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GF Questions, any advice?

C

CalPoly10

macrumors regular
Original poster
Sep 5, 2006
140
0
Ok, I have some questions, and I just want a 3rd party here to give me their opinion.

I have been dating this girl for 2 1/2 years. We are an awesome match, never fight, have fun together, etc.

We go to two different Colleges, about 2 hours apart, but manage to see each other every weekend, every break, etc.

She is on Spring Break right now, and decided to take a road trip with 2 of her roommates/sorority sisters to Las Vegas, and then to Phoenix. I was kind of upset at first (Las Vegas, you know) but I got over it.

So she gets in Vegas this past Monday, and I don't hear from her again until 2:30AM on Tuesday, after they got back from clubbing. Again, I got pissed at her.

Next day, I didn't talk to her much because I was still mad about the whole thing, and she calls me around 8PM telling me they're going out that night, and she'd call me when they got in. Never called.

Next morning she calls me early and says she passed out once they got back and had her phone in her hand but fell asleep and forgot to call, yadda yadda yadda.

We haven't talked much on the phone since she left on the trip, but she called me last night and told me they're going to a show, and she'd call me after. Again, she doesn't call me until 2:30AM and said she's really sorry, they went to a club, didn't have time to call.

So I feel throughout the whole thing (and I told her this), she hasn't really thought of me at all. She tells me she never has the chance to go clubbing and do that stuff, and it is her Spring Break, so I shouldn't care. I don't know what to think.

I'm still pissed, just because she has been flaky when I talk to her, but then again, it is her Spring Break, and I want her to be having fun. Today, the gang left for Phoenix to catch a few basketball games, and are staying in a cool hotel/club.

Obviously, this all gets to me, but she swears she is just having fun with her girls, she loves me, etc. How would everyone else here handle the situation? I blew up on her last night, and told her I couldn't handle her clubbing in Vegas with her single roommates, and told her just to stop calling and call me in a week or two. She didn't want that, so we are still talking.

Am I being a dick? Is she in the wrong? Any observations?
 
let it go. She's an adult, it's Spring Break and it's "Vegas, baby, Vegas". If you love her - trust her. Don't suffocate the woman.
 
you are being the dick and not understanding

It seems rather sad that you can not trust her.
2nd her not calling well think about it. She is getting in late and passing out. I have more than once forgotten to call my girlfriend because I just fell asleep because i was tired. Weather it was me getting in late or just falling asleep after resting head it happens.

You have other issues to work out if you can not handle something as little as this.
 
i would do exactly what you are doing...which is the wrong thing to do...but you have every right to be worried...fortunately my GF dosent go clubbing (god i wouldnt be able to survive if she did) but if shes out with friends or something and she dosent call i get very worried..or jealous...so i i'd have to say you're not being a dick, but you're not going to change her mind, so i guess you should just let her do her thing

sorry im not much help
 
she's wrong and you are being a dick.

it spring break, its vegas, and she is probably drinking and having a good time. If you never heard from her it would be a slightly different story, however, it seems as though you simply aren't hearing from her when you want to.
 
Ok, guess I will lay off.

I'm really not being that persistent on her. I have called her once or twice since she left, and I figure she would call me occasionally, but it hasn't even been that. Oh well. Thanks
 
You sound more like an overprotective father than a boyfriend. You should have let her go to Vegas without you. There's one big difference between a teenage/high school relationship and an adult relationship -- TRUST. If you truly TRUST her you will let her have her fun with her girlfriends, and believe me she will love and respect you for it more every day and your relationship will flourish. If you truly DON'T trust her, you probably shouldn't be with her in the first place. End of story.
 
Uhh, she is in vegas without me, and I did say it was fine for her to go?
 
I could relate with your post and I heard every bit or your natural concern without the jealous BS that some may be accusing you of. That said, and to use your words, you are being a dick.

