What do you worry about?

[someguy]

I was originally going to call this thread "In need of some positive thoughts..." because I'm currently worried about something which I'll get into in a moment, but I figured it might be interested to hear what types of things make the rest of the MR crown nervous.


So, I grew up in a family that was fortunate enough to vacation regularly. I've been to many of the tropical vacation spots, such as Bermuda, The Bahamas, Virgin Islands, Hawaii several times, etc. per my parents preference. Having been on over 100 individual flights in my 21 years on this planet, I can't say flying ever bothered me, up until a couple years ago...

Now I want to say before anything else that it has nothing at all to do with 9/11, terrorists, etc. I would never let those kind of worries affect my life that way. No, my issue with flying falls more in the category of just simply not trusting the vehicles enough to willingly use them as a form of transportation unless there are no other options. This is fine for me, because I like road trips anyways.

Fast forward to about a month ago, my girlfriend says she wants to go pay a visit to a few of her friends she grew up with that have recently moved down to Florida (we live in Michigan). I immediately get a little nervous and start thinking of ways I can talk her out of it, but being the understanding type of guy that I am, I know that it wouldn't be right for me to let my fears get in the way of her doing what she wants to do. So she buys her tickets and we mark the calendar.

That day was today, unfortunately. She is staying at her parents house (Indiana) tonight and flying out in the morning. So needless to say, I'm a bit of a wreck tonight, and I expect to be this way until tomorrow afternoon when she's landed and safe. Then I get to manage a slightly less intense level of anxiety for a week which will peak during the hours she is flying back. *sigh*

I don't know how or why I developed this fear of flying. It doesn't seem to stem from any other fears that I can think of. For instance, I have absolutely no fear of heights whatsoever, no fear of going fast, etc. The only thing I can think of is that I've always kind of worried a little bit more than normal about losing a loved one, but I never understood why. I even kind of worry when anyone I care about drives more than a few miles away, but not nearly as much as when they fly.

Like I said earlier, I would never let my own emotions have a negative or restrictive effect on someone else's life against their will, and I know it's probably best she does go so that if and when she flies again, it won't be as big of an event for me. But right now, I'm just kind of stuck in a feeling where I would really appreciate anyone who prays to pray for her safety and that she has a good relaxing week in Florida (she definitely deserves it between work and the crap I put her through!). Also, any comforting words you may have would be greatly appreciated as well.


Oh, and I just want to point out too that I am not normally this dramatic. I realize prayers and comforting words are more for people who have real problems, and I will be the first to admit that I have an awesome life and would never claim to have things worse than anyone, but anyone that has or does let fears and worries get to them more than they should, you know what it feels like so please forgive my melodramaticism (is that a word?).

 

[Maxiseller]

I'm on my way out so I've got to keep my reply brief - but your topic is an interesting one.

Isn't it funny that with air travel being one of the lowest chances of having an accident, millions of people worry about it much more than say, travelling in a car, crossing a road etc.

I'm going away to greece with my girlfriend in a couple of months, and while my fear of flying hasn't stopped us from making the booking, it is certainly something that I have been thinking about since I made it!

I think it must come down to a lack of control; we're used to being in the frontseat of our own lives daily - and if we're driving the car we are in control of how the journey maps out. A plane doesn't work this way obviously, and so we're reliant on the skills of our pilots and put our life in their hands.

I don't think there is an easy way to get over it, just weigh up the odds and try and realize that there are "x" number of planes taking off from each airport a day (We have one per minute over in UK, Birmingham) and "x" crashes from that airport yearly. (None for me this year or I believe for a good many years).

We have good odds! I don't know about you - I've been in two road accidents this past year!! None my fault.

Somthing to think about.

 

[MACDRIVE]

There's nothing to worry about. It's not like your girlfriend's flight is going to attempt a landing only to end up tumbling down the runway is a huge fireball of flames with shards of twisted steel cutting your girlfriend's body into ribbons.

 

[5683565]

hehe, I'm a pilot

If you're ever in Auckland and want to be really scared (and for good reason), then come over and I will do some stall-recovery practice with you! (in a single-engine Cessna too)...

 

[samh004]

hehe, I'm a pilot

If you're ever in Auckland and want to be really scared (and for good reason), then come over and I will do some stall-recovery practice with you! (in a single-engine Cessna too)...

