My artistic Anti-Smoking Ad

[TheSVD]

Hello All,
I was wondering if you could take the time to view this video i had to make for college. (Only around 2 minutes in length.) The assignment was to make an advert, but artisicly and with the cinematographic skills we have learned on the course so far (i do art film and video - emphasis on the art, it really is one of those "arty farty" courses.) Anyway, for personal reasons i chose to do an anti smoking advert. I know its not direct and to the point, but that was the idea given the assignment at hand. The video looks at more of the beautiful things in life, then the journey into death of the unseen smoking protagonist. However, when watching, please do consider -
The shots used; most of them were bits of test footage to get used to the new camera - though, I ended up using them anyway.
I did not have a tripod, and;
I haven't been doing this for long

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p99sAx_YmLY (Remember to choose 480p, the higher quality setting)

Thankyou for taking your time to do this. Please note that this is in no way to get more views or ratings, simply to gain feedback from the video. Whilst part of the course is to gain feedback on your work, i really just genuinely want to find out what people say anyway, regardless to whether i use the feedback or not. Thankyou

 

[MinorBidoh]

I like it. Contrast, re-focussing and the waiting for eventuality. The music works well, bridging the cuts.

A couple of bits that I wasn't so keen on, but I'm nit picking.

1. Seeing 'Mayfair' on the cig butt. and the packet towards the end. You don't need to see the named brand and it does slightly shift focus from the 'draw' from the cig. The "Smoking Kill" label, is effective as conveying the message but I think its a bit blatant. That small space could be an area for you to create your own message or logo.

2. William Somebody's grave was a little difficult to focus on, I was unsure of the meaning of that shot. But still beautiful typography.

3. Your final shot is lovely, although I think its the only repeated angle in your sequence. Yes the butt moves to a different direction but I felt slightly cheapened bringing brought back to a previous shot. However, this finale as it were, could be scope for huge discussion during your crit. Does it convey the repetition of smoking on a daily basis? Perhaps its a different person, pursuing the same life destroying act, unaware of previous smokers at that spot? Or even, it's the departure of a substance, moving in a direction away from the originally perceived trend - death?

Just my tuppence worth. Sorry for my negativity, but these are very very small points/ideas (mine not yours).

 

[TheSVD]

I like it. Contrast, re-focussing and the waiting for eventuality. The music works well, bridging the cuts.

A couple of bits that I wasn't so keen on, but I'm nit picking.

1. Seeing 'Mayfair' on the cig butt. and the packet towards the end. You don't need to see the named brand and it does slightly shift focus from the 'draw' from the cig. The "Smoking Kill" label, is effective as conveying the message but I think its a bit blatant. That small space could be an area for you to create your own message or logo.

2. William Somebody's grave was a little difficult to focus on, I was unsure of the meaning of that shot. But still beautiful typography.

3. Your final shot is lovely, although I think its the only repeated angle in your sequence. Yes the butt moves to a different direction but I felt slightly cheapened bringing brought back to a previous shot. However, this finale as it were, could be scope for huge discussion during your crit. Does it convey the repetition of smoking on a daily basis? Perhaps its a different person, pursuing the same life destroying act, unaware of previous smokers at that spot? Or even, it's the departure of a substance, moving in a direction away from the originally perceived trend - death?

Just my tuppence worth. Sorry for my negativity, but these are very very small points/ideas (mine not yours).

Thankyou for your feedback
1. The showing of the named brand wasnt with intention to show the brand specifiaclly, i just liked the showing of it on the ciggarette in the first shot, it just looked kinda right to me. Again, with the packet - i had to show the pack somehow, and i guess i couldnt do that without showing the brand. And i know its a bit blatant with the 'smoking kills' but thats just what the warnings look like these days and i never thought about using it in my own way. Thanks though, good idea

2. Ah that was one of the test shots really, and i tried to make the letters a tad more unreadable for privacy reasons (someone might not want me filming their familys graves...) the grave wasnt so much the protagonists, just more of a general theme. The cross and angel at the end represent the death of the protagonist.

3. Aha, see this is what i like - it got you thinking well, seeing as i didn't really set out to actually make a film in the start (like i said, alot of it was test footage.) That shot is suppose to represent the death also - i know the other shot the ciggarette gets moved, but it stays in the shot. At the end now, the protagonist dies, as does the ciggarette in a sence - it was suppose to be more of a juxtaposition than anything else, but i can understand where your coming from, thankyou But i do like how it got you thinking - just what i'd want it to do

I am very greatful for your feedback as it is detailed and of a good standard. As long as you don't mind (and i presume you don't) i will certainly be using your feedback for part of the paperwork

I would be more than happy for anyone else's feedback also

EDIT: please do tell me if that doesnt make sense, i have an awful habit of typing how i would talk :|

 

[MinorBidoh]

Sound. Nice. I'd take the video and your response to my queries as a success.

Thinking of your own logo/message; would it be so bold as to build your own cig box out of white modelling card for a strong contrast, clean-cut vibe?

 

[MinorBidoh]

(duplicate post- browser wobble)

 

[TheSVD]

Sound. Nice. I'd take the video and your response to my queries as a success.

Thinking of your own logo/message; would it be so bold as to build your own cig box out of white modelling card for a strong contrast, clean-cut vibe?

ah great yeah, i was thinking more of putting it in digitally.. i mean that white is such a clear white i reckon i could it though not sure what i'd actually put! Hey thanks again for the feedback, i let me teacher she it today and she thought it was great, haha did give a funny look at the 'macrumors' part though, hahaha

 

[Zombie Acorn]

It would be better if you laid out a concept for each shot and didn't just have an overall theme. At first watch it looked like you found some nice shots and just put them together, I didn't really get an anti-smoking vibe from them except for a couple.

 

[TheSVD]

It would be better if you laid out a concept for each shot and didn't just have an overall theme. At first watch it looked like you found some nice shots and just put them together, I didn't really get an anti-smoking vibe from them except for a couple.

yeahh, i noticed that too. As i said, alot of it was test footage haha so alot of the shots are a tad random! but each one which was not anti smoking was more capturing the beauty of other things in life. If im honest, this piece doesnt actually affect the lessons grade, i dare say if it did it'd be alot better