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How rude do you find it when people don't return favours as promised?

M

Misskitty

macrumors 6502
Original poster
Jun 18, 2010
448
2
I am still fuming right now. This just pisses me right off like you wouldnt believe. There's nothing more rude than people who don't return favours when you two originally agreed on from the start and keep their end of the bargain.

They come to you (since I rarely ask people of favours), literally begging you for a favour...and to drop everything you have going on in that moment to do them a favour because its so urgent!!! It cant wait a whole day! Puhleez! You say you can do it, but not today, cause you just cant...how about tommorow. Then they pout and whine like a big phoney literally begging you to do everything you can to do them this favour when they want you to. They sound so desperate, they blab on about all this utter BS and how they will return the favour with this the next day etc.

So you take the time to accomodate their needs into your schedule and rearrange your schedule the next day to help them out, cause you trust them to at the very least follow their end of the bargain as well. You go well out of your way for them! You meet the person, do the favour, they say they will do so and so in return to show, within the next day to show their appreciation. They act so grateful and thankful for your time. And what do they do? They completely fall off the face of the earth after. You try getting a hold of them the next day and nothing. They dont bother returning your email or phone call. Stuff like this makes me irrate!

Stuff like this pisses me off like you wouldnt believe. Im a blunt person and so many times call for it where I just want to give them a piece of my mind after. But I just never have the right scenario for it. WOrk related, forget it...it will do much more harm than good. I think the reason why I get so worked up and pissed off from this is simply because they took advantage of your kindness and that is obviously not a feeling that sits well in me. Im the type where i usually like to have the last say if i can. And trust me, if I have the oppurtunity, I can be an absolute *****!

What do you guys think? Do you react like how i do? I know some will just blow it off and not let it bother them, but not me.
 
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By not doing you a favour in return they are doing you a favour.

They're providing you with the perfect, no ifs buts or maybes reason never to do them a favour ever again :D
 
I do not give favors with the expectation of anything in return. However, I do note people with consistent patterns of inconsiderate or selfish behavior and factor that into how I interact with them.

Similarly I note the opposite behaviors as well.
 
Maybe I'll chalk it up in the "pay it forward" column.

Or maybe I'll hunt them down, carve out their still-beating heart, and eat it before their rapidly fading eyes.

Since you never know what I'll do on any given day, I find that simply informing the asker of these two possibilities is sufficient. And perhaps offering the proverb that revenge is a dish best served cold.
 
snorkelman said:
By not doing you a favour in return they are doing you a favour.

They're providing you with the perfect, no ifs buts or maybes reason never to do them a favour ever again :D
Click to expand...

Not really, cause nothing more pisses me off than people who waste my time. I ALWAYS want to give them a piece of my mind. But work related, Im just not able to do it. And I think thats really puts me over the top is the fact i cant do jack **** about it. You feel helpless.
 
I never do a favor with the expectation of gaining a favor in return
A favor is a favor

What you are talking about is a debt
They are not the same thing
 
MacDawg said:
I never do a favor with the expectation of gaining a favor in return
A favor is a favor

What you are talking about is a debt
They are not the same thing
Click to expand...

Im the same, I dont expect the favour in return. But what is not cool at all is when they say they will do so and so in return and dont keep their word at all. That is what pisses me off. I dont mind doing favours, but when I go well out of my way and bust my ass to accomodate to them, and they just ignore me after....that makes me rage. A lot of this comes from my competitive personality, I dont like being stomped on and run over like nothing. Im a battler. And when a battler cant fight back, it just makes that person burn inside with extreme rage.
 
I don't consider a favor as a quid pro quo.

It would be like a "gift" with strings attached...it is not then a gift, it is a bribe.

While being thanked for doing a favor is polite, and the absence of thanks might be considered rude....not returning a favor is not rude, nor, for me, is it expected.
 
Its one thing to not return a favor. Its another entirely to refuse to fulfill your part in an agreement.

I say this because it may not have been explicitly clear to this other person that by accepting your kindness on Monday, he or she was necessarily obligating themselves to perform reciprocally on Tuesday.

If there was a clear understanding that your counterpart was under some obligation - then their ducking your calls is truly reprehensible. Possibly even criminally fraudulent.

But if not, I'm afraid it falls into the category of mere bad manners and jerkishness.
 
Misskitty said:
Im the same, I dont expect the favour in return. But what is not cool at all is when they say they will do so and so in return and dont keep their word at all. That is what pisses me off. I dont mind doing favours, but when I go well out of my way and bust my ass to accomodate to them, and they just ignore me after....that makes me rage. A lot of this comes from my competitive personality, I dont like being stomped on and run over like nothing. Im a battler. And when a battler cant fight back, it just makes that person burn inside with extreme rage.
Click to expand...

Methinks you have some anger issues that need to be confronted ;)
 
mobilehaathi said:
I do not give favors with the expectation of anything in return. However, I do note people with consistent patterns of inconsiderate or selfish behavior and factor that into how I interact with them.