Wouldn't that be more fun in say.... a jumbo ?

I sometimes get a little agitated these days when I fly and notice the little things, as I have been flying for many many years, but as had been said, it's actually one of the safest forms of transport these days.

I want to touch more on this... but I have to go.

 

[PlaceofDis]

as pointed out already, part of it is the lack of control when you fly. same with trains. it doesn't bother me all that much, except the cramped seating, and the stuffy air, and the headache i normally get, but no worry/fear myself. and its understandable that your gf going away makes you even more nervous. if its something tha tyoure cautious about already, you certainly don't want anything to happen with your loved ones. take a deep breath and relax.

you're certainly not alone so don't feel silly.

there are a lot of things that worry me that are probably 'less important' or significant, but perhaps thats because i'm a natural worrier, and i'd probably be a wreck too if in your shoes, but for different reasons.

 

[someguy]

We have good odds! I don't know about you - I've been in two road accidents this past year!! None my fault.

Right. I try to consider this, but what gets to me to is the likelihood of death as a result of a plane crash when compared to a car crash. Still, I realize the odds are pretty comforting, or should be anyways..

There's nothing to worry about. It's not like your girlfriend's flight is going to attempt a landing only to end up tumbling down the runway is a huge fireball of flames with shards of twisted steel cutting your girlfriend's body into ribbons.

You're an a**hole for that. Really. But I probably would've said something very similar if this were someone elses thread, so I appreciate the humor... though admittedly to a lesser extent than if I had said it.

I want to touch more on this... but I have to go.

Please continue on when you get a chance. I really appreciate the input!

 

[Markleshark]

My weight. All the time.

I'm not fat, but I was, and I don't want to be fat again.

 

[devilot]

When I read the thread title...

I instantly thought, "Everything."


And I do. I'm a Worrier™ not to be confused with a Warrior™.
And before anyone mocks, no, if you've ever really talked with me, if you know me at all, then you'd know that I literally worry about everything. Hee.

But lately? My worries are a wee bit weightier:

• Will I ever hear from a dear friend who seems to have dropped off the face of the Earth?
• Should I lend weight to my actions of the last few years that tell me perhaps school should be put off until I'm ready for it again?
• Should I drop everything and move?
• If I move, would I be moving for the right reasons?
• Could this person be the first person I have ever been in love with?
• Do we stand to have any sort of plausible future together, if that is the case?

Those, are my main worries of late.



OP, I'd bet that your girlfriend's flight(s) will go smoothly and without any issues, but I can relate to worrying about things that are out of your control (even if everyone says those are precisely the issues you shouldn't worry about ).

 

[someguy]

I instantly thought, "Everything."

I worry about a lot of things too, but I'm usually so good at talking myself out of it and never really putting another thought to it. Not the case here unfortunately...

OP, I'd bet that your girlfriend's flight(s) will go smoothly and without any issues, but I can relate to worrying about things that are out of your control (even if everyone says those are precisely the issues you shouldn't worry about ).

Well I just spoke with her and her first of 4 flights (two on the way and two returning) just landed about an hour ago. She said it was a very small plane* which worries me a bit more than the larger aircrafts, but everything was fine and her second flight should be speeding down the runway at this very moment.


* Somewhat amusing story. I was once on a very small "puddle-jumper" plane, one of those with one aisle, two seats to the left and one set to the right making a grand total of 3 seats per row. Anyways, we were all set for take off so the plane creeps away from the gate and heads toward the runway.

So we're screaming down the runway and just about the time we thought we were going to lift off into the sky, those flaps on the wings shoot up and begin to slow us down to a crawl as we make our way back to the gate.

Turns out the luggage underneath the cabin was "not properly positioned to counter the weight of the passengers" making it difficult to take off and apparently fly straight...

Perhaps it takes a slight fear of flying to fully appreciate this story, all I know is that I am much more comfortable in a plane whose balance isn't so greatly affectly by the position of its passengers and luggage.

 

[phungy]

If you don't mind me asking, where in Florida?

I can look after her if she's nearby

 

[shecky]

There's nothing to worry about. It's not like your girlfriend's flight is going to attempt a landing only to end up tumbling down the runway is a huge fireball of flames with shards of twisted steel cutting your girlfriend's body into ribbons.

you are a (insult removed so i do not get banned) for saying something like that. grow up.

