Parents.....and their children's job interviews

[dukebound85]

I guess I can relate. I remember asking my dad to help me fill out a job application when I was 14/15. He said it is not the place of a parent to help.

Looking back I agree completely. It would be embarrassing on both ends of the table I imagine to have parents of an applicant arguing on behalf of you for salary/vacation, etc and even sitting there in the interviewing room with you.

Is this what is going on today? From the article, I suppose so. I find it appalling. I can't imagine employers putting up with this. Nothing screams more dependent than needing your parents to hold your hand through the job seeking process. If I were an employer and this happened to me, the candidate would receive no more consideration.

Have any of you hiring managers come across stories like this personally?

http://www.npr.org/2012/02/06/146464665/helicopter-parents-hover-in-the-workplace

Michigan State University surveyed more than 700 employers seeking to hire recent college graduates. Nearly one-third said parents had submitted resumes on their child's behalf, some without even informing the child. One-quarter reported hearing from parents urging the employer to hire their son or daughter for a position. Four percent of respondents reported that a parent actually showed up for the candidate's job interview.

 

[ucfgrad93]

I don't see anything wrong with helping your child looking for work. That said, such help should only include helping with their resume and pointing out job openings that you hear about. Anything more is too much in my opinion.

 

[malman89]

I don't see anything wrong with helping your child looking for work. That said, such help should only include helping with their resume and pointing out job openings that you hear about. Anything more is too much in my opinion.

Yeah, that's fine -- that's what any friend would do. What the article said was far too much.

The only time I asked for my parents' help with applications or applying for jobs was when I was too young to know my SSN. After a batch of applications in my early teens, I had that memorized. I've had at least some sort of job every year since I was 11 (reffing ice hockey and newspaper gig until 15) except when I was studying abroad in Rome for a semester.

It took me almost 100 applications last year to the most random jobs, but I even landed a great full-time gig right after graduating college.

 

['Bmac]

My major embarrassment...

I was in 3rd year in Uni and I applied for a job and was on my way to the interview. When I got to the interview I was called in and was told my father called and told them I was NOT allowed to work in August because that is when we take a family vacation! I was quickly told "NO thank you" from the interviewer.

My father was VERY much over-protective and smothering. Sadly, I didn't feel somewhat normal until he passed away when I was 26. My Mother kept telling me "your father just loves you very much". I understand a father's love for a daughter BUT stopping me from living was NOT healthy. After my father passed away my Mother gave me my freedom and STILL LOVED me without stopping my life..

 

[Big-TDI-Guy]

Wow... So just when I smile a little with Chrysler's Super Bowl ad - about America being in half-time.... and that we would once again rise. That lifted my spirits - not blindly believing that message, but knowing that people out there still do want to work hard and succeed.

.... And then I saw that article...

 

[184550]

I think that it really depends on the nature/ type of the job. For instance, my father works in upper management for a regional grocery store and got me a job one summer cashiering/ bagging groceries.

Personally, I'm completely fine with that as it wasn't a skilled/ technical position.

However, were I to apply to the grocers parent company and he intervened on my behalf and a more competitive or highly skilled candidate was denied the opportunity, then I would have a problem with the intervention.

 

[kellen]

Some parents are just over protective to a degree it hinders their children and limits their progress.

While I was in school I was part of the interview process during my later years. A couple times we had people who had their parents with them, who wanted to sit in during the interview process, which is can be quite intensive. Not just a question of if I can, but adamant that they should be allowed to.

It projects the wrong image in my view. It projects that their child can't cut it independently and needs support from others to make it through a process that is based off of a personal interview.

 

[BreakGuy]

I don't have a problem with parents helping out their children find a job, fill in application forms and checking their CV is in order. Of course, the parents shouldn't be completing these for their children, but rather guiding them through.

Parents should do no more than that. The moment a parent attends an interview with their child, they've crossed the line. The child needs to learn first hand how to deal with job interviews. The child will learn from these experiences and make themselves more appealing to potential employers without mother and/or father sitting beside them by showing the interviewer(s) their ability able to work and think independently.

 

[0098386]

Nothing wrong with that so long as the child is the one who yeys or neys the application, and is ultimately the one who decides.

