The Next Time You Get Pulled Over.....

[alexmadison]

I found this one and laughed my A** OFF

I'm in a decent relationship right now. It's been two months and there have been no really big arguments. She scratches my head nonstop, gives me awesome massages, and even brings me food when I'm too worn out from work to go anywhere.

Since moving out on my own, she gave me even better advice on how to do my laundry than my grandmother did.

Flashback:

"Okay Justin, here's what grandma does.."

She then bends over to separate the clothes, accidentally farts but doesn't notice it.

"First, you do what my school did when I was a little one. You separate the whites from the colored."

Thanks racist grandma.

I don't get to see my girflriend too much because I work so many hours a week that it's almost impossible. That, mixed with her schedule, doesn't make for much time to see her. When I do find time to see her, I fly from work to her house going 90 in a 55 MPH zone.

That being said, Monday I was speeding to her house from work. I was on a local highway and about 5 minutes from her house when the blue lights blinded my eyes from my rear-view mirror. Damn, I've just been pulled over.

The officer walked up to my car, asked how I was doing, then the usual "license and registration, please". Nothing out of the ordinary.

I carry a gun for my profession and still had it strapped to my side, so I showed him my work ID and gun permit BEFORE whipping out the gun and saying:

"Here's my gun! I'm allowed to carry one!"

Phew, won't do that one again.

After looking over the permit, he eyeballed my crotch.

"I'm going to have to ask you to step out of the car, sir. Keep your hands where I can see them."

Either he's a gay cop, or he has a problem with the gun.

I was asked to put my hands on the roof of the car. He pulled my 357 out of its holder.

"I'm going to hold onto this while I run your license, if you don't mind. You can step back into the car."

I got in and shut my door.

"So, Mr. Justin, why were you driving so fast?"

At this moment, my bull**** dispenser started cranking. I could afford another ticket, but would rather not deal with an increased insurance rate. I started spitting a line of total BS.

"Well sir, my job doesn't allow me to see my fiance very much. Since this is the first time in forever that I'm going to see her, I'm rushing to her house to pop the question. I apologize for speeding, I'm just so excited to see the look on her face when I ask her to marry me."

"Do you have a ring?"

"No sir, can't afford one."

"Ah, poor kid."

"I know. Could you do me a favor and write me a ticket? I'd like to look back on this night and laugh about the time I was pulled over and given a ticket the night I was rushing to propose to my wife."

The reason I asked him this is to make my story seem to check out. I'm calling his bluff, if you will.

"Haha, you kids. I'll tell you what-- I'll do you one better. I'll escort you over there through traffic if you're in that much of a rush. Wouldn't that be more of a story?"

Damnit. The guy's caught up in making a Kodak moment when all I want to do is get him off my back and eat tacos with my girlfriend... NOT propose. I've only known the girl for two months-- not exactly ready for the big commitment yet.

"Yes sir, I do believe it would."

After giving him her street name and address, he knew exactly where to go. ****. I got in my car and followed him as his siren rang out. Traffic pulled to the side, peopled yielded at red lights, and cars stopped-- all so I could have tacos with my girlfriend.

After getting to her house, the officer stepped out of his car and knocked on her door. She opened it and stared at him, then me in a look of confusion.

"Hi, I pulled this gentleman over a few minutes ago because he was in a rush to get over here so fast. Justin? Would you like to take it from here?"

I looked at Courtney, then the officer, who wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. I tried to take her inside, but the officer stood right there in the doorway to witness the event. The things I'd do to get out of a ticket.

"Courtney... I know I've only known you a short time. But, in that short time <insert romantic bull****>... Will you marry me?"

She wouldn't say yes. She's younger than I am and always talked about how she wanted to date a guy forever until making a commitment.

''YES JUSTIN! I WILL MARRY YOU!"

The officer smiled and clapped as Courtney clamped her arms around my body. The neighbors, who had been wondering why a cop car with its lights on was outside her house cheered.

Courtney's parents called me and told me that they were proud that their daughter found such a nice guy.

Me? Well I got out of a ticket.

**** you. I'm engaged.

-Sideburns

http://funny-speeding-tickets.blogspot.com/

 

[wywern209]

LMAO! lol all for a measly ticket...

 

[mscriv]

Like the author of the story, my BS meter is going off too, but it's because although this makes for a great story I seriously doubt it's authenticity. If the events are factual as opposed to a humorous bit of fiction then my money says the officer knew the fella was lying. He only went along with it to watch him squirm and take satisfaction in seeing how it would play out.

 

[Melrose]

Funny

...I'd try this first though.

 

[heehee]

I'm pretty sure it's just a funny story and it's not true. Cops can't just use their sirens whenever they want and I'm sure they are not allowed to escort civilians. Can you imagine the lawsuits if they got in an accident.

 

[ucfgrad93]

Very funny!

 

[dukebound85]

LOL

though you can always end the engagement!