 

[Roric]

* Somewhat amusing story. I was once on a very small "puddle-jumper" plane, one of those with one aisle, two seats to the left and one set to the right making a grand total of 3 seats per row.

Hey I rode one of those a couple times too! Flew from Milwaukee to Cleveland on Midwest Express back in 99. The cockpit door was a cloth curtain and you had to step over the pipe running between rows 2 and 3 (6 row total). The carry-on bags were stashed in a cubby in the back by the door. Was the pilot also the stewardess on your flight?

As for your girlfriend's flights, things will be just fine. The worst thing that will possibly happen is she will have to eat airline food or maybe pay $7 for a small bottle of aspirin at the gift shop.

 

[someguy]

If you don't mind me asking, where in Florida?

I can look after her if she's nearby

I think she might be safer going it alone.

you are a (insult removed so i do not get banned) for saying something like that. grow up.

Thanks for saying something, shecky, but really, it's ok. While I can't say he isn't crossing the line, I am a huge supporter of learning to laugh about something instead of worry about it. I would've laughed myself if I weren't so worried.

As for your girlfriend's flights, things will be just fine. The worst thing that will possibly happen is she will have to eat airline food or maybe pay $7 for a small bottle of aspirin at the gift shop.

Thanks, I'm sure you're right.

Update: She's landed in "hot and humid" Florida moments ago, so all is well at this point. Here's to hoping she has an awesome time and is back home before I know it!

 

[72930]

GCSEs (more tomorrow!)

 

[aprilgrey34]

a very small "puddle-jumper" plane... I am much more comfortable in a plane whose balance isn't so greatly affectly by the position of its passengers and luggage.

I was in one of these tiny things on an early morning flight from Maine to upstate New York (where I was going to school), and I was the only passenger on the plane! The flight crew asked me to sit toward the back with my bag to help balance the weight on the plane. Now I only weighed about 100# at that time with a carry-on of no more than 10#... so that was definitely a little disturbing!

Things that I worry about include...

• Work: Especially when I have a critical case at work... and I don't know if it'll still be alive when I go in the next day. But I am getting better at leaving work at work and enjoying home at home. Except when I'm on-call... then I worry about being called in.

• DH: With my weird work hours, I don't get to see him much and I miss him. When I am at work at weird hours of the night... what is he doing??

• Beloved dog: My dreams have been oddly forewarning lately... and the last two nights, I've dreamt of her death .

• More work and DH: The long and weird hours that my job requires is, I feel, starting to have a negative impact on my marriage and home life. So I need to make a decision soon... Do I stay at this amazing job where the long hours suck... but the colleagues and atmosphere are wonderful, the pay is great, and the learning opportunities are exponential? Or do I find a job at a smaller practice where the cases are the-opposite-of-diverse and the pay is likely less, but the hours are much more "9-to-5"-ish?

Worrying about stuff that's out of your control is tough because you can't do anything about it. I definitely prefer worrying over something that I can control because then I can just do something about it... and thusly stop worrying! In any case, I'm glad OP's GF's flights went smoothly and that your worrying was... well, just worrying!

 

[epochblue]

The thing I worry about most is money, but I have no idea why. And it's not that I worry about not having tons and tons of money or not having any money....I worry more that something will happen and I won't have the money to cover it, and I'll end up using a credit card or loan of some kind to help pay to fix the problem and I'll never get out from under the debt....

I have NO CLUE where the fear came from, but now that I'm married it gets worse almost every day...

 

[Doctor Q]

I've known a couple of people who were afraid of flying. One refused to do it at all. One did it anyway and sweated it out. It's not a rational fear based on the chances of harm coming to them compared with other methods of transportation, but it's a real fear nevertheless.

What happens if someone like that keeps flying anyway, e.g., if it's part of their job? Do they get desensitized to it over time? Does it teach them to "master" or "own" it? Or does it stay just as frightening?

 

[someguy]

I have NO CLUE where the fear came from, but now that I'm married it gets worse almost every day...

I never worry about money, and I really have very little of it! I can understand this fear, though, because you never know what might happen and things cost wayyy to much anymore.

What happens if someone like that keeps flying anyway, e.g., if it's part of their job? Do they get desensitized to it over time? Does it teach them to "master" or "own" it? Or does it stay just as frightening?

