What are your most ridiculous travel stories?

[jeremysteele]

What are some of your most ridiculous travel stories? Things like your hotel was filled up when you got there, or your flight was delayed due to snakes... things of that nature.

I've had 3 crazy flight delays in the past year... all with the same airline, and all in the same day.

Back story: I was going from Atlanta to Miami (through Charlotte [Cheap tickets]) for an interview, just a quick day trip, there and back.... Luckily these tickets didn't cost me a dime since the company got them, so I was able to relax, at least.

I wound up declining the job offer after all this messiness. For other reasons mainly... but the delays didn't help at all.

---------

Flight from Atlanta to Charlotte went well. Best flight that day!

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First delay was because of an "unruly passenger", going from Charlotte to Miami. We were still at the gate, and security arrived quickly. For whatever reason, the pilot stood in the doorway and refused to let security on the plane to pull the guy off, for several minutes.

Maybe he figured the guy would calm down, and security would just agitate him more? Who knows. He wasn't really posing a threat per-say... just yelling.

Finally the passenger stood up and started yelling right at the flight attendants faces', and the cops finally pulled the pilot out of the way and yanked the passenger to the ground and had him in cuffs in about 5 seconds. It was quite impressive.

The pilot was removed also, and we were further delayed because they had to goto a backup pilot.

On the plus side - the co pilot was apparently a comedian and was cracking jokes about the situation until the new pilot arrived. So that was a welcome surprise.
---------

For no reason at all, we were delayed over an hour going from Miami back to Charlotte. The pilot didn't know why... no one knew why. Weather was fine - everything was perfect. Other planes were taking off... except ours.. we were just sitting there waiting for the go-ahead.

Finally the pilot got on the loudspeaker and said "well, they finally told me what happened. They forgot about us. Stay tuned while they fire a [air traffic] controller".

30 minutes later we were finally taking off.

Good news: they let us see a "premium" movie for free while we were waiting. Bad news: it was Hancock.

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My last flight, Charlotte to Atlanta, was delayed because the WiFi wasn't working, and some jerks in first/business class complained before takeoff.... it was a 30 minute flight from charlotte to atlanta, and apparently they couldn't go without WiFi for the 5 minutes you were allowed to use it.

Instead of letting the rest of us take off, and putting the jerks on another flight, we wasted nearly 2 hours waiting for another plane. The airline didn't offer anything in the mean time, but at least we got to wait at the terminal rather than in the plane.

This was a late flight, around 10pm. Should have been home around 1. Didn't make it back to my apartment until 3am....

 

[Intell]

I was at the Miami airport for a short layover. This particular plane had to be boarded by getting on a bus and driving out across the tarmac. Ugh. On the bus there was this family of about 5 people. A guy with grey hair, his wife, and a bunch of well behaved kids as well as the standard tourist passengers for such a flight. I only remembered that family because the bus took a sharp turn and the one kid fell over in to me as I was blankly standing there holding the pole and looking out the window. I never thought much else about that family.

7 months later, I was in San Francisco for some training stuff. On my day off of training, I decided to get on the cable car at Powell and California and go to the wharf. The car was full, so I stood on the running boards. I happened to look at the people seated on the other side of the car. It was the same family. The father with greying hair, the wife, and kids. For the rest of the way to the wharf I faced the other way. I'm still waiting for them to show up in Pittsburgh somewhere. Haven't yet.

 

[heehee]

It's not an airport story. Long story short, it's my honey moon in Jamaica. I passed out and my wife had to go to the hospital in an ambulance with sirens blaring. This is not on the same day.

 

[jeremysteele]

It's not an airport story. Long story short, it's my honey moon in Jamaica. I passed out and my wife had to go to the hospital in an ambulance with sirens blaring. This is not on the same day.

Jamaica, huh? I won't bother asking what you passed out from

Glad she is OK though (she is, right?).

----------

It was the same family. The father with greying hair, the wife, and kids.

Weird how small the world can seem sometimes. Flew up from ATL to my hometown every now and then and saw this one girl on the same flight... there and back... every time.

I swear she was stalking me.

 

[rdowns]

Tequila, Canadian "dancers" and a nasty fall off of a dancing platform in a club led me to an overnight stay in a Cancun, Mexico hospital and pretty much bed ridden the rest of my trip. Did I mention tequila?