 

[Surely]

I'm pretty sure it's just a funny story and it's not true. Cops can't just use their sirens whenever they want and I'm sure they are not allowed to escort civilians. Can you imagine the lawsuits if they got in an accident.

Totally. A policeman would never in a million years abuse their powers.

I do agree with you though, there's no way that's a true story. Funny, but not true.


A true story....
A friend of mine got pulled over because the tint on the rear window of his pickup truck was too dark. It was practically opaque.

The policeman asked: "Are you aware that it is illegal in this state to have a tint that dark?"
My friend (who for some reason was in a pissy mood, and is a well-known smart ass) asked him back: "Are you aware if it is illegal to tell a cop to go f*** himself in this state?"
Cop: "Did you just tell me to go f*** myself?!?"
Friend:"No of course not. I just asked you if it is illegal to tell you to go f*** yourself."

Needless to say, he got the ticket.

 

[spillproof]

A true story....
A friend of mine got pulled over because the tint on the rear window of his pickup truck was too dark. It was practically opaque.

The policeman asked: "Are you aware that it is illegal in this state to have a tint that dark?"
My friend (who for some reason was in a pissy mood, and is a well-known smart ass) asked him back: "Are you aware if it is illegal to tell a cop to go f*** himself in this state?"
Cop: "Did you just tell me to go f*** myself?!?"
Friend:"No of course not. I just asked you if it is illegal to tell you to go f*** yourself."

Needless to say, he got the ticket.

I thought you were going to say that your friend was dark skinned and thought the offices was being racist.

... Does that make me racist? I'm not, I swear.

 

[Capt Crunch]

I thought you were going to say that your friend was dark skinned and thought the offices was being racist.

... Does that make me racist? I'm not, I swear.

Racist!!!!!!

My MIL got out of a ticket by telling the officer she really had to go to the bathroom. It helps that she's a little old asian lady with broken english.

 

[sanPietro98]

Very funny! Don't think it's factual, but a good story anyway.

 

[Keebler]

Totally. A policeman would never in a million years abuse their powers.

I do agree with you though, there's no way that's a true story. Funny, but not true.


A true story....
A friend of mine got pulled over because the tint on the rear window of his pickup truck was too dark. It was practically opaque.

The policeman asked: "Are you aware that it is illegal in this state to have a tint that dark?"
My friend (who for some reason was in a pissy mood, and is a well-known smart ass) asked him back: "Are you aware if it is illegal to tell a cop to go f*** himself in this state?"
Cop: "Did you just tell me to go f*** myself?!?"
Friend:"No of course not. I just asked you if it is illegal to tell you to go f*** yourself."

Needless to say, he got the ticket.

lol that is funny! ballsy and something I would never do, but funny!

 

[pilotError]

What's funnier is the cop probably went back and told his buddies about the guy who tried to weasel his way out of the ticket and ended up engaged!

 

[Gregg2]

Seriously...

What I do is just sit there. Nothing more.

When the cop comes up, he/she asks for my license. That's what they always do first.

I then say, "Let me get it out, it's in my wallet."

I never have the license out waiting for the cop to arrive. It might not help me any, and I don't have a large statistical base for a study. But, if the cop thinks I've never been stopped before, that can't be bad.

 

[Surely]

What I do is just sit there. Nothing more.

When the cop comes up, he/she asks for my license. That's what they always do first.

I then say, "Let me get it out, it's in my wallet."

I never have the license out waiting for the cop to arrive. It might not help me any, and I don't have a large statistical base for a study. But, if the cop thinks I've never been stopped before, that can't be bad.

Hilarious!

 

[whooleytoo]

The old ones are the best:

Police officer pulls someone over for driving well over the speed limit :
Police: I've been waiting for you all day.
Driver: Sorry officer, I got here as quick as I could!

 

[quagmire]

I'm pretty sure it's just a funny story and it's not true. Cops can't just use their sirens whenever they want and I'm sure they are not allowed to escort civilians. Can you imagine the lawsuits if they got in an accident.

They can especially if they pull over a couple rushing to the hospital for child birth.

 

[notjustjay]

I was coming home from a female friend's house late one night. We had just had a discussion about whether our relationship should go beyond friendship or not (one of us wanted, one of us didn't). I was mulling things over and deep in thought, the only car on the road, and slowly driving faster and faster without realizing it.

The (female) cop who pulled me over said she first clocked me a number of blocks back and had to race to catch up with me, and didn't I notice how fast I was going?

I explained my situation.

She let me off the hook.

It's not a funny story per se, but if you've been there, you understand.

 

[old-wiz]

What I do is just sit there. Nothing more.

When the cop comes up, he/she asks for my license. That's what they always do first.

I then say, "Let me get it out, it's in my wallet."

I never have the license out waiting for the cop to arrive. It might not help me any, and I don't have a large statistical base for a study. But, if the cop thinks I've never been stopped before, that can't be bad.

If you're stopped the smart thing to do is to just sit with your hands on the steering wheel. If the officer sees you rooting around in the car you can make the officer nervous and you may find yourself looking at the barrel of a Glock.