What Happened To Having A Good Friend?

[zflauaus]

Hello fellow MacRumor-ers,

I needed to type this out to relieve some stress of my shoulders. I knew that I could come to you guys because you would read this and criticize me, whether it be good or bad. Please excuse my ranting plus my teenage ideals.

A little background info. One of my friends came to my school in 7th grade and I didn’t know him that much. In 8th grade, we practically became best friends in a click. We would talk to each other whenever we could. At school, we were practically inseparable.

That all changed during this summer.

I wanted to do a technology podcast with him and in order to do that we needed to talk. The only time I talked to him during the summer was during a trip to St. Louis and the mall that we took once. The next time I talked to him was around August, and that was only a few emails. Then we talked a little more in September. He started at a different school this year and we talked very rarely again. I kept sending him emails and they were bounced almost instantaneously from the Yahoo! Servers. I myself have an SBC Yahoo! Email account so it couldn’t be that. I then kept bombarding his inbox with emails, with only to have them bounced back instantaneously.

Then one night magically he added me to his MySpace. I thought we were on the track back to restoring our information. I sent him a couple comment, no response. Then he called me one night about staying overnight at his house for New Year’s. I said sure and that night I confirmed that his address was the one I had. He said yes. So from that night on I haven’t talked to him. I’ve sent him two MySpace comments, and four MySpace Mails. I sent the comments and the first two MS mails on 2/10, nothing back. I then sent him another MS mail around the 20th or so saying, I didn’t know if he got the mails or not and sent him another copy. I sent him the last mail last night and I changed my tone to a little more ticked off. I basically told him that I needed some sort of response back about the podcast, whether it was a yes or no, but it was rude not to respond. I know he was seeing the indicator for new comments and new mail because the last time he signed on was 3/9.

I don’t have the audacity, so to speak, to call him because he’s always "busy" and sometimes won’t call back. Plus if he doesn’t want to talk to me, why should I make the phone call? I believe the email is just easier.

Ugh… Guys, I’m at a real predicament. What do I do? Do I even consider him a friend anymore since he won’t talk to me? My mind is boggled now…

And if you’ve read all the way down, congratulations. You deserve it.

 

[Xander562]

This is pretty much just the way things go for the middle school -> high school transition. At least thats how they did for me. (and unless you live in some small midwest town with THE middle school and THE high school, they will for you too). I've kept in touch with a grand total of one (1) person from my middle school throughout high school. I'm in 11th grade. All of my friends now are new ones since high school. If it's any condolence, you're not alone. You should definitely keep trying, try IMing him or something if you're not bold enough to call him. The least he could do is talk to you and explain his reasons for (as you explained it) all of a suddenly stopped communicating with you.

 

[Deepdale]

What do I do? Do I even consider him a friend anymore since he won’t talk to me? My mind is boggled now…

Situations such as you described are bewildering to figure out but the resulting pain is real. However, one of life's lessons worth learning early on is that people can be wildly unpredictable in their behavior patterns, and that a sustainable friendship can never be one-sided or forced.

Personally, I have had my fill of being hurt and would not invest too much in that type of an individual. You will have to decide how much, if any, extra pursuit is worthy at this juncture.

 

[zflauaus]

This is pretty much just the way things go for the middle school -> high school transition. At least thats how they did for me. (and unless you live in some small midwest town with THE middle school and THE high school, they will for you too). I've kept in touch with a grand total of one (1) person from my middle school throughout high school. I'm in 11th grade. All of my friends now are new ones since high school. If it's any condolence, you're not alone. You should definitely keep trying, try IMing him or something if you're not bold enough to call him. The least he could do is talk to you and explain his reasons for (as you explained it) all of a suddenly stopped communicating with you.

Well, I am at THE high school because I am in a small midwest town. I still have some of my old friends from middle school, but I also have new friends, which makes up for him.

He never gets on IM, practically ever. And it's not that I won't call him because I'm not bold enough, it's just that it seems like energy wasted if I know he's going to hang up on me.

But then again, look what I'm doing now. At least I'm getting it off my chest and not building it up.

 

[spicyapple]

Maybe he's your frienemy?

 

[someguy]

What Happened To Having A Good Friend?

Don't get me started.

 

[Blue Velvet]

Don't believe anything anyone writes... you've got to see it in their eyes and hear it in their voice.

Ask yourself this: do you really know this person? Do you know the person that they've become? Or are you just projecting what you want upon them?

Friendship, companionship, true relationships aren't sustainable or meaningful solely on the basis of emails, IMing, chat alone.

Social networking on the web is a misnomer; if it isn't backed up by real-life commitment, it's insubstantial and possibly hollow. True intentions and thoughts can be masked. Expressed concern and support is cheap, it's much easier to write (or avoid writing) things you don't have to say in person. Far easier to write *hug* than it is to actually do it.