 

[snberk103]

Back in my backpack travelling days… I was in Athens, wanting to get home to Toronto. I had vouchers for Freddie Laker planes flying from London to NYC. I could have flown Athens to London direct, but to save $25 I decided to fly Athens to Tel Aviv and then to London.

Arrived late Friday into Tel Aviv and discovered that the airport workers were on strike so no departures … spent two nights in a youth hostel. In Tel Aviv at that time nothing much was open on a Saturday. Got to the airport very early on Sunday morning and discovered that the air traffic controllers in London had gone on strike….but would I care to fly as far as Paris? Yes please…. arrived in Paris - flights out that day to London. Went to the youth hostel. In Paris in those days… not much is open on a Sunday.

Got to the airport very early on Monday morning and actually managed to get a flight to London late on Monday. Went to the youth hostel for the night … and discovered that the Laker planes had all been grounded due to cracks in the engine mounts…. spent another night in London. At least it was open. Crack of dawn on Wednesday I was at - I forget the airline, but it was an American one and it was accepting the Laker vouchers on a standby basis… anyway… they flew to either NYC or Detroit.

I got into line… it snaked around the block. At some point some nice attendant started handing out numbers to those in line so you could nip out and get back into place. She ran out of numbers at about 150… 10 yards in front of me. Then the line started moving very quickly. All 25 of the seats to NYC were already filled, and nobody in line wanted to go to Detroit it seemed. I figured I'd be on the correct continent at least….so I flew on the red-eye via Iceland to Detroit, and - miraculously - managed a connection that same day to Toronto.

All to save $25. And I was dragging a bike in a box through all these airports… and customs. It broke the luggage conveyor at Charles de Gaulle too… And buses back and forth to the hostels. That will always be my travel highlight reel.

 

[sviato]

I was flying from Warsaw to Toronto last spring after a trip to Europe. We board the plane and everything is fine and we're prepping for take-off. The plane backs up from the terminal and, as soon as the plane starts driving forward to the runway, it stops.

I hear my sister ask my mom "why is there smoke coming out of the wing?" (she had a window seat). More people start to notice and start random yelling/complaints and then the cabin starts to fill with smoke from the back and there's a really bad gaseous smell. Some people start to panic, the woman in front of me gets up and is all like "I can't be on this plane, get me off this plane!". I just stay put and the plane heads back to the terminal, parks, and all the passengers get off the plane.

We were told there would be a half hour delay while the crew figured out what was wrong. That turned into a 2 hour delay and everyone was hoping they'd get a new plane. Four hours later, we board the same plane because it has been fixed apparently. I was kind of nervous and this was the first time on a flight I thought something could go wrong. We also hit some bad turbulence when we were over the Atlantic and I instantly finished 8-10 of those little liquor bottles I had with me (hey if I'm going down, I'm going down with a buzz ).

We arrived safely though with no further issues other than our bags being broken in to, which is common with eastern european airlines

 

[bradl]

My wife and I were flying from Sacramento to Omaha to visit my parents. My wife is blind, so we were bringing her guide dog with her. We notified the airline we were flying with in advance (both online and over the phone) that we were bringing a service animal with us.

I should note that here, pursuant to the Air Carrier Access Act of 1986 and the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, service animals could not be restricted to the cargo hold of an aircraft, and must be accommodated for in the bulkhead section of the aircraft.

Thankfully, that got to the ticket agent and flight attendants of our first leg (layover in Denver) as they had assigned my wife and our dog row 1, while putting me in row 31 of the aircraft in question. Luckily, the guy she would be sitting next to had a friend that was in the row I was going to be in. So we swapped seats, and all was good until we got to Denver.

Now, the word that we had a service animal accompanying us was fine and great in Sacramento; that word didn't make it to Denver and our connecting flight. Again, they had us somewhere in row 29 or 30 of the aircraft. They realized the issue and had to reseat the person who was originally in row 1. She was able-bodied and could walk, but requested a wheelchair down for pre boarding, and got to her seat. She did not want to be reseated, complained the entire time, and flat out refused to move. While we were waiting, we listened to her conversation with the FA:

Lady: Why is the dog on the plane and not in the cargo hold where it belongs?

FA: The dog is a service animal to a fellow passenger who is blind, and requires this row. I'm sorry, but we need to reseat you to accommodate them.

Lady: Well, why can't they take the next flight?

FA: They are paying customers just like yourself, ma'am. I understand why you are upset with being reseated, but by law, the service animal has to be seated in this row.

