how to be more patient?

[3nm]

i consider myself a quiet, chill person with an average brain. but when it comes to technical (school) stuff, i find myself have little patience to deal with air-headed people. i find my flaw more pronounced this semester cos of my lab partner, who has already earned her B.S. in physics from a prestigious university and is doing biophysics research. perhaps i expected a little more from a grad student, or maybe because she's my lab partner in both bio and organic chemistry, her behavior and her basic lab technique are driving me nuts. for example:

- she'd show up in lecture and then leave to do her lab report, expecting me to provide her notes/recordings from the lecture (at times i wonder, why i stayed up till 4 am to finish my report and be in class by 9:30 am?)

- not bringing her own USB drive and ask to use mine to save her lab report every time

- after reading my reports on my USB drive, she'd "reword" my stuff and make it hers (i know it's no big deal since it doesn't involve creativity, but why can't she reason/explain the lab on her own? not to mention a USB drive is quite personal.)

- she doesn't know how to weight a flask w/ sample correctly, and screwed up our % yield twice

- she doesn't seem to understand sig figs/precision arithmetically or in real life. when reading a digital balance, she tends to disregard the last few digits when collecting data. she also tends to use a beaker/flask instead of a graduated cylinder to measure stuff.

- on average, she breaks a piece of glassware every other lab. while i don't mind cleaning up (even though she just stands there at times), i just don't like getting scolded by the lab tech when i have to ask for a new piece of glassware.

- i spent 30 mins to show her how to do stoichiometric analysis correctly. spent another 45 mins to show/convince her that one bond has two electrons, not one! two weeks later, she'd ask the same questions just before the midterm.

- sometimes she leaves early during lab to finish her lab report or study, and expects me to clean up

/rant

the semester is almost half way through and with most of the people dropped, i think it's best that if i could just suck it up. i just want be more patient cos she already said, "you are very young, and sometimes you don't think before you speak." so any advice on becoming a more patient person? i'd hate to snap on her cos she's a soft-spoken girl and she's nice most of the time.

TIA

 

[Roger1]

Actually, it sounds like youv'e been too patient. She's walking all over you. Tell her politely to take her own notes, etc. If she breaks a piece of glassware, politely tell her she needs to get a new piece. You are not her secretary, maid, gofer, etc. Do your work, and expect her to do hers. I suggest letting the prof know there are issues between the two of you, just in case something happens (that way she can't whine to the prof about you).

My .02

 

[NEENAHBOY]

i just want be more patient cos she already said that, "you are very young, and sometimes you don't think before you speak."

I'd personally go off on her the very SECOND she tried to pull that crap with me.

You're letting her use you as her doormat. Don't do it. Make her clean up once in a while, get replacement glasswear, and so forth. If it takes the whole day for her to get the message, that's how long you stay. Bring a book, prop your feet up, and refuse to do anything until she participates.

 

[r1ch4rd]

I agree with the previous two posters. You need to tell her (nicely) to get her act together!

 

[r6girl]

i agree with the previous posters. this is not a matter of patience! she is taking advantage of you. you have 4 choices:

1. talk to her about what bothers you and be very specific about what you will and will not accept, and hold her accountable for it (e.g., don't let her leave without helping you clean up, or let her copy your lab reports).
2. bite your tongue and suffer through the rest of the semester without saying anything and continue as is
3. find a new lab partner (if you even can at this late date in the semester)
4. dump her and go without a lab partner. from the amount of work you already do and what she messes up for you, it sounds like you'd be better off this way already.

don't let her treat you like this. it sounds like you are smart and capable and getting things done all on your own, and she's just expecting you to do the work and take credit even though she doesn't contribute much.

and don't be fooled by her quiet nature - this doesn't make her nice, since her behavior has already proved her to be a selfish, inconsiderate, and condescending person. and the fact that she's a grad student means nothing - i had class projects with grad students in my senior year who were less motivated, not hard-working, and not as smart as me.

you deserve better and you can do something to change this situation.

 

[adroit]

i agree with the previous posters. this is not a matter of patience! she is taking advantage of you. you have 4 choices:

1. talk to her about what bothers you and be very specific about what you will and will not accept, and hold her accountable for it (e.g., don't let her leave without helping you clean up, or let her copy your lab reports).
2. bite your tongue and suffer through the rest of the semester without saying anything and continue as is
3. find a new lab partner (if you even can at this late date in the semester)
4. dump her and go without a lab partner. from the amount of work you already do and what she messes up for you, it sounds like you'd be better off this way already.

don't let her treat you like this. it sounds like you are smart and capable and getting things done all on your own, and she's just expecting you to do the work and take credit even though she doesn't contribute much.

and don't be fooled by her quiet nature - this doesn't make her nice, since her behavior has already proved her to be a selfish, inconsiderate, and condescending person. and the fact that she's a grad student means nothing - i had class projects with grad students in my senior year who were less motivated, not hard-working, and not as smart as me.

you deserve better and you can do something to change this situation.

+1

I would suggest you talk to her first. And if things doesn't get any better then just do the lab on your own.

[RANT]

One of my friend fired his lab partner before. After his parter did nothing in the lab and offered to write the report and handed it in only with the raw data that they collected in class, and he even forgot the pre-lab at home.

I also was a lab partner with a 3rd year electrical engineering student who doesn't know how to use a breadboard . He usually just sit there and do nothing or talk to other people during the lab. I didn't really care since I don't mind doing the whole lab by myself. However, one day he showed up when I already finished the whole lab and offered to write up the lab in return. I was reluctant to give it to him because I didn't think he would know what to write but he insisted that he'll be fine so I let him since I was swamped with other work anyway and wouldn't mind the extra time. (big mistake). One hour before the lab was due he came up to me and told me that he didn't understand the lab because it wasn't the same as last year lab. (He got older lab writeups from previous years and expect to be able to copy it.) I emailed the TA about it and he had to re-do the whole lab .

The worst part of all this is actually the fact that these people will be getting the same degree with me (Although the lab partner I mentioned already had a one year suspension because his grade was too low). This is absolutely depressing.

[/RANT]

You're just experiencing a very common problem.