Not a good month so far...

[frankblundt]

It started off badly when the Mega Corporate Conglomate I work for announced it was restructuring in the wake of a recent merger with another MCC. The design studio (where i started in the company) is to be axed. Twenty people, including my brother, that i've worked with closely for the last 8 years, get their redundancy notices this friday.

This merger also means a ridiculous work load for me in my department of one, integrating their web assets, with a deadline looming at the end of the month and I still haven't got all of the materials together yet... (and i keep getting distracted by MR)

Then, last week, a friend who was visiting dropped dead at the table. Dead. Just like that. I revived him (thanks to TV hospital drama teachings), and he seems to be OK now, and i thought it was cool with the whole experience, but a few days later I went completely wonky. I think I'm still coming to terms with it all.

Just to make it more interesting, this week has seen the culmination of a long drawn out process with an agreement to separate after nine years and a 6 y.o. child together.

Why am I telling you this, virtual strangers that you are? I don't know. You seem like nice people and sometimes it's easier to unload on strangers than to those caught up in your mess.

My apologies by the way, if my posts have been strange, shouty or emotionally loopy to date and have caused offense.

Anyway. There's not much you can do about it, but I'm kind of all over the place at the moment and I could do with some advice:
The main difficulty I have now is how, when and what do i tell my little boy, who has suffered enough already, that will minimise the pain resulting from the separation?

I'm not expecting there to be any easy answers, but if there are any of you out there that have been through it, I'd appreciate the wisdom of your experience.

Thanks.

 

[mad jew]

Christ. That's surreal. I don't know what to say other than my thoughts are with you frankblundt. I guess things can only go up from here.

 

[2nyRiggz]

Sad to hear man...hope things will go up from this point on.


Bless

 

[hcuar]

Wow... best wishes. Vent all you need to. I don't think anyone minds.

 

[quigleybc]

Then, last week, a friend who was visiting dropped dead at the table. Dead. Just like that. I revived him (thanks to TV hospital drama teachings), and he seems to be OK now, and i thought it was cool

Holy crap....WTF???

what happened? that's insane...

I hope things get better....can't get much worse....

jesus.

 

[jsw]

I'm very sorry to hear about that - even one of those things (any one of them) would have been terrible. Together, it's amazing you're still able to write.

As far as what to tell your son... that's difficult. I have a five and a half year old daughter (one of my two), and so I'm trying to think of what I'd tell her, and I'm drawing a bit of a blank.

I suppose a lot of it depends on how well you and your wife get along, at least as parents and in front of him. I would imagine that there's been a lot of tension and that he's aware of it, and that he won't be upset with that part of it ending. Perhaps the best thing is to tell him that you and your wife will be living in different places, so he'll get to have two rooms, and two houses (sometimes a plus to kids)... but, no matter what, the two of you love him very much and he'll be able to see both of you very often (which I hope is true). And, most of all, it isn't because of him - I think that's critical but will be hard for him to believe - he'll assume it's his fault (probably) unless you keep showing him love and attention and assuring him that he is what makes the two of you happy.

Hopefully, at least one of you will stay, at least for a while, where you're living now to ease his transition. Hopefully, you'll both be able to appear happy with the decision (regardless of the pain underneath).

My heart goes out to him and the two of you. It is painful for me to even think of telling my daughter something like that, but I suppose the best thing is to tell him together and be as honest but upbeat about it as possible.

Good luck - to all of you.

 

[frankblundt]

Thanks to all. (getting all teary-eyed now - i said i was emotional..)

It is reasonably amicable, I think we're both too exhausted now to fight about it, and so the transition wilol hopefully be as easy as we can make it for him. Not a conversation I'm looking forward to tho.

(Probably should have named the thread something more intelligent now i think about it )

Still, upside - if any of your are visiting our fair land, there'll be plenty of space at my house.

 

[Clix Pix]

Ouch, sounds like you're going through a REALLY rough time right now on several fronts! February is a sucky month for me, too, for other reasons, so I hear you on how this isn't a good one for you.

Can't really offer any advice on any of it except to say that I'm sorry and that I hope that all turns out as well as it can, given the circumstances. Others have offered good suggestions about how to approach this with your son. Yes, it will be difficult, but children are amazingly resilient, and it definitely helps that you and your wife are dealing with this in an amicable fashion, which will make it a little easier on all three of you.

 

[iSaint]

Dang, that's a lot to go through in a short time period. I'm sorry it's all happening at once, but it seems to go that way sometimes. Now to get all psychological on you: you've started to vent by posting here. I hope you continue to be comfortable enough to do so. But, I also hope you have someone you can talk to in person.

Peace be with you during this process...

 

[Applespider]

[hug]Hope things get better soon - try not to stress over things you can't change[/hug]

 

[ibook30]

I suppose a lot of it depends on how well you and your wife get along, at least as parents and in front of him. I would imagine that there's been a lot of tension and that he's aware of it, and that he won't be upset with that part of it ending. Perhaps the best thing is to tell him that you and your wife will be living in different places, so he'll get to have two rooms, and two houses (sometimes a plus to kids)... but, no matter what, the two of you love him very much and he'll be able to see both of you very often (which I hope is true). And, most of all, it isn't because of him - I think that's critical but will be hard for him to believe - he'll assume it's his fault (probably) unless you keep showing him love and attention and assuring him that he is what makes the two of you happy..

Good luck - to all of you.

This is good advice. I have been in similiar shoes - but my little one was littler. How you explain it will depend on what the circumstances are- but I think it is extremely important that no matter what - you let him know it was not his fault - and that you love him very much ("Me and mom have some adult problems, but the one thing we agree on is we love you very much"). Explain it in an age appropriate way. Put everything in terms he can absorb. Don't tell him more than he needs to know- and if possible get mom on board. So there is no conflicting info.

I'm sorry to hear about the hard times. Sincerely. I can offer this- things do get better. My child is doing great under the new circumstances (not really new anymore). I went to a lot of geeky parenting classes to make sure I had all the tools to help my little one. It also helped me feel good about myself, not some lazy parent running from his child - just a smart guy leaving a bad relationship. Today- "things" in general are much better than before. Hang in there!