Lady: Then why can't they stay on, and the dog get the next flight?

We're rolling our eyes here and shaking our heads in disgust.

FA: Ma'am, this is our last flight to Omaha for the day. If the dog catches the next flight, how is the dog going to deplane, leave the airport, hail a taxi back into the city, pay for the cab ride, get a hotel room for the night, pay for the hotel room, catch another cab back to the airport, pay for that cab ride, and get on the next flight to Omaha, by herself?

Note for those not in the know: Denver Int'l Airport is roughly 15 miles outside of Denver Proper, and any suitable hotel.

Lady: Well, I'm allergic to dogs, so the dog can't be onboard.

FA: By being a service animal, the dog has every right to being on this flight as you. If that will pose a problem, we will be happy to reschedule you on the next flight. As I mentioned, this is our last flight of the day to Omaha, so you would be on the first one tomorrow morning.

A bit more mumbling and complaining went on, and by this time, every passenger had overheard this, on top of the fact that it put us 20 minutes late from pushing back from the gate. The flight was uneventful; we actually ended up being sat next to a mystery author who on her way to Omaha for a book signing. In her mysteries, she liked to include animals as the part of the main detectives in the mystery, and loved how docile our dog was that she asked to include her in her next book. That worked great for us, and actually brightened our day.

Until…

We land in Omaha. I tell my wife that I'm going to talk to the pilots about our routing and how they were vectored, etc. My wife and our dog deplane and wait for us in the jetway. a few minutes later, up comes that lady. I pay her no attention, because what I would have said to her would not have been appropriate, and I tend to respect elders.

She passes my wife in the jetway, and gives them the meanest look and a few choice words as she passes. No word of a lie: My wife sees her and hears what she said, and sticks her tongue out at her. Our guide dog at that time sticks her tongue out at the lady as well, but turns hers into a yawn, and sneezes a wet one on her leg.

I should say here that when yellow labs sneeze, and if it is a strong one, their whole body twitches as if they are shaking it out. This sneeze sounded like it was a slobberknocker as it even caught the pilots' attention.

We finally walk past her as she is threatening to sue the airline for her treatment on the flight. On our side of it, everyone was amazed at how well mannered she was on the flight, without a single bark or anything.

Moral of the story: don't piss off a service animal; they will get back at you, and make you look stupid while doing it.

BL.

 

[TechGod]

My wife and I were flying from Sacramento to Omaha to visit my parents. My wife is blind, so we were bringing her guide dog with her. We notified the airline we were flying with in advance (both online and over the phone) that we were bringing a service animal with us.

I should note that here, pursuant to the Air Carrier Access Act of 1986 and the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, service animals could not be restricted to the cargo hold of an aircraft, and must be accommodated for in the bulkhead section of the aircraft.

Thankfully, that got to the ticket agent and flight attendants of our first leg (layover in Denver) as they had assigned my wife and our dog row 1, while putting me in row 31 of the aircraft in question. Luckily, the guy she would be sitting next to had a friend that was in the row I was going to be in. So we swapped seats, and all was good until we got to Denver.

Now, the word that we had a service animal accompanying us was fine and great in Sacramento; that word didn't make it to Denver and our connecting flight. Again, they had us somewhere in row 29 or 30 of the aircraft. They realized the issue and had to reseat the person who was originally in row 1. She was able-bodied and could walk, but requested a wheelchair down for pre boarding, and got to her seat. She did not want to be reseated, complained the entire time, and flat out refused to move. While we were waiting, we listened to her conversation with the FA:



We're rolling our eyes here and shaking our heads in disgust.



Note for those not in the know: Denver Int'l Airport is roughly 15 miles outside of Denver Proper, and any suitable hotel.



A bit more mumbling and complaining went on, and by this time, every passenger had overheard this, on top of the fact that it put us 20 minutes late from pushing back from the gate. The flight was uneventful; we actually ended up being sat next to a mystery author who on her way to Omaha for a book signing. In her mysteries, she liked to include animals as the part of the main detectives in the mystery, and loved how docile our dog was that she asked to include her in her next book. That worked great for us, and actually brightened our day.

Until…

We land in Omaha. I tell my wife that I'm going to talk to the pilots about our routing and how they were vectored, etc. My wife and our dog deplane and wait for us in the jetway. a few minutes later, up comes that lady. I pay her no attention, because what I would have said to her would not have been appropriate, and I tend to respect elders.