Similarly I note the opposite behaviors as well.
Click to expand...

MacDawg said:
I never do a favor with the expectation of gaining a favor in return
A favor is a favor

What you are talking about is a debt
They are not the same thing
Click to expand...

Shrink said:
I don't consider a favor as a quid pro quo.

It would be like a "gift" with strings attached...it is not then a gift, it is a bribe.

While being thanked for doing a favor is polite, and the absence of thanks might be considered rude....not returning a favor is not rude, nor, for me, is it expected.
Click to expand...

These posts pretty much sum up my view on the matter as well.

By its very definition, a favour is a favour; it is something done because you choose, or wish to do it, and it is done without expectation of a reward.

While an acknowledgement is nice, (and polite) and the lack of same might be seen as taking goodwill for granted, to my mind, nothing is owed or expected as a result of doing a favour, and nor do I expect it to be returned.

Otherwise, it becomes a contract, or an arrangement, or an agreement. But, then, that is not a favour.
 
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No favors here. If I need something done I will pay for it. If I need it done "Now", then I will pay extra. Then I owe no one anything back in return. Never put yourself in the situation, and then you are never expected or are expecting anything in return. I find this is the easiest way to play nice with friends or business associates. Keeps stress levels down as well.
 
It's annoying as *****...but the older I get, the less things like this bother me. I've learned to set expectations so low that I can't really be disappointed. Simply put, for the most part, when it comes down to it, people really only care about themselves and their own immediate needs. Once those needs are met, don't expect to get a lot out of them.

OP, where are you from? Spelling favors "favours" just has me curious.
 
One thing I've discovered over the years is that people who constantly need favors from you are less likely to lift even a single finger to help out in return than someone who only occasionally asks for help.

I more or less follow the same line of thought as Shrink, MacDawg and company. A favor is a favor. You're helping someone out, and shouldn't expect anything directly in return. When I ask someone for help, I almost always offer up something as a token of gratitude. A little money, or a hamburger, or a case of beer. I understand that people's time is important, and they deserve at least that much for giving me a hand.

...but when I pick you up because you locked your keys in the car yet again, or feed your dogs when you're away on vacation for a week, or babysit your kids because you want to go to the movies, or pick you up because you ran out of gas, or hook up your entertainment center, or fix your computer, or etc. etc. etc. because you're always needing help with something, and then one day out of the blue I ask you to help me lift a heavy box into the house because you're literally a 2 minute walk down the road away, and you suddenly throw an attitude my way and say, and I quote, "I have better things to do with my time than to help you move your useless crap", don't act shocked when I suddenly get a little angry in return.

If he were busy, or in the middle of something, and couldn't help me out. I could understand that. But to be that incredibly rude over something so small, something that wouldn't have taken less than 15 minutes of his time to help me do, especially when he's such a needy bastard himself...that's nigh unforgivable. It wasn't so much what he said as much as the constant huffs and the puffs and the angry sighs that drove me up the wall.

And when you call me less than a week after that asking to borrow my scaffold ladder, don't get all offended when I go into a long spiel about why I, at that very moment, I became enlightened to the reasons why some people are driven to kill. Why would some people risk their life in prison over something so petty? Oh. Now I understand.

...wow. Guess I'm still not quite over that one yet.
 
I figure that doing someone a favour is like informally "lending" a friend money. I only "give" them as much as I can afford to lose - with no expectation of it being returned. If you get the favour (or loan) returned - then that's a bonus. But I expect it to be a one way transaction. Luckily I am mostly pleasantly surprised, however.

What the OP seems to be on about is not what I'd call a "favour" (though I'm sure the asker-of-favours framed it that way...) It was supposed to be a exchange of services.... and they broke the deal it seems. The way to handle these requests is to cover your butt. The asker asks for the 'favour' - you propose what they need to do in return... you formalize the arrangement with an email to them with a copy to your boss.... "So-and-So has agreed to do Task_A for me... please direct any further questions to So-and-So". Makes it a lot more difficult to get out of the exchange. Eventually you figure out who to trust - and who not to...
 
Misskitty said:
I am still fuming right now. This just pisses me right off like you wouldnt believe. There's nothing more rude than people who don't return favours when you two originally agreed on from the start and keep their end of the bargain.

They come to you (since I rarely ask people of favours), literally begging you for a favour...and to drop everything you have going on in that moment to do them a favour because its so urgent!!! It cant wait a whole day! Puhleez! You say you can do it, but not today, cause you just cant...how about tommorow. Then they pout and whine like a big phoney literally begging you to do everything you can to do them this favour when they want you to. They sound so desperate, they blab on about all this utter BS and how they will return the favour with this the next day etc.

So you take the time to accomodate their needs into your schedule and rearrange your schedule the next day to help them out, cause you trust them to at the very least follow their end of the bargain as well. You go well out of your way for them! You meet the person, do the favour, they say they will do so and so in return to show, within the next day to show their appreciation. They act so grateful and thankful for your time. And what do they do? They completely fall off the face of the earth after. You try getting a hold of them the next day and nothing. They dont bother returning your email or phone call. Stuff like this makes me irrate!