Well, for my anwyays, I got worse and worse until I reached the point where I just stopped doing it altogether. Not really sure why.

I will say this though, with my girlfriend having taken those two flights yesterday, I do feel a little better about it already. I would really like to be able to get over this fear so I can take her places beyond what's available by car. We'd both really to travel if we had the means to do so. And I know there's only one real way to get over a fear...

 

[Queso]

Money. Always money. I never seem to have enough of the stuff, you know?

 

[floriflee]

I worry more that something will happen and I won't have the money to cover it, and I'll end up using a credit card or loan of some kind to help pay to fix the problem and I'll never get out from under the debt....

I worry about the same thing. I think that's mostly because I've worked so hard all of my life to avoid unnecessary debt and to keep my credit in good standing that the thought of that getting ruined by some unexpected event is a bit unnerving. With the way things are these days--jobs not always being secure, lack of pensions and other retirement options, the risk of trying to rely on 401(k), everything getting more expensive, families growing--it's no wonder that we fret over stuff like that. Even when, at least in my case, I could still call on the help of family if I absolutely had to, I still fret. It's a safety net that's still not very comforting.

What happens if someone like that keeps flying anyway, e.g., if it's part of their job? Do they get desensitized to it over time? Does it teach them to "master" or "own" it? Or does it stay just as frightening?

Personally, I don't like flying very much, and it hasn't really gotten better over time. It makes me nervous especially when I, or anyone in my family, flies alone. The thought of, heaven forbid, something terrible happening and having that person have to deal with it without another loved one there makes me so sad. (On the other end, I feel like if we're together neither one of us has to deal with the tragic loss of the other.) Such morbid thoughts, I know. I also try to talk myself out of the fear by remembering the statistics, but for some reason it doesn't help that much. In the end, when I fly with the hubby, I usually end up holding his hand during take offs and landings. When we get through those I'm **usually** okay for the rest of it (still can't sleep on flights, though).


Other stuff I fret over:

*my little girl and how I'm ever going to mother her right so that she's nurtured, educated, polite, and has a good sense of who she really is.
*The health of my family members and myself
*lack of preparedness for anything I'm not prepared for
*pretty much everything. I really do feel like a worry wart. The hubby often has to set me straight on my irrational fears.

 

[AlexH]

I'd first like to note that I'm blessed not to have real worries. I'm not worried where my next meal is coming from or where I'm going to sleep tonight. And as my dad always said (he's a vet of vietnam), "if they ain't shooting live ammo at you, you're doing ok". So life is generally great.

I worry about school all the time. I'm in college (junior), and I wouldn't mind going on to grad school, so I'm always trying to keep the grades up. I get a little OCD on papers sometimes, but I guess its better than goofing off on papers...

My weight for sure. I'm not really what most would consider really fat or anything, but I'm heavier than I've ever been in my life. I've always played sports in high school, and now that I'm not, I have to get more disciplined about exercise and food. Trying to drop a few pounds sucks. Grr.

 

[nbs2]

This calls for a vBulletin certified List!

1. Finding a job
2. What will happen if I can't find a job
3. Should we move
4. How will my wife and daughter cope with the move if we do move since I'll be even less likely to find work (I'm barred in MD and would have to pass the exam no matter where else we move)
5. Is my wife ok when she goes out to visit some friends in the evening
6. Will she be safe in the parking lot?
7. Will my parents be safe when they go home after visiting us
8. Will anything happen to prevent my kid from having a long and happy life
9. Driving over very long bridges when I'm even a little tired (like after driving 6 hours)
10. Should we buy a house now that we can afford on just one salary, but would then force us to stay here and force my wife to keep working even though she wants to quit her job and stay home
11. If we do move, where to
12. Is that where the right choice
13. That I worry too much
14. That I'm relied on to be the "strong one" during family tragedies (like funerals, etc), and what if I fail
15. That my wife will think I don't do enough to help with the kid
16. How will I respond to someone hurting my wife or kid

I'm sure there are more. I just stopped as soon as I had to pause to think about it.

 

[cycocelica]

I worry about very little I found out. I don't worry about death, but I am scared of it (but a person who is afraid of death, just means they have a life worth living). I guess I worry about the well being of my family and friends. Money isn't important and I have NEVER gotten stressed/worried over school or what is in store for my future.

 

[adroit]

Male pattern baldness