.
Click to expand...

I will agree.. I haven't had anything on eHarmony, a few matches but since one can't actually search you have to wait for them to select matches for you. A bit annoying. Match is much better. OkCupid is another pretty good one.
 
Wow, I used to think these sites were kind of shams, but it seems like eventually at least a decent relationship can come from it.


I'll keep that in mind for the future......
 
A couple of friends and I tried it a few years back, had a few interesting dates and a few that lasted a little longer but overall, we didn't bother trying again.

Why? Because online, you chat to someone, you decide to meet and if the date isn't perfect (or there's no immediate spark) you don't bother seeing them again because there are so many more fish in the sea. Or you meet someone, it's a good date but you spend time wondering whether to stay online to see if there's anyone else better or wondering why they're still updating their profile!

If you go out with someone who you meet unexpectedly because there's some spark, then I think you're more likely to play it by ear and spend more time getting to know them rather than writing them off immediately.
 
I know this is slightly off topic, but you can meet someone anywhere. For instance, I met my fiance on line at Dunkin' Donuts. I knew we already had something in common. All it takes is two to five minutes to make a first impression and get a phone #. I hated bars, etc. and did a lot of online dating. Approaching women on the street is fine too. Just don't come off like a creep and you're fine. Keep in mind this takes a little practice ie not being nervous (which is what will make you look creepy) Tease her, joke, and you're in!

~mullet
 
Applespider said:
A couple of friends and I tried it a few years back, had a few interesting dates and a few that lasted a little longer but overall, we didn't bother trying again.

Why? Because online, you chat to someone, you decide to meet and if the date isn't perfect (or there's no immediate spark) you don't bother seeing them again because there are so many more fish in the sea. Or you meet someone, it's a good date but you spend time wondering whether to stay online to see if there's anyone else better or wondering why they're still updating their profile!

If you go out with someone who you meet unexpectedly because there's some spark, then I think you're more likely to play it by ear and spend more time getting to know them rather than writing them off immediately.
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That is a good point, and probably rings more true than I would have originally thought. I have dated two women from dating sites, one was a terrible date (she seemed stoned or just really out of it... some might remember the thread on it I had made here). The other lasted 11 months. And in the last few weeks I haven't really made any progress this time around.

mullet said:
I know this is slightly off topic, but you can meet someone anywhere. For instance, I met my fiance on line at Dunkin' Donuts. I knew we already had something in common. All it takes is two to five minutes to make a first impression and get a phone #. I hated bars, etc. and did a lot of online dating. Approaching women on the street is fine too. Just don't come off like a creep and you're fine. Keep in mind this takes a little practice ie not being nervous (which is what will make you look creepy) Tease her, joke, and you're in!

~mullet
Click to expand...

Very good point... one problem I run into is I do not know how to just randomly meet women without coming off as a creep. But certainly wouldn't be a bad idea. And that is sweet that you met your Finance in line at Dunkin' Donuts and will make for a great story later on in life.
 
My wife and I met through kiss.com. Needless to say, we weren't married at the time - so I had to pour on the charm. Still going more than 7 years later (the relationship, I mean - the charm isn't quite what it was).
 
Yahoo Personals

I met my wife on Yahoo Personals. We dated for over a year, and have been very happily married for almost three years.

I was divorced and a single dad with three young kids for ten years. Naturally I have some dating horror stories. But I'll skip that part. I'm sure everyone has some!

I also tried EHarmony, they kept matching me with people 50 miles away. That doesn't work here is So.Cal., the drive there and back would be longer than the date! Also, the ping-pong match of communications was frustrating for me.

Here is my advice.

1. Be honest, tactful, and treat others the way you want to be treated. There is a balance in the karma of the world.

2. Look at dating as a chance to get out, meet people, and have fun. Don't expect either a wild romance or sex on the first date. Funny things happen more often when you have realistic expectations.

3. Post a recent, well groomed, and fully clothed picture of yourself in your profile.

4. Make your profile about you, who you are, and what you are looking for. It doesn't need to be very long, but you don't want the standard 100 words or less, either. The more you put about who you are and what you are looking for, the more likely it is that you will strike a chord with someone who is really compatible. Make sure you mention things that are important to you, such as smoking, religion, hobbies, interests, etc.

Good luck in your search!

Oh, yeah! Be yourself! Relax! You want that special lady to like the real you, not something that you're pretending to be.
 
Boneoh said:
I met my wife on Yahoo Personals. We dated for over a year, and have been very happily married for almost three years.

I was divorced and a single dad with three young kids for ten years. Naturally I have some dating horror stories. But I'll skip that part. I'm sure everyone has some!

I also tried EHarmony, they kept matching me with people 50 miles away. That doesn't work here is So.Cal., the drive there and back would be longer than the date! Also, the ping-pong match of communications was frustrating for me.

Here is my advice.

1. Be honest, tactful, and treat others the way you want to be treated. There is a balance in the karma of the world.

2. Look at dating as a chance to get out, meet people, and have fun. Don't expect either a wild romance or sex on the first date. Funny things happen more often when you have realistic expectations.

3. Post a recent, well groomed, and fully clothed picture of yourself in your profile.

4. Make your profile about you, who you are, and what you are looking for. It doesn't need to be very long, but you don't want the standard 100 words or less, either. The more you put about who you are and what you are looking for, the more likely it is that you will strike a chord with someone who is really compatible. Make sure you mention things that are important to you, such as smoking, religion, hobbies, interests, etc.

Good luck in your search!

Oh, yeah! Be yourself! Relax! You want that special lady to like the real you, not something that you're pretending to be.
Click to expand...

All very very good advice. And congratulations on having Yahoo Personals work out for you. I haven't tried their site though I might consider it. I am just trying to use the tools that are given to avoid having to go on as many terrible dates as well as trying to impress women by being something I am not at bars or clubs. I am sure that is the idea that most people desire when they use dating sites. They are allowed to be themselves. If people are interested than they will respond if they are not then they won't. It really simplifies what has been a very big hassle over the years.

But on the flip side, there are the horror stories. People still end up with terrible dates (even from people they thought they knew and trusted) and there is often still (despite what is written in the profile) a lack of understanding of what the expectations are. I always make it very clear, I am looking to date, but nothing serious until I get to know a person. However, I had this one girl (though this was through craigslist) really freak me out. After just a few days of talking to her, she started talking about how she wanted kids, etc.

There are obviously just as many if not more nuts online than are found in bars. So I guess in end it equals out though. I would hope to eventually find someone who isn't completely nuts (though I would like her to be somewhat of a nut, it makes it interesting).
 
maestro55 said:
After just a few days of talking to her, she started talking about how she wanted kids, etc.
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That's a tough one though. It does kinda depend on whether she was saying she wanted kids with YOU (in which case, yes, it would freak me out too).

But if having children is something she really wants in the future, why not mention it early in terms of an ambition? Otherwise, you don't say anything, you end up seeing someone, starting a relationship and several months down the line, you discover that the partner has had a vasectomy since he's sworn off ever having kids.
 
Applespider said:
That's a tough one though. It does kinda depend on whether she was saying she wanted kids with YOU (in which case, yes, it would freak me out too).

But if having children is something she really wants in the future, why not mention it early in terms of an ambition? Otherwise, you don't say anything, you end up seeing someone, starting a relationship and several months down the line, you discover that the partner has had a vasectomy since he's sworn off ever having kids.
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I am 20 years old, I do not not want to even discuss the topic for another 10 years. I am uncertain if I even want kids and do not see any point in discussing it. If she is making it a point to tell me she wants kids likely if we got into a serious relationship my lack of wanting kids could cause problems.
 
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