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Gah. Getting back into dating.

question fear

question fear

macrumors 68020
Original poster
Apr 10, 2003
2,277
84
The "Garden" state
Ok, so I've basically been in relationships for the last 4 years. 3.5 years w/ the same girl, then ended up in another relationship pretty quickly, and since that ended have been alone for a few months to sort myself out and spend some time trying to be alone.
Anyhow, the other day I ran into a sort-of-ex. We dated/hooked up over a summer about 5 years ago, and now I'm living in the area again and we exchanged numbers. Actually, she was fairly enthusiastic about exchanging numbers. She also friended me on myspace (I don't get myspace, really, but that's sort of an ancillary issue.) I sent her a myspace message saying how great it was to see her and that we should get together.
Is it a good idea to invite her out with my friends and me this weekend? I feel like it should be, but I feel so rusty at this! Anyhow, I <3 MR and you guys always give good advice. :)
 
Are you into dating her again, or maybe just hanging out?

Either way it probably wouldn't hurt to go out, something casual and low-pressure in a group. Then go from there...
 
You want it. You know you do. If you didn't, you wouldn't have told her that you and her should get together, even if you were trying to give her the idea that this was casual, nothing more. You could have said nothing, but you said something.

Just go out with her. "Question Fear."
 
Heh. I will.
But what to do about the myspace thing...is it ok to call within a few days of sending the message or should I wait until I have something more concrete, like "My friends and I are going out this weekend, want to come?". Argh.

I think part of this is fear of rejection. Slightly silly considering she gave me her number and all...
 
The more you fear rejection the more likely you are to get it, I think.

"My friends and I are going out this weekend, want to come?" sounds like a fine way to initiate something. Go for it!

I personally, like dating a lot. It's interesting even when it isn't successful.

e
 
Dating is interesting and fun, it's true.
I think I am more concerned because we have a past history. Somehow it makes it scarier I guess...i dunno. I will call her. It will hopefully go well. There definitely seemed like there was still chemistry.
 
I'd wait till you have something concrete to invite her to. Im guessing she will ask where or what you are inviting her to, and if you arent prepared you will sound like a dork "I dont know... ummm just hangind out".

I would definately ask her out. Sounds like a no-brainer that she would say yes. And even if she says "no", so what? Thats the most valuable thing Ive learned about dating; rejection isnt really a big deal.

Just like you dont like every single woman you meet, you cant expect every single one of them to like you. It isnt personal. Its more like a trying on shoes. Some fit. Some dont, but that doesnt mean you hate the shoes... (fabulous illustration, I know. :D )
 
scem0 said:
The more you fear rejection the more likely you are to get it, I think.

"My friends and I are going out this weekend, want to come?" sounds like a fine way to initiate something. Go for it!

I personally, like dating a lot. It's interesting even when it isn't successful.

e
Click to expand...

Yeah, but it's more fun when it is! I asked a girl out last week, and I think she would have accepted except she said she was already 'sort of' in a relationship/seeing someone and didn't feel right going with somebody else. Whatever that 'sort of' means. Anyway, I think she would have if it weren't for the other dude. I like that girl!

How long do you suppose I should wait before asking her again?;)
 
Abstract said:
You want it.
Click to expand...
My 'tar <3 your 'tar.
image.php
 
Its only a matter of TIME before she falls down and gets impailed by the WOOD..

tis the truth... not relevant but .. TRUTH

If you have reinvented yourself since your last encounter.. proceed with LOVE..

If you are the same cyborg she used to date... then do VIPASSANA..

iloveyou
 
Lots of guys fear rejection and I've never understood it. So she says no... who cares? It's not like you have been thinking about this girl for years and your heart is set on her. Besides, she gave you her number so she's at least interested in hanging out at some point.
 
the invitation to hang out seems innocuous enough. but you gotta ask yourself where u want this to go. did u jus wanna hook up with her again or looking for a relationship?
i dunno, being that u guys have some history it might make things weird...i mean, you may wanna date but she might just want to be friends. pesonally, once i'm done with a someone, then i'm done.
but then again, there's only one way to find out what she wants....
 
It seems like you're using her as a rebound as well. You should invite her along with your friends, and that Myspace stuff, its all fluff, dont put too much thought into that.
 
jamone80 said:
the invitation to hang out seems innocuous enough. but you gotta ask yourself where u want this to go. did u jus wanna hook up with her again or looking for a relationship?
i dunno, being that u guys have some history it might make things weird...i mean, you may wanna date but she might just want to be friends. pesonally, once i'm done with a someone, then i'm done.
but then again, there's only one way to find out what she wants....
Click to expand...

You know, I'm trying to go into this pretty open. Bear in mind we dated on and off one summer 5 years ago. We were both a lot younger. Clearly.


SFVCyclone said:
It seems like you're using her as a rebound as well. You should invite her along with your friends, and that Myspace stuff, its all fluff, dont put too much thought into that.
Click to expand...

