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Life advice?

ghall

ghall

macrumors 68040
Original poster
Jun 27, 2006
3,771
1
Rhode Island
I need some help. A lot has happened to me in the past couple days, I got kicked out of my moms house, I got engaged, and my only hope of going to the college if my choice just went down the toilet. Anyway I'm ready to jump into the real world and get a job instead of going to college. It's so frustrating, I've only been looking for jobs for about a half hour and though I'm qualified for most of them I don't have the expierience needed.

The other thing I don't know is what is a good amount of money to make a year. I'm planning on renting an apartment, and owning a car.
 
ghall said:
I need some help. A lot has happened to me in the past couple days, I got kicked out of my moms house, I got engaged, and my only hope of going to the college if my choice just went down the toilet. Anyway I'm ready to jump into the real world and get a job instead of going to college. It's so frustrating, I've only been looking for jobs for about a half hour and though I'm qualified for most of them I don't have the expierience needed.

The other thing I don't know is what is a good amount of money to make a year. I'm planning on renting an apartment, and owning a car.
Click to expand...

How do I say this without sounding like an ass? Oh here goes: your Ghall sagas aren't funny anymore. You're beyond the point where we can just tease you a bit because you're Ghall and you're doing Ghall-y things, and now you're going to have to really straighten things out.

Engaged? Do you want me to go back a few months and find the threads where you were single? They couldn't be more than a few months old. Also, university IS the real world, and don't let old bitter farts tell you otherwise. It's a big deal, a great experience, but also a frustrating experience. You seem to be skipping a lot of steps here. Going from "I'm single" to "OMG......a girl talked to me" to "I'm gettin' hitched and now I'm trying to find a job" is just too much.

If it's your mum's boyfriend, then forget about him, or just call the police. If it's your mum, then get relatives to jump in. It's ridiculous. You have relatives who may help, as they know what your family situation is like. Getting engaged isn't going to help. You can't just get engaged when you're in the worst situation you've ever been in. That's just a hopelessly poor decision. You can't support your girlfriend, or yourself, so don't bother with the car, don't bother with the engagement, and go for Plan B, C, Q, whatever. Just skip Plan A, because it sounds like a s***ty idea.
 
Abstract said:
How do I say this without sounding like an ass? Oh here goes: your Ghall sagas aren't funny anymore. You're beyond the point where we can just tease you a bit because you're Ghall and you're doing Ghall-y things, and now you're going to have to really straighten things out.

Engaged? Do you want me to go back a few months and find the threads where you were single? They couldn't be more than a few months old. Also, university IS the real world, and don't let old bitter farts tell you otherwise. It's a big deal, a great experience, but also a frustrating experience. You seem to be skipping a lot of steps here. Going from "I'm single" to "OMG......a girl talked to me" to "I'm gettin' hitched and now I'm trying to find a job" is just too much.

If it's your mum's boyfriend, then forget about him, or just call the police. If it's your mum, then get relatives to jump in. It's ridiculous. You have relatives who may help, as they know what your family situation is like. Getting engaged isn't going to help. You can't just get engaged when you're in the worst situation you've ever been in. That's just a hopelessly poor decision. You can't support your girlfriend, or yourself, so don't bother with the car, don't bother with the engagement, and go for Plan B, C, Q, whatever. Just skip Plan A, because it sounds like a s***ty idea.
Click to expand...

Listen to this advice. Please.
 
Getting engaged isn't something you do because your in wuv. It's something you do when you can support your partner, it doesn't sound like you can do that right now. Your giving yourself problems during a bad time which isn't a good thing to do.

Can't go to uni? Aren't you able to get a student loan? I didn't even have a job whilst I was at uni but I managed to support myself from that alone (I did later on but that was more disposable fun income that supplemented my not-completely-required iMac).

You're your own worst enemy Ghall.
 
ghall said:
I need some help. A lot has happened to me in the past couple days, I got kicked out of my moms house, I got engaged, and my only hope of going to the college if my choice just went down the toilet. Anyway I'm ready to jump into the real world and get a job instead of going to college. It's so frustrating, I've only been looking for jobs for about a half hour and though I'm qualified for most of them I don't have the expierience needed.

The other thing I don't know is what is a good amount of money to make a year. I'm planning on renting an apartment, and owning a car.
Click to expand...

