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Growing pains of an 18 year old with his parents

goodtimes5

goodtimes5

macrumors 6502a
Original poster
Apr 4, 2004
778
0
Bay Area
I'm heading off to college after this summer, and things are very rough right now with my parents. They're denying me my last hang-outs with my high school friends, they're denying me my freedom to leave the house, and they're denying me an enjoyable summer before college begins. They tell me I shouldn't waste money on pure entertainment; it's my money and my decisions. They tell me I'll just make new friends in college anyways and forget about high school friends; no comment necessary. They prefer that I stay home, but they just end up watching their tv shows anyways.

And there's no point in discussing things with them since they don't listen. I'm 18, but I certainly don't feel like it. I'm leaving for college in a few months, but I still feel imprisoned. Should I just finally stop putting up with them and cut the leash? Or should I respect my parents and obey?

I'm pretty pissed off right now since I've been denied again, and I wanted some advice from some balanced minds before I explode.
 
They're trying to deal with your imminent departure and don't realise what effects it is having on you. Most parents go through this stage, they've had you for 18 years and now the world is suddenly right in front of you without them in the way to shield out all the harm.

Sit them down, chat to them properly, BE PATIENT and don't get defensive/offensive and listen to what they have to say. Treat them as you would want them to treat you.

Trust me, you're not the first person to go through this and you won't be the last, my mother and I nearly opened the gates to hell with our fighting when I went off to Uni - it's been 6 years and we still fight whenever I'm at home but at least now when we're done fighting we can laugh at it and have proper discussions about what's bothering us.
 
If you can afford to why not just leave?
I know that does not sound like good advice when one is angry but if the situation is so intolerable and you are truly and independent adult able to make decision just show them that.
 
Spend the last months(before shipping away) with your parents and enjoy it....You will miss them and wished you did. Some of those friends you will keep and some you won't....new friends will be made and all that good stuff.



Bless
 
I feel your pain man, every day.

As for now I'm just rolling with it and dealing. College is SO close but I'm trapped! I'm just kind of passively doing my own thing, which has worked so far. It seems that the more I tell them I'm just doing it, instead of asking if I can do it, the easier it is. Mystery. :confused:

While I'm kind of sad to miss out on what the summer could be, I'm so excited for school in the fall. :D
 
iGary said:
Are they paying for college?

Yes?

Suck it up. :D
Click to expand...


Sound advice. Fortunately, my parents aren't so restrictive (they've been through it with my sister before me), but some of my friends have parents who are. Don't threaten to move out or they'll threaten to halt tuition payments, and for two more months of fun with friends, is it worth working to pay off college loans and debt throughout college and even afterwards?

The best advice I can give is to just talk to them. Reasonably. Parents go through a kind of panic where they realize that you're leaving and they kind of clamp down on your life and try to hold you there. Try to stay calm and not get exasperated and find out why they won't let you out - so far their reasons are not really reasons. Bring up the point that if you're old enough to vote and go/be sent to war for/by your country, you are old enough to handle your own financial and social issues.
 
goodtimes5 said:
Should I just finally stop putting up with them and cut the leash?
Click to expand...

Independence is a laudable goal, but achieving it at your age is far more difficult. I would keep anger and potential confrontation at bay ... remind yourself that far better times are ahead for all concerned. Good luck when school starts ... where will you be attending?
 
Jeebus, can't a kid have some freedom. I would GTFO if I were you. No disrespect to your parents but that is far too overbearing. You have a couple of months, its not like days. Talk to them calmly and be resonable. Tell them you want to see your friends. Why would a parent keep a kid from friends? If you don't like it, fix it.
 
I wonder if you made some time a few days a week to hang out with your parents perhaps they would be a bit more lenient with your freedom. That is if you could get them away from the tv as that doesn't seem to interest you. Possibly go for walks, out to dinner, game night/dvd night, something, anything you all can enjoy together.
 
I really don't know what to say, but you do have to realize that your parents are actually letting you go...


I'm almost 20, I've been through a vaguely similar experience 2 years ago, and it didn't end very well... :(
 
OutThere said:
As for now I'm just rolling with it and dealing. College is SO close but I'm trapped! I'm just kind of passively doing my own thing, which has worked so far. It seems that the more I tell them I'm just doing it, instead of asking if I can do it, the easier it is. Mystery. :confused:
Click to expand...

That's what I did. I just told them what I'm doing, or tell them what I did afterwards. I started doing this when I was 16. :eek:

"Did you drink?"
"Yes mum.....I did. I didn't feel good afterwards, either. Not much, but enough to make me feel bad."
"Stop drinking! You're only 16/17. And please don't drive. Take a taxi if your friends are driving."
"Of course not, mum. I'm a responsible drinker. I don't even drink a lot. I just do it for fun. It's not like I'm doing anything stupid. Have I ever gotten in big trouble? Ever?"
"Well.......erm.....no, you haven't. Ok ok, just don't drive. Promise?"
"Of course, mum."

Anyway, that was my childhood in a nutshell. :D As long as they think you're responsible enough to handle typical adult situations, you'll be fine. Just convince them early on.
 
College

Enjoy it...

You'll forget you even had parents when you hit college. Then you'll appreciate when they fly you home for the holidays!
 
Maybe instead of going out all the time, you could invite your friends over to your place. That would serve two purposes: first, you'd get to see your friends, and second, your parents would feel more comfortable with you and your friends if they were able to directly/indirectly supervise.
 
Chundles said:
They're trying to deal with your imminent departure and don't realise what effects it is having on you. Most parents go through this stage, they've had you for 18 years and now the world is suddenly right in front of you without them in the way to shield out all the harm.

Sit them down, chat to them properly, BE PATIENT and don't get defensive/offensive and listen to what they have to say. Treat them as you would want them to treat you.
Click to expand...

Very well said.

It's a difficult emotional time for you and your parents -- talking about how you actually feel (instead of repressing repressing) would probably be worth it.
 
Most kids go through the same thing before they leave for college. How about getting a summer job, that way you can keep your own hours. Just hang with your friends before or after work....
 
I guess I got lucky with my parents.

My parents were always happy to let me hang out with my friends, as long as I spent some time with them.

Forgetting about High School friends is a mistake on all accounts, my best friends are still the ones from my k-12 days.

Be reasonable with them, they are paying for tuition, and believe me college is the best time of your life. I just finished my freshman year at college, and it was the best. Don't worry your independence will be soon!
 
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