I think with age, at least for me, has come the realization of how important trust is and space. You two may have a great relationship but realize that her desire to be free for a week and hang with her girlfriends and not be in contact pre-2:30am isn't so wrong. It's her spring break. Especially in Vegas or on a roadtrip where so much is going on and it's easy to not re-connect with a loved one till after the party. I know it feels like a slight but just chill out and trust. She'll be home soon enough and if she feels like she was able to have a nice trip without you freaking out all will be rewarded.

Now can you go on a trip like this with your friends and would she be cool?

If in doubt don't react or freak..just trust and if you two love each other all should be OK. What she is doing is normal.
 
Thanks guys, I needed to hear that I think.

I do trust her more than anything. I just don't like the thought of drunk guys hitting on her. Oh well, she's mine :)
 
CalPoly10 said:
Oh well, she's mine :)
Click to expand...

The best advice I can give is just to let it be. As the others have said trust is the big thing here and as long as your trust her there should be nothing to worry about. Don't push to hard or something bad might happen. She's in Vegas and having a good time, its spring break, so just let it be. She will come back at some point. The one thing i have learned is that you need to let them do what they want to do. My girlfriend is uber busy to a point of almost running herself into the ground. What can i do about it, maybe something, but then i risk just pissing her off and thats not worth it in the long run. Let your girls have some time with friend and let go for a while, she could probably use the break from all the school stuff (god knows i can't weight for finals week to be over next week).
 
Consider an opposite thing happening... She goes to see you during her spring break, but actually wants to go somewhere else, but is just too afraid to tell you because she's afraid of how you'd react (partially right, but like you said, you got over it). She tells you this shortly before said spring break.

The actual damage that would've done is much worse, I think. I totally understand your feelings, I've been there. But be cool about it. If you think she's screwing other guys behind your back, you're probably right. Think about it. It's a trust thing, if you know she's not gonna do that, then why worry?
 
CalPoly10 said:
Am I being a dick? Is she in the wrong? Any observations?
Click to expand...

yea man you are. ive gone to vegas with the guys while having gf's and yea we just had fun gambling or walking the strip. nothing even close to resembling cheating or whatever

just because its vegas doesnt mean they are getting laid everynight or any night...

she already has one dad, doesnt need two lol. just trust her
 
I am going to echo what everyone else has said. You need to chillax. Your girlfriend is an adult and should be allowed to go out and do her own thing if she wants. If you went out to Vegas and did similar things I am sure you wouldn't appreciate her getting upset with you. The two of you are both equals, she should be allowed to do her own things as much as you can do yours.
 
If it makes you feel any better, remember that what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
 
Yes, she's probably getting hit on and dancing with douchebags with gelled hair and popped collars. If you've been together for 2 1/2 years, you just have to accept that this will happen and that it will end there.


and of course if it goes further.... area code rule :D
 
CalPoly10 said:
Thanks guys, I needed to hear that I think.

I do trust her more than anything. I just don't like the thought of drunk guys hitting on her. Oh well, she's mine :)
Click to expand...

couple of things, IMO, you don't trust her more than anything or else you would not be worried about the douchebags harrasing her, what are they going to do force her? if that is teh case then you should be worried about this 24/7 not just now that she is in las Vegas, on the other side, don t think im just trying ot put you down or anything, if i was in your situation i would probably be doing the same thing, knowing it's wrong but still doing it, like you are right now.. i say no worries, she ll come back and everything will be fine nd if everything is not fine when she comes back then it was going to happen sooner or later bro, when it's over it's okay, "we all have troubles in our lives but if you worry your trouble doubles" (bob marley i think) lol anyways man,, chill out have some fun of your own go out chill with the guys.. juanster says relax! hahaha:D
 
The thing that would be the determining factor is how she has acted in the past. I hate to use labels, but if she was "loyal" to previous boyfriends, if she had any, and if she has been "loyal" to you. Does she dance "dirty" and let other men check out her "goodies" ? Does she drink a lot and loose control? Some men and women are just so good with each other that they know that they will both enjoy themselves on vacation and let loose, but will never go to far. Bottom line, does she love you on an emotional level, or a statistical level. Is it real or a no better alternative relationship. If its all good, then let her be, us men want guy time, she needs girl time.
 
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