Holy crap. :eek:

This is a long, blunt post, but I've been reading your stuff for awhile, and feel like you would benefit more from this approach than anything.

1. Do not get married at this point. It will not solve anything at all. If you insist on being engaged, it should be a LONG engagement. As in YEARS, preferably after you finish college and have your first job.

2. Do not give up on college. You will not find gainful (gainful being the operative word here) employment without that degree unless you are extremely lucky.

3. Like others said: half an hours work is not a job search. Got a local grocery store or fast food place around in easy walking distance? Apply there first. Especially if you are in the midwest and the store is HyVee (better chance of advancement, but again, this takes YEARS without a degree). Otherwise, get a newspaper and circle anything that you are qualified for, even if you think it is beneath you. Construction pays well, and doesn't necessarily require a lot of training. Same for lawn care.

4. Relatives are your best friends right now. You have to confide in someone. Do not make the mistake of equating money with help. Right now, you need a secure place to live and someone to help you do what it takes to get to college and get a job.

5. Financial aid is available for college. You will have to do the paperwork/legal docs to become "emancipated" if you are under 21. This will allow you to apply for aid on your own, without needing your parent's tax info, signatures, etc. Yes, college is a big, scary financial burden, but it is worth it. The Department of Human Services will help you with this.

6. As far as wage info, to find out how much you need to make to survive, you need to find out how much an apartment will cost each month, estimated car payment (a decent car will run you about $4000, minimum. You can spend less, but that means you may run into more repairs), insurance on car (most states, it is illegal to not have at least liability insurance. If you have a loan, the bank usually requires you to have full insurance. Bad/no credit, other things will factor into how much your insurance will be per month) utilities, gas to get to and from work, groceries, etc. Personally, I would take public transport or buy a bike rather than get a car. You may not have a choice, as it will be difficult for you to get a loan for a car at this point. If you can live with a relative for awhile, save every penny you make to put towards a deposit on an apartment. Living space first.

7. Definitely contact the Department of Human Services to find out what kind of aid you can qualify for. This is not a time to be prideful. You are essentially homeless right now. They can help.

ghall, I really sympathize with the plight you are in right now. As a mother, I am angry that you have been kicked out. This should not have happened, but it did. It is now up to you to make what you will of the situation. Be strong, and do what is necessary to overcome this.

And I can't emphasize enough: do not get married at this time, and do what it takes to get into college.

Keep us posted...
 
I agree with all the other posters. DO NOT get married yet. Take your time.

Get emancipated if it helps, get your **** together...if you can stay with a relative to save money you should.

My only other thought on college: Some companies will help you pay tuition, I know starbucks used to do this. It's really hard to work full time and go to school, but if Sbux or someplace similar will pick up part of the tab it's worth it. Don't try to get your ideal job; you won't be qualified without a degree, and you're better off with an education than anything else. If it means starting at the local community college and transfering after a semester, then you do it. Don't listen to people who have told you that you don't need a degree; you definitely do. Please get an education, build a solid savings account, THEN get married.

And if you are under 18, call social services on your mother for kicking you out.
 
ghall it seems as you have rather quickly discounted a lot of things in the last couple of days. These are major events in your life and discounting them straight off seems a little hasty.

ghall said:
I got kicked out of my moms house,
Click to expand...

Is this solvable?


ghall said:
I got engaged
Click to expand...

If this is a reaction to events or even the cause thereof then it doing it for the wrong reasons. Getting married is different to getting engaged. I wouldn't recommened getting married at your age and at this point in your life. If you are truely commited to each other and an engagement is for the right reasons then I would urge you to make it a long engagment.

ghall said:
and my only hope of going to the college if my choice just went down the toilet.
Click to expand...

Is this a done deal?

The college of your choice or not going to college at all are two very different things. Not going to college because you can't get into your first choice seems like cutting your nose of. How would going to a different college really affect your life? I went to a university that wasn't my favourite due to financial reasons (Uni in London is bloody expensive) and in the end I can't see how it would’ve made any difference looking back over my years now (just finished university).

Sometimes in life we all have to do things that aren't what we planned them to be but reacting very quickly without much thought (I can't see how you could've given them full consideration in the last couple of days while emotions have been running high) is the wrong thing to do.

