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My first ad - needs feedback!

It's cute, I like it. The first part seems to move rather slowly, though. There's not much of a rhythm to it, so instead of feeling the anticipation of something coming next, I just sort of wonder what the point is. Keep a constant rhythm and flow, almost like a song, from beginning to end.
Speaking of the point, I didn't quite make the correlation between a scorpion lollypop and Doritos. The only thing that even remotely related them was in the seque when the girl (she's cute, by the way) said that the lolly wasn't cheesy enough or something like that. I like that it's quirky, but I think that the two things need to relate a bit better.
Overall it was well shot, though, good job.
 
Thanks stampy, I knew something wasn't quite right about the first half.. Your song metaphor explains it well, I like that one.

As for the scorpion/doritos correlation, I kind of like the way it's left hanging a bit... but you're right. I wanted to emphasize that Doritos are a much easier snack, but I didn't want to denigrate scorpion lollipops either. The song at the end was meant to help that along, but maybe the timing is a little off?

Anyway you've helped, thanks again.
 
Hey, it looks great! Visually, it's pretty awesome. Couple suggestions on the visual end:

1) The background behind the girl is a little bland. Maybe "spice" it up, no pun intended.

2) Your girlfriend should be a little more expressive. It feels stupid and fake when you're doing it, but we're used to TV personalities of all kinds having exaggerated expressions; that's the norm for TV ads. Sure, no one really smiles half that big when they bite into a TV dinner, but they do on the commercial!

A little audio suggestion: work with eliminating the "box-room" sound; it sounds like you're getting some reverb or a slight echo. You might be able to help decrease that aura by working with the sound in your editing program.

Additionally, did you acquire the proper permissions to include Doritos and the soundtrack in your video? If not, it's a violation of their intellectual property rights for you to distribute the video, even if it's completely non-profit and "just for kicks." It's unlikely to ever happen, but if they considered it damaging to their image, they could and very much might sue you. The better the work that you do, the more likely it is to catch their attention (it looks professional).

For example, they could say that not only did you use Doritos without their permission, but that your professional quality falsely represented the video as a real ad. Thus, the association of Doritos with scorpions makes a link with people that somehow scorpions are pieces of them are included in Doritos, or simply that the two have some connection; therefore, this reflects negatively on them, and they press for damages. It's happened before, and little guys get nailed to the wall.

My recommendation is to acquire permissions (which will NOT happen), or use a bag with a generic label on it (call it, "Goritos").
 
Pace is too slow. Art direction vague.
Early days as I guessing youre rather young, don't give in- read some D&AD books, watch award winning ads and break them down into their component parts to understand how/why they work. Some of the best ads reign from the 70's before production values replaced good narrative led ideas.
Listen to critical comments and develop thick skin, as you'll need it.

http://commercial-archive.com/monthlyarchive good place to start.
 
mithrilfox:

1) Sound advice, I didn't even think of 'spicing' the picture up more after I add the painting.. I originally wanted a cactus, but they're surprisingly hard to find at the weekend in Dublin.

2) I actually had more expressive footage, but chose not to use it, as this is part of a doritos "you make it" competition (1st round is over, they'll be judged some time in the next week). I guessed that they were looking for a more "home-grown" feel than models grimacing over a dorito... However, I'll probably make a version using the exaggerated footage; just to see how much more "commercial" (pun intended) it looks.

I'm glad you didn't comment on the noise of the camera, I reduced that in Audacity! I couldn't get rid of the "box-room" effect, but honestly didn't try hard enough as I didn't know it's called a box-room effect.


crap freakboy
True points, and yes I'm 23. Nice link.
 
I half-wondered if they were sponsoring a competition, since it seemed strange that you would have picked Doritos to make a commercial out of.

I'm glad you don't have any worries on the copyright end!

Keep going and pushing hard. You're clearly talented already, so fine-tune that talent and don't give up!
 
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