This culture is becoming ersatz, disposable. Shot full of hype, spin and gloss; as genuine as the notion of celebrity is these days.

My best friend is someone I've known for over 25 years. I can trust them implicitly. Friends are there for you. Not elsewhere.

 

[tronic72]

My 2c

I'm 33.

I'm young enough to remember how things were back then but old enough to see how it was all Bull#*$.

 

[sushi]

Don't believe anything anyone writes... you've got to see it in their eyes and hear it in their voice.

Ask yourself this: do you really know this person? Do you know the person that they've become? Or are you just projecting what you want upon them?

Friendship, companionship, true relationships aren't sustainable or meaningful solely on the basis of emails, IMing, chat alone.

Social networking on the web is a misnomer; if it isn't backed up by real-life commitment, it's insubstantial and possibly hollow. True intentions and thoughts can be masked. Expressed concern and support is cheap, it's much easier to write (or avoid writing) things you don't have to say in person. Far easier to write *hug* than it is to actually do it.

This culture is becoming ersatz, disposable. Shot full of hype, spin and gloss; as genuine as the notion of celebrity is these days.

My best friend is someone I've known for over 25 years. I can trust them implicitly. Friends are there for you. Not elsewhere.

Blue Velvet says it well.

I might add this. I have heard that there are basically three types of friends.

Group A. True Friends. Those that stick with you through thick and thin.

Group B. Friends. Those who you hang around with and enjoy doing things together. Share many things in confidence. Very supportive.

Group C. Acquaintances. Those you are friendly with because you have something in common such as a hobby, work, etc. You enjoy their company and they enjoy yours in your shared activities.

Friendships are made via face to face activities. Friendships via email, IM and such are usually very shallow unless there is some other connection -- like you know the person in real life.

When the **** hits the fan:

Group C type friends disappear quicker than you can blink your eye. They disappear for a variety of reasons. No fault on them. Just realize that they are what they are and they are looking out for their best interests.

Group B type friends stick with you but when the going gets really tough they tend to distance themselves a bit. Depends on the situation. But usually they will stick close to you. However, they are not considered True Friends like Group A type.

Group A type friends are there with you. They don't ask why you are in jail, they are there with you! They are not judgemental, but will tell you that you are full of **** in a heartbeat if you need it. These are the folks that you trust them with your life, or the lives of your family. I've heard that at the end of your life if, when queried on how many true friends that you have, and if you can hold up one finger you have been very lucky.

Anyhow, this is what I was told a long time ago. It has held pretty true over the years. Some folks might want to break down Group B into two parts such as close friends and regular friends. IMHO, the key is to differentiate between Group C folks and Groups B and A folks. That is where the big divide is and what will impact you the most when times get tough.

So to the OP, consider your situation based upon BLue Velvet's wise words and what I have added above. Maybe this will help you sort through things a bit.

 

[notjustjay]

I haven't seen the word "phone" anywhere in that first post. Emails and any kind of internet communication are unreliable. If I really want to talk to someone, good friend or not, I'll call them up, or find some way to see them face to face.

I blame the proliferation of the internet (and other text media like cell phones). We think we communicate more, but it's all so superficial. We get bombarded with emails and messages, but make no real connections, or weak ones at best.

Look at this here forum. I've been here 4 years, made 900+ posts, spent hours perusing the forums, yet when it comes down to it, I don't know any of you.

Anyway, emails. Maybe this guy really is busy. I have emails from months back that I have yet to respond to, not because I'm trying to avoid the sender, but because I've simply not had time. One of my friends wrote me a letter in the mail and I let it sit for a YEAR before I finally gave up on the idea of writing back. Was it because I didn't care? NO! I guess you could argue I obviously didn't care enough if I never got to writing back, but in my mind, I certainly cared, I just didn't have the time.

So if you really want to maintain this friendship, or even just test to see if it's time to move on, put the keyboard down and pick up a phone. Go for coffee.

 

[LethalWolfe]

People change and grow apart. I wouldn't take it personally. Of course I'm the type of person that can only talk to someone once or twice a year and I still consider them a friend. For me friendships don't need to be constantly cultivated to keep them "alive." If I don't see someone for a long time I'm fine w/that 'cause the friendship gets "cryogenically frozen" if you will and the next time I see that person it will be thawed and re-animated.


-Lethal

 

[Abstract]

See, this is why I don't make any friends. They're just too much trouble. It's much better to sit in my dark room with the curtains drawn closed, watching AND1 streetball videos and Napolean Dynamite film clips on YouTube while eating spicy ramen. My curtains were letting in too much light during the day, so I just purchased an extra thick set today. I'm going to try them out tomorrow morning. Can't wait til sunrise!!