She passes my wife in the jetway, and gives them the meanest look and a few choice words as she passes. No word of a lie: My wife sees her and hears what she said, and sticks her tongue out at her. Our guide dog at that time sticks her tongue out at the lady as well, but turns hers into a yawn, and sneezes a wet one on her leg.

I should say here that when yellow labs sneeze, and if it is a strong one, their whole body twitches as if they are shaking it out. This sneeze sounded like it was a slobberknocker as it even caught the pilots' attention.

We finally walk past her as she is threatening to sue the airline for her treatment on the flight. On our side of it, everyone was amazed at how well mannered she was on the flight, without a single bark or anything.

Moral of the story: don't piss off a service animal; they will get back at you, and make you look stupid while doing it.

BL.

Best.story ever!

 

[Macman45]

Rushing around like hell to catch the last train out of Cardiff (UK) to London, I had to first collect a prescription from Tesco's pharmacy as they were the only place open at that time of night.

I go in there, present the prescription...pharmacists insists on two forms of ID ( which I give him) and then further insists on calling the out of hours doctor to confirm that my MST ( Morphine) is a regular repeat...all this foobarring around takes twenty mins or so....I get into a cab and tell him to drive like hell, but I miss the train by 3 mins.

Guy asks where I was going, and I tell him....now the train fare to London in first class which I use as i can stretch out my bum leg, is £70 odd if you just rock up....Cabby offers to take me to London for £150.00 as long as he can bring his son along to ride shotgun....So I caved in, but I've never missed a train since!

 

[Squilly]

About 7 years ago, 5 of us were going on an Alaskan cruise departing in Vancouver. We live near Philadelphia and the nearest airport connecting to Vancouver was Newark. Due to weather, when we arrive at the airport, parking is flooded. We miss the flight. We take another flight to get to a different area of Canada in Toronto. We made the second Newark flight to Vancouver but our luggage was onboard the plane in the first flight we missed. We missed the plane. We catch another to Seattle then drive up to Vancouver via bus to get our luggage. At this point we missed the ship. We meet a lady from Miami from carnival that says there's this law that doesn't allow a ship leaving internationally to be boarded by us which turned out to be invalid. We catch up with the ship at its first port two days later, taking another flight from Vancouver to Ketchikan Alaska.

 

[bradl]

Another one with our guide dog.

I met my wife in Vegas. No, no drinking and partying was involved. None for the dog, either.

I was living there at the time, though my wife was flying through to visit relatives near Salt Lake City. Her trip required a change of planes and gates. That shouldn't be much of a problem with a major airport like McCarran International Airport, right?

RIGHT?

They took her to the right gate number, wrong terminal, and ended up missing her flight. Making it worse, the next flight wasn't for 4 1/2 hours, and worse than that, the dog needed to be relieved.

She called me up in a panic, I went to the airport, and picked them up, with the first task on hand being to relieve the dog.

Now, I know what oyu're thinking here.. where the hell is anyone going to find grass in all of Las Vegas that isn't part of a golf course? Luckily, UNLV is across the street from McCarran, so that wasn't that bad, especially when I don't kid you when most patches of grass would only be on a golf course there! (you get a tax break for actually not having a grass lawn.)

Next, with 4 1/2 hours to kill, came dinner. Obviously not an issue, but dammit, if I wasn't amazed by that dog relieving herself on command, I was when we went to dinner. Keep in mind, service animal can go anywhere people can go. So buffet it was!

Here, I'll remind you that she is considered "on duty and working" when she is in harness. So when we were at the buffet, she was still in harness. She just laid down. No begging for food, no whimpering to have her harness off, nothing. Some guy dropped a piece of fried shrimp that bounced next to her face; She turned towards it, looked at it, then turned the other way. I'm thinking, that's some bloody great control and training there! Either way, dinner was uneventful.

So where does the 'ridiculous' come in? Here you go.

With 3 hours left, we walked it off by heading to the Desert Passage shops inside the Aladdin Hotel/Casino (now Planet Hollywood). Coming out of the Endangered Species store, while stopping to call the airline to make sure her bags made it off the flight, some guy comes up to try to pet the dog. I was going to say something, but my wife beat me to it:

Wife: Please sir, do not try to pet my dog. She's working.

Guy: It's just a dog, I can pet it if I want.

Wife: This isn't 'just a dog', it's my guide and I need her working.