Parents as a secretary? I can live with that.

 

[nec207]

If I was a employer and you came with your mom or dad or your mom or dad called me on the phone or e-mail me well I'm sorry but I'm not going to hire you.

I want some one that knows what they are doing and is confident.

 

[Rodimus Prime]

It depends on how far they go.

It is one thing having the parent submit the resume. It is another if they contact the employer.
I have zero and I repeat ZERO issues use in my case my fathers network to find a job. Turning down access to his network would be stupid as it is nearly 30 years of experience and network contacts. If he hears about something that would fit me I would expect to hear about it and he might even turn in my resume for consideration. Mind I would hear quickly about it and really that would only be if he was ask about it. He would not apply for a job for me.

But calling an employer and encourging them to hire their kid is going to far but using your parents networking is fine and hell I would encourage it in my book. That could be 30+ years of network that the kid does not have out of school. Big time if it is in the same field. For me I have more access to the oil industry. I will fully abuse my family connections and network to find a job.

 

[dukebound85]

It depends on how far they go.

It is one thing having the parent submit the resume. It is another if they contact the employer.
I have zero and I repeat ZERO issues use in my case my fathers network to find a job. Turning down access to his network would be stupid as it is nearly 30 years of experience and network contacts. If he hears about something that would fit me I would expect to hear about it and he might even turn in my resume for consideration. Mind I would hear quickly about it and really that would only be if he was ask about it. He would not apply for a job for me.

But calling an employer and encourging them to hire their kid is going to far but using your parents networking is fine and hell I would encourage it in my book. That could be 30+ years of network that the kid does not have out of school. Big time if it is in the same field. For me I have more access to the oil industry. I will fully abuse my family connections and network to find a job.

Side note, do you work in the oil industry? I used to work for a major oilfield services firm. Loved it

 

[Rodimus Prime]

Side note, do you work in the oil industry? I used to work for a major oilfield services firm. Loved it

nope never have. I am more into software development with my current degree. Just most of my family contacts are in the oil industry in some way or another. Now there is some cross over and in that way I would jump on it if I had the chance because it is a job and the type of design and development I would do would be in the part I would be interested in. I like doing under the hood stuff. GUI design I find boring and easy. I like doing the stuff that work under the hood.

Now I would not mind working for big oil because one thing about big oil is they generally have really great benefits.

 

[Hastings101]

My parents helped me get my first job when I was a sophomore in high school and I'm glad they did. I had no clue what I was supposed to do and they showed me the ropes.

Coming to the interview though? That's just creepy. Even in high school I would have died of embarrassment if my parents had decided to join me during a job interview, can't imagine having that happen during an interview for a professional career.

 

[thewitt]

I had parents accompany their daughter to an internship interview once. They were politely asked to wait in the lobby and their daughter proceeded with the process. It was no big deal, but if they had insisted on accompanying her inside, we would have just terminated the interview. We hired her. Mom or Dad brought her to work every day, brought her lunch at noon and picked her up at 5, but it did not affect her work.

 

[Happybunny]

Many years ago I helped my children with their interviews, for their first jobs. I never went on the interview it's self, that would have been a very large step to far.

 

[zioxide]

Nothing wrong with helping someone with an application or resume. But calling up and begging for your kid to get a job is too definitely too much...

 

[notjustjay]

Nothing wrong with helping someone with an application or resume. But calling up and begging for your kid to get a job is too definitely too much...

I wouldn't have a problem if I was being treated like any other contact. If my mom or dad heard about a position at their workplace or knew a guy looking for someone, I'd be happy to have them say "Oh, my son has those skills. Here's his resume." But I would want them to ask for special consideration on my behalf. It should be the same as if it was "my neighbor Joe has those skills".

My first job was at a local high-tech firm, right out of university. The interviewer and hiring manager knew things about me that were not on my resume (like I had a sister taking art lessons). Turns out there was a family connection in there somewhere. I was hired, but I was one of the first to be let go two years later when the tech bubble burst. I never did figure out if I was hired based on my skill set or my family connection, and that actually bothered me a lot.

 

[ejb190]

I heard the promos for this piece the other day on NPR, but didn't get to hear it.