Stuff like this pisses me off like you wouldnt believe. Im a blunt person and so many times call for it where I just want to give them a piece of my mind after. But I just never have the right scenario for it. WOrk related, forget it...it will do much more harm than good. I think the reason why I get so worked up and pissed off from this is simply because they took advantage of your kindness and that is obviously not a feeling that sits well in me. Im the type where i usually like to have the last say if i can. And trust me, if I have the oppurtunity, I can be an absolute *****!

What do you guys think? Do you react like how i do? I know some will just blow it off and not let it bother them, but not me.
Click to expand...
You know I feel like 10 % of hu
Misskitty said:
I am still fuming right now. This just pisses me right off like you wouldnt believe. There's nothing more rude than people who don't return favours when you two originally agreed on from the start and keep their end of the bargain.

They come to you (since I rarely ask people of favours), literally begging you for a favour...and to drop everything you have going on in that moment to do them a favour because its so urgent!!! It cant wait a whole day! Puhleez! You say you can do it, but not today, cause you just cant...how about tommorow. Then they pout and whine like a big phoney literally begging you to do everything you can to do them this favour when they want you to. They sound so desperate, they blab on about all this utter BS and how they will return the favour with this the next day etc.

So you take the time to accomodate their needs into your schedule and rearrange your schedule the next day to help them out, cause you trust them to at the very least follow their end of the bargain as well. You go well out of your way for them! You meet the person, do the favour, they say they will do so and so in return to show, within the next day to show their appreciation. They act so grateful and thankful for your time. And what do they do? They completely fall off the face of the earth after. You try getting a hold of them the next day and nothing. They dont bother returning your email or phone call. Stuff like this makes me irrate!

Stuff like this pisses me off like you wouldnt believe. Im a blunt person and so many times call for it where I just want to give them a piece of my mind after. But I just never have the right scenario for it. WOrk related, forget it...it will do much more harm than good. I think the reason why I get so worked up and pissed off from this is simply because they took advantage of your kindness and that is obviously not a feeling that sits well in me. Im the type where i usually like to have the last say if i can. And trust me, if I have the oppurtunity, I can be an absolute *****!

What do you guys think? Do you react like how i do? I know some will just blow it off and not let it bother them, but not me.
Click to expand...
I feel the same way but it's humanity I feel like 90% of humanity is bad and evil but 10% percent agree with you but I feel responsible for making these 90% percent to learn respect if their mama's didn't teach them I don't let the
That go unnoticed or uncorrected I will speaker
How I feel and if they don't like it punishment is u
Due
 
snorkelman said:
By not doing you a favour in return they are doing you a favour.

They're providing you with the perfect, no ifs buts or maybes reason never to do them a favour ever again :D
Click to expand...
The world is not a kind place and sometimes it takes a good ass whopping to teach then they can't walk all over other people with no consequences
 
Misskitty said:
I am still fuming right now. This just pisses me right off like you wouldnt believe. There's nothing more rude than people who don't return favours when you two originally agreed on from the start and keep their end of the bargain.

They come to you (since I rarely ask people of favours), literally begging you for a favour...and to drop everything you have going on in that moment to do them a favour because its so urgent!!! It cant wait a whole day! Puhleez! You say you can do it, but not today, cause you just cant...how about tommorow. Then they pout and whine like a big phoney literally begging you to do everything you can to do them this favour when they want you to. They sound so desperate, they blab on about all this utter BS and how they will return the favour with this the next day etc.

So you take the time to accomodate their needs into your schedule and rearrange your schedule the next day to help them out, cause you trust them to at the very least follow their end of the bargain as well. You go well out of your way for them! You meet the person, do the favour, they say they will do so and so in return to show, within the next day to show their appreciation. They act so grateful and thankful for your time. And what do they do? They completely fall off the face of the earth after. You try getting a hold of them the next day and nothing. They dont bother returning your email or phone call. Stuff like this makes me irrate!

Stuff like this pisses me off like you wouldnt believe. Im a blunt person and so many times call for it where I just want to give them a piece of my mind after. But I just never have the right scenario for it. WOrk related, forget it...it will do much more harm than good. I think the reason why I get so worked up and pissed off from this is simply because they took advantage of your kindness and that is obviously not a feeling that sits well in me. Im the type where i usually like to have the last say if i can. And trust me, if I have the oppurtunity, I can be an absolute *****!

What do you guys think? Do you react like how i do? I know some will just blow it off and not let it bother them, but not me.
Click to expand...
I am not God but God is not involved in humanity anymore it is up to us to teach rite and wrong now and humans are lost in rite and wrong but someone helps you out your duty as a person rite and wrong is to pay back that gift of help that was not asked for nor needed but Givin, be the shinning light in a dark place make others believe in others that belive there is good
 
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