Guy: How is it working? You ain't walking around, it's just sitting there while you're doing nothing, so I can pet it.

At this point, I'm about to tell this guy where to go, but thought about it again: She's handled this many times before, I'll let her handle it. If he gets too aggressive, I'll step in.

Wife: She is in harness, and when in harness, she is working. Please do not come near my dog.

Guy: How about this. Let me pet your dog, and I won't call security on you for having a dog inside the building when it should be outside.

Pure gold coming up here, and I'll never forget the words she said.

Wife: Okay. I'll let you pet my dog if you give me your eyes first.

Guy: What?

Wife: Well, if you are want me to pull the harness off my guide so you can pet her, effectively robbing me of my eyes, it is only fair that you give me yours in return so I can see. So pull your eyes out and I'll let you pet my dog.

Guy: What the **** is wrong with you?!?

Wife: Nothing. I need my eyes, and if you are going to take them from me, it's only fair that I take them from you. Otherwise, back off before I call security and the police on you for harassing me and my guide!

The guy walked off. We told security about him before heading out, in case he decided to come after us.

Rest of the time was uneventful, except that I escorted her to her flight myself; I sure as hell wasn't going to let the same thing happen again, especially since her relatives had driven for 3 hours to get to the airport, then had to wait another 4 hours for her. Got her on the flight, and the rest is history.

Moral of the story: Greet the blind person first, and ask nicely if you can pet their guide. If not, you may wind up without any eyes yourself.

BL.

 

[yg17]

I don't have anything really interesting, but overheard this conversation on the Eurostar waiting to depart Paris:

"What time does the train leave?"
"I don't know, the ticket is in military time (24 hour time)"
"Oh, really? I wish they wouldn't use military time, it's offensive to us Americans who don't know it"

All I could do, as a fellow American, was facepalm and hope no one else heard that, and if they did, they knew that this batch of morons didn't represent the entire country.

I'm not even sure what was worse - "offensive to Americans" part, or not knowing how to subtract 12 from a number part.

 

[rhett7660]

Mainly bad turbulence when flying. Looking at the wings, and it looks like they are going to clap during flight is something I don't like to see. I know they are supposed to bend and give a little, but man during one of my flights. I swear to god they were going to met in the middle either on top or the bottom!!

 

[kazmac]

...

I was at the airport, but forgot about the Daylight Savings Time, missed my flight. My bag was checked in, but I was not.

My friends in FL kept my bag company, while they waited another 6 hours for me.

 

[tunerX]

My most ridiculous travel story happened in Iraq.

I was in Baghdad at camp victory and my boss comes in and said I have to travel to Mosul to help them set up the network and network management systems.

On the way back I was taken to the Mosul flight line and dropped off. I waited three days on the edge of the tarmac trying to get a flight back to baghdad. Based on the flight schedules for the day I would show up only to get turned back by someone saying the flight was either taken by high priority packs or cancelled. I sat in a little tiny hex-tent at the edge of the airfield in 110 degree full sun days sweating with no showers and only MREs to eat.

Eventually an Airforce guy said it would be better to fly down to Kuwait and then back up to Baghdad. I called my boss and asked if I could do this. He said that our company had people transiting Kuwait with equipment for us and I could meet them there. I went to the flight line for the next flight to Kuwait and was flying less than an hour later. After I landed in Kuwait I met some of my co-workers at the airport and we all checked into hotels.

I was at the Movenpick hotel. Nice pool and great ammenities. We lived the high life for 4 days and also ended up leasing 4 pickup trucks (chinese deers). We loaded the trucks with washing machines, dryers, microwaves, tvs, and any other amenity we could get. The whole time we were doing this we were waiting for the 5th Signal Corps to get their convoy ready so we could transport the equipment to our facility. This lasted a couple days and we all went to Dubai for the weekend while waiting for more equipment to arrive. We partied like it was the end of the world.

When we were finally ready to convoy back up to Baghdad we all lined up and listened to the convoy commander. He said that our convoy was going to take 3 days to get to Baghdad from Camp Virgina. Three days for several hundred miles of distance!!! We rolled out and followed them to Talil airbase. I stepped out of the pickup and into gypsum dust desert where I sank up to my knees in this super fine dusty desert. We slept there over the night. I slept on top of a 5 ton parts truck. We woke up in the morning and the convoy commander told us that they had vehicle problems and would have to stay for another day. We decided that we would "hitchhike" our way up to Baghdad. We sat at the fuel stop entrance and asked leaving convoys where they were going. We found one that would allow us into the convoy and we followed them. We did this at every checkpoint/fuel stop on the way up and made it to Camp Victory a couple hours later...

