What do you think of this poem

[doucy2]

i have this poem due tomorrow for school
what do you think of it


Houses

Different dull colors

The same plain shape

The same average size

Same yards

Same cars

Same lives

Are the people the same inside?

Same plain houses

Same ordinary people

 

[PlaceofDis]

i have this poem due tomorrow for school
what do you think of it


Houses

Different dull colors

The same plain shape

The same average size

Same yards

Same cars

Same lives

Are the people the same inside?

Same plain houses

Same ordinary people

why the double spacing??

hmmm well you are asking an interesting question, which is always good, but when writing poetry or whatever, its more important to find the answer to that question. the repetition of the word "same" is a bit too much. its a good start though.

what kind of class is this for? and what level?

mind you i am a prolific poet and writer, i have a degree in English and am pursuing a higher degree soon in writing so sorry if i seem to come down hard.

 

[doucy2]

no its good
its constructive
im a junior in high school
its for basic LA not honors or anything

 

[PlaceofDis]

best advice i can give you is this:

you ask the question "Are the people the same inside?"

take that question, explore what it means and what implications it can have, what if all the people are the same? how did the come to be that way? its a beginning question that just begs to be answered and expolred more fully. now granted this probably isnt a huge project for you. but if you enjoy writing this is one of the best ways to look at why are you are writing a particular piece, what is the urgency behind it and why is it significant, and there you will find the interesting material that will answer the questions you ask.

i hope that made some sense.

 

[doucy2]

yes thank you for your input it was of great help

 

[PlaceofDis]

yes thank you for your input it was of great help

no problem and good luck. if you have any questions etc, feel free to pm me or whatever. glad to be of service.

 

[Demon Hunter]

I would say use more descriptive imagery. Good luck.