please critique, thank you

[slipper]

hey guys, this doesnt pertain to web page development but theres no other forum here for this. as you can tell, im a amateur at graphics. heres what i will be advertising in the newspaper for my real estate business and i wanted your honest opinions and suggestions. the advertisements will have the actual american cancer society logo. and yes its true that i am donating portions of each sale to them, 5% to be exact to the hawaii pacific branch.

heres the one that i will be using primarily. theres many reasons why i choose to design it the way i designed it.
first of all, it has a lot of words. thats why i placed each group of words in small sections so it'll be easy to quickly read.
second, i want it to have no pressure on the reader. yes its not your typical real estate ad which you find in your newspaper. 'when your ready call me', 'im the top producer' are way to common nowdays and pretty lame. its so over used that its matter of the potential buyer/seller closing their eyes and pointing to which ever ad they will follow up on. i wanted a different approach.
third, i choose not to incorporate my picture. im 23 years old and most people say i look younger. not a good thing in real estate cause most people tend to base your maturity and knowledge on how you look, well at least for me that is.
forth, thats all i can think of right now

heres a smaller version that i will most likely not use. but your opinions on this also is much appreciated

heres a logo i made for myself. as stated above i wanted to distinguish myself from the others so thats why i thought it would be good to make my own logo and use that instead of my company logo.



*edit* the two adversitements came out kinda funny when i decreased the resolution to 72 from 600. it looks fine on print though.

 

[DVW86]

Looks nice. Do you have a picture of the American Cancer Society Logo? I would like to see how it looks with your "theme". Personally I think the red is just a little too "bright" with the white font. It may look better with black words. It strains my eyes to read it. The other thing I always recommend is not to use a hotmail or yahoo email account. It appears as if you aren't professional enough to have a paid email provider, and it makes people wonder how long you'll be around. I spend about $200,000 to $500,000 a year with vendors and I always tend to round file the business cards that come in with those types of addresses.

 

[mms]

Since you mentioned that you are part of a company, I'm wondering why the company doesn't provide email hosting, either on their server or some other respectable server. If not, then, like previously suggested, I would recommend that you do pay for your own. It will be a good investment especially as your business matures and the email you receive will be too much for the 4MB mailbox that yahoo provides. You don't want to change email addresses after you have an established base of customers, since it'll be a large hassle.

You might also want to include the address of your office or whatever as additional contact information.

JW, is this going to appear in color in the newspaper? I know that my local newspaper is mostly black and white, except for the first few pages of the main sections, where few ads can be found.

 

[rainman::|:|]

i agree with the above, all of his ads, literature, signs and business communications should have a customized address to convey a solidness and readiness to embrace technology. if he doesn't have a website domain that he can use yet, tell him to pony up and get one.

You may want to move the text in the middle a little more to the left, unless the logo has some margin built in... don't want it to be visually disorganized.

the font is good for the application, a simple wide serif. this font would also look at home on medical-related pamphlets.

the bottom line, that says "to his favorite"... i'm not sure this entirely settles well... both spacing and wording. you might not want the line so short, i'd say bring it it up to 3 lines by making them longer. as for content, obviously you're referencing "charities" without sounding redundant, but it sounds a little jagged. also, insert the word "local" before "real estate professional", reenforces the community-service here.

but again, overall it's a very good ad, and would be especially well located on the society page, perhaps, also consider the real estate classifieds, it'll bring over buyers.

paul

 

[slipper]

thats for your ideas guys. i will definately be using pauls ideas. as for the email address, i dont think its a big deal however i will be getting a web page and email up soon as stated in my other thread here. im not an employee of the american cancer society, just affiliated by donations. our association is in writing.

 

[slipper]

heres the new one based on your suggestions. anything else i should change?

*edit 1* i re-lowered the resolution on the first pictures so it isnt so blurry anymore

*edit 2* i updated the smaller ad with the actual Acmerican Cancer Society logo, im still working on getting a larger logo for the larger ad.