How long does it take to get over being cheated on ?

[Leareth]

So this is a follow up thread to this one that I posted over a year and half ago

I am realizing this is the first holiday season that I am spending completely single ever since I moved out of my parents house. I have been single ever since my partner cheated on me and just can't get over it.

I have talked to my colleagues who had similar experiences and some have never gotten over being cheated on, other have decided no dating just casual flings, and some have in turn become cheaters.

So now I ask you guys to share you experience and advice to getting a part of my life back on track . What did you do? How long did it take? etc.

 

[viets7ylez]

Spend time with friends and your hobbies. Focus on school or work.

Meet someone else, that's what I did.

 

[Rodimus Prime]

well depends. It a deep scare and it just takes time.

I am still dealing with the effects from a girl I dated 3 years ago. She broke up with me to pretty much date someone else. The fall out from that event and some of the aftermath that end up costing me all my friends did a huge number.

Now a year of being out of school I still deal with the effects but not as bad. Mind you I am extreme case. My current GF of 2 years has been very forgiving of me and knows I have a lot of issues from that part of my past.

I would say it more than likely always going to be pain for you.

 

[PlaceofDis]

well all i can say is that its up to you to move on. its not easy, this is true. but you have to build a foundation of trust with someone, be it friends or whomever to realize that you can trust people again. and then gradually start dating again if that is what you want.

the self determination to not let this stop you or get in your way is key though imo. we can all wallow and sit there and let the past get us down. i've done it plenty of times in my life. then i realized that this is my life, and i need to do what i want no matter what else anyone would expect of me. and it was actually a very thoughtful member here who pointed that out to me and it has stuck.

 

[itcheroni]

My advice would be to not view a partner having sex with another person as an enormously terrible act. I personally set the ground rules early and make it clear we can see other people until further discussion. Monogamy is not easy or natural. You made an agreement to be monogamous and he/she broke his/her end of the deal. There are some people who can pull off monogamy. Go find them. But don't kid yourself. As Dan Savage says, all relationships will fail until one doesn't.

 

[Rodimus Prime]

I would like to add that for my own personal recovery I went though a lot but 2 things that help me the most was counseling and antidepressants. I am going ot say counseling first and only consider antidepressants as a more last resort and I just say I needed them but did do counseling with it.

The other thing is from this past 6-7 months and that is having a new circle of friends. The friends really help me get myself back together and really help heal me. So try to find a new circle of friends. For me it was a bible study with people close to my age and same point in their lives.

 

[Melrose]

Monogamy is not easy or natural.

I have no experience with break ups like this, but I would beg to differ on that statement - It really depends entirely on the person. Some people have an easy time, some people don't, and either way it can be done if that person works at it.

That being said:

There are some people who can pull off monogamy. Go find them.

...is good advice.

 

[63dot]

As Dan Savage says, all relationships will fail until one doesn't.

That's a cynical point of view. But I read his bio about him and his talk show and it's certainly interesting stuff. I would like to see him get together with Ann Coulter and do CNN's crossfire. Since CNN and Fox have really left the news business and got into entertainment, this would be a great pairing, ala Cochran and Grace.

 

[sporadicMotion]

it's different for everybody. It took me 2 years to be 100% over it. The worst thing you can do is jump into other relationships because you're just prolonging the inevitable fear of being alone. Be single... just do it for an extended period of time. It worked for me... and I thought I would never get over it... and that was my wife.

You'll be ok, seriously... just be single and learn about yourself. In the end it feels great!