Myspace just confuses me. She replied to my message, agreed we should catch up, but it still seems so many layers removed from actually communication. And that's a general criticism not a specific one to this situation. I think I am too old for myspace :)
 
BengalDuck said:
Lots of guys fear rejection and I've never understood it. So she says no... who cares? It's not like you have been thinking about this girl for years and your heart is set on her. Besides, she gave you her number so she's at least interested in hanging out at some point.
Click to expand...

Isn't the OP a 'demi-Goddess'?...Do'h.

Well I've never understood why the Eff guys have to do the asking anyway. I'm thinking in the 21st century, it's about time we change the rules, have some nice roll reversal scenarios. Guys should be more obsessed with their body image, just like females, just like Justin Timberlake...heh. Spend all the time obsessing about body image, working out in the gym all week long to get six pack abs just like Justin....err, so that makes Britanny metrosexual then, or just like Lance???

5 years is a long enough time, people can change significantly in musical tastes, and likewise compatibility. Best to just meet up with a group of friends, and then if there is renewed (yeah, just go ahead and carelessly jump right in where you left off, no need to spend quality time to get reacquainted to see if you still have the same interests, lol) 'chemistry'...one or the other of you ought to find a moment where you can sneak in a kiss away from the group of other friends, right (heck, make an excuse and go back to the car if necessary)? Then if that is working out just fine, it should immediately lead into French kissing with lots of deep tongue...hehe.

Then ask her if she's a
Republican :), and just go down from there on, lol. Play it by ear, or tongue as it were.

Well that's all I could think of off-hand, at the blink-of-an-eye.
 
Butthead said:
Isn't the OP a 'demi-Goddess'?...Do'h.


Then ask her if she's a
Republican :), and just go down from there on, lol. Play it by ear, or tongue as it were.

Well that's all I could think of off-hand, at the blink-of-an-eye.
Click to expand...


Two things:

1) Yes, I am a demi-goddess. You'd think the demi-goddess notation + the avatar would click, but guess not :-D

2) You win total bonus points for utilizing TWOP.


In any case, the "hang out with friends" plan is being postponed because I caught a cold.

I think I will call her and see if we can hang out over the long thanksgiving weekend. I will be down closer to where she lives (by my parents), so it's a good in. Damn cold screwed up everything ;-)
 
Butthead said:
Isn't the OP a 'demi-Goddess'?...Do'h.

Well I've never understood why the Eff guys have to do the asking anyway. I'm thinking in the 21st century, it's about time we change the rules, have some nice roll reversal scenarios.
Click to expand...

I'm kind of amused by the idea of women having to do the asking. Sure, in their case it's by necessity. And it doesn't help us straight guys any. But it still amuses me.
 
question fear said:
Dating is interesting and fun, it's true.
I think I am more concerned because we have a past history. Somehow it makes it scarier I guess...i dunno. I will call her. It will hopefully go well. There definitely seemed like there was still chemistry.
Click to expand...

On the one hand, reconnecting with an old flame can be a lot easier than meeting someone new. A lot of the "getting to know each other" stuff has already been done, and unless one or both of you has changed a lot over time, you know each other's quirks and habits.

The downside: if it petered out then, why would it work now? If it was a matter of compatibility, it might mean you're still a bad match. But if it was just bad timing, or two people going in different directions, or there's been some personal growth, then past failure might not be an indicator of future success.

That last bit sounded like a investment services ad.
 
aloofman said:
On the one hand, reconnecting with an old flame can be a lot easier than meeting someone new. A lot of the "getting to know each other" stuff has already been done, and unless one or both of you has changed a lot over time, you know each other's quirks and habits.

The downside: if it petered out then, why would it work now? If it was a matter of compatibility, it might mean you're still a bad match. But if it was just bad timing, or two people going in different directions, or there's been some personal growth, then past failure might not be an indicator of future success.

That last bit sounded like a investment services ad.
Click to expand...

Hehe. I work for an investment firm, maybe I could suggest that bit to marketing.
We didn't have a long history, mostly a summer thing. So it kind of is getting to know each other again. I am feeling pretty good about it, actually. It will be interesting to hang out and see where we've both changed for better (hopefully not much changed for the worse)
 
question fear said:
Hehe. I work for an investment firm, maybe I could suggest that bit to marketing.
We didn't have a long history, mostly a summer thing. So it kind of is getting to know each other again. I am feeling pretty good about it, actually. It will be interesting to hang out and see where we've both changed for better (hopefully not much changed for the worse)
Click to expand...

That sounds like a better scenario to me. If it were a well-developed relationship that unraveled completely, then it wouldn't be as easy to reboot it.
 
Garden Knowm said:
Its only a matter of TIME before she falls down and gets impailed by the WOOD..

tis the truth... not relevant but .. TRUTH

If you have reinvented yourself since your last encounter.. proceed with LOVE..

If you are the same cyborg she used to date... then do VIPASSANA..

iloveyou
Click to expand...

Is this English or Knowmish?:rolleyes:
 
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