Anyone that knows the distance on MSR Tampa between Kuwait and Baghdad will know you can make this trip in a several hours. The flight between Mosul and Baghdad is only a couple hours.

My original trip was scheduled for 3 days. It took me 2 weeks to complete and I had a blast.

 

[spencers]

Missed the initial flight due to snow storm.

Next day I made it to the airport but the flight was overbooked and had to take a different flight through MPLS.

Plane was late getting to MPLS so I missed my flight to Paris.

Had to stay overnight (for free) and catch the next flight out about 24 hours later.

The next day the tickets wouldn't print at the kiosk so I had to visit the counter. Got upgraded to first class (for free) to Paris.

Overnight flight, so I thought I'd get some sleep, but some arsehole brought their crying baby to first class.

Immediately after arriving, I had to catch a train from Paris to Lyon. Already had the ticket booked, but not printed. Kiosk was useless and wouldn't print so I visited the counter and tested my horrible French language skills.

Got on the train and didn't realize it was two trains linked together. I got on the wrong one. Had to sit in between two cars for the whole trip because there weren't any stops or open seats.

 

[Consultant]

Fell asleep in hotel packing. Didn't set alarm.

Woke up 90 minutes before once-per-day international flight. Threw everything in the luggage and left the hotel in 15 minutes. Had taxi driver drive fast. Arrived at airport about 45 minutes before flight.

Normally, they probably won't let me on the plane, but this client only buys business class tickets.

I was the only one on the bus to the plane. Turned out everyone were already boarded. Plane still left on time / early. =)

 

[bradl]

Another one for me. And this time, it is actually ME.

I was flying from Omaha, Nebraska to Melbourne, Australia. First transpac flight for me, so I wasn't sure of what to expect. What I did know was that it was the same airline, with 2 plane changes. First leg was from Omaha to Denver. No problem there. had a 3 hour layover, and nothing to do.

Oh.. I should mention that this was in 1995, so basically pre-smartphone and almost pre-mobile phone days. Luckily, $3 worth of quarters saved me for roughly an hour at the small video arcade Denver International Airport had at the time. That, riding the trains back and forth between the terminals. The airport had only opened 4 months before I flew out, as it replaced the old Stapleton International Airport. So there was a lot to explore, and riding the underground trains is the only way to get between the concourses.

Next flight came, with what was supposed to be a 2 hour layover at LAX. "Perfect!!" I thought, as I wanted to pick up a package of Cinnabons to take as a quick greeting gift, and have some time to planespot. Umm.. no.

Layover was barely 30 minutes, and there was a terminal change (United Airlines flies in and out of Terminal 6 and 7 at LAX). Either way, I barely got the Cinnabons, 5 packages of frosting, and 2 bottles of the cinnamon they use.

Hop on the Oceanic flight, which was great. However, that route had a mandatory stopover in Auckland for fumigating and refueling (it was the only route directly into Melbourne without switching to a domestic carrier in Sydney). Since that leg was roughly 10 hours 45 minutes and that we left at 11pm Pacific time (GMT-7), I was starting to get tired. Keep in mind, that I left Omaha at 3:45pm Central time (GMT-5). So I thought of a good idea. watch the in flight movie, that will take roughly 2 hours, sleep my normal 8 hours, wake up, and I'm there! That actually did work, because when I woke up, we were 45 minutes from Auckland.

Enter the ridiculous.

It's 5:10am there. We are supposed to have an hour and a half layover, but everyone has to deplane. So I do. I'm thinking to myself "great! I can get some breakfast, watch some rugby, and off I go!"

Now.. Auckland's International terminal is a very LONG terminal; Basically one level for the terminal, where all of the gates are. Now, once you get past the gates, there is a currency exchange bank, and behind that is the in-transit area. But you don't see the signs for that until you go past the bank. Immediately to the left of the bank is a sliding door that most of the people were going through. So like a sheep (come on, it's New Zealand.. you'd be crazy if there wasn't at least one sheep joke), I followed the rest of the people...