Maybe coming across quit strongly like the other posters but from the details given in your post there are some, harsh, life lessons to be learnt and it seems as if you do not fully understand what a major turning point in you life this is. Listen to the advice given by others in this thread and try not to act too quickly and burn any bridges you may have, sometimes pride has to be swallowed.
 
1. The incident did involve me calling the police on my moms boyfriend.
2. I'm 18 my mom had every right to kick me out.
3. I'm not getting married anytime soon.
4. The half hour thing was just so far.

I'm meeting up with my girlfriend today and we are going to talk more about this.
 
ghall said:
1. The incident did involve me calling the police on my moms boyfriend.
2. I'm 18 my mom had every right to kick me out.
3. I'm not getting married anytime soon.
4. The half hour thing was just so far.

I'm meeting up with my girlfriend today and we are going to talk more about this.
Click to expand...

Please consider going to college. Life is tough enough with a degree.
 
arkitect said:
Oh yes… and she'll be wanting a ring.
3 months salary's worth I think.
Good luck.

:eek:
Click to expand...

I'm guessing his salary is around the $0 mark, so this shouldn't be a problem!

Seriously though, even though everyone on this thread sounds like an ass, they are completely right. Do what they say!
 
Abstract said:
How do I say this without sounding like an ass? Oh here goes: your Ghall sagas aren't funny anymore. You're beyond the point where we can just tease you a bit because you're Ghall and you're doing Ghall-y things, and now you're going to have to really straighten things out.

Engaged? Do you want me to go back a few months and find the threads where you were single? They couldn't be more than a few months old. Also, university IS the real world, and don't let old bitter farts tell you otherwise. It's a big deal, a great experience, but also a frustrating experience. You seem to be skipping a lot of steps here. Going from "I'm single" to "OMG......a girl talked to me" to "I'm gettin' hitched and now I'm trying to find a job" is just too much.

If it's your mum's boyfriend, then forget about him, or just call the police. If it's your mum, then get relatives to jump in. It's ridiculous. You have relatives who may help, as they know what your family situation is like. Getting engaged isn't going to help. You can't just get engaged when you're in the worst situation you've ever been in. That's just a hopelessly poor decision. You can't support your girlfriend, or yourself, so don't bother with the car, don't bother with the engagement, and go for Plan B, C, Q, whatever. Just skip Plan A, because it sounds like a s***ty idea.
Click to expand...

Win, truth, whatever. Just lock the thread now because there isn't going to be any better advice than this.

Oh, and Ghall, deciding not to go to university just because you couldn't get into your first choice is an incredibly childish thing to do, and that action alone shows you are 100% not ready or capable of living on your own.
 
I'm very confused right now, though I'm mentally in a much better position than I was this morning. I talked to my girlfriend...okay fiancée....today. I bought us each a sandwich and we chatted for a bit. She said we're going to take a break until next Monday, and when we talk she expects me to have my options laid out with a pros and cons list....and they can't involve her, she wants me to worry about myself for a while.

I'm glad I have her, she may be just what I need to save me from myself.
 
If you get married anytime soon and don't go to college, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Do whatever you can to get a decent education first. You are limiting yourself so much by deciding not to go to college.
 
Do not get married. Work two jobs, apply for scholarships, go to community college at the very least.
 
You have given us very little to go on here, but I must ask--wouldn't the wisest option be to do what it takes to get back in your house, then focus on getting into college, and get the hell out of there? More than likely, your mom threw you out in anger, and when she cools down, will retract her previous declaration. May or may not take some sucking up and swallowing of pride on your part, but part of growing up is learning when to concede on the small stuff to take care of the big stuff.
 
Engage your brain. You can't rely on a forum to tell you what to do.
 
Aye carumba! Things move fast in Ghallingtonshire.

Firstly and formostly, make it exceptionally clear to the missus that you won't be tying the knot for quite some time.

Make amends with mummy until you are in a position to support yourself. Hit the job listings hard and find something temporary, and go to friggin' college. Junior college, community college etc are not ideal but they may be your only option (can't really tell from your post). School and being broke now is much better than the alternative, no school and being broke forever.

Since you're 18, clearly have no credit and no job, you won't be getting an apartment nor a car. You'll be living in men's shelters and bus stations if you don't find a way back into mom's good graces.
 
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