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Girl Advice: Sleep Weirdness

ravenvii

ravenvii

macrumors 604
Original poster
Mar 17, 2004
7,588
494
Melenkurion Skyweir
I'm a night owl. I like to talk at night, and my mind is most active during the late afternoon/night period. But in the morning, my mind is mush, and all I want to do is go back to bed.

My girlfriend is basically the opposite. It's getting really maddening when she gets all sleepy at like 10 PM when I wanted to chat. And then gets up at 8 in the morning for absolutely no reason. Hell, even if we were out late and got back at like, 3 AM or something, she'd still get up at 7 or 8 in the morning, then complain she's tired when 4 PM comes along. Well, why didn't she stay in bed then? There's absolutely no reason to get up that early.

I don't understand, and it's pissing me off. So I come to you guys for some help. Maybe explain to me what's up with her? And how do I deal with it?
 
if this has always been her behavior then there is nothing 'up with her' shes just being normal and she always has.

and if shes always been like this... why is it an issue now when it wasn't before?

the key though, is to talk to her about it. relationships are about compromise and working together. so rather than get upset or frustrated. sit down with her and let her know that this is bothering/frustrating you and see how she feels about it. and see what you two can work out so you have more time to spend together. some people are early people, some aren't. i can get up early and be fine, but not all the time. /shrug, its personal preference.
 
iMacZealot said:
All I can say is that some people are morning people and some people are evening people.
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Exactly. You make it sound like there is something wrong with her.
Your internal clocks aren't is sync. That's all.

FYI.... If you're really crazy about her, it's not that hard to change.
 
I am really at my best at the super late night hours. However, I work (by choice) at 6 a.m. I found that somehow I am really great first thing in the morning as well. The fact is, I found out as I grew older that I did not want to waste my time in bed. By the time I would get up, motivated, and out of the house it would be the early afternoon. Shops may be closing in a couple of hours on the weekends and I would find that I would not get as much done. Now I get up early on the weekends (not as early as I do on the weekdays) and I get things done. Sometimes I'll nap during the day so I can be great when I go out. I just find I get more out of my day. If you can't hang with the girl that wants to live a semi normal life then drop her and find someone just as lazy.
 
Exactly. You'll have to admit that *she* is the one keeping perfectly normal hours, and you are the one keeping odd hours. Sleeping from 11pm to 7am is pretty normal by most everyone's standard, so I suppose if anyone should blame anyone else she could theoretically blame you for your odd hours (though it seems that she is nice enough not to).

Since she is the one keeping normal hours, and even willing to put up with your odd hours, you can't reasonably ask her to stay in bed until noon with you -- doesn't sound like that would be a positive change for her life.

I suppose you should either agree to have different hours, try to take her as a positive example and change your odd hours, or if you feel you need to be up at strange hours and require a girlfriend to be up with you -- well, then you obviously need a different girlfriend.

Just don't bother her with it and remember that she's the one with the normal hours who isn't doing anything wrong.
 
Yeah, I hear you all. But it's getting to my nerves how sometimes when we're having a conversation, she'd get all sleepy and go to sleep right in the middle of the conversation, or starts spewing out complete nonsense (things you'd say when you're less than half awake). Am I the only one who CAN force myself to stay awake and aware if I want to? She wakes me up in the morning, I'm tired and just want to go back to sleep, but I force myself to stay awake, and have a coherent conversation with her.

I'm just frustrated that it seems she's unable to do that for me as well.
 
My girlfriend and I have very different hours of operation.

I usually fall asleep around 2-3AM and get up around 8-9AM, whereas she's usually asleep by 11PM (she's sleeping now, actually) and she doesn't get up usually until around 11AM if she doesn't have to.

I don't understand what the big deal is though. Just do what you do, let her do what she does, and enjoy the time you are together. If you need to talk so badly, then talk to her before she goes to bed. You can't honestly say you don't have time to talk to her until 11PM...

ravenvii said:
Am I the only one who CAN force myself to stay awake and aware if I want to? She wakes me up in the morning, I'm tired and just want to go back to sleep, but I force myself to stay awake, and have a coherent conversation with her.

I'm just frustrated that it seems she's unable to do that for me as well.
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I'm just like you, so I understand what your saying, but you have to remember that people are different.
 
ravenvii said:
I'm a night owl. I like to talk at night, and my mind is most active during the late afternoon/night period. But in the morning, my mind is mush, and all I want to do is go back to bed.

My girlfriend is basically the opposite. It's getting really maddening when she gets all sleepy at like 10 PM when I wanted to chat. And then gets up at 8 in the morning for absolutely no reason. Hell, even if we were out late and got back at like, 3 AM or something, she'd still get up at 7 or 8 in the morning, then complain she's tired when 4 PM comes along. Well, why didn't she stay in bed then? There's absolutely no reason to get up that early.

I don't understand, and it's pissing me off. So I come to you guys for some help. Maybe explain to me what's up with her? And how do I deal with it?
Click to expand...

K random question -- how bright does it get in your bedroom when 8am comes around? I ask because if your girlfriend is like me, she may find it hard to sleep once it starts getting bright in the room. Maybe if it stayed darker longer, she'd sleep longer?

At any rate, I have the same issue. There are nights when I'd like to stay up with my girlfriend, but she just can't keep from falling asleep. I'm going to have to start spiking her water with caffeine or something ;)
 
Apparently it's to do with your body clock. Nobody's body clock is exactly 24 hours. If it's less you tend to be an early-riser. More, and getting up early is not so easy. I used to be a late riser (still am after alcohol) but now I try to go to bed at a reasonable time (it takes a little time and discipline getting used to) and get up at 7:30 or before. When I do that I definitely feel better. Having said that, if I then just sat around watching TV I would probably drop off again.

My advice would be to start going to bed when your girlfriend does. Yes, at the start you won't be able to sleep, but persevere. Make sure you get up when she does. That's very important. After a short while your body and mind will adjust. Like alcoholism it'll probably be easy to slip back into old habits. I guess it depends how much you want it.

One last thing, as has been said above, you're the one being unusual so you shouldn't expect your girlfriend to change.
 
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