.. And by going through that door, I entered New Zealand. Now.. As I mentioned, this was 1995. Pre-smartphone, almost pre-mobile phone, but definitely pre-electronic visa. So as you can tell, I had no visa to enter New Zealand, plus the door only opened from one direction. Making it worse, we were the only flight there, and I was one of the last people to go through that door. So while trying to get back through it, I get hounded by security. I explain to them my story, that I didn't know where I was going, that the signs for the in-transit area were misleading, and thankfully, after looking over my visa and passport, let me back in. Stopped at the bank, exchange some of the Aussie currency I had for Kiwi currency (better exchange rate at that time vs. the USD), found a McDonalds that had just opened up, bought something to eat, found the transit lounge, and watched some rugby and footy.

Now.. all of that took me to 6am. Flight leaves at 6:45am. at 6am, I hear over the PA (and it was the first time anyone had heard it):

Attention please: This is the final boarding call for United Airlines flight 841, with continuing service to Melbourne. Passengers should already be onboard, as the flight will leave without you.

I quickly wolf down my muffin, drink my juice, and run down to the gate.

Now.. look at the PDF. A bit more construction and updating has happened between 1995 and now, but the basic structure of the building is intact:

International Terminal, Auckland International Airport

That side arm that goes to gates 15 - 16? that was where the people went that went down to customs and where I entered the country. #63 was the currency exchange bank. The McDonalds? It was at #47. The lounges were the same. the flight was down at gate #9.

So I'm flying down the terminal. Keep in mind I still had 2 carryon bags, plus a bag that had the package of Cinnabons in it! I'm racing down there, thinking "holy ****!" UAL841 is a daily flight. If I miss it, not only are the people picking me up not going to know what happened, but I'll be stuck in the transit area in New Zealand until the next flight the following day.

I hear the announcement again 5 minutes later. and I'm still running. I make it to the gate, just to find everyone still there, and the gate agent and FAs there telling me that they were still 15 minutes out from doing any preboarding.

I wanted to throttle the announcer over the PA.

Anywho, get on the flight, pleasant run across the Tasman, and land in Melbourne. Now.. 45 minutes prior to landing, the crew hands out declarations forms. And one of the questions on the form is if you are bringing any food into the country. Well, I have Cinnabons. Do I say yes, or no? Well on fear of getting kicked out of the country, I put yes, and put down 'cinnamon rolls'.

At the airport there in Melbourne, after you deplane and get your bags, you go through customs. Two simple lines: green for no declarations, red for declarations. Since I declared something, down the red line I go.

So they set me up with a table to open my bags. I get questioned by the customs officials, with the usual talk: where are you from, what do you do, what do your parents do, etc. etc. I answer all of it cordially, because while it's serious, hearing the accent was cool, and him hearing mine was just as cool. He pretty much realized I was harmless when I told him my father was a police officer on the force for 25 years at that time. But still, he had a job to do, so through my belongings he went.

Now, all around me, I see guys who declared things pulling out these guns, elephant rifles, machetes, etc., as if they are going to go out hunting in the bush. I mean, things you should and need to declare.

I'm here with these damned CINNAMON ROLLS!! After seeing all that gear, I couldn't help but laugh. And what made it worse, is that they were finished and cleared through before I was done!!

In the end, I did make it through, though 30 minutes later. Funnily enough, after all of that.. The only thing.. the only bloody thing that Customs took from me...

.. were the little tub packets of frosting; they were made with cream cheese. Not the cinnabons, which had the same frosting lathered all over it.. but the packets!!

No moral of the story for this one. It was all me. though I still would throttle the person on the PA at the airport in Auckland.

Oh.. and with the rugby, the All Blacks lost.

BL.

 

[SoAnyway]

A few years ago I took a road trip to Canada and it took me 3 minutes to get into the country.

Coming back home into the United States from Canada was not as efficient. First I'm stuck in a line of cars for about an hour. Then I pull up to border patrol and hand over my papers to the guard who proceeds to ask me every question he can think of. I'm a US citizen and he holds onto my passport and orders me to park my car, leave my keys on the windshield, and walk into a building. In the building I'm waiting with many other people trying to enter the US from Canada and it takes me roughly an hour to get to the counter. I talk to the person and tell him that I was ordered to come into the building by the guy outside. The guy inside goes outside and talks to the guy outside where he gets my passport and tells me to wait in the building while they search my car. He comes back 15 minutes later and tells me that I'm free to go.

Yup, two and a half hours is what it took for me to gain entrance into the country I call home. Ridiculous.