I wonder if this is "helicopter parenting" post-college. What were these parents like when the kids were 5, 8, or 12? Are these the same parents who hovered on the sidelines of soccer practice in case one of the other kids got too rough or came running with the hand sanitizer if the kids touched something?

 

[notjustjay]

I heard the promos for this piece the other day on NPR, but didn't get to hear it.

I wonder if this is "helicopter parenting" post-college. What were these parents like when the kids were 5, 8, or 12? Are these the same parents who hovered on the sidelines of soccer practice in case one of the other kids got too rough or came running with the hand sanitizer if the kids touched something?

Yup.

One of the comments attached to the original linked article says it well:

None of this is about helping the child, it's about assuaging the parent's anxiety about themselves, seeing the child as an extension of oneself and keeping the child as a prop for their fragile ego. The child's success is not their own, but the parent's. It's not selfless; it's profoundly narcissistic. It's an inability to see the child as a separate person - and that is going to cause all kinds of problems. Healthy parents encourage separation and independence as appropriate and they also know they have to let their children fail - some of the most powerful learning comes from picking oneself up from failure/pain and learning that one has the resources to cope.

What seems clear is that these parents don't want their kids to know they can cope: that way, the parents are always needed and can continue to use the kids to fulfil their own needs.

Actually, now this has me thinking about perceptions of other big life decisions in which I've involved my parents. For example, when I bought my first car, and when I bought my first house, I brought my parents along to make sure I didn't miss anything obvious. I did the negotiating, but they occasionally stepped in with a question or comment. I wonder now if the sales reps thought less of me, thinking perhaps I needed mommy and daddy to hold my hand...

 

[interrobang]

If I was an employer, I'd tell them, "We're looking to hire an adult who will be able to stand on his or her own. Since you obviously do not have any confidence in your child's independence, and you certainly know Junior better than we do, we do not think Junior is ready to handle the demands of this position at this time. We wish you and your child well."

 

[lewis82]

If I was an employer, I'd tell them, "We're looking to hire an adult who will be able to stand on his or her own. Since you obviously do not have any confidence in your child's independence, and you certainly know Junior better than we do, we do not think Junior is ready to handle the demands of this position at this time. We wish you and your child well."

Exactly what I would do. And then if the parents protest, I would offer them the choice to let him do another interview alone.

 

[h1r0ll3r]

If I was an employer, I'd tell them, "We're looking to hire an adult who will be able to stand on his or her own. Since you obviously do not have any confidence in your child's independence, and you certainly know Junior better than we do, we do not think Junior is ready to handle the demands of this position at this time. We wish you and your child well."

Ditto. Parents helping out with writing the resume or where/how to apply and such is fine. That's what any parent should do to help their kid get a job/employment. Now submitting resumes on behalf of their kids, sitting in on interviews and calling hiring managers asking/telling them to hire their kid? That's too much, way too much. Let your kids live and learn otherwise they'll never move out of the house.

And helping your kid get a summer job or something is fine too as one of the previous posters had mentioned. That's pretty much a given as it's unskilled labor for the most part. Now helping your kid get a good paying position at a marketing firm or something like that and passing up a more qualified person instead, sure it happens I bet, but I think that's a little too much as well. You wanna hold your kids hand from age 1-75, fine but prepare for some childish/idiotic tantrums during that period.

Again, let your kids live and learn the right/hard way.

 

[barkomatic]

I feel that there is a lot more helicopter parenting coming. At least half of the current crop of college students have their parents try to take care of their administrative needs with the university. (Federal law forbids this in most cases)

It's only a small leap when those same parents become overly involved with their children's first real job search. I would hope that any competent employer would reject any applicant whose parents either called them directly or attended the interview -- but I have a feeling it will slowly become more acceptable.

Of course is it really any different than how extremely wealthy, influential parents have behaved since the dawn of time? I notice now that both Chelsea Clinton and Jenna Bush are now correspondents on the Today Show--hilarious really. It's amazing how many professional shortcuts you can take when your Dad was the President.

 

[iStudentUK]

From the perspective of a younger person about to enter the big scary world of work I can say I'd be horrified if my parents had directly interferred with my job applications. All I asked is for them to proof read my CV etc (I think it's quite normal and sensible to get someone to do that).