So, I'm Getting Married on Saturday ...

[thedude110]

And I'm kinda freaking out. Not because I don't want to get married (though I suppose I don't really believe in marriage), not because I don't love the woman, but because marriage seems so ... apocalyptic.

We have all of these versions of ourselves -- we grow into and out of ourselves, we're different people at different times, we're different people for different people. But this wedding is so ... globular. All of these people from all of these moments in my life -- so distinct in my psychology -- emerging upon and into one another -- sharing this physical space (this non-psychic space). It so foregrounds the schizophrenia of the contemporary "condition" -- we wander, we live the moment of our wanderings, and yet, in vague ways, we overlap ourselves. This wedding is apocalyptic in as much as it makes real connections out of what had only before been metaphors of mind. It's a gathering of worlds of "self';" a violent moment of "the real."

I'm not looking for congratulations. I have enough of those -- I'm fortunate. I am looking for stories of how/when others have been forced to confront the multiplicities of their identity -- how you dealt with it, what it was like, and who you became for it.

Such that:

"If Relationship George walks through this door, he will Kill Independent George! A George, divided against itself, cannot stand!"

 

[Spanky Deluxe]

I get what you mean about different identities. I act very different when around my family/girlfriend/male friends/female friends. I mean I'm still me but I'm a bit different each time. Take going out (to clubs or bars) for example. If I go out with my girlfriend I don't drink very much and I don't usually have that good a time, I feel like I need to take care of her, I don't want her to drink too much etc. When I'm out with my guy friends I drink a fair bit and we mess about, taking the piss out of each other and eyeing up the girls in the place. When I'm out with my female friends I flirt with them quite a bit and we mess around (not in a bad way) and have fun. I definately behave very differently in each situation. When those situations clash I feel quite awkward and I try to avoid it from happening. I'll generally either go out with my girlfriend *or* my male friends *or* my female friends and avoid combinations of the above like the plague.

 

[CanadaRAM]

Simple for me: Marriage was a relief -- it absolved me of the "male responsibility" of constantly being on the lookout for the "right one". In other words, I didn't need to be the hunter on the prowl anymore - which was getting really tiring.

 

[2nyRiggz]

Congrats and be....well be one of yourself


Bless

 

[7on]

I get what you mean about different identities. I act very different when around my family/girlfriend/male friends/female friends. I mean I'm still me but I'm a bit different each time. Take going out (to clubs or bars) for example. If I go out with my girlfriend I don't drink very much and I don't usually have that good a time, I feel like I need to take care of her, I don't want her to drink too much etc. When I'm out with my guy friends I drink a fair bit and we mess about, taking the piss out of each other and eyeing up the girls in the place. When I'm out with my female friends I flirt with them quite a bit and we mess around (not in a bad way) and have fun. I definately behave very differently in each situation. When those situations clash I feel quite awkward and I try to avoid it from happening. I'll generally either go out with my girlfriend *or* my male friends *or* my female friends and avoid combinations of the above like the plague.

I feel that I'm a pretty well-balanced person. I act pretty much the same all the time (though around the family I act more... mellow). And I do treat people differently (like stealing food from the hated roommate and making out with the GF - wouldn't want to confuse those two ;-) I honestly can admit I like taking care of my gf (when she allows it ).

I wouldn't think of marriage as another personality. I like to think of it as a dedication to your GF stronger than words. Or something equally as sappy.

 

[iSaint]

There is a sense of relief in getting married.

Just wait until you have kids. No more apocalypse...just ultimate responsibility. No more you, it's all about them. Just take care of her so she can take care of them the first few years. Or else you'll become like the male spider who, after being used for breeding purposes, is eaten and his carcass is tossed aside.

That's my joke...but the whole experience really is wonderful! Especially when your kids start being of age to want to learn your interests, and you become their hero.

And as far as the identities - your wedding is a celebration of your lives coming together. People come to share in that. It will involve people from all parts of both of your lives, and your families. Have fun with it!

 

[xsedrinam]

Simple for me: Marriage was a relief -- it absolved me of the "male responsibility" of constantly being on the lookout for the "right one". In other words, I didn't need to be the hunter on the prowl anymore - which was getting really tiring.

Something similar to this. Relaxed focus and enjoyment in concentrating on becoming the right one can in a greater way define, refine and compliment the "who" you are and are becoming. I'll say "congrats" anyway.

 

[Chundles]

Now you can go and get really fat.

Enjoy!!

 

[OutThere]

There is a sense of relief in getting married.

Just wait until you have kids. No more apocalypse...just ultimate responsibility. No more you, it's all about them. Just take care of her so she can take care of them the first few years. Or else you'll become like the male spider who, after being used for breeding purposes, is eaten and his carcass is tossed aside.

That's my joke...but the whole experience really is wonderful! Especially when your kids start being of age to want to learn your interests, and you become their hero.

And as far as the identities - your wedding is a celebration of your lives coming together. People come to share in that. It will involve people from all parts of both of your lives, and your families. Have fun with it!

I'm scared s***less at the fact that I would like to have kids (someday).

I have time, though. *sigh of relief*