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This is not something to blog about so here it goes.

waloshin

waloshin

macrumors 68040
Original poster
Oct 9, 2008
3,560
394
This is not something to blog about so here it goes.

There is this 18 year old in high school he has no friends and is depressed because of this, he says no one likes him, he told my high school co-worker this and my co worker doesn't want to be friends with him. He has also told him he is thinking of sucicide.

So i was think maybe becomming friends with hin to help him.

Bye the way I am 22 and of course out of High School.
 
While you may have the best intentions, I'd advise against it. He needs counseling. He sounds like he has serious issues... more serious than can be cured by going out for a beer with a bud.
 
citizenzen said:
While you may have the best intentions, I'd advise against it. He needs counseling. He sounds like he has serious issues... more serious than can be cured by going out for a beer with a bud.
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Agreed, he needs professional help. You might do something and inadvertently make things worse.
 
I do agree so far, but my intentions were to maybe point him into the direction of Student Services at the High School to talk to the Social Worker. Because nobody else wants to.
 
I'm going to disagree with the rest and say go for it. Make sure you remember to read him. Determine whether he wants someone to listen to him (which means you don't speak much) or just wants someone to talk to about general things. But yes, steer him towards getting some 'real' help. Tell him that you're always there to listen, but that a qualified counsellor could do so much more to help than you can!!
 
From my own personal experience, I'd say that you should inform someone who deals with pastoral care at the school. In some cases, you can talk to him, but it might make things worse. You shouldn't only attempt to do this if you feel comfortable and will be able to "handle" him. (that sounds horrible :/)
 
Befriending him may be ok, but you really should encourage him to seek professional help. Unless you are of course one who has professional training to deal with such matters, which would sort of surprise me.

On the other hand, keep in mind that if you do befriend him and something happens to him, rather he does something to himself, you need to understand that you could be affected by it quite a bit. I believe that people who personally invest their time into a human "project" of sorts to try and help pull them out of whatever rut they're in can take it pretty hard if their work ends up being all for nothing. think about it and be sure you're strong enough yourself to take on such a role and deal with the outcome should it be less than ideal.

To -aggie-'s point, if you find yourself having to poll forum members for things like this (and other topics that you've run into yourself over time), maybe it is a sign that you could be in over your head.
 
I'm a little confused about your motives.

"Frendship" suggests a mutiual relationship. You can'nt really form a friendship with him out of pitty, can you?

If you want to be more of a mentor, then fine.

Though if he is really talking about suicide then the person in question really needs to see his doctor e.t.c.
 
wackymacky said:
I'm a little confused about your motives.

"Frendship" suggests a mutiual relationship. You can'nt really form a friendship with him out of pitty, can you?

If you want to be more of a mentor, then fine.

Though if he is really talking about suicide then the person in question really needs to see his doctor e.t.c.
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I agree. If he ever found out you were just pretending to be his friend out of pity, then it could potentially do more harm that good. I know how you feel though as it's never easy to see someone struggling in life. Suicide is never the answer.
 
waloshin said:
Anyone else agree with abstract?
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To be perfectly clear, I think you should steer him towards "real" help. Chances are, he's not going to do it voluntarily, so you may actually need to get help for him. Tell someone at the school who deals with these situations about this particular student.

I don't think you should be the one who helps him through his problems. I only meant that if he desperate needs someone to talk to soon/now, and you won't do it and wait for help to come, it may be too late for him. He may not wait.

Think of this as keeping an injured person company while you both wait for the ambulance to arrive. Same thing.
 
Well it's not just pity, i really dont have much friends so it would be nice to make a friend too.
 
i've known people like that which you describe.

i would just say you can sort of figure out if he likes it a few minutes into it. if not...just stop and move on.

pick your battles.
 
I think it's a great idea, especially since you would both be benefitting from the situation.

Get his number and include him in the things you do. If you and a friend are going to get lunch, call him and invite him along. Do you best to involve him in conversation. If he says something stupid, don't ride him for it. He sounds like the kind of person that wouldn't take it well.

It does a lot for someone's self esteem knowing that somebody is thinking of them. Also, being invited to hang out with people several years older than you is a huge confidence boost for somebody his age.

I think you'd be doing a lot of good.
 
waloshin said:
Well it's not just pity, i really dont have much friends so it would be nice to make a friend too.
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Point this kid in the right direction to get help. Do not do this out of wanting a friend, do it because it's right. Expect no reward. That's what truly caring about someone means- putting their needs first, without concern for what you may gain.
 
leekohler said:
Point this kid in the right direction to get help. Do not do this out of wanting a friend, do it because it's right. Expect no reward. That's what truly caring about someone means- putting their needs first, without concern for what you may gain.
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This pretty